Oh, The Humanity!

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2011-09-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXXII

2011-09-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

1:45 p.m. — A caller from Nevada City Highway and Brunswick Road reported people drinking Coors Light. They agreed to move on.

[Coors Light will not be tolerated here!]

9:07 a.m. — A caller from the 18000 block of Starduster Lane reported a friend was refusing to return a weed trimmer.

[Some friend! The trials of domestic life.]

4:02 p.m. — A woman reported the sale of Halloween costumes at Kmart that closely resemble a Sheriff's deputy uniform.

[Does that say something about KMart or the uniform choices of the Sheriff's department?]

4:53 p.m. — A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported a man in a vehicle with a bong. He had a prescription.

[To use while in the car? Does driving make him stressed?]

7:47 p.m. — A caller from the 10000 block of Melody Road reported possible new illegal vehicle dismantling activity.

[Are they dismantling illegal vehicles, or illegally dismantling vehicles?]

12:37 p.m. — A caller from the 200 block of South School Street reported someone continues to set up a chair and computer in a carport.

[The scourge of carport computing continue to threaten.]

4:32 p.m. — A caller from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a drunken man took a syringe and left, carrying a beer.

[Great ambiguity! Did he steal the beer as well, or was that his to start with?]

12:37 a.m. — A caller from the 10000 block of Leecrest Court reported three people with guns were trying to break into a residence. The caller was found to have been hallucinating due to medications.

[A hallucination oddly specific in its ability to provoke a police response.]

6:01 p.m. — A woman from Ridge Road reported hearing a gunshot from the entrance to Mautino Park. Another caller reported hearing an explosion at Mautino Park. The Fire Department investigated and found they were not needed. Public Works was advised to check out the nearby water plant.

[Now I want to know what goes on at the water plant.]

1:36 a.m. — A man from the 800 block of East Main Street reported a girl asked to use his telephone to call her parents but could not reach them. She left, possibly with a male on a bike with her. Police found the girl and arrested her.

[Because we cannot allow that sort of thing to go on... what did she do again?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXXI

2011-08-31T08:45:00.000-07:00

4:11 p.m. — A caller from the 300 block of Crown Point Circle reported a van speeding, squealing its tires and doing doughnuts around kids on bikes. The driver was admonished.

[But was he abashed?]

11:45 p.m. — A caller from the 100 block of King Court reported a physical fight involving three drunken people. One was leaving for the night.

[And the other two were going to keep fighting?]

1:49 a.m. — A caller from the 200 block of South Auburn Street reported juveniles yelling. Four adults were found to have been playing tag.

[No alcohol involved with that I'm sure!]

9:44 a.m. — A woman from the 13000 block of Bitney Springs Road reported resenting a helicopter flying over her residence for 30 minutes.

[A burning resentment no doubt, to get her to call the police about it.]

8:33 p.m. — A woman from the 200 block of Richardson Street reported a woman possibly stole money, debit cards and jewelry and might have poisoned her protein drinks.

[Or any one of the above! It could have happened.]

8:46 p.m. — A woman from Julia Ranch Road reported a neighbor let their wolf out.

[I find it more disturbing that they have a wolf.]

7:34 p.m. — A caller from the 11000 block of Cedar Ridge Drive reported an ongoing issue with seven barking dogs.

[There is a Christmas carol in that somewhere...]

7:12 p.m. — A caller from the 11000 block of Lower Circle Drive reported hearing two gunshots, which were found to have been from a cap gun.

[This one makes you wonder about the regular "shots fired" reports that people call in to the GVPD.]

10 a.m. — A woman from the 200 block of Joerschke Drive reported the theft of $40 from her secret hiding spot.

[But she can't tell you where it is, because it is secret.]

10:58 a.m. — A caller from the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a parent came in the store and then left three children unattended, aged 8, 7 and 1. The parent was contacted and picked up the children.

[IKEA offers day care. Stores in Grass Valley... not so much.]

12:51 a.m. — A caller from South Auburn Street reported loud, belligerent people. A woman was arrested on suspicion of resisting arrest.

[I laugh whenever resisting arrest is the only charge listed, and suspicion thereof is even better.]

8:54 p.m. — A caller from the 16000 block of Annie Drive reported three young men dressed in black suits who came to the door, saying they were missionaries.

[Look for the bicycles. It is the only sure way to tell.]

7:30 p.m. — A caller from West Main Street reported a man skateboarding down the street.

[But your little sticker says that it is not a crime!]

3:15 p.m. — A woman from the 13000 block of Hobart Lane reported her son was tearing up her residence and calling her names. He said she was a hoarder and he was trying to clean up the residence. Code Enforcement was to handle the situation.

[I see this situation happening with my mother-in-law in the not too distant future...]

3:30 a.m. — A caller from the 200 block of Reward Street reported a dumpster fire. It was found to be a vehicle that had been reported stolen out of Pittsburg.

[But was it on fire? Or was the first report completely bogus?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXX

2011-08-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

8:16 a.m. — A woman from the 300 block of Pleasant Street reported a man at her window, asking if she wants money and telling her to keep her kids quiet.

[How much money was he offering?]

8:35 a.m. — A caller from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a threat had been carved into a vehicle door.

[That is a pretty determined threat]

9:12 a.m. — A caller from Glen Jones Park reported three drunken men with 12 to 15 cans of Bud Light. They were admonished to clean up and move on.

[Never too early to get started]

4:34 p.m. — A caller from a business in the 700 block of Maltman Drive reported a man bought items with one check and then returned and bought more items with a check under a different name.

[Some criminals have no patience at all]

5:45 p.m. — A caller from the 100 block of McKnight Way reported a shirtless man speaking to himself and making obscene gestures. He was reminded of proper social manners.

[Yeah, at least put a shirt on if you're going to do that!]

10:01 a.m. — A woman from Lime Kiln Road reported she was “leaking.” No response was needed, the woman was getting more medication.

[Something to stop the flow of the leak I presume]

5:44 p.m. — A caller from Mill Street reported a man drinking a Coors while driving.

[I can see his defense already. "Coors? That is hardly beer at all!"]

9:48 a.m. — A caller from the 10000 block of Mountain Rose Road reported a woman screaming. She was found to have been yelling at her dogs to stay away from her donkeys.

[Life in the country]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

The Critter

2011-08-25T15:42:00.000-07:00

Florida Power and Light:

Outage reported: 08/24/11 01:17 PM

Estimated time of restoration: 08/24/11 04:45 PM

Customers affected: 15

Status: We have completed our initial investigation of your power outage and determined that additional resources are necessary to restore your power. We will continue to work until the power is back on.

Cause: A small animal touched our power lines

Last updated: 08/24/2011 03:09 PM

Father Gabriele Amorth - Professional Exorcist

2010-04-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

I saw this short quote over at Merle Kessler's blog:

Noted Italian exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth, commented this week that the recent defamatory reporting on Pope Benedict XVI, especially by the New York Times, was ‘prompted by the devil.

And my first thought was along the lines of, "When you have a hammer, all your problems begin to look like nails."

But then I went over to Wikipedia to see if Father Amorth had an entry. I mean, it says right in the quote that he is noted, so I figured that might make him, in Wikipedia terms, notable and thus worthy of an entry.

Sure enough, there is an entry about him. But that quote above hardly does him justice. The entry is rich with his beliefs.

For example, his favorite movie? The Exorcist!

Really. Aside from the over-the-top special effects, he thinks people should see the movie so people knows what he does.

Number of exorcisms? 70,000! The man is, literally, a holy terror, exorcising, on average, 8 times a day!

Leading cause of demonic possession?

People have lost the Faith, and superstition, magic, Satanism, or Ouija boards have taken its place, which then open all the doors to the presence of demons.

Most common problem after demonic possession? Curses.

Leading cause of curses?

A curse can originate from such things as maledictions by close relatives, a habit of blaspheming, membership in Freemasonry, spiritic or magic practices, and so on.

Think about that!

Pet peeve? The new exorcism rites. He says they are:

A blunt weapon.... Efficacious prayers, prayers that had been in existence for twelve centuries, were suppressed and replaced by new ineffective prayers

The man is, if nothing else, hard core.

Renewing My License

2010-02-23T16:28:00.000-08:00

I had to go to the DMV this morning to renew my license. Picture, fingerprint, money and I was done. It just took 90 minutes.

The time was allocated as follows:

Waiting to be called: 50 minutes (Under the G, 46. Oh, that's me!)
Waiting to get my picture taken: 20 minutes
Getting out of a parking lot filled with people who should not be allowed to drive: 10 minutes
Taking the eye test, validating my information: 7 minutes
Getting my picture actually taken: 2 minutes
Parking when I arrived: 1 minute

I got to the DMV at 5 after 8am. This put me behind the overachievers and people who line up at 3am in front of Target on the day after Thanksgiving. They were all in there, numbers in hand. My number, which was G046, seemed rather depressing since they were on G002 when I got it. (They have letters for categories, A-J, and as far as I could determine, G was for people with easy renewal transactions.)

Then, about the time I got called, the dregs of humanity started in through the front door. Fortunately, I was ahead of that wave, so while I waited 20 minutes to get my picture taken, when I walked out I would have guessed that the line for pictures was at least 45 minutes long... probably longer given how many of those people seemed unlikely to be able to handle tasks like standing with their toes on a line drawn on the floor in order to have their picture taken.

Still, I've been through the system, I was pleasant to everybody behind the counter, and I could have passed the eye test from a good 20 feet back from where I actually had to take it. I'm free to be an idiot for a few more years.

Signs of the Times - 2

2010-01-26T07:42:00.000-08:00

I got my W2 tax form from my company today.

As part of the pre-printed form there were ads. Ads for tax preparation, of course, but ads.

So it has come to this, ads on with my tax forms.

I just wonder who got the revenue, my company or ADP who does the payroll processing.

Sign of the Times

2009-10-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

Traditionally, as a manager with a group that currently consists of 12 direct reports, one of my yearly performance goals has been employee retention.

I was measured as a manager by how few people left my organization for other opportunities.

Even through the last economic downturn it was recognized that keeping key people was important to the ongoing operation of the business.

Then we were acquired last year by a very large corporation, of which software development in general, and my part of the development in particular, were such tiny parts of the overall revenue stream as to be invisible on the balance sheet.

For this year, retention disappeared from my goals.

I was just given my goals for next year. I now have an attrition goal.

I will now be measured as a manager by how well I can drive a specific number of people to pursue opportunities elsewhere.

I suppose that takes the pressure off of my worries about morale in the software development group.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXIX

2009-09-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

2:05 a.m. - A man from the 300 block of South Church Street reported his roommate had been drinking and was "disillusioned." He said the roommate believed he doesn’t exist and was in his room with a machete.

[So we're primarily concerned with the existence of the machete then?]

10:22 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Nutmeg Court reported an ex-employee embezzled a vehicle.

[I think when they end up with a vehicle, it ceases to be embezzlement and moves more into fraud and theft.]

10:12 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported a Volkswagen Beetle was spinning doughnuts in a field.

[I'm going to guess it was one of the "new" Beetles and not your classic pre-1975 VW.]

7:48 a.m. - A caller reported a large amount of bullets had been spilled onto the roadway at Charles Drive and Grass Valley Avenue.

[Ammunition spills are pretty rare.]

10:06 a.m. - A caller from the 12900 block of Amber Street said a neighbor was outside screaming that he was going to burn down houses and kill everyone. The neighbor's wife was at the caller's residence. Responding deputies restored the peace.

[What gets a man that riled up at 10 in the morning? I can't get that worked up until at least mid-afternoon most days.]

1:24 p.m. - A man from the 12700 block of Brunswick Road said someone put on Craig's List that he was having an estate sale Sunday and he did not place the item on the Internet.

[The classic "and what do you want the police to do about it?" situation.]

9:49 p.m. - A caller from the 11700 block of Upper Circle Drive reported a golf cart went by his residence and a person was throwing lit matches out of it. The caller said he reviewed his surveillance tapes and recognized one of the people in the golf cart.

[This seems amusing, unless you live in Grass Valley and it is fire season. I was surprised to not see an additional report about teens stealing golf carts to joy ride again.]

10:58 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported a golf cart had rolled over. A person was arrested on unknown charges.

[But no theft report.]

9:31 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Cornish Lane reported a large tool theft at the residence the prior evening. The caller said a neighbor heard a vehicle around the home between 10 and 11 p.m. Officers took a report for theft.

[And how large of a tool did they take? Ambiguity, a humor essential. Plus there is potential sexual innuendo.]

3:45 p.m. - A person in the lobby of the police station reported a possible fraud by AT&T. The person was urged to contact AT&T to clarify the charges on their bill.

[I bet this person is even now complaining how the police are totally in the pocket of the phone company.]

12:58 a.m. - A caller from Nevada City Highway reported seeing a mountain lion. No mountain lion was spotted, but a dog the color of a mountain lion was seen.

[A big dog presumably.]

8:45 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Alta Sierra Drive reported a man sitting in a vehicle for several hours. He was out of gas.

[And hadn't realized it? Being out of gas is a problem solved rather easily, but you have to leave the vehicle.]

11:55 a.m. - A woman from the 13000 block of Wood Rose Way reported a toddler loitering by the mailboxes the day before.

[Can a toddler actually loiter in a legal sense?]

8:42 p.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Blank Court reported people were firing shots over a wheelbarrow. A person threatened to shoot the caller earlier in the evening over the wheelbarrow. The suspect was leaving in an SUV with the wheelbarrow on top. The caller agreed to put his gun away and would wait for a deputy. Neither party wanted to be "the victim."

[I hope that wheelbarrow was worth it.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Fake Steve Returns!

2009-08-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

Now that Fake Steve has his new iLiver installed and running, The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs is active again and telling the truth about Apple, its competitors, and the valley in general.

Welcome back Steve!

Dame Edna Reads Shakespeare's Greatest Sonnets

2009-07-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

I have a subscription with Audible.com for audio books. With my subscription I can download any two audio books a month.

After nine years I have fished all the gems out of their catalog and now have to scan the new releases every month. Fortunately they have quite a few new releases on a regular basis.

To facilitate search the list, I subscribe to their new releases RSS feed which allows me to go through the titles and a brief description.

My eye caught and read one of the titles as, "Dame Edna Reads Shakespeare's Greatest Sonnets." As a concept, that made my mind stumble and I had to go back and read the full entry.

At which point I read the title correctly as, "Dame Edith Evans Reads Shakespeare's Greatest Sonnets," and was slightly disappointed.

Not that I am down on Dame EE, but she was reading Shakespeare back when Kaiser Wilhelm II looked like he still had a long and glorious reign ahead of him. Plus the picture they chose to represent her has more than a bit of the "air of dried prune" about it.

All of which brought me around to thinking that Dame Edna reading Shakespeare might not be such a bad idea after all.

United Breaks Guitars

2009-07-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

The tale of a musician who has a bone to pick with United Airlines. They broke his guitar and gave him the run-around, so he promised their rep that he would write three songs and create videos for them about his experience. This song is the first.

The full story is available here.

The French: Arrogant, Cheap, but Nicely Dressed

2009-07-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

At least when they leave France, according to a recent survey of 4,500 hotel owners across the world.

The French, said at least one self-proclaimed expert on the subject, find their country so wonderful that they rarely leave, thus they never bother with foreign languages and customs. So leaving France causes them to become stressed, making them seem arrogant and demanding.

I guess I could buy that for most of the country, though I suspect a certain percentage of the population of Paris must be stressed even within France.

Anyway, I am jumping on this excuse. Living in California, which must be comparable in wonder to France given how many people keep showing up here uninvited, explains my arrogance, cheapness, and tendency to add avocados to just about everything.

It certainly explains my not being well dressed.

That Old Email Joke

2009-05-26T13:03:00.000-07:00

We've all heard the one about the IT department sending out an email to all users announcing that the email server is down.

I've not only heard it, I've lived it. Some times IT has an excuse. We had an email from them recently that announce that email access at our Sunnyvale office was down. That at least informed people why we're not responding. Of course, the email itself seemed directed at the Sunnyvale staff, but maybe IT thinks that joke is funny still.

But today my hosting service one-upped IT. They changed the default settings for email access and followed it up with an email explaining how to adjust your settings to get your email.

Seriously, I checked the times. They did the change and then they sent the email.

Fortunately (?) my hosting service has screwed up email in the past, so I have it set to forward all email to another address that I can access, just in case. So I went and found the email, made the updates, and everything was fine. But if I had not had that I could have used the web mail service they offer. That service is somewhat low key however and I only knew about it because of past screw ups by the hosting company.

So I am going to bet that the support team at my hosting service has quite a busy day today. Well, I bet the phone guys did. The email guys probably had a pretty quiet morning.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXVIII

2009-04-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

2:44 p.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Washington Road reported she paid a man to do yard work, and now one of her plants is missing. He frequently stands at the front of her property and yells obscenities at her.

[I can see why you hired him. I mean, if he's already going to be there yelling obscenities, you might as well put him to work.]

11:26 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Rancheria Court reported someone was dismantling a metal building to steal it.

[That sounds perfectly brazen! I wonder how big of a building we're talking about?]

1:52 a.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported he "wants the people out of his house."

[On how many holidays have I uttered those very words? But I've never dialed 911 to do anything about it.]

2:09 p.m. - A caller from the hospital reported a man was in the emergency room, saying he was going to shoot everyone if he didn't receive medical attention. He did not have a gun. The man was arrested at 5:56 p.m. on suspicion of violating parole.

[That seems like quite a long time to go from threatening to kill people to actually being arrested.]

9:21 p.m. - A caller from the 700 block of Freeman Lane reported a man in a white four-door vehicle kept ducking down when someone drove by. A woman was cited and released on suspicion of having an open container while driving, possessing fireworks and possessing a tear gas container after being stopped on Freeman Lane.

[She had a busy night planned I guess.]

12:48 p.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Tervetuloa Lane reported an argument with the neighbors about peacocks running loose. The neighbor said the initial caller verbally assaulted her and the other party's donkeys are running around and her peacocks have nothing to do with it.

[Issues that big city police departments rarely face.]

2:13 p.m. - A caller from eastbound Highway 20 at the Washington overlook reported finding six to seven bags of marijuana on the south side of the roadway. Upon contact, law enforcement determined the material was "leftover shake."

[At first I thought this referred to roofing material, but Google informs me that "shake" is "The cruddy end bits of a large bag of weed." That was my educational moment for the day.]

1:16 p.m. - A caller in the 200 block of Rockwood Drive reported a maroon sedan was parked near the person's residence, and people were trying to sell it.

[They were trying to sell it? Maybe I'm not clear on what the police are supposed to do here.]

1:58 a.m. - A caller on the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a children's video was playing in an upstairs apartment. The caller said the song continued to play unabated. The caller was advised to call the apartment management.

[How can you determine, at that hour, that you are not actually in hell?]

7:30 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Sunny Hill reported the neighbor's television was very loud. The caller said the neighbor has a scanner and will turn down her TV if she hears the call.

[I like that sort of efficiency.]

12:23 p.m. - A man from the 18000 block of Message Place reported an ongoing issue with his neighbor yelling and screaming obscenities at him. He said he also has vehicles trespassing on his property. The neighbor said he was upset that the man was raising llamas on the property. The neighbor admitted yelling at the man, including calling the llamas (expletive) camels. They were advised to resolve the issue civilly.

[I am going to bet alcohol was somehow involved as well.]

8:24 p.m. - An elderly woman from Swallow Court called 911 and wanted to know if 911 was the correct number to dial in an emergency. She did not have an emergency.

[Just, you know, making sure.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXVII

2009-03-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

8:37 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Valley View Drive reported a smoke detector had been going off for 30 minutes. A woman was transported to the emergency room and cited on suspicion of violating probation.

[I'd like to know how this was all linked.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller from the 20000 block of Echo Blue Drive reported a man pretending to be her grandson called, saying he was in jail in Canada and needed $3,200. The caller's grandson lives in Corvallis, Ore., and was not in Canada.

[And presumably had no plans to travel to Canada.]

3:52 p.m. - A man from the 19000 block of Connie Drive reported a caller tried to get money out of him, saying he was his grandson.

[In jail, in Canada?]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Tim Burr Lane reported losing about $3,000 in an Internet scam.

[Let me guess, your grandson was reported in jail? Perhaps in another country?]

1:26 p.m. - A caller reported neighbors were tampering with medical marijuana. No address was given.

[That is going to be a tough crime to solve when they won't even give you the address.]

8:10 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Twin Star Lane reported the unauthorized use of identification.

[I'm trying to figure out what this one means. Assuming that the person is not misrepresenting them self, I don't get it.]

9:37 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Lowden Lane who was not making sense reported a firearm on a chair behind a locked door and a woman needing a therapist.

[Not to mention the caller.]

3:01 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Mt. Olive Road reported someone trying to sell meat and seafood out of a vehicle.

[Meat I get... seafood though. One of these guys actually came to our door the other day. "Hey, we were delivering meat to your neighbor and have some extra on the truck!" Left over truck meat!]

3:12 p.m. - A woman from the 17000 block of Aileen Way reported vandalism. It was found to be erosion on an embankment and a naturally occurring hole in an oak tree.

[Mother Nature herself is screwing up your property value!]

12:26 a.m. - A caller from a business in the 300 block of Broad Street requested an officer come by to "get a visual on a punky kid."

[Not Punky Brewster I'm going to guess.]

5:02 a.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Conaway Avenue reported she left her vehicle running to warm it up and heard it drive away. A report was taken for a stolen vehicle.

[I'm going to bet she won't do that again.]

6:14 p.m. - A caller from Juvenile Hall reported a male staff member had been stabbed by a juvenile on the loading dock. A second call reported this was a drill and no stabbing had taken place.

[A drill? At 6pm tonight we'll be practicing our Juvenile stabbing drill! Who wants to play the victim?]

7:52 p.m. - A man from the 17000 block of Foxtail Drive reported a gold Dodge truck had shined a light into his house while driving past. He said the driver is a "goon" who is friends with a man who wants to harass him. He said the man's "goons" are intentionally driving recklessly past his house and behind his house. This is an ongoing issue with the man and his "goons."

[Goons in Grass Valley? Next it will be henchmen or minions! Where will it cease?]

9:17 p.m. - A caller from the 24000 block of Highway 49 reported one juvenile made death threats to another, and a screwdriver that was to be used in the attack was located. The juvenile was placed in restraints and arrested on suspicion of possessing a deadly weapon and making a criminal threat.

[Take him to Juvenile Hall, they know how to deal with stabby people there. They drill the staff on it!]

4:01 p.m. - A caller from the 1400 block of Segsworth Way reported a yellow Jeep drove by six times in 10 minutes.

[Forget being inconspicuous I guess.]

1:25 p.m. - A man who was on the ground at Dalton and Church streets was advised not to lay in the middle of the road.

[I like how this one was worded. We did not find out he was in the middle of the road until the end.]

3:34 p.m. - A woman from the 21000 block of John Born road reported extortion and bribery attempts by her sister.

[Extortion AND bribery. I think somebody is unclear on the concept.]

8:17 p.m. - A caller from Wildlife Lane reported hearing shots, possibly from a .45 handgun.

[That's a well trained ear I'd say.]

1:54 a.m. - A woman from the 26000 block of Wampum Way reported she and her boyfriend were high on mushrooms and he was stating he was going to kill her. The boyfriend came to the telephone and said he did not intend to kill her, they were "exchanging feelings."

[And we're not limiting ourselves to your "approved" feelings man!]

9:34 a.m. - A caller from South Auburn Street reported a woman wearing no pants (but wearing panties) had been asked to leave a business. She was located and said she found her pants and would keep them on.

[Pants that travel by them self? At least she found them. It is cold out.]

1:11 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Mill Street reported seeing lights and movement inside a guest house. A woman was arrested on suspicion of loitering.

[Has that got to be the low end crime in prison or what? What are you in for? Loitering.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Indifferent Promotion

2009-03-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

I have worked for my current... well... what should I call it?

I hesitate to say company, since it has been several companies over my time here.

Product group maybe? That is as good as anything I guess.

I've worked with the same product group for well over a decade now, through various ups and downs, acquisitions and mergers.

I came on as an individual contributor, but in two and a half years I ended up as a manager with my own group.

And there I have stayed.

At points, staying in the same spot has seemed like a good thing. I seemed to survive layoff after layoff during the bursting of the first tech bubble. I got through reorganizations and the inevitable trimming of surplus people after acquisitions. I've made it through bad times.

On the other hand, when times have been... better... I have stayed put. Meanwhile, anybody brought in or promoted to management seemed to go straight to Senior Manager. Often these were people with considerably less experience, direct reports, or responsibilities.

I began to ask my boss about how I could get promoted to senior manager. Time and time again he agreed that people who were being given Senior Manager titles did not deserve them as much as I did. But nothing happened.

Some years we were at a company where promotion beyond manager required the approval of a committee, some of the members of which no longer worked for the company, making it hard to get a quorum.

At other times HR said I was not being paid enough to be promoted to Senior Manager, and since those were generally times when we were giving out 2% raises, getting there seemed a long way off.

And at some times it was just better to keep my head down, since everything looked like it was going to change the next day, and not necessarily in a good way.

Eventually we were bought up by what I would call a "real" company, a big company with where rules were not quite so ad hoc. I thought this would be a good thing.

In many ways it was not. Rules went from ad hoc to Byzantine. My connection with the company felt a lot more tenuous; I went from being in a meeting with the CEO once a week to being so many jumps from the CEO on the org chart that I have never seen him in person, I have seen one of his direct reports once, and I don't see or talk to anybody on a regular basis who actually works at corporate HQ. And I found out that big companies have crap benefits for the rank and file because, as I was told, "They can."

Still, one thing worked out my way.

In my position, with my responsibilities, I was required to have access to a specific internal email distribution list.

However, the rules for that list required that an employee must be at least level M1. I was only level L3.

My boss (an N2) tried for some time to get this fixed. Not having access to this list was impacting my work. However, IT was adamant that the rules for this distribution list were set in stone and they would not allow exceptions.

He went to his boss (an O3), who also tried to get the issue resolved. Eventually he came back to my boss and told him that he just made me an M1, since that was easier than working with IT.

M1 is, of course, the level of a Senior Manager.

So my boss called me into his office and gave me the news. I had been promoted to M1 so I could access an email distribution list.

I had to laugh.

My wife seemed less amused when I told her.

I explained to her that I had cracked the system! I explained that there was nowhere to go but up from here! I explained that my next promotion was assured!

All I have to do is find the right email distribution list and make the case that I need access to it. The rest is just details.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXVI

2009-03-06T11:00:00.000-08:00

11:21 a.m. - A woman from Condon Park reported she was stuck in the mud and needed assistance. She called later to report she did not need help. A caller called at 12:53 p.m. to report a physical fight with the father of the previous caller.

[No doubt for getting mud all over the vehicle.]

9:55 a.m. - A caller from the 17900 block of Rockmar Lane reported he would be shooting mistletoe out of a tree at 10:30 a.m.

[Is that the recommended way to remove mistletoe?]

4:14 p.m. - A caller from the 13400 block of Tyler Foote Road reported the theft of a fallen tree from his yard.

[He was saving that fallen tree for later.]

10:21 p.m. - A caller from the McCourtney Road - Orion Way area reported seeing a nude man in the street holding a sign. She said the man was still in the area but she did not know exactly where.

[Aside from the fact that it has been snowing, we all

1:48 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Fairmont Drive reported she was followed home and harassed by three young girls who threw snow at her. Contact was made with the juveniles who were admonished.

[More snow related crime.]

2:20 p.m. - A juvenile from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported her mother refused to give her any food.

2:43 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported her daughter had a lighter and was not listening to her mother.

[Home life is supposed to be unsatisfying, otherwise we'd never leave home.]

3:54 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Polaris Drive reported her son was drinking rubbing alcohol.

[Hopefully an ambulance was dispatched or she brought him to the emergency room.]

11:25 a.m. - A woman from the 18000 block of Alexandra Way reported an elderly neighbor who came to her residence stating the gypsies were trying to kidnap him.

[Not a lot of stuff is blamed on gypsies these days.]

1:10 p.m. - A man from the 1000 block of Laurel Lane reported receiving a suspicious phone call from "Jeff," who wanted to speak to the youngest female in the house. The man said he does not know Jeff and there are no females in his house.

["Jeff" needs to work on his social engineering skills I think.]

1:18 a.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Park Avenue reported someone had been in her vehicle and rolled the windows down. She then said she just needed help reading the mileage from her car.

[Just a normal past midnight activity?]

5:33 a.m. - A woman from Colfax Avenue near Oak Street reported seeing a flashing light moving toward Ophir Street. The light was possibly from a garbage truck.

[I was hoping for another UFO report.]

10:25 a.m. - A woman from Minnesota called to request a welfare check on her sister in the 13000 block of Golden Star Road. She said she called her wheelchair-bound sister and all she heard on the line was panting. The sister was contacted; her husband had answered the phone and thought it was a telemarketer, so he left the phone off the hook while working out on his exercise machine.

[Great moments in misunderstanding.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXV

2009-02-20T14:23:00.000-08:00

4:11 p.m. A caller from Idaho-Maryland Road between Centennial Drive and Sutton Way reported a 6-year-old on a scooter having difficulty in the snow.

[Trying to ride a scooter in the snow. What a poignant visual image, not to mention a metaphor for something I am sure.]

9:39 a.m. A caller from Broad Street reported a man in a cowboy hat and a duster was yelling and screaming.

[The return of Cowboy Bill?]

11:43 p.m. A caller from the 100 block of East Main Street reported a man in the Post Office was acting "odd, cleaning the counters and rambling."

[As long as he is working out his aggression on dirty counters, leave him be.]

10:54 a.m. A man from the 10000 block of Combie Road reported receiving death threats by way of text messages.

[What a wonderful age in which to live. Death threats all nicely traceable back to the sender. Very smart.]

10:25 a.m. A caller from the Broad Street overpass reported a man was throwing snowballs at vehicles on the freeway.

2:32 p.m. A caller from La Barr Meadows near McKnight Way reported a driver of a blue Toyota Tercel was throwing snowballs at oncoming traffic.

5:25 p.m. A caller from West Main and North School streets reported three people were throwing snowballs at vehicles.

7:54 p.m. A woman from West Main Street and Forest Glade Circle reported someone threw snowballs at her vehicle.

[Some snow falls, anarchy ensues.]

8:43 a.m. A woman from the 18000 block of Highway 174 reported her son, who was afraid of the snow, was missing. She found him 10 minutes later in the house.

[Given how much of it seems to be airborne and aimed at people, I can see a reason for the fear.]

1:47 a.m. A man from a business in the 100 block of Mill Street reported a flak jacket had been stolen. He called later to say he had gotten it back.

[I hope it was the surplus store. Who else keeps a flak jacket around?]

9:33 p.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Spenceville Road reported a bipolar man had not taken his medication and was "freaking out." The man allegedly thought Grass Valley was sinking and made his family evacuate the house.

[I suppose Grass Valley looked like it was sinking with the snow on the ground.]

8:40 p.m. A woman from the 100 block of Park Avenue reported someone keeps opening the windows of her car. She found it suspicious and requested extra patrols.

[An annoying prank, but annoying enough to keep doing it? It something wrong with the car?]

8:27 p.m. A caller from Mill Street reported a man wearing camos and carrying a pizza was walking down the street, talking about killing his mother. He was arrested on suspicion of being drunk in public.

[If you're going to mutter about murder, do it quietly I suppose. Or be sober.]

2:07 p.m. A caller from a business in the 500 block of Brunswick Road reported a man left without paying for an extraction,. He went out to get his checkbook and did not return, leaving his cell phone and coat behind.

[It makes you wonder about the business. Was it a dentist?]

11:14 a.m. A caller from the county tax assessor's office reported a man was throwing items at the front counter.

[It is only a wonder that this does not come up more often.]

4:33 p.m. A woman from the 15000 block of Orchard Springs Road reported a man took photos of her and her husband while they were shoveling snow. The man threatened to show the photos to the Social Security Administration because the couple is on disability. She said the man refused to help them shovel the snow and was trying to set them up. She said she was using a "pooper scooper" to shovel the snow.

[Aside from the usual, "what do you expect the police to do about this?" question, I like the drama and detail of this entry.]

9:23 a.m. A caller from Zion Street reported an 8-year-old boy walking down the street. The mother was tracked down and said she had dropped him off at school, not realizing it was the wrong location.

[Parenting at its finest.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

The Home of "Boots" Del Biaggio

2009-02-13T07:33:00.000-08:00

Gambler, NHL franchise owner, and convicted felon William "Boots" Del Biaggio III had to put his home up for sale recently.

Now you can see for yourself what kind of home you buy when you commit $100 million dollars in security fraud.

The asking price is just over $3.5 million.

See it here, while it lasts.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXIV

2009-02-12T10:44:00.000-08:00

1:04 p.m. St. Patrick’s Catholic Church agreed to adjust the volume on the chimes after a neighborhood complaint.

[That is a new one on me. I wasn't even aware that one could complain about that sort of thing.]

3:10 p.m. A caller from Nevada City reported receiving annoying telephone calls on a cell phone but refused to report it to Nevada City Police.

[Look, we've seen how strapped the Sheriff's office is for resources, why bug them on this?]

1:07 p.m. A woman from the 29000 block of Highway 49 reported a man climbed over her fence to confront her about his dog, which he believed the woman stole.

[Is dog theft such an issue elsewhere?]

8:13 a.m. A man from the 17000 block of Banner Quaker Hill Road reported being defrauded on eBay in the amount of $5,000.

10:22 a.m. A man from the 13000 block of Discovery Way reported he had sold a Coton de Tulear puppy to a person who stopped payment on the check, but did not return the dog.

[Okay, so here we have actual dog theft... or dog fraud... or some such.]

3:13 a.m. A caller from South Auburn and Race streets reported a man was yelling and went to lie down in the road.

[On a Friday night I somehow imagine this was not politically motivated.]

5:09 p.m. A woman from the 11000 block of Yuba Crest Drive reported a pit bull terrier attacked her llama.

[Llama related crime on the rise?]

8:49 a.m. A caller from Seven Hills Middle School reported a man came to the school at about 7:30 a.m. and kept insisting he needed to see teachers that he had more than 20 years ago. He was “shaving and brushing his teeth in the office.” He was told he could not be on campus during school hours.

[A massive nostalgia attack? The sudden realization that everything you know is wrong?]

5:24 p.m. A caller from the 15100 block of Sunny Hill Road reported a neighbor was dumping fireplace ashes on her driveway.

[And it was not in an effort to cover ice on the driveway to give more traction?]

2:28 p.m. A caller from the 10300 block of Gautier Drive reported his wife was acting "crazy" and had pulled his hair.

[You're married. It happens. There is nothing the police can do.]

8:31 p.m. A caller from the 11200 block of Sierra Circle reported a verbal argument on the porch next door about pistols between a man and a woman who was not wearing a shirt.

[Conflict, guns, and toplessness? Why isn't this on Fox already?]

8:12 a.m. A caller from the Litton Trail between Hughes Road and Sierra College reported a suspicious fox. The fox reportedly "darted" onto the trail at the caller, then did it again 10 minutes later.

[A suspicious fox? Damn their darting ways!]

9:52 a.m. A caller from eastbound Highway 20 reported seeing a dark sedan with a man strapped to the hood with a fire hose. The vehicle could not be located.

[File under: Things you do not see every day... not outside of rural college towns, in any case.]

4:36 p.m. A caller from Brunswick Road reported two men carrying garbage bags were stopping traffic and trying to get rides.

[Garbage bags are pretty low on the list of thing that will help you with your hitchhiking experience.]

5:05 p.m. A caller from the 14000 block of Franciscan Way reported a possibly drunken driver drove through a row of mailboxes and kept driving.

[My uncle did this once. It is hell on the front end of the car as well as the mailboxes.]

10:08 a.m. A woman from the 100 block of Badger Lane reported a woman in her 50s with curly hair walked into her home and was chased out by dogs.

[I don't know why this brings "Li'l Orphan Annie" to mind, or at least "Aged Orphan Annie," but it does.]

11:26 a.m. A woman from the 200 block of Joerschke Drive reported her neighbor tried to run her over with his wheelchair.

[The disabled gone wild.]

10:40 a.m. A caller from Beckman Street reported a woman was going into people’s yards and talking to herself.

[I immediately wondered what she was talking about. Was she talking to an imaginary person, into an imaginary (or real?) radio, or just checking off a mental checklist aloud? "10:32 am, now in the Johnson's yard. Still no killer bees."]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

If Robots Were Alive...

2009-01-23T15:23:00.001-08:00

If robots were alive and sentient in the way human beings are, would they be as bemused, disturbed, disgusted, or depressed about the operation of their bodies as I am about mine.

I swear, every time I go to the doctor I move one step further from belief in "the miracle of life" and one step close to "Rube Goldberg the creator."

The #1 argument against intelligent design has to be, "Have you seen how our bodies work?"

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXIII

2008-11-20T15:55:00.000-08:00

12:16 a.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Greenhorn Road reported someone shot a paintball at her window. It was determined by deputies that it was eggs, not paintballs.

[Well, that's okay then.]

9:03 a.m. - A caller from Condon Park reported four men were using the fire pit in the barbecue area, and the flames were very high. The men were using the barbecue as a source of heat.

[Was it a spare the air day? We're not allowed to have fires in the winter any more if the pollution level is high.]

10:23 a.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Hogan Hill Road reported eggs were put in her newspaper box.

[A breakfast invitation?]

6:46 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Mill Street reported finding a gun in the bushes. It was determined to be a child's toy.

[Hard to imagine making this mistake myself, but some people....]

4:25 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported hearing noises like someone was hitting an object outside.

[I realize it is early in the morning, but could you get more specific than "an object?"]

9:22 p.m. - A caller from the 1900 block of Nevada City Highway reported an elderly man, possibly in his boxers, thumbing a ride.

[A rather chilly way to travel. The Sierra's are cold at night in November.]

6:36 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Walsh Street reported a man hiding in the bathroom.

[That's just vague enough that I do not know what to say. I hope it wasn't his bathroom.]

1:37 p.m. - A woman from the 500 block of South Auburn Street reported people were following her and that one possibly was a private investigator.

[There is no doubt an interesting story... or a mental health issue... involved here.]

4:27 p.m. - A woman from a business in the 500 block of Sutton Way reported she found her wallet wide open on the floor toward the rear of the business, but it did not appear anything was taken.

[So she called the police to report that she dropped her wallet?]

12:14 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Ridge Road reported her husband was threatening to blow up the house. A loud bang was heard in the background before the line was disconnected. Everything was O.K. when sheriff's deputies arrived.

[Uh... performance art then?]

1:20 p.m. - A caller from the 500 block of Mill Street reported a man washing items in the creek. The man was gold-panning.

[Washing items would probably end up being more useful in the long run.]

5:08 p.m. - A caller from the 900 block of Helling Way reported a goose was stuck in a fishing line near the pond adjacent to the ballfield. The Wildlife Care Center was advised and later it was reported the "goose was loose."

[You do not often get entires in the blotter with their own punch lines.]

4:04 p.m. - A man from the 13000 block of Quaker Hill Cross Road reported a pig was chasing him on his property and would not let him get in his vehicle.

10:36 p.m. - An alarm was reported in the 21000 block of Bear Hollow Road. Wild pigs were on the property and had torn up the yard.

[Pigs on a rampage.]

6 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 400 block of Sierra College Drive reported someone broke into a trailer and took a blower, a hedger and a gas can.

[The suspect will probably have a suddenly well maintained yard.]

5:40 p.m. - A woman from the 11000 block of Upper Circle Drive reported a dead squirrel in her mailbox. She said she previously had found beer cans in the mailbox and has a restraining order against her neighbor.

[Not exactly a scene from "The Godfather."]

7:46 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a man had set up floodlights and was skateboarding.

[Which, if the bumper stickers are to be believed, is not a crime.]

6:21 p.m. - A caller from Mill Street reported loud music coming from a truck in the parking lot. The owner of the truck was asked to turn it down. A second caller reported several people were doing drugs outside and when the officer made contact, they all ran inside.

[Justice thwarted again.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXII

2008-11-14T14:52:00.000-08:00

11:34 a.m. A caller from a business in the 100 block of West Main Street reported a recorder was stolen.

[One presumes that they did not mean the instrument that I would dearly like somebody to steal from my daughter.]

4:57 p.m. A woman from the 10000 block of Boulder Hill Drive reported her son was guilty of fraud and theft.

[That's for a jury to decide ma'am.]

10:43 p.m. A woman requested a welfare check on her boyfriend on the 18000 block of River Ranch Road, whom she had last heard from at 6:30 a.m. She said he might be out four-wheeling, and she didn't want to drive up from Sacramento unless he was home.

[Can you see if my boyfriend is home so I don't have to waste my time? Hey, I pay taxes!]

7:28 p.m. A caller from the 300 block of Alta Street reported the residence was open and items were strewn all over the inside. The reporter was standing by in a white shirt and fake blood.

8:15 p.m. A caller from East Main Street reported a teenager dressed up in a construction costume with a stop sign was holding up traffic.

10:07 p.m. A caller from the 200 block of Richardson Street reported a bald man wearing a dress was seen running toward North Church Street, yelling for his purse back.

10:59 p.m. Contact was made with some individuals at a local cemetery who were advised to leave.

[Calls you only get around Halloween.]

4:00 p.m. A caller from Brunswick advised of three cars involved in an "accident" on Brunswick Road near Sutton Way.

[Did the caller make "air quotes" over the phone? Did they suspect it wasn't really an accident?]

10:03 p.m. A caller from Wildlife Lane and You Bet Road reported a fight involving a group of 25 to 30 people.

11:01 p.m. A countywide search was called for a black full size Chevy Blazer with unknown plates that left the Wildlife Lane and You Bet Road area. The vehicle was thought to have three men and one woman aboard. The woman was reported to have a 9 mm handgun.

11:36 p.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a drunk man wearing a gray jump suit who came to the caller's door and stated he was pushed out of a vehicle and subjects were "packing heat."

[Wild times in Grass Valley?]

10:47 a.m. A woman from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported her neighbor from upstairs kept banging on her ceiling.

[Welcome to apartment life.]

10:17 a.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Birchville Road reported armed hunters on his property. The same caller had reported hunters the previous day. He was advised to call state Fish and Game.

[Is trespassing not handled by the Sheriff's department these days?]

1:45 p.m. A caller from Brewer Road reported a missing 3-year-old girl, dressed in a pink-and-white sleeper. She was last seen by the garage. The garage and barn had been checked. The girl was found approximately eight minutes later inside the entertainment center; she had been hiding.

[How to take ten years off your parent's lives.]

7:34 p.m. A caller from the 400 block of Pine Street reported a pickup was parked illegally and blocking a wheelchair ramp. Police determined the resident had painted the sidewalk and it was not illegal to park there.

[You apparently cannot just create your own handicap parking spots.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXI

2008-10-30T18:03:00.000-07:00

9:39 a.m. - A caller in the 15000 block of Cottrell Road reported that a person was trying to steal his cattle.

[Would that make him a "cattle rustler" or just not a very adept criminal?]

6:07 p.m. - A caller in the 17000 block of Lake Vera Purdon Road reported that a dead deer was in the roadway posing a hazard. Forty minutes later, a caller from the same location reported that the deer got up and ran away.

[Maybe it was just resting.]

6:22 p.m. - A caller on Shire Court reported that their son was threatening to break things and was extremely defiant. The boy was told that he would be booked into Juvenile Hall if he continued to vandalize the property and disobey his parents.

[Every parent's nightmare... the child realizing how tenuous parental control will be.]

10:29 p.m. - A woman at the intersection of Gracie Road and Melanie Court said she could not explain why she thinks a car intentionally hit her mailbox.

[And yet, there she was.]

9:59 a.m. - A man from the 16000 block of Patricia Way said a driver speeding by in a truck threw a solar light onto his property.

[Some sort of drive-by "Go Green" campaign?]

12:36 p.m. - A be-on-the-lookout bulletin was issued for a man about 35 years old wearing light khaki clothing who had just robbed the U.S. Bank in Auburn.

[In all the years I've been reading the blotter, I don't recall ever seeing a simple bank robbery.]

6:37 p.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a man left a message on her answering machine stating her goats were on his property and he had shot at them. The caller noted that the goats her neighbor was referring to weren't hers, and she wanted a deputy to call the neighbor and ask him to not leave nasty messages on her machine. When the deputy called the neighbor, he said it was better "to shoot the goats than to waste time in court and sue the livestock owner." The deputy advised that calling animal control would be an effective way to stop the goats from coming onto his property.

[It is better to shoot goats than waste time in court. A sentiment for the ages... the middle ages.]

7:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Berryhill Drive reported a neighbor repeatedly leaves his window open while not wearing clothes in his home. Officers were to contact the man.

[We don't want to look... but we cannot help ourselves!]

10:27 p.m. - An intoxicated man from the 16500 block of Countrywood Lane reported a "criminal" had just entered his home. The "criminal" got on the phone and said the caller was too drunk to remember him as a friend.

[That's just criminal.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Tenuous Grip on my PIN

2008-10-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have a strange relationship with the PIN for my ATM card.

I cannot remember it unless I am standing in front of the ATM and, possibly, for the few minutes after that transaction.

If you asked me right now, I could guess at it. I have some inkling about what the numbers could be. But I only know with certainty when I am standing there ready to withdraw some cash.

At least I used to know the numbers with certainty at that point.

I have not had to use the ATM for over two months. It appears that the certainty of knowledge fades with time.

I stood at the ATM today and could not remember my PIN.

I had walked four blocks to the ATM to get some cash so I could buy something lunch, but I had to walk away empty handed. Two guesses at the number and I had to cancel the transaction. After three wrong guesses the machine keeps your card. At least some machines I have run into do that. It has never actually happened to me, but I have never not been able to remember my PIN.

I have had the same PIN for 18 years now. It is in my brain somewhere.

Still, I had better bring my lunch to work tomorrow, just in case.

Sign of Hard Times

2008-10-16T22:53:00.000-07:00

My wife is now convinced that we are in economic hard times.

While she has seen the financial disaster unfolding via the nightly news, the front page of the daily paper, and the Yahoo! headlines, for her the true sign came tonight.

There was an ad on prime time television for K-Mart that featured the fact that they offer lay-away plans for Christmas purchases.

If you're under a certain age, you probably have no idea what that is. Click on the link there to learn.

For my wife, the fact that a major retailer is pushing a plan that predates easy credit is more chilling than any financial institution failure.

Hard times are upon us.

Terror in a White Jag

2008-10-01T15:16:00.001-07:00

I had set these blotter entries aside in the hope that there would be more on the subject. Alas, it ended up being just these three.

At 2:19 p.m., a caller from a business on the 400 block of Sutton Way reported a woman went onto the business and started yelling. She was asked to leave and was last seen driving a white Jaguar with a dog in the back. A second caller, a landscaper in the area, reported the same woman was acting very odd. Police contacted the 47-year-old woman and issued her a re-evaluation through the Department of Motor Vehicles.

At 1:29 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a woman in a white Jaguar was honking her car horn and yelling in the parking lot in front of the emergency room. She was getting in and out of her vehicle, then left. Police were unable to locate the woman.

At 3:53 a.m., a caller from a store on the 10000 block of Combie Road reported a woman was acting irrationally in the store, talking about her dog. The woman left in a white Jaguar. Deputies contacted the woman, who was at her residence on the 11000 block of Sunset Place. She did not meet the criteria for a mental health evaluation. She said she would be going to sleep.

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CX

2008-09-30T13:59:00.000-07:00

8:37 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Samantha Way reported a can of baked beans had been dumped on her car.

[There is a first for the blotter.]

11:04 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Catherine Lane reported someone was throwing rocks at her upstairs apartment when the reporting party noticed her rug was on fire.

[Coincidend? Crude warning method?]

1:33 p.m. - A caller found a large knife under a tree at the entrance to Minnie Park. Officers booked the knife in as evidence.

[Evidence of what?]

8:48 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Alta Street reported a juvenile who was dropped off at school but was refusing to stay.

[As a child, this approach never even occurred to me.]

11:45 a.m. - Officers arrested a 20-year-old man on the 900 block of Sutton Way on suspicion of possessing less than an ounce of marijuana and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[There isn't much to this one, except every time I read that charge, I think to myself "None is less than an ounce, right?"]

9:49 p.m. - A caller from McKnight Way reported a man hitchhiking dangerously.

[Yes, as if it wasn't risky enough, we have to get into extreme hitchhiking.]

1:06 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Gates Place reported an ex-employee who has been coming to the business and taking things off the computer. The caller said the ex-employee has told the owner he would sell the information back to the company.

[Here we have, "My First Extortion Racket."]

9:57 p.m. - A man from the 19000 block of Tara Lane reported a large bear in the bed of his truck. The man said the bear would not move, even if he activated the car alarm. He said he called the Department of Fish and Game who said they will not respond.

[That's going to be an interesting call to work if there bear is still there in the morning.]

9:05 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Mill Street reported a woman who had sent about three letters in the mail to the Grass Valley/Nevada County Chamber of Commerce regarding people and businesses who are supposedly threatening to kill her. The caller requested contact with officers.

[Murder being something that the chamber of commerce usually tries to steer clear of.]

9:20 a.m. - A caller in the 600 block of Zion Street reported finding a dead woodpecker in his bathtub. He told officers he believed the bird was put there intentionally. Later, the caller reported that he found a hole in the wall that allowed the bird access to the bathtub.

[So no mysterious "sign of the woodpecker" message to decipher then? We won't need those meddling kids I guess.]

12:55 a.m. - Police reported that a vehicle ran two flashing red lights at East Main and South Auburn streets. The subject told police he was from Israel and did not know what the flashing red lights at the intersections meant.

[I wonder how far that got him... or if he cared.]

5:59 p.m. - A woman from the 300 block of South Auburn Street reported a juvenile skateboarding on her roof. A similar call came in from a home on Buena Vista Avenue. Responding officers found the skateboarder and arrested him on suspicion of giving police officers a false identity and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[I'll bet he says it was worth it.]

12:04 a.m. - A woman heard some glass breaking in her garage and thought it might be a mountain lion.

[Damn those clumsy mountain lions.]

9:45 a.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Sunny Hill Road reported her neighbor made an obscene gesture at her the day before.

[I'm sure the police will get right on that.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

The End of Change

2008-09-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

I have finally reached the point in my life where I do not really need coins.

And by "coins," I mean that most important of coins, the quarter dollar.

At some point in my life, in the distant past, the quarter was everything.

I needed quarters for everything. The bus. Video games. The coin-op washer and dryer. Vending machines. Parking meters.

I tended to optimize my spending to maximize the number of quarters I would get in change.

Slowly but surely, the need for quarters melted away. I drive my own car. Video games need tokens. I live in a house with my own washer and dryer. I have a parking pass. I do not drive through any toll booths.

The final coin dropped, so to speak, when my company changed the vending machines in the office. Everything used to be a quarter. In an expense control move, the machines are no longer subsidized, so the price of everything floated up to around a dollar.

Nothing in them is a quarter any more, or even some multiple of a quarter, except items that are a dollar even. Everything else is 55 cents or 85 cents or some such anti-quarter valuation.

And since the store right next door to our office has everything cheaper than the vending machines, my final need for coins has faded.

Now all the coins I collect during the day end up on my desk until they become a big enough pile to annoy me. Then the kids get them. But even they look askance at anything less than a quarter some days.

No more jingle-jangle of coins in my pocket, my days of change are through. My kids and places with tip jars will benefit.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIX

2008-09-15T16:45:00.000-07:00

5:32 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of South Auburn Street reported receiving threats from the caller's sister-in-law. The caller was advised on how to get a restraining order.

[Which might make Thanksgiving a bit awkward, but probably a bit less tense.]

2:19 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Golden Eagle Way reported someone stole his portable toilet. The caller said he suspected his neighbor.

[I guess if he was looking for it at 2am, he probably needed it.]

2:20 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a theft of a portable toilet. The caller said it was taken by a neighbor who is an ex-Hells Angels member. The portable toilet was gray and white with a chair and a bucket attached. The caller said he wasn't sure if the portable toilet was stolen or just missing.

[Is this midnight plumbing supply or what?]

5:16 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Brentwood Drive reported she is on parole and her father has threatened to plant a weapon in her vehicle. The caller was advised of the restraining order process.

[I can see more awkward holiday seasons coming up.]

7:06 p.m. - A caller wanted officers to stand by while he got his belongings out of an apartment he shared with a girlfriend on the 100 block of Main Street. Officers supplied the standby and then arrested the man on a warrant out of San Diego.

[That must have made the girlfriend's day.]

11:23 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Empire Street reported a prowler was knocking on the back door. Responding officers could not find the prowler.

[It might be just me, but do prowlers usually knock?]

8:52 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported receiving a check for $3,900 in the mail from a company claiming that he won $55,000. The company requested him to send $300 for taxes, he said. The man waited for the check to clear the account, but it bounced. So he never sent the $300 to the company. The man requested contact with officers.

[It bounced. Imagine that!]

8 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported trespassers on his property who were harassing him all day and attacked him with pit bulls. The man said he shot two of the dogs in the rear. The trespassers were near a fence by a shed on the man's property, he said.

[It sounds like he called this in a few hours later that he should have.]

12:58 p.m. - An elderly woman in the lobby of the police department said she hired a gardener and paid him in advance with a blank check. The gardener made out the check for more than the authorized agreement and also never returned to do the work. Officers took a report for fraud.

[Why are people so trusting of strangers?]

3:36 a.m. - A resident of the 15100 block of Beeman Lane was unaware that the person's vehicle was being repossessed.

[A couple of these show up every week now. Surprise!]

5:30 p.m. - A man in handcuffs wearing an orange jumpsuit and a devil's mask was running in and out of traffic on the Broad Street overpass.

[A George W. Bush mask? The guy with the "War Criminal" sign?]

1:29 a.m. - A caller from a downtown bar reported a fast taxi driver.

[Better than the ones who never show up I suppose.]

10:51 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Empire Street reported an intoxicated woman had been banging on his front door for the last 20 minutes. Officers arrested and booked her on three local warrants.

[Three local warrants! A busy woman!]

5:04 p.m. - A caller said a man with dreadlocks was in a vehicle on a parking lot on Litton Drive smoking marijuana. The man left and officers were advised.

[Later, a construction worker made suggestive remarks at a passing woman.]

4:10 p.m. - A caller from Englebright Lake reported a person in an SUV with a boat trailer drove over his kayak on the boat ramp and drove off.

[I wonder if this is part of some ongoing "power boat vs. kayak" feud.]

8:35 p.m. - A man working on a home on Kechely Court reported a woman next door kept coming out of her home, taking notes and harassing him before he could explain what he was doing. Responding officers discerned it was a civil issue.

[Mrs. Kravitz, notes in hand, remained disturbed by the whole situation.]

10:55 a.m. - A caller on McCourtney Road reported that an individual stole a gray Chevrolet Camaro hood off a vehicle to put on his own red Camaro.

[Well, he should be easy to spot in any event.]

2:27 p.m. - A caller in the 10000 block of San Francisco Street reported that a man borrowed $40,000 and had agreed to pay it back in two weeks but hadn't done so. A report was taken.

[But he said he would!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVIII

2008-08-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

6:37 p.m. - A caller from the 1900 block of Nevada City Highway reported a man in a pickup truck drove it up on the hood of another vehicle. Responding officers arrested the man on suspicion of vandalism and booked him into the Nevada County jail. His vehicle was towed.

[Vandalism is all that warrants?]

8:14 p.m. A landlord reported tenants from the 300 block of Bennett Street were banging on his door after he had served them an eviction notice for throwing a barbecue off a second story balcony. Responding officers calmed the situation.

11:16 p.m. Officers checking on a man at Neal and Church streets and cited and released him on a Placer County warrant.

[I still do not get this whole "citation for a warrant" routine. What good is a warrant for somebody then?]

7:54 p.m. A caller from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a 19-year-old man was trapped in concrete.

[The lead to some interesting mental images, culminating in a fiendish super-villain death trap scenario.]

5:25 p.m. - A man was reported on Sutton Way at Olympia Circle wearing an orange jumpsuit, a George Bush mask, red horns and handcuffs, and he was holding a sign that read, "War Criminal."

[If you demonstrate against the regime alone in the woods, does it make a sound?]

12:14 a.m. - A woman from the 800 block of Old Tunnel Road reported a fire on the deck of the apartment below her that was beginning to reach her deck. The fire was out when emergency crews arrived.

[A very lively report, fire advancing, damsel in distress.]

5:52 a.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Birchville Road reported her fiance was on probation and doing drugs.

[Don't worry though, you'll be able to change him once you're married to him ma'am.]

7:10 p.m. A mother in the lobby of the police department reported her husband was threatening to take her daughter away from her after she returned from a three-week drinking binge. The mother said she was a previous battery victim at the husband’s hands and wanted officers to contact them both at the home. Officers went to the home and preserved the peace.

[The Lost Weekend comes to Grass Valley. Fortunately the GVPD was there and preserved the peace.]

7:24 p.m. - A caller reported a verbal fight involving a man and woman who were disagreeing with an umpire at the Memorial Park softball field. Responding officers found the umpire did not want to press charges and advised the man and woman to leave the park and not return. Thirty minutes later, the man fell and hit his head while walking on Henderson Street.

[Which, hopefully, went a long way towards preserving the peace going forward.]

8:00 a.m. - A woman reported a reckless driver on Sutton Way who got out of a vehicle and went into a business. The caller said she would continue calling in reckless drivers and following them until the police department does something about them. About 30 minutes later, the driver called and reported the woman caller was following his vehicle in a threatening manner.

[There is a lesson in there somewhere.]

8:30 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a stolen helmet was that three shades of blue with flames coming from the skull. An officer took a report for theft.

[I am going to guess this isn't a bicycle helmet we're talking about.]

3:19 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Wild Turkey Lane reported a verbal argument between an inebriated man and a woman.

[Wild Turkey Lane... this stuff just writes itself.]

10:28 a.m. - A caller reported a man in a straw hat with a long beard appeared to smoking marijuana behind the city library.

[ZZ Top is in town maybe?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

The Circus is in Town

2008-08-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

It was like a scene from a bygone era.

I was driving down Winchester Blvd. from Los Gatos and just before Pollard Rd. I saw a pair of diesel electric locomotives on the generally quiet siding that runs along Winchester for a mile or so.

As I drove along, the train behind the three Union Pacific engines came into view, a string of grey passenger cars at rest on the track, yellow steps placed on the ground so the occupants could disembark to walk around.

And on the side of each passenger car was, in big red letters, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey.

The circus was in town!

And what a way to find out!

As I drove along, people were getting on and off the train, sitting around in folding chairs, and generally relaxing.

I wish I had had my camera on hand. It was, for no real good reason, one of those moments I wanted to capture. The sheer joy of something as mundane as a train (okay, not so mundane to some... even to me... but to many) resolving itself into the circus.

I did find a picture on the web to illustrate what the cars looked like.

(photo credit to Harvey Henkelman)

It looks like the circus will be here through the last weekend before school starts in our district. Such timing. One last fling this summer.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVII

2008-08-08T16:26:00.000-07:00

12:04 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of South Auburn Street reported someone misusing the caller's credit card.

[It sounds like they were scanning it upside down.]

12:34 p.m. - A caller from the 1200 block of East Main Street reported a man dressed in dark clothing was hiding behind a business

[At half past noon on a Wednesday. Very suspicious!]

9:58 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Nishinam Gulch Road reported that his 15-year-old daughter assaulted him with a bottle of hairspray. She then locked herself in the bedroom and was screaming loudly, he said.

[I can hardly wait for the teenage years to come to our home.]

5:05 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of West Main Street reported inappropriate behavior by what was described as a transvestite with a white wig driving a green Toyota up the street. The man was arrested for indecent exposure and booked into the Nevada County Jail.

[What is going on in Grass Valley on Wednesdays?]

7:58 a.m. - A caller from Vistamont expressed safety concerns for a 10-year-old boy selling pizza door to door.

[Anticipatory pizza delivery?]

8:30 a.m. - A caller from East McKnight reported a man with a pipe who ran through a stop sign in a Honda Civic.

[He was also hatless, repeat, hatless.]

6:05 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Ricky Court reported receiving a call from a man who said he was hired to assassinate the caller.

[What time is good for you? Can I assassinate you before lunch? I have plans in the afternoon.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Goodenough Court reported a subject was in urgent care after being shot in the finger with a BB gun.

[No doubt self-inflicted. Court marshal him.]

3:00 p.m. - A man in the lobby from the 100 block of Murphy Street reported finding several vegetables in his yard, possibly fired from a potato gun. The man said he filed a report because he was afraid his dogs could be injured by future flying produce.

[It is a hazard to both man and man's best friend!]

12:43 a.m. - A vehicle was repossessed on the 100 block of Glenbrook Drive, and the owner was unaware.

[Until they read the blotter this morning... or looked out in their driveway.]

3:15 a.m. - A vehicle on the 100 block of Race Street was repossessed and the owner was aware of it.

[And it didn't make a damn bit of difference, because they both lost their cars. Why is this it the blotter?]

8:59 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Makikuja Drive reported vandalism to a house and theft of household items including the carpet.

[At least they didn't pee on it Dude.]

12:20 p.m. - A traffic stop on Freeman Lane resulted in a man being cited and released for driving a motorized scooter. The scooter was confiscated.

[That deserves at least a Nelson Muntz "Haw-haw!"]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Worst... Spin... Ever!

2008-08-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

People make mistakes every day, succumb to passions and desires they know they should resist.

But not everybody was running for president earlier this year nor do they harbor dreams of a vice-presidential glory, such that it is.

Which brings me to this Associated Press wire about John Edwards:

AP - Former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards on Friday admitted to an extramarital affair while his wife was battling cancer. He denied fathering the woman's daughter. Edwards told ABC News that he lied repeatedly about the affair with 42-year-old Rielle Hunter but said that he didn't love her.

The dry nature of this piece does not cut him much slack. Not that he deserves any, but look at what he gets.

He cheated on his wife.
He cheated while his wife was suffering from cancer.
He admits to lying about it previously.
He denies the allegation that he fathered the other woman's child. (But we know he is a liar and a cheat at this point, so what good did that do other than to draw more attention to the allegation? Merrie Spaeth would say this was an "I am not a bimbo" moment.)
Oh, and while he slept with this other woman, he doesn't love her or anything. I am sure everybody feels better about that now.

What else could they have added on to make this any worse? Did he call her "mommy," or make her wear his wife's clothing?

I am sure this was timed for today when eyes would be focused on the Olympics, but there it was, the headline on Yahoo!

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVI

2008-08-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

7:06 p.m. - A caller said a man was beating a vehicle with a stick in a downtown parking lot. Arriving officers arrested a youth on suspicion of vandalism and took him to juvenile hall.

[People taking common sayings too far.]

5:56 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Alta Street reported her house had been toilet-papered, egged and tomatoed.

[Tomatoed?]

1:49 p.m. - A caller said the traffic light at Brunswick Road and Sutton Way was not cycling properly, and she had been sitting in the turn lane for more than 8 minutes while traffic backed up. Public Works was dispatched to the scene.

[She could be stuck there for days!]

11:05 a.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Maranatha Place reported his aunt had taken his stimulus check and was refusing to give it back to him, saying he owed her money.

[Hey, that check from the government was so you would buy new things, not pay off old things... no disrespect to your aunt.]

3:41 p.m. - A man walked into a business on the 100 block of Catherine Lane and said he was there to fix the air conditioning unit. When a worker checked on the man he was standing naked by the unit. Officers were called, but the man left before they arrived.

[This must be some sort of holistic approach to air conditioner repair.]

9:05 a.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported her husband was threatening to press charges against her.

[I'm not sure that is a crime.]

2:32 p.m.- Penn Valley Post Office reported that a white male had written a bad check to purchase $840 worth of stamps. A report was taken. The suspect is described as in his late 40s, 5-foot-7 with short sandy, blonde hair.

[They took a check for $840 worth of stamps? I suppose they should look for the guy selling below cost stamps at the flea market.]

6:33 p.m. - A caller reported a naked man is walking down Pleasant Valley Road and jumps into the brush whenever vehicles pass him. He is described as white and in his 40s. Officers checked the area but were unable to find him.

[Yeah, well, I'd jump in the brush too. But does he repair air conditioners?]

12:32 a.m. - A caller from School Street reported her roommate is threatening her. She said he made threatening statements in the past, wrote his name in blood on the refrigerator and left to go sleep in the cemetery.

[I'm glad that's all settled!]

11:42 p.m. - A caller reported a 4-year-old child was left alone and standing outside a Grass Valley bar while the two adults responsible argued and took turns going inside the bar.

[While it sounds idiotic, it does not exactly sound like the child was left alone.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CV

2008-07-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

2:06 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 19000 block of Highway 174 reported a man and a woman trying to make a purchase using a 1934 $20 bill. They were trying to convince the store owner the bill was worth more than $20 now. The caller requested log entry only.

[Another one for the "Let me know how that works out for you" files.]

5:37 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Brewer Road reported people selling meat out of the back of a truck, probably without a license.

[Giving a bad name to all those legitimate meat salesmen working out of the backs of their trucks! Still, I am mildly disappointed that they were not described as "angry" or at least "aggressive" as in past reports.]

1:31 p.m. - A business on the 12000 block of Nevada City Highway reported receiving a counterfeit $20 bill. Officers determined the bill was simply old and verified its authenticity at a nearby bank.

[A 1934 series bill by any chance? I hear those are worth more than $20.]

4:28 p.m. - A business on the 100 block of East Main Street reported a person came in and left without paying for services. Officers took a report.

[There is nothing amusing here, other than the fact that you have no idea what happened. A person went into a business and left without paying for services. Could have been the batting cages, could have been a brothel.]

3:02 a.m. - A caller reported a road block with traffic cones had been set up on Ridge Road across from Nevada Union High School, and when the caller slowed for it, someone threw fruit at his vehicle. Officers were unable to locate anyone after an extensive search of the area.

[These sorts of things seem really funny at 3am, unless you're the one being pelted with fruit.]

9:18 a.m. - A caller near Chapel and Brighton streets reported loud music coming from an area church. The music was turned down after officers arrived.

[And this was on a Tuesday.]

2:44 p.m. - A woman from the 13000 block of Greenhorn Road reported that her neighbors had broken into her house and were stealing her clothes and hair ties.

[My hair ties! My beautiful hair ties!]

6:10 p.m. - A woman from the 16000 block of Aileen Way reported that her 8-year-old child was throwing a tantrum about cleaning her room. The dispatcher told the woman she should call 911 only for emergencies.

[But we have guests coming over in an hour! It is an emergency!]

9:00 p.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported that she was walking home with her dogs when a pit bull attempted to attack her. The pit bull’s owner then threatened the woman that he'd come after her and told her to get out of the area. The pit bull didn’t bite the woman or her dogs, the woman said.

[See, it's not the dogs, it's the owners.]

6:06 p.m. - A hysterical female on Neal Street was reportedly upset about a past relationship. Her father arrived and took her home.

[We've all been there. Okay, maybe not actually on Neal Street, but in the vicinity.]

10:30 a.m. - A man set up a dredge in Wolf Creek at the Bank Street bridge. Officers told him to move on.

[It's Saturday and I just got this new dredge, I thought I'd just look for gold.]

12:13 a.m. - A suspicious male was overhead shouting in the shadows on the 2300 block of Nevada City Highway.

['Shouting in the Shadows' would be a good name for a band.]

2:20 a.m. - An intoxicated man was reported running into traffic at West Main and Neal streets. Officers located the man and booked him into Wayne Brown Correctional Facility on suspicion of being drunk in public.

[What kind of traffic is there on West Main and Neal at 2 am on a Sunday night?]

10:47 p.m. - A vehicle was repossessed on the 22900 block of Sunset Ridge Drive.

[That isn't a crime, so I'm not sure why it is in the blotter. Maybe it is there to warn the neighbors not to lend money to the person who is suddenly missing a car, as they aren't paying their bills?]

6:21 p.m. - A man with a beard and no clothes was reported walking down Pleasant Valley Road. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[This is why they put cameras in cell phones, so people will believe you when you tell them this stuff.]

8:17 a.m. - A volunteer vehicle repossession was made on the 11300 block of Alpine Lane.

[Now I'm more confused. Still, signs of a bad economy are everywhere.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

They Also Serve, Who Only Click and Wait

2008-07-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

After a week of checking the superior court web site several times a day, the row that included my number finally gave me the message I was waiting for:

Thank you for your services to the court this week. You are excused and will receive a one year exception.

Not that I was even expecting to be called in on a Friday, a day that is generally reserved for motions and administrative functions down at the courthouse. Or, if you believe the local paper, for playing golf.

Either way, I have served on three juries and have never had to be in court on a Friday.

And, if the usual pattern follows, I will get another summons in 7-10 months and will be able to use the one year exemption.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIV

2008-07-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

12:19 p.m. - A business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported three male juveniles came in wanting to sell diamonds. The clerk refused and then called police because the trio seemed suspicious. Officers were unable to locate the juveniles.

[Juvenile diamond sellers? A change from belligerent door-to-door meat salesmen I suppose.]

12:48 a.m. - A woman from the 20000 block of Penn Valley Drive reported that the headlights of her Jeep, which was parked in the driveway, came on and then turned off by themselves. She wanted officers to check it out.

[We'll get right on that.]

12:12 p.m. - A man from the 22000 block of Rambling Oaks Drive reported that someone had entered his house and a file cabinet and a George Foreman grill were missing.

[Somebody else is eating healthier now.]

9:39 a.m. - A man from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported his mentally disabled brother was having difficulty breathing due to the smoky air. The person was referred to the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection.

[And what is the CDF supposed to do for somebody having trouble breathing? "Oh, hey, my brother is coughing a lot, could you put out those fires faster, please?]

4:06 p.m. - A person came into the police department with gun ammunition, which was destroyed.

[Right there in front of them? I'd like to see that!]

12 a.m. - A caller saw a woman in a nightgown or a hospital gown pushing a shopping cart on Dorsey Drive.

[Well, it is hot out, and those gowns are nice and breezy.]

2:34 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Carriage Road reported she recalled she had a restraining order against her husband, whom she had allowed to stay at her residence for the past two years. The woman said she wanted her husband removed from her house. She was told that the police were uncomfortable enforcing an order she had disregarded for the past two years.

[Hey, I just remembered, I have a restraining order against you! Get out!]

1:05 p.m. - The Grass Valley Library reported a van with the word "Psychic," written on it had been in a handicapped parking spot for more than 24 hours. The situation was turned over to the parking officer.

[I wonder if they saw that coming?]

2:07 p.m. - A caller said they lost their glasses while at the Greenwood Cemetery.

[And you want the police to do what?]

3:20 p.m. - A two car accident on Race Street produced no injuries.

[They call it Race Street for a reason I guess.]

2:06 p.m. - A woman called from the 14000 block of Tanglefoot Court reporting that her neighbor has been videotaping her for about three years. She was seeking advice on what she could do about the situation.

[Restraining order.]

4:52 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Palm Court reporting that her boyfriend was threatening her for having his wallet. She said she couldn't give him back his wallet as it would be a violation of probation.

[One serious wallet.]

6:58 p.m. - A woman who made a 911 call from the 11000 block of Combie Road reported she was teaching her kids how to dial the emergency number.

[A proponent of practical instruction!]

10:10 a.m. - A caller from Finley and Spring streets reported a vehicle parked in the middle of the street with the back end parked in the caller's garden.

[No alcohol involved there, I'm sure!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Farewell, Fake Steve Jobs!

2008-07-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

So many great things in life are fleeting. Brilliant and fresh and there at just the right moment in time.

And such was The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs.

Started by Daniel Lyons as a joke to amuse some friends, it grew a cult following spurred not only by the great writing, but by the mystery of who was really doing the writing.

The insight into life in Silicon Valley and the industry out here was outstanding. And the influence it had was incredible. Friends of mine at Sun Microsystems say that everybody there knows who you mean when you say, "My Little Pony."

But the time has passed. Mr. Lyons has hung up the persona of Fake Steve and is moving on to other things.

Fans of the site will miss it dearly, but all things pass.

Another bright spot on the internet , it will soon fade from memory for most of us. And in a few years somebody will bring it up and those that do remember will say, "Wow, has it been that long since Fake Steve Jobs shut down?" the way I even now think about how it has been nine years since The Dysfunctional Family Circus was taken down.

It seems like only yesterday.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIII

2008-06-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

1:46 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported juveniles riding their bikes in a precarious manner in the parking lot in front of the caller's business. They have been told to leave and have not, the caller said. Officers contacted the juveniles and they left.

[Precarious bicycle riding, a first for the blotter.]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from the intersection of Packard Drive and Brighton Street reported that a man had punched his mailbox. Officers cited and released the 20-year-old man for vandalism.

[Some insult/injury going on there, unless the mail box was made out of papier mache.]

2:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Idaho-Maryland Road reported a man and woman arguing in a vehicle with three children in it. The couple drove away on the Golden Center Freeway before officers could respond.

[Sounds like a normal scene from my childhood. I would have to guess that the subject of "asking for directions" had been broached.]

7:11 p.m. - A Church Street caller in a wheelchair reported being chased by five subjects and a large dog who were all screaming for her to stay home. Responding officers determined it was simply an argument.

[Good, as I was strongly considering "performance art" as the answer.]

1:40 p.m. - A man from 10000 block of Cement Hill Road reported vandalism to a mailbox and offered to preserve forensic evidence if needed.

[Grass Valley CSI will get the FBI lab will get right on that.]

8:53 p.m. - A caller from Washington Street overpass reported juveniles dropping caution cones on cars below.

[I should collect a series of "dropping things from the overpass" entries. This is what happens when you build an overpass in a small town.]

10 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Pamela Drive reported that a garbage truck had knocked down a power line across the road. Waste Management was notified about the incident.

[I might have called PG&E.]

1:52 p.m. - A caller from the 800 block of East Main Street reported being threatened by her sister if she didn't drop charges against her.

[Family life!]

8:45 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way said his roommates had terminated power to his room and he could not find the landlord. Responding officers learned from one of the roommates that the caller had threatened his life. Officers eventually determined it was a civil issue.

[Sounds more like an uncivil issue.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CII

2008-06-09T15:56:00.000-07:00

4:22 p.m. - A woman called from the 600 block of Brighton Street to report her neighbor told her a woman in a white Ford Explorer was taking pictures of her dogs. The woman in the SUV refused to tell the neighbor what she was doing and left the area. Patrol officers were advised.

[I suspect those people at I Has A Hotdog]

7:58 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported she was punched in the side of the head by a 20- to 30-year-old heavy-set man with bleached blonde hair. The man had been seen sleeping on a bench about 30 minutes before.

[Didn't we read about this last time?]

11:55 a.m. - A large emu was reported running amuck on Freeman Lane. Officers caught the animal.

[More rogue emu as well.]

10:50 a.m. - A business on the 400 block of Idaho-Maryland Road reported finding narcotics in a patrol vehicle they were working on.

[An LAPD level of evidence handling there. Or was that for recreational use?]

2:55 p.m. - A caller from the 16800 block of Kiwi Road reported that someone had tapped into their NID pipe and were stealing all their water.

[Not just some of their water but ALL of their water. I think, in that case, it isn't a tap any more.]

11:33 a.m. - A caller from the business on the 1200 block of Main Street reported counterfeit $5 bills.

[Now that is low budget. It has to cost that much in time, effort, and ink to make a fake bill.]

2:30 p.m. - A caller from the 400 block of Neal Street reported the neighbor's dog had been barking all day. An officer located the dog, which was stuck in a ditch, and freed it. The dog was no longer barking.

[A little bit of effort.]

6:39 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 800 block of Sutton Way reported a man wearing a plaid shirt and white tennis shoes was demanding free items from store employees and he was refusing to leave. Police contacted the 59-year-old man and told him to leave the store.

[Yeah, we've all seen him in the store before.]

10:49 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 700 block of Sutton Way reported two people climbed into the window of a green van. The caller thought the people were trying to steal the van. Police determined one of the people was the owner of the van, which was having mechanical problems.

[Mechanical problems including the keys being locked inside?]

7:19 p.m. - A mother called from the 11000 block of Lower Circle Road to report a person was under the influence of alcohol and mushrooms. The woman requested deputies arrive without a siren. Deputies determined the person was not under the influence of a controlled substance, but had been drinking. The mother would call back if the person continued to cause a disturbance.

[Things are bad enough around here without having you roar up with the sirens blaring.]

8:53 p.m. - A caller from the 19000 block of Victoria Drive reported a very drunk person was attempting to leave the residence. The caller hid the keys, but it appeared the person was trying to hot-wire a white Ford Taurus. A deputy determined the person had gone to sleep for the evening.

[I think that would be more accurately termed "passed out" for the evening.]

12:44 p.m. - A caller from the 17000 block of Lasso Loop reported a drunken woman was passed out on the floor. The woman was being combative. The woman was transported to the hospital.

[It is hard to be on the floor drunk and believably combative at the same time.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Shades of Soylent Green

2008-06-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

I read in the news that the man who designed the packaging for Pringles potato chips passed away. Of course, what really caught my eye was how his ashes were stored:

CINCINNATI - The man who designed the Pringles potato crisp packaging system was so proud of his accomplishment that a portion of his ashes has been buried in one of the iconic cans.

This immediately made me imagine some distant future when some archiologist uncovers his sealed crypt and finds a potato chip can. Taking it back to the lab for analysis, they review the results with horror:

"It's people! Pringles were made out of people! They made their food out of people!"

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CI

2008-05-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

6:38 p.m. - A woman called from the 200 block of Mill Street to report her neighbor's Chihuahua bit her shoe. The woman was told to contact Animal Control.

[What was the damage to the shoe?]

7:53 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Townsend Street to report her husband was not allowing her to leave with their children. It sounded as if the two were fighting, then the line went dead. Police arrested the 33-year-old man on suspicion of destroying or removing a wireless communication device.

[We have stepped into the modern age and beyond merely damaging telephone equipment.]

2:24 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Walsh Street reported a woman was screaming about money. Police contacted a drunk woman inside her home. Police told the woman to stay inside and to keep it down.

[Pipe down lady, we've all got our own troubles.]

8:36 p.m. - A woman called from the 800 block of Freeman Lane to report cars were racing three abreast on Freeman Lane. The woman called back to say a juvenile just vomited in front of her residence. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate the juvenile or drivers.

[Or the vomit?]

7:23 a.m. - A man called from the 23000 block of St. Helena Drive to report his dog brought home what appeared to be a crack pipe. The caller would dispose of the item.

[When animals do drugs....]

8:26 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported hearing a man making "animal like" sounds behind a business. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on suspicion of inhaling chemicals for the purpose of intoxication.

[Like an animal doing drugs.]

8:24 p.m. - CHP officers reported seven loose dogs were running in traffic on Highway 49 at Oak Tree Road. An Animal Control officer responded and was unable to corral the dogs. The dogs were causing an extreme traffic hazard, and the officer was not able to get ahold of Animal Control administration to get permission to kill the dogs. The officer would return the following day after contacting administration.

[Another example of the massive amounts of red tape in the bush.]

5:19 p.m. - A caller said liquidation signs were illegally posted on Sutton Way at Brunswick Road and the caller was tired of looking at them. An officer called the person.

[And could you talk the guy across the street into paint his place a nicer color?]

9:49 a.m. - A caller from a convenience store on the 100 block of Hughes Road reported a sign was stolen earlier in the morning.

[One sign...]

11:41 a.m. - A caller from a gas station on the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a sign was stolen. Police took a report for petty theft.

[Two signs...]

1:21 p.m. - A caller from a gas station on the 1000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a sign was stolen. Police took a report for grand theft.

[Three signs... I am going to guess that each of these places was selling gas that had just gone past $4 a gallon.]

12:29 p.m. - A woman called from the 900 block of East Main Street to report her twin sister assaulted her. Police contacted both women and cited one on suspicion of assault.

[No possibility for confusion in this situation!]

8:22 p.m. - A man called from the 11000 block of Tyler Foote Crossing Road to report his granddaughter vandalized his property and bit his wife. A deputy took a report.

[Kids these days.]

2:44 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Olympia Park Road reported a man known for inhaling paint fumes just tried to buy paint. A patrol officer was advised.

[What do you have to do to become a known inhaler of paint fumes... well, aside from inhale a lot of paint fumes.]

12:45 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a man known for huffing paint fumes was in the store. The man left before police arrived. Police advised the caller to get a restraining order.

[Well, that is the sort of thing you get when you're open all night. I wonder how many other places this guy tried to get paint over the past 10 hours.]

10:52 a.m. - A caller from the 18000 block of Fair Oaks Drive reported activities happening in a residence involving "young males who are wearing the same color clothes." A deputy contacted the caller.

[Activities like what? Team sports?]

7:32 p.m. - A man called from a store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way to report he was urinating behind the business when a man in his 40s came up behind him and scared him. Police checked the area and could not find the man

[Yeah, I was urinating in public when somebody scared me. How does that get called in?]

5:25 p.m. - A caller reported one of his clients with mental health issues was planning to drive a car through a house in Penn Valley with the intention of killing someone. A deputy determined the intended victim did not feel threatened. The person was advised to call 911 if the person came on the property.

[Better put that on speed dial, just in case he is going really fast.]

3:20 p.m. - A male public works employee called from the 400 block of Nimrod Street to report a drunk man was near the playground area at Pioneer Park. The man's pants had fallen down. Police located the 45-year-old man lying in the horseshoe area and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure. It did not appear that the man was intentionally exposing himself, police said.

[And to think that I saw it on Nimrod Street.]

5:13 p.m. - A caller from Frontage Road off McKnight Way reported an emu was in the road. Police chased the emu and cornered it until Animal Control responded and took the emu into custody. It was unknown where the emu was from.

[Australia! The zoo! Harrods!]

12:02 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Argall Way reported a man was behind a business huffing paint. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on suspicion of possessing nitrous oxide.

[Well, it sounds like he finally got some sort of fix.]

7:58 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a man who had been sleeping on a bench hit a female in the head. The female said the man also hit all of her friends in the head. No one wanted to file a complaint.

[I am going to guess that these hits were not big, full wind-up, haymakers then.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. C

2008-05-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

4:44 a.m. - A woman called from the hospital emergency room to report she was being refused treatment. The woman wanted an officer to tell the doctors to give her pain medication. The woman was advised that was not something that could be done.

[Police powers do not extend quite that far.]

2:23 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Westhill Drive reported a man was cutting weeds on her property in violation of a restraining order.

[Me, I would be happy at somebody cutting my weeds, but there is obviously a history here.]

6:57 p.m. - A caller reported a bull was loose on Rough and Ready Highway at Highway 20. The CHP would respond. The bull was corralled.

[Makes a change from the cows in the road.]

6:12 p.m. - A man called from the 16000 block of Oscar Drive saying he thought someone had been inside his residence and canceled his vacation booked online. Nothing else in the residence had been disturbed, he said.

[When travel agents go bad? Or how to cover up the fact that you did not hit the "submit" button?]

10:59 a.m. Sunday A man called from the 10000 block of Pekolee Drive to report neighborhood children had been throwing rocks at his goats. The man posted signs in the neighborhood about it and the children left a vulgar message on his answering machine. A deputy contacted the father of the child who allegedly left the message. The father said he had no knowledge of his son making the call.

[Fun times on Pekolee Drive.]

2:51 a.m. today A woman called from the 24000 block of Ridge Top Court to report a large bear was in her goat pen. A deputy contacted the woman, who said the bear had left.

[With or without some goats?]

11:46 p.m. - A caller reported people were lighting batons on fire in the Commercial Street parking lot. Police advised people not to light things on fire.

[Twirlers gone wild.]

11:56 p.m. - A caller reported people were still lighting things on fire. Police stood by as the people gathered their things and left the area.

[Twirlers sent home.]

9:30 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive reported a person who possibly had mental health issues was ranting about communism.

[Was he ranting for or against?]

2:48 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Cypress Hill Drive reported a person was looking into vehicles in the area. Police contacted the person, who was delivering newspapers.

[There is no reason he might not have a petty theft hobby. All those unlocked cars in Nevada County.]

10:01 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Wolf Road reported he had been drinking and he needed to turn himself in on a local warrant. Deputies arrested the man.

[See what happens when you drink?]

9:09 p.m. - A caller from Bennett Street reported two men were driving around the neighborhood selling meat. An officer was advised.

[More meat salesmen "on the hoof" as it were.]

6:30 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a girl was acting "odd" and she may have been a runaway. A deputy arrested the juvenile on suspicion of truancy.

[Was she supposed to be in class at 6:30pm?]

10:13 a.m. - A caller reported that a man with a backpack was lighting incense and waving it around on Church Street. Police could not find the man.

[Could they tell where he had been by the scent?]

10:42 a.m. - A caller said vandals smeared peanut butter on her property at Pleasant Hill Road and suspects it might be a neighbor.

[Something else that has to have a history. I just want to know where on her property the peanut butter was spread.]

12:47 a.m. - A caller reported that four juveniles wearing white shirts and black shorts and other juveniles wearing black clothing were climbing on walls at a business on Plaza Drive. Police made contact with the juveniles who said they were making a "superhero video." They were told to go home.

[At nearly 1am I hope they were at the 17-year old end of the juvenile spectrum.]

1:37 p.m. - A caller complained about skateboarders at a Combie Road business. The skateboarders were warned and told to leave.

[Skateboarding gets you a yellow card?]

5:25 p.m. - A caller said she left her home after getting into a fight with a male during a children's birthday party at a home on Combie Road.

[When kid's parties turn ugly.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Truncated Headline of the Day

2008-05-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

Confirmed: Ted Kennedy has a brain!

Judging from the associated picture, the news is being greeted with much enthusiasm.

Good of Obama to be there in Ted's moment of triumph.

Nice work there Yahoo!

Chow Mein Quick Meal

2008-05-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

Now with artificial beef! Truly the best of all possible meals.

Read about it here.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVIX

2008-05-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

1:03 a.m. - A man called from the 1000 block of East Main Street and reported a rape, murder and possible cannibalism in Sacramento County. The man said he had taken medication and he did not want officers to respond. The man, who sounded drunk, called back again. Police contacted the man and referred him to Sacramento County authorities.

[Possible cannibalism in Sacramento?! Well, it is the state capital and all.]

10:18 p.m. - A woman called to report she was solicited for donations for the Nevada City Fire Department. A deputy took a report.

[And who are you going to call when the Police Officers Association is looking for donations?]

10:20 a.m. - A woman in the police station lobby was asking for a shower. An officer referred her to Hospitality House.

[Well, if it anything like Fire Station #1 in San Jose, they probably have very nice showering facilities.]

8:56 a.m. - A woman reported her neighbor on the 12000 block of Polaris Drive was stealing water from her NID connection. A deputy took a report for malicious injury to a reservoir.

[Phrase of the day, "malicious injury to a reservoir."]

5:04 p.m. Sunday A man called from Beyers Lane to report his son saw a yellow object fall from the sky. His son thought it might have been a plane, but he wasn’t sure. Deputies would not respond unless there was more information or additional callers. There were no additional reports of a yellow object falling from the sky.

[The deputies are wising up.]

6:42 p.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Ridge Road reported a balding man with a dog was exposing himself in front of students. A deputy took a report and advised the man about trespassing.

[Somehow I do not think that trespassing was the key issue here.]

8:33 a.m. - A woman called from the 13000 block of Ridge Road to report the possible theft of Christmas decorations. She said she saw some reindeer that looked like hers in her neighbor's backyard. A deputy determined the claim was unfounded.

[The neighbors just have the same crappy reindeer that you do. Yet I can picture the woman fretting over the thought that those were HER reindeer.]

8:49 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a man took travel-size containers of vodka. Another caller reported the man was darting in and out of bushes near a school. Deputies arrested the man on suspicion of theft.

[The visual images that some words bring up can never meet the reality. When you tap loudly on their tank, tiny fish will dart. A guy with a few mini-bottles of vodka in him, he does not dart.]

1:57 a.m. - A caller from Main Street reported a man on the ground surrounded by several people standing around him.

[Great moments in redundant phraseology.]

12:07 p.m. - A man called from the 100 block of Conaway Avenue to report he signed a loan agreement with an out-of-state company and he sent them his payment and other charges in advance, but he has not received the initial loan amount. Police took a report.

[Were they based in Nigeria?]

5:52 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Joerschke Drive reported a woman in her late 20s was cutting flowers. The caller said the woman claimed she is the gardener, however, she is not. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the woman.

[Impersination of a gardener.]

12:30 p.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported theft of car keys from an unlocked vehicle. A deputy contacted the caller, who was unsure if the keys were lost or stolen.

[A new low, theft of keys from an unlocked car... unless, of course, they're just lost.]

1:35 p.m. - A man called from the 18000 block of Larsen Road to report his son left home last night without permission, and he had returned. The caller wanted his son cited. A deputy cited the juvenile on suspicion of habitual disobedience or truancy.

[Habitual disobedience is some sort of crime? I have GOT to look into that!]

1:32 p.m. The San Francisco Police Department transferred a call from a woman who told dispatchers she lives in Grass Valley, and she had a gun to her head. The woman hung up before Grass Valley dispatchers could talk to her. It was unknown where the woman lived. Patrol officers were advised of the call.

[She was from Grass Valley, so the SFPD transferred her? But then it seems nobody knew where she actually was at the moment, though if her 911 call was routed to SF, then she probably wasn't in Nevada County.]

11:28 p.m. - Several callers reported seeing strange lights in the sky. Police determined it was lightning.

[Again, no UFOs.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVIII

2008-05-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

1:43 p.m. - A woman from the 200 block of Fairmont Drive reported fraud. A person claiming to be with PG&E left her a message telling her to send a key to her house. An officer contacted the woman and would follow up.

[Just mail us a key, please. I wonder how often that works?]

3:06 p.m. - A caller reported 75 people were coming into town Wednesday for an event at Condon Park that was canceled because to park is closed due to vandalism. The people do not know the park is closed. The event was supposed to be from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. An officer would follow up.

[We're going to need a bigger sign.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller reported hearing a "fully-automatic machine gun" being fired for the last 20 minutes in the Greenhorn Creek area. Deputies admonished people for trespassing.

[No machine guns?]

9:34 a.m. - A woman from Zion Street reported a boyfriend dumped garbage all over the house the previous night, and he keeps mercury in the freezer. The boyfriend ingests the mercury daily because he believes he is a yogi and will save the world from destruction. The caller said there are no weapons in the house. An officer contacted the caller.

[The garbage thing doesn't sound very yogi-esque, unless we're talking Yogi the Bear.]

6:30 p.m. - A woman called from the 12000 block of Burma Road to report her husband's father was at her house yelling at her because his son was in jail for domestic violence. The woman wanted the father-in-law to leave. A deputy separated the two. No crime was committed.
[The Acorns doesn't fall far from the tree and all that I guess.]

9:56 a.m. - A screaming caller from 11300 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported a subject was refusing to let him leave the home with his dog. The caller then refused to answer any questions and hung up.

[What is a dispatcher to do?]

2:21 a.m. - John B. Newton, Jr., of Nevada City, was arrested for driving under the influence and having a concealed dagger. Bail was set at $11,316.

[Not just a knife, but a dagger!]

4:28 a.m. - A caller from the 18700 block of Meadowlark Court reported that when she awoke, she found knives in her couches

[If they had been daggers, I would have pointed her at John B. Newton, Jr.]

12:42 p.m. - A man calling from the 14100 block of Mount Auburn Circle said he woke up about 45 minutes ago with a strange woman in his bed. The caller said he was intoxicated and has no idea how the woman got into his residence. He said he had been drinking for the past day and doesn't exactly now how much he has had to drink. He then stated there were multiple people in the house, including some very strong transsexuals. Responding deputies found nothing and will refer the case to the man's son.

[Very strong transsexuals? Strong in what sense?]

2:31 a.m. - A caller from Francis Drive reported hearing screaming, yelling, banging and possibly even gunfire in the area. Responding officers discovered a juvenile party.

[It was either that or the track meet got a very early start.]

3:45 a.m. - A caller from a Nevada City Highway business reported a man at a business parking lot got out of a vehicle with no pants on, got into the back and put a pair of knit shorts on. The man told responding officers he was unaware anyone was watching him.

[No field sobriety test administered? What, was he a Kennedy?]

11:11 a.m. - Police contacted a 54-year-old man lying in a ditch on East Main Street. Police called an ambulance for the man and took a report for possession of a weapon not immediately recognizable as a firearm.

[A knife is a weapon not immediately recognizable as a gun, but I imagine they meant a firearm of some sort. Did he have some sort of CIA spy weapon?]

8:27 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Brentwood reported that one of her roommate's children threw her cell phone over a fence.

[And what were the police to do? Put the children in time out?]

6:03 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of North School Street reported a squirrel was running around and around in circles for over an hour. The caller was worried the squirrel might be rabid. An Animal Control officer advised police it is breeding season for squirrels, which would explain the behavior.

[Running around in circles never helped me during the breeding season.]

9:39 a.m. - A deputy stopped a vehicle on Highway 49 at John Barleycorn Road and arrested a person on suspicion of possession of a weapon not immediately recognizable as a gun and driving with a suspended license.

[More weapons not immediately recognizable as guns. Is this something new from The sharper Image?]

11:39 a.m. - A woman called to report her truck caught fire in the Pelton Mine parking lot. Two men flagged her down and put the fire out for her. They offered to fix the electrical problem, but told her they would need $500 first. They fixed the problem and told the woman they needed $300 more. An officer would contact the men.

[They must have been general contractors... or Nigerians.]

4:16 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of North Church Street reported that while he tried to work on the property, his tenant threatened him. Police went to the apartment and located a large amount of marijuana. Police took a report. No arrest was made.

[Police took a report? Now we at least know why the tenant was agitated.]

11:46 a.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Colfax Highway reported feces were outside the bathroom door.

[Wouldn't this be something for the janitor?]

1:18 p.m. - Deputies were looking for a man with brown hair and green eyes, driving a green Toyota Rav 4. The man was off his medication and delusional. He believes the devil is coming and there will be a battle for control. The man had been frequenting a business in Roseville, and the employees were afraid his behavior might escalate to violence. The man is known to frequent the Grass Valley area.

[Where he seems to fit right in.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVII

2008-04-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

8:38 a.m. - A caller from South Auburn Street near La Barr Meadows Drive reported a suspicious-looking man was carrying a large gun.

[I think, unless you are in law enforcement, carrying a large gun automatically makes you suspicious.]

11:45 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported a person collecting signatures for a petition was yelling over her while she also collected signatures for a petition, and she felt it was harassment.

[Were they conflicting petitions, or was this some "zero sum" signature paranoia? "Oh no, I'm getting used signatures!"]

5:31 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Stacey Lane to report her neighbors, all young men, were playing loud music and they refused to turn it down. She asked them to clean up the beer bottles in their front yard and they would not. They hung a swastika in their front window facing her home, and when she complained and said it was offensive, one of the men lifted his shirt to expose a swastika tattoo, she said. He said he liked the history of the swastika. An officer contacted the woman.

[Think of these guys when you have problems with your neighbors. Things could be worse.]

12:20 a.m. - Three callers from Race Street reported hearing a fight and a gunshot. Police contacted several people. The activity was shut down for the night and everyone was going home. No arrests were made.

[The "fighting and shooting guns" activity?]

11:07 a.m. - A caller from Tyler Foote Crossing Road reported a large cow was in the roadway.

[A large cow. Not one of those indoor cows that the Hollywood celebs are so fond of these days.]

3:15 p.m. - A deputy contacted an ice cream truck driver on the 11000 block of Highway 174. The deputy was following up on a report Wednesday of loud music.

[Still no answer on the laws covering ice cream truck music though.]

6:24 p.m. - A caller from a motel on the 900 block of Sutton Way reported someone stole gasoline tanks of cars that belonged to guests. No one wanted to file a report.

[Somebody is stealing gasoline tanks of cars!?! gasoline "from" tanks of cars. You'll see a lot more of that as the price of gas rises.]

8:48 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Northstar Place reported neighbors were playing loud music, they had been drinking and they were making inappropriate noises. Police contacted the people who be staying inside.

[We be taking our inappropriate noises indoors!]

10:04 a.m. - A man called from the 100 block of Chester Street to report finding a number of purses and car parts that had been thrown in his yard last night. He believed the items may have been stolen. Police responded and retrieved a hat and two empty zipper pouches.

[Something does not add up.]

2:25 p.m. - a caller from the 22000 block of Queequog Lane reported theft of a doghouse.

[Dog house theft. Things have gotten bad. But cheers for street names that are literary references, even if they are misspelled.]

4:27 p.m. - A caller reported a road rage incident that started on Highway 20 between Penn Valley and Grass Valley. A person driving a blue Honda Matrix followed the caller home. The person in the Matrix left, and the CHP was notified.

[Toyota. Toyota makes the Matrix, not Honda.]

10:14 p.m. - A caller from Pheasant Road reported promiscuous shooting in a back yard. A person denied having firearms and denied shooting.

[Our parents warned us about promiscuous shooting! Plus, when in doubt, deny everything.]

6:35 p.m. - A caller from Gray Oak Drive reported 20 horses were in the roadway. Animal Control would respond in 30 minutes. An Animal Control officer was unable to locate the horses.

[Twenty seems like a lot of horses to miss, even in the tricky glow of twilight.]

2:19 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of North Pine Street to report a man said he would kill any other men the woman dated. She said the man told her he has killed before. Police took a report.

[Again, without context, I picture this guy showing up out of nowhere with this.]

8:52 p.m. - The GVFD responded to a report of a person stuck in the bath tub. Firefighters located the stuck occupant and extricated her from the tub. The woman suffered no injuries.

[No physical injuries. I imagine being stuck in the tub would be a bit humiliating.]

12:37 p.m. - A bus driver reported a man was drinking alcohol in a bus stop shelter on the 700 block of Sutton Way. Police cited a 48-year-old man on suspicion of having an open container of alcohol.

1:46 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of East Main Street reported a man was jumping in and out of traffic and yelling at cars. Police contacted the same 48-year-old man they cited earlier at the bus stop shelter and advised him to move on.

[We haven't seen anybody jumping in and out of traffic for a while... or a multi-part story.]

3:19 p.m. - A caller reported a man was walking on Colfax Avenue holding a baby car seat. Police were unable to locate the man.

[You can't walk around here holding just anything you know!]

6:23 a.m. - A man called from the 100 block of Ruby Ledge Court to report that when he went outside in the morning, he found an extra bag of garbage next to his garbage can. Police determined the bag contained garbage.

[Case solved!]

8:24 a.m. - A man from School Street reported his neighbor was throwing trash into his yard.

[We will believe it is trash when the police determine it to be so!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVI

2008-04-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

4:03 p.m. - A woman called from a parking lot at Sierra College to report two passengers, both with white beards, had been threatening her and taking money from the till.

[Bad Santa... er... Santas.]

5:44 p.m. - A caller from School Street reported a man wearing a baseball hat that said "Police" on it walked into a classroom that the caller was cleaning, then headed down Dalton Street. Police located the man on South Auburn Street and told him not to wear his hat. He headed home.

[No hat for you!]

8:52 a.m. - A caller reported a tall, thin man wearing glasses was at the Sierra College bus stop throwing rocks at cars.

[The Thin Man Lashes Out!]

10:02 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Mooney Flat Road reported a person was causing an argument and throwing cheese in her eye. A man at the house also called. He sounded as if he had been drinking, and he said a woman was throwing cheese all over the house and his wife was acting "nutso." The man said the fight was not physical. A woman said "yes" in the background. A deputy determined the fight was not physical. No arrests were made.

[Cheese related violence is relatively rare outside of France.]

3:09 p.m. - A caller from the 12000 block of Creek View Drive reported a neighbor threw a branch and a rock into the roadway while the caller was driving by, damaging the caller's vehicle. Deputies arrested a person on suspicion of drunken driving.

[Was it the person who called in? That would be ironic.]

1:48 p.m. - A caller reported a person was lying in the dirt by a fence at Veterans Memorial Park. Police checked on the person, who was just enjoying the sun.

[Just catching some rays.]

11:34 p.m. - A caller reported a man wrapped in a blanket was walking very slowly on Kate Hayes Street. The caller thought police should check on him. Police contacted the 19-year-old man, who was fine and was not drunk. He had walked to the store and he was cold, so he used a blanket.

[We are always suspicious of the different.]

1:54 a.m. - A 49-year-old woman at the police station lobby reported running out of gas on the freeway. She requested a ride back to the vehicle, which police provided.

[With some gas in hand I assume. And how did she get to the police station if she needed a ride back?]

8:10 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Marjon Drive reported a man came and out of the bushes and was hitchhiking. The caller said the man "doesn't fit the look of the neighborhood." A deputy took a report.

[You do not meet the minimum requirements to hide in these bushes.]

3:38 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Monte Vista Drive reported multiple fireworks going off near her residence. An officer admonished the people with the fireworks and told them to destroy the remaining fireworks.

[By setting them off?]

1:24 p.m. - A man called from the 16000 block of Ophir Silver Road to report a man ripped five of his trees out of the ground.

[I'd let the police handle a guy who could rip trees out of the ground. Hulk no like digger pines!]

6:41 p.m. - A woman called from the 18000 block of Biladeau Lane to report flip flops were missing from her porch and Vicodin was missing from her house.

[Flip flops? Is there a category below "petty theft?"]

7:02 p.m. - A man called from the 10000 block of Dixon Road to report a woman tore his shirt and punched him in the mouth. A deputy took a report for battery.

[One of the odd things about the blotter is the complete lack of context, so you often picture people doing these things out of the blue, with no reason or provocation.]

5:23 p.m. - A caller from a triplex on the 300 block of First Street reported there was no running water. The owner of the residence said he paid the water bill last week. Public Works was advised, then called police back to say the bill had not been paid.

[And why did he call the police in the first place?]

3:09 p.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Highway 174 reported an ice cream truck was coming to the campus before class let out and the male driver was blasting music. The caller asked the man not to park in the school parking lot. The driver parked across the street and was still disrupting class.

[What is the law regarding the music from ice cream trucks? Are there any regulations?]

3:07 p.m. - A caller from the 700 block of Zion Street reported two uncooperative shoplifters were in custody. Police arrested the juveniles on suspicion of shoplifting and possession of a beverage by a minor.

[We do prefer our shoplifters to be cooperative, ideally so cooperative that they do not bother to steal anything at all. Also, I suppose we can assume it was an alcoholic beverage.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCV

2008-04-15T14:46:00.000-07:00

2:39 p.m. - A man called to report a woman was continuing to stalk him through his Myspace account.

[Crimes of the digital age.]

1:57 p.m. - A woman called from the 22000 block of Trotter Road to report two men came on the property in a blue and white pickup with "Omni Meat and Seafood" painted on it. The caller felt they were suspicious and her brother took a picture of them. One of the men threatened to knock the man out before they left.

[Is meat on wheels as common in other areas? Issues with hostile, roving meat sellers seem to crop up in Nevada County rather often.]

4:07 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Darlene Court reported a neighbor threatened to blow up his house. The two were having a dispute over survey markers and trimming bushes on the property line.

[That seems a little extreme.]

11:34 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Sierra Circle reported a fight with her son. A deputy arrested a person on suspicion of resisting arrest.

[I always wonder how "resisting arrest" can be the only charge.]

11:36 p.m. - A man called from the 16000 block of Lowell Hill Road to report he came home and a neighbor was in his house. The house was "trashed," but nothing was missing.

[Just a messy, intrusive neighbor. Not somebody who would, say, blow up the house.]

9:35 a.m. - A woman from the 600 block of Brighton Street reported she received a call yesterday from a company called "Valley Benefit of America." The person offered a free gas or shopping card in exchange for the woman's personal information. The woman did not give out her information, but requested a log entry.

[Yeah for somebody smart!]

11:11 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Brighton Street reported the theft of a stone elephant sometime in the first half of March. An officer took a report for petty theft.

[Should that be "proboscidea theft?"]

10:55 p.m. - A man called from the 100 block of Northridge Drive to report his sister and her husband got into a fight. The fight was "playful," however there was a knife involved and someone's hand was cut.

[But it was playful... so they called the police.]

1:49 p.m. - A woman called from the 200 block of Sutton Way to report a man was demanding money for a car accident involving her son. The man said that if he didn't receive the money, he was going to beat up her son.

[I think I've dealt with that insurance company before.]

1:53 p.m. - A man called to report a man wanted for parole violations was at the hospital getting his hand sewn up. The man said he wanted the man picked by police and out of his daughter's life. Police went to the hospital emergency room and arrested a 46-year-old man for warrants and on suspicion of violation of parole and resisting arrest.

[Nothing special, except the added bit about getting the man "out of his daughter's life." I'm not sure the police have that much power, unless the daughter cooperates.]

10:58 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Newtown Road reported a man was going door to door asking for used batteries. The man was driving a gray truck with Idaho plates. The man said he was going to the North San Juan area.

[Used batteries? What would he do with them?]

1:15 p.m. - A caller from the 17000 block of Highway 49 reported a man in a gray truck was asking for used batteries for a diabetes foundation. The man was headed toward the river. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[Okay, what would the diabetes foundation do with them?]

4:33 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Newtown Road reported a man in a truck was asking for batteries. A deputy interviewed the man in the truck, released him and took a report.

[The deputy appeared to be satisfied that this battery person was on the level.]

5:41 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Flying T Road reported a ham radio operator was making threats to shoot other ham radio operators in Contra Costa County. The operator sounded drunk, and he was also threatening to shoot himself.

[See, this sort of thing didn't start with MySpace. We just didn't care about it until then.]

10:13 a.m. - Animal Control reported receiving numerous calls about a dog with a homeless person at Calanan Park. Many people were concerned about the dog. Animal Control determined the dog is old and has cancer.

[There is a homeless person, but everybody is worried about the dog.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCIV

2008-04-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

10:44 p.m. A woman from Dolores Drive called the Grass Valley Police Department, saying she was afraid someone was going to "rob" the residence. An anonymous man called to report it appeared a woman was being held against her will in the back seat of a vehicle with a suspect. A search was conducted with negative results.

[Nobody with intent to "rob" and nobody being held against their will. Negative.]

6:40 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Cedar Ridge Drive reported a person out in the yard, screaming and causing a ruckus.

[I just want to know when a "ruckus" becomes a "disturbance."]

9:08 a.m. - A woman called to report a residence she is taking care of on the 400 block of Washington Street was burglarized.

[That's going to be awkward when the owner's return. Burglary has to rank up there with having a pet you are watching for somebody die.]

9:21 a.m. - A woman called from Dog Bar Road to report someone shot an arrow into a tree next to her daughter, who was outside burning debris. The woman told a deputy she did not see the arrow shot into the tree. She just noticed it was there.

[It could have been there for weeks.]

3:35 p.m. Monday Several callers from apartments on the 200 block of Sutton Way reported a woman threw a television over a railing. Police contacted the people and all was fine.

[It is hard to imagine how people could be mistaken about that sort of thing, but then it was April 1st.]

8:50 a.m. - A caller from Condon Park reported a possible peeping Tom. The man had a hood over his head and was crouching under a bush looking toward apartments with binoculars. Police contacted the man, who said he was watching wildlife in the park.

[Still, it is hard not to turn and look at anything interesting that might happen in the apartments.]

10:44 a.m. - A woman at the front counter reported someone sent a gun in the mail to her home on the 13000 block of Laurel Hill Loop. She turned the gun in to the sheriff's office for destruction.

[Guns in the mail. I thought we stopped that in the 60s.]

12:34 a.m. - A man called from the 15000 block of Bitney Springs Road to report a man knocked on his door and was screaming on his front porch. The man was wearing a brown sweater and one leather glove. The man drove away.

[Michael? Does Michael Jackson still wear just one glove?]

10:42 a.m. - People who appeared to be selling T-shirts on the corner of East Main Street and South Auburn Street said they had a permit, but research at city hall did not result in any permits. The people needed a business license and an encroachment permit to sell shirts. Police contacted the people and they said they were not selling. They were displaying the shirts, and they did have a permit.

[There is a fine line between "displaying" and "selling" I guess.]

3:40 p.m. - A caller reported a juvenile was walking "strangely" on Mill Street at Bank Street. Police were unable to locate the juvenile.

[I like that even the police put the word "strangely" in quotes, as if to distance themselves from it.]

2:40 p.m. - A caller from the 18000 block of Scotts Flat Road reported a family member stole a bulldozer. Police determined the issue was not criminal.

[Bulldozer related family disturbances. You don't get that in the big city.]

4:51 p.m. - A woman called from Condon Park to report a woman was lighting wood on fire at the park. After someone asked the woman what she was doing, she threw ignited wood in the creek. She then drove toward the disc golf area in a red Subaru. Police located the woman and advised her to stay out of the park for the day.

[Banned from the park... for the rest of the day. Not a very stern measure at nearly five in the afternoon.]

6:40 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Neal Street reported a man was lighting paper on fire. Police told the man to move on and advised him of the dangers of playing with fire.

[More fire. And he didn't even get banned from something.]
Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCIII

2008-03-31T12:38:00.000-07:00

1:34 a.m. - A woman called from the 18000 block of Biladeau Lane to report being threatened and harassed by her mother over religious issues.

[No doubt mom was indicating where she thought her daughter would end up given her current behavior.]

11:08 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 24100 block of Dark Horse Drive reported all the beer had been stolen.

[Not just "beer," but "all the beer!" A sad day for somebody.]

4 p.m. - A caller from the 17900 block of Highway 49 said someone opened her locked door with a butter knife while she was away.

[There is something about "butter knife" that makes this all the more humiliating.]

10:04 a.m. - A caller from the 12000 block of Lakeshore Drive reported two ceramic pieces were stolen from her home.

[Garden gnome theft?]

7:52 a.m. - A caller from King Court reported a neighbor's house was flooding, and water was coming out of it.

[The mental image is probably better than the reality. I wonder if it was a burst water bed?]

9:12 a.m. - A caller from a parking lot on the 700 block of Freeman Lane reported a man punched his silver Buick, denting it, and then drove away.

[Ouch? Aren't those made out of steel or something? They used to be when I was a kid.]

1:13 a.m. - Officers arrested a 33-year-old man on the 15000 block of Tyler Foote Road on suspicion of threatening a crime, willfully following and harassing another person, possessing certain weapons, carrying a concealed dagger, evading a peace officer while operating a vehicle and driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

[Just another fun Saturday night!]

3:08 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 of Bragg Avenue reported finding a Bowie knife in some bushes. The caller didn't know who owns the knife.

[That is a pretty sizable find. A real Bowie knife is not generally a small item.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCII

2008-03-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

5:10 p.m. - A caller reported hearing about a dozen gun shots coming from the area of Nevada Union High School on Ridge Road. Police arrived to find a track meet in progress. The shots may have been fired to start the races.

[Damn starter's gun!]

8:27 a.m. - A woman called from the 500 block of Silva Avenue to report finding three ant traps on her upper deck, which were not there the day before. The woman believed someone used a ladder to do it. The upper deck is only accessible from the outside by ladder.

[The ant trapper strikes again!]

11:54 a.m. - A woman called from the 200 block of Boulder Street to report several art pieces were missing from an unoccupied residence. The last time the woman saw the art pieces was in 2000. Police would take a report.

[So, somewhere in the last eight years or so...]

7:14 a.m. - A caller from a radio station on the 1000 block of East Main Street reported receiving threats from a man who was upset with the station's reporting. The man seemed to become more irate each time he called.

[I wonder what reporting set him off? The weather? The sports? Traffic?]

10:30 a.m. - A caller from a school on South Auburn Street reported the theft of andy.

[I can only imagine that andy's parents are distraught.]

3:41 p.m. - A caller reported a vehicle was going the wrong way on Highway 49 between Gold Flat Road and Grass valley City limits. A CHP officer stopped the vehicle and everything was fine.

[Fine, aside from going the wrong way on Highway 49.]

11:56 a.m. - A caller reported two juvenile males were walking through an empty lot at Leduc Street and Whiting Street. One was carrying a bat, and the other was carrying a saw.

[And they were going to walk into a bar to kick off a joke.]

11:19 p.m. - A man called from the 300 block of Bennett Street to report he needed to be taken to jail because he was violating the terms of his probation by drinking alcohol. Police arrested the 35-year-old man on suspicion of violation of probation.

[Ask and you shall receive?]

1:51 p.m. - A man called from the 11000 block of Honey Mushroom Lane to report a person shot at him today. He said he would purchase a gun, then he hung up the phone. A man called to report the first caller threw a rock at his vehicle. None of the callers wanted contact from law enforcement.

[It is times like this that the waiting period for a gun seems like a good idea.]

6:24 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Tippy Way reported two men in a red and silver lifted truck hit a mailbox with a baseball bat.

[Mailbox Polo!]

8:06 a.m. - A caller from a school on the 400 block of Searls Avenue reported daffodils were vandalized.

[Crime against flowers.]

9:08 p.m. - A caller from the 400 block of South Auburn Street reported a man in his 30s, wearing a St. Patrick's Day hat, was yelling at passing cars. Police contacted the 36-year-old man, who had been drinking. They did not arrest him.

[Drunk people on St. Patrick's Day?]

2:43 p.m. - A caller reported losing teeth in Fairfield.

[Fairfield is that sort of town.]

10:31 p.m. Tuesday A caller from the 300 block of Spring Street reported a man wearing a red shirt and carrying a banjo was banging on a window. Police were unable to locate the man.

[Banjo related crimes!]

5:30 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East McKnight Way reported that a man in a blue Geo with gray primer on the fenders was throwing rocks at cars.

[Throwing rocks as "real" cars.]

9:52 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 13000 block of Ridge Road reported a blue van had been parked across the street since 7 a.m. A deputy contacted a person in the van, who was a private investigator watching a house. The private investigator would call the sheriff's office next time.

[Nice work there, Mannix.]

4:35 p.m. - A man called from the 19000 block of Legacy Lane to report Internet fraud. He placed an order online and he did not receive the merchandise. A deputy advised the man to get an attorney.

[An attorney? If he wants to spend more money. How about the credit card company?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Meet in the Middle

2008-03-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

Somebody is working on a web application called Mezzoman that lets you to put in two locations for which it finds the midpoint and will then suggest a meeting place based on an additional criteria you can enter, such as coffee, Japanese food, or movie theater.

It basically uses Google to pick a mid-point meeting place for two people.

The comedy comes in when you start getting further apart geographically.

Finding a Greek place between San Jose and Palo Alto predictably puts up a couple of locations in Sunnyvale and Santa Clara.

Changing that to San Jose, CA and Orlando, FL puts the mid-point choice in Wellington, Texas. Perhaps not my first choice of locations.

Still, it is a nifty little application. I could see using it to pick spots for a mid-day meal on a road trip, though I would want a feature that would let me stick within, say, two miles of the interstate highway.

For example, picking a place between San Jose and Carlsbad, CA, I am unlikely to drive miles off of Highway 5 just for pizza.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCI

2008-03-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

7:42 a.m. - A caller reported a boy was skateboarding down the middle of Hughes Road.

[See, it is a crime.]

6:42 p.m. - A woman called from Gold Flat Road at Zion Street to report she hit a gate at a church, and she could not move her car because it was impaled on the gate. An officer responded, determined there was no damage to the gate, and would remain at the church until the woman's husband arrived to help with the car.

[There is something old testament about a car impaled on a gate at a church.]

9:08 a.m. - A caller from the 17000 block of Highway 20 reported being blackmailed by a county department.

[The county department of extortion?]

10:34 a.m. - A woman called from the 18000 block of Biladeau Lane to report her medications were stolen and that it is possible they were stolen while she was visiting a friend at a motel in Grass Valley. She said her dog also was hit this morning, and the driver took off.

[What's the police code for a country western song in progress?]

7:06 p.m. - A caller from Colfax Avenue reported being hit in the face with a beer can thrown from a vehicle. The victim declined to file a report.

[I hope it was an empty]

8:42 a.m. - A caller from the 22000 block of East Hacienda Drive reported stuffed bears were burned and gas cans were nearby.

[That what happens when you don't pay the county department of extortion.]

9:44 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Wheeler Acres Road reported an auto burglary.

9:53 a.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported the theft of a gate opener.

1:01 p.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Wheeler Acres Road reported a theft from an unlocked vehicle.

1:07 p.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Wheeler Acres Road reported a theft from an unlocked residence.

2:06 p.m. - A caller from the 16000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported the theft of a gate opener.

[Crime spree... I wonder if there is something interesting you can do with these gate openers?]

12:01 a.m. - A caller reported a man on East Main Street was walking in the roadway, shouting and scaring people. Police contacted the man, who was fine.

[He was just shouting and scaring people. That's his thing.]

11:18 a.m. - A man called from Benedict Canyon in the Greenhorn Creek area to report numerous motorcycles were going around his gate. He said he would go out with a bat and a gun to take care of the problem. Deputies contacted the caller and located several people, but they didn't match the description of the people going around his gate.

[I'll get go out with a bat and a gun and take care of the problem. Why even call the police then?]

11:24 a.m. A man called from the 700 block of Zion Street to report his vehicle was stolen. Police determined the vehicle was repossessed.

[Oh, yeah... the car payment.]

6:29 p.m. - A caller reported eight juveniles were drinking at the end of Maryland Drive for more than an hour. One of the occupants was outside the car when officers arrived. Officers advised the person to pour out what was left of the alcohol and clean up the mess. There was no underage drinking.

[Pour out that beer! Now clean up that mess you just made!]

2:38 p.m. Tuesday A man called from Gautier Drive to report a 12-year-old boy shot a BB gun toward her residence. A deputy determined the event was about some chickens roaming in the neighborhood. Animal Control was notified.

[So was there a shooter or not?]

2:50 p.m. Tuesday A woman called from the 15000 block of Thornberry Way to report her husband just sped off with the cat and was driving recklessly. The CHP was notified.

[He's taken the cat and there is no telling what he'll do!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Amazon.com as Creative Muse

2008-03-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

One of the great things about Amazon.com product reviews is that the right product can both bring forth the creative spark and act as an an emotional outlet for people.

I hold up, as an example, the reviews for the Playmobile Security Checkpoint.

Check them out.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XC

2008-03-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

7:56 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported a woman with a mullet hair style, a tattoo across her chest and large hoop earrings was refusing to leave. Police contacted the 26-year-old woman, advised her to leave, and she did.

[Is it still a mullet if it is a woman's hair? Wikipedia suggests the term "Fem-Mullet."]

8:45 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 200 block of West Main Street reported a large woman with a mullet and a tattoo across her chest committed vandalism. A bartender was holding her outside until police arrived. Officers arrested the 26-year-old woman on suspicion of vandalism, resisting arrest and public drunkenness.

[I think she must be taking the "party in the back" part too seriously.]

9:30 a.m. - A caller from downtown reported a man with no shoes yelling inappropriate things. Another caller reported the man was "doing cartwheels" in front of a business.

[And he has no shoes.]

5:53 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Chisum Trail reported a neighbor threatened to plant oleanders along the fence and to poison the caller's horses, if the caller didn't move a pasture gate.

[Is threatening to plant oleanders really a threat?]

7:56 p.m. - A caller from Allison Ranch Road reported seeing several unknown white lights in varying patterns in the sky over Grass Valley and Nevada City. The lights were later determined to be revolving spotlights.

[No UFO report this week.]

4:18 - A person made a report in the lobby of a stolen cell phone.

[It has been a while since I have seen a cell phone big enough to have its own lobby.]

9:30 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Alta Sierra Drive reported receiving annoying phone calls from a man she sold a puppy to last week.

[Was the puppy misrepresented as house broken?]

6:07 p.m. - A woman in the police station lobby reported her neighbor on Juan Way was terrorizing her. The neighbor shot a "wrist rocket" into the woman's windshield, damaging it. The "terrorism" was an ongoing issue. Police contacted the woman and determined there was no crime.

[Homeland Security can stand down.]

1 p.m. - A man called from the 14000 block of Pilot Peak Lane to report a person who was using the caller's easement to see his neighbor. The caller wanted to file indecent exposure charges against a woman.

[The weather still seems a bit chilly to start exposing ones self, indecently or otherwise.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXIX

2008-02-29T13:23:00.000-08:00

9:54 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of East Main Street reported workers found a knife with blood on it and a sweater. Police collected the items and determined there was no crime.

[The Hardy boys were sent on their way.]

5:18 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 900 block of Plaza Drive reported a patio light was broken by someone who threw a boulder. Police took a report for vandalism.

[Hulk no like outdoor lighting!]

4:24 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Warbler Way reported a burglary in progress. Deputies cited two juveniles on suspicion of burglary and released them to their parents.

[What is this, "Boys will be boys?"]

12:41 p.m. - A woman called from the 13000 block of Meda Drive to report a person violated a restraining order by calling 30 times in the last hour and threatening to kill her and cut her car's brake lines. A deputy called the woman, who said she did not consider the threats credible. However, the person called the woman 29 times while the deputy was on the phone with the woman. The deputy took a report.

[I think persistence raises the credibility of the threat. I'd love to see this guy explain calling 30 times in front of a jury.]

11:55 p.m. - A caller from Broad Street reported a person was swinging a steel bar and hitting meters and light poles. Police arrested the person.

[Hulk no like metered parking!]

3:33 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Boulder Street reported a suspicious-looking man was dancing in the street and undressing. Police determined there was no crime. The man was moving on.

[No crime in happiness I guess.]

8:33 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 300 block of Sacramento Street reported a suspicious-looking man was sucking on gas nozzles and scaring customers and employees. He was wearing white-and-black polka dot pajamas. Police arrested the man on suspicion of trespassing and booked him into jail. The jail would not accept the man, and he was released to the custody of Behavioral Health Services for an evaluation at the hospital emergency room.

[Just another day in Nevada County.]

9:37 p.m. - Officers arrested a 27-year-old man on suspicion of falsity and being drunk in public on the 300 block of West Main Street and booked him into Nevada County jail.

[I just like the word "falisty." A good Scrabble word, that.]

6:26 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Rough and Ready Highway to report her son was calling from jail in Nevada City and making threats. A deputy advised the woman of the restraining order process.

[Okay, I get that the police cannot be, well, policing us every moment, but still. This guy is in jail already. Isn't there something they can do about inmates making threatening calls?]
12:08 a.m. - Officers contacted two employees of a business on the 1800 block of East Main Street who were fighting over a quarter on the ground.

[Worst team building exercise ever.]

2:38 p.m. - A caller reported suspicious activity at a bus stop on Highway 49 at Norambagua Way. A man with short hair and mustache in a dark, four-door sedan was calling to several girls who got off the bus. When the girls left, the man drove away. A second caller reported the same thing; however, a green pickup truck was involved. A third caller reported the vehicle involved was a green Chevrolet Suburban. A deputy would interview all witnesses and take a report.

[Sedan? Pickup? SUV? You can see why eye witness evidence is so unconvincing in court.]

8:23 a.m. - A caller requested police check on a woman who lives in an upstairs unit on the 500 block of Broad Street. The woman is bi-polar and paranoid, and she had a loaded firearm in the house. She also had a history of public drunkenness. The woman told the caller she kept the firearm as protection against "the FBI and other agencies." Police checked on the woman, and she was fine.

[Belonging to one of those "other agencies," I am sure the police were happy to go check this out.]

8:14 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported a man was kicking the doors of City Hall. The man was wearing a camouflage jacket. Police contacted the man, who was moving on.

[You can't fight city hall... you can't even kick city hall.]

8:56 p.m. - A woman called from the 15000 block of Stagecoach Way to report someone went into her kitchen, removed items from the refrigerator and set them on the counter.

[Did they corresponded exactly with what she was planning for dinner?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXVIII

2008-02-26T13:24:00.000-08:00

3:40 p.m. - A woman called from the 500 block of Fawcett Street to report she recognized a dead cat on Highway 49 as one of her neighbors' cats, which had been missing for several months. She said a man in the neighborhood had pointed at a kitten "as if his hand was a ".45 Magnum" and the kitten didn't move. In addition, two jade plants were taken from her house about five months after she moved in. She wanted officers to take DNA from dead jade plants for further investigation. Also, someone had taken some of her newly sprouted trees while cleaning up after the last storm. An officer contacted the woman.

[No doubt to expedite getting that jade plant DNA to the FBI lab.]

8:11 p.m. - A man called 911 from the 14000 block of Highway 49 to report a possible heart attack. Paramedics responded, and requested deputies respond to explain proper usage of 911 to the man. He said he wanted to reach his girlfriend at the hospital and he thought he could get through easier by calling 911.

[Everybody's personal crisis seems more important than mere rules or logic.]

5:10 p.m. - A caller reported a man pulled up to Condon Park in a silver Honda Prelude, got out, looked at a small plastic bag containing white powder, then got into a green Toyota 4-Runner and left. A patrol officer was advised.

[Suspicious indeed.]

6:59 a.m. - Deputies followed two dirt bikes on Highway 174. Officers pursued the bikes, which were going at a high rate of speed and crossing double-yellow lines. The bikes crossed the county line and deputies ended the chase due to safety concerns.

[Or apathy reasons... or the whole "somebody else's problem" idea....]

9:58 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 300 block of Sacramento Street reported a person wearing a striped blue shirt and a black hat stole a cheeseburger. A deputy arrested the woman on suspicion of petty theft with a prior conviction for theft.

[I can stealz cheeseburger?]

9:05 p.m. - A deputy was following two dirt bikes that had outrun deputies in Cedar Ridge Monday. One bike was purple, and one was red. They were going 50 miles per hour on Highway 174 toward Cedar Ridge. The riders were driving recklessly and crossing the double yellow lines. Another deputy joined in the chase, but both deputies abandoned the chase at the Placer County line. Dispatcher advised Placer County law enforcement to be on the lookout for the dirt bikes.

[See, somebody else's problem. The SEP field works.]

10:36 p.m. - Police arrested a 20-year-old man on South Auburn Street at Winchester Street on a local warrant. The man asked for police to drop off his personal bag to a 43-year-old man at a motel up the street. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on a local warrant.

[With friends like that....]

10:53 a.m. - A man from the 200 block of Horizon Circle reported he left his keys in the ignition with the motor running while delivering a package to a residence. When he returned, the vehicle was gone.

[Go figure.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXVII

2008-02-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

10:43 a.m. - A caller from Rough and Ready Highway near Bitney Springs Road reported sheep were in the roadway. The CHP was notified.

[The sheep have gotten loose!]

12:08 p.m. - A caller from Highway 49 between Combie Road and Lime Kiln Road reported a cow was near the roadway. The CHP was notified.

[I wonder if they were meeting up with the sheep?]

11:42 p.m. - Police stopped a red truck in a parking lot on the 100 block of West McKnight Way. The driver had been drinking but did not qualify for a DUI arrest. The person would get a ride home.

[I suppose if you have to be under-qualified for something, a DUI arrest would be high on the list.]

4:08 p.m. - An elderly woman from the 13000 block of Naomi Way requested extra patrols after a woman entered her home and tried to sell her books, then refused to leave.

[This is an unsuccessful encyclopedia salesman.]

4:48 a.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of McCourtney Road reported goats in the road.

[Because after the cows and the sheep got away with it, why not the goats?]

8:54 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Horizon Circle reported an agitated resident banging his head against the wall.

10:53 a.m. - A 911 caller from Nevada City Highway reported an unresponsive person lying on the ground at the bus stop.

11:03 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Sutton Way requested a welfare check for a woman who sounded as if she were overmedicated.

[Just a strange morning all over Grass Valley.]

6:32 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Main Street reported a young man, approximately 6-feet-2-inches tall, with blond hair, wearing a black zip-up sweater and carrying a football, was harassing female customers. He was removed from the business but continued to stick his head in and harass the people inside. Police contacted the man, who would be on his way.

7:15 p.m. - A caller from the same business on Mill Street reported the blond man still was causing a disturbance outside. Police advised the man not to return or he would face trespassing charges.

Shortly after the previous call, a caller from a business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported the blond man was in front of the business. Police arrested the 24-year-old man on suspicion of trespassing, possession of less then an ounce of marijuana and public drunkenness.

[Nice to see the police following up on their statements.]

5:52 p.m. - A man called from the 14000 block of Pasquale Road to report dredge parts were stolen from his garage. He bought the equipment at a store in Auburn, and the store owner later called to say he had not charged the caller enough and he wanted more money. The caller refused, and the store owner went to the caller's residence while he was not home and took the equipment back. A deputy took a report for burglary.

[It isn't like the police won't know where to find the store owner.]

7:12 p.m. - A caller from Bitney Springs Road reported a black cow was in the roadway.

[Another one...]

1:46 a.m. - A woman called from Plaza Drive at Sutton Way to report a man flagged her down and said he heard a woman scream in the wooded area. The man said he asked the woman if she needed help and she screamed, "Help me." Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate the woman in distress.

3:32 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of West Empire Street reported a person was lying on the ground wrapped in a blanket and yelling, "Help me." Police arrested the 58-year-old woman for an out-of-county warrant.

[Probably not the sort of help she was looking for.]

Between 4:37 p.m. and 5:38 p.m., police received calls from five different locations in downtown Grass Valley reporting a blond man in his 20s was harassing people and causing a disturbance. Police contacted the man at a store on the 100 block of Neal Street, and he said he would be leaving Grass Valley for the day.

[Return of the blond man!]

6:09 p.m. - A caller from a bar on Main Street reported a blond man who had been told to leave earlier was back inside the building. Police arrested the 24-year-old man on suspicion of trespassing and booked him into jail.

[Return of the blond man, to jail!]

10:08 a.m. - A woman called from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway to report her neighbor stole her cat and it was an ongoing issue.

[Stealing a cat implies that you can actually own a cat, rather that the cat just deciding to live where you do.]

3:11 p.m. - A man called from the 24000 block of Lowell Hill Road to report people were shooting onto his property from Red Dog Road, right next to signs that state "no shooting." The shooting later stopped and the caller no longer needed a deputy to respond.

[Contrarians in town. Probably parked in a "No Parking" zone as well.]

5:15 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported a man in front of City Hall was annoying workers and saying "I'd do anything to go to jail tonight." Police advised the man he couldn't go to jail unless he commits a crime.

[You would think that this would be an easy situation to rectify.]

12:43 - A woman called from the 100 block of Boulder Street to report she was assaulted by a bartender on the 300 block of Broad Street. Police took a report and told the woman to call back when she is sober. The woman continued to call 911 repeatedly to demand that police respond. The dispatcher informed the woman that she could be arrested for making harassing phone calls.

1:13 a.m. - Police arrested a woman on the 100 block of Boulder Street on suspicion of making harassing phone calls.

[The police come through again!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Osteen/Short?

2008-02-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

I saw this ad on the web and could not help thinking how much Joel Osteen looks like a Martin Short character.

At least in this picture.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXVI

2008-02-06T10:25:00.000-08:00

12:54 a.m. - A caller from Colfax Avenue reported seeing something on fire. There "fire" was steam coming off the pool at Veterans Memorial Park.

[Where there is smoke, there may be fire, but where there is steam.... On the other hand, I bet somebody on the scene started at least humming, "Smoke on the Water."]

11:42 a.m. - a caller reported juveniles were building snowmen on Ridge Road near Zion Street. An officer was unable to locate the juveniles

[They might be created an army to enslave us all!]

12:49 p.m. - A caller from Valley View Drive at Banner Lava Cap Road reported a bald man in his 20s was grabbing at vehicles. Police were unable to locate the man.

[Vehicular harassment?]

9:05 a.m. - A caller from a business the 12000 block of Highway 49 reported a man wearing a white camouflage winter outfit walked into the business and started a fight. He then went across the street to a concrete pumping station and told people he needed help getting his truck back. The man returned to the business and stole the owner's dog. The owner was chasing after the man. Police arrested the man on suspicion of grand theft and making threats.

[He was on a roll there.]

9:34 a.m. - A woman called from the 16000 block of Greenhorn Road to report another woman attacked her and was making false statements about her behavior. The fight between roommates was about a note left regarding a phone call. There was a gun located above the refrigerator. The caller said she would go to her room and wait for deputies to respond. A deputy took a report for battery.

[A phone message started it all.]

1:31 p.m. - A man called from the 17000 block of Jackass Flats Road to report the landlady was pounding on his door and yelling at him. A deputy contacted the man and the landlady and told the landlady she cannot turn off the power or gas again or she would be subject to arrest.

[Why do I picture the landlady in her bathrobe, hair up in curlers, screeching at this guy through the door?]

2:46 p.m. - A man called from the 17000 block of Jackass Flats Road to report the landlady turned off his power again at was at his door screaming. A deputy arrived and would stay in the area until the landlady's husband returned.

[But why wasn't she arrested?]

10:31 a.m. - A 38-year-old man from Kendall Street reported he was assaulted by seven family members and another man with a baseball bat six days ago. The combat was mutual and the man only wanted a log entry of the incident.

[And alcohol was involved, no doubt.]

10:30 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Bank Street reported two people went into a hotel, took some complimentary breakfast and were drinking under an overpass. Police advised the men not to return to the business.

[When we said "complimentary," we didn't mean for just anybody.]

11:01 p.m. - A caller from a bar on Mill Street reported a drunken man was leaving the bar and was headed to another one. Police arrested the 54-year-old man for a local warrant.

[An odd reason to call, but I guess there might have other reasons.]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from a home on the 300 block of Nile Street reported an unwanted male was on the front porch. Police contacted the caller, and the man was gone when they arrived.

["An unwanted male?" I thought for a moment that somebody left a puppy on the porch.]

4:59 p.m. - A man called from the 1000 block of East Main Street to report an assault the day before. He said someone threw a snowball at him, but he did not know who did it.

[The snow related crime-spree spreads! Snowmen! Snowballs! Where will it end?]

6:43 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Main Street reported a man with a beard was masturbating. Police arrested the 58-year-old man on suspicion of indecent exposure, public drunkenness and violating probation.

[Aside from the probation reference, which means this probably wasn't his first time waving his willy for all to see, do I have to point out the fact that it is snowing in Nevada County? This must have been a very chilly experience for him as well.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXV

2008-01-31T11:42:00.000-08:00

9:37 p.m. - A woman called from a business on Dorsey Drive to report a man was masturbating as she drove up to clean the business. He continued to have his hands in his pants and was playing with himself. Police determined the woman did not actually see the 21-year-old man playing with himself. She said his hands were in his pants while he was sitting down and she believed he was acting inappropriately. No arrest was made.

[There is a fine line between slacking off and jacking off it would seem.]

2:35 a.m. - A man called from the 15000 block of Beeman Lane to report his wife was missing and a 5-year-old girl he didn't know was sleeping in his chair. Officers determined the caller had been drinking. There was no little girl at the residence. The man would wait a while until possibly filing a missing-persons report for his wife. She was not at the hospital. Deputies checked the area and were unable to locate her.

[Presumably the man would wait until he sobered up to file the papers, at which point he might actually remember where his wife went.]

8:29 a.m. - A man from the 800 block of Old Tunnel Road reported a man fraudulently took his blue 1990 Ford Taurus. The caller said the man gave him a $3,100 certificate of deposit in exchange for the car, and the bank told the caller the CD was fake. Police contacted the caller and looked at the bank statement, which showed the caller received proper funds. There was no crime.

[The perils of complex financial transactions.]

8:15 p.m. - A woman from the 16000 block of Bush Road reported three men in a moving van were stuck in the mud on her property. The men were acting suspiciously and would not get out of the vehicle. A deputy responded and called a tow truck to get the van out of the mud. The tow truck driver called back later to report the landowner was shooting a firearm in the air and telling him not to move another inch. A deputy returned and took a report.

[Well, given the land owners later behavior, I think the men in the van were probably wise to stay in the vehicle.]

9:50 a.m. - A woman called to report she left her cell phone at a business on the 200 block of South Church Street, and it was stolen by an unknown man. She said the man was harassing her by charging things to her telephone and posting her pictures on the Internet. Police took a report for petty theft.

[You would think that this would make the person easy to track down.]

11:28 a.m. – A woman called from the 10000 block of Lime Kiln Road to report her dog locked himself inside her vehicle with the keys inside. A dispatcher advised the woman to call a tow company for assistance.

[But the dog will change all my radio station pre-sets!]

12:11 p.m. A caller from the 400 block of Jordan Street reported hearing a creaking sound, possibly a cupboard opening or a chair. Police contacted the caller and all was fine.

[They checked under the bed as well, and everything was okay.]

9:26 a.m. - A caller from a business on Nevada City Highway reported a man wearing a poncho, blue jeans and carrying a blue bag, possibly in his 50s and traveling with a dog, was on a street corner making gestures to people. Police made contact with the man and determined he was not drunk.

[Glad to see somebody is fighting the trend towards drunkenness in the morning. And the caller did not say they were rude gestures, just gestures. He could have been giving everybody two thumbs up.]

4:34 a.m. - An officer investigated possible vandalism of a 1969 Dodge truck on Butler Street and found what appeared to be Silly String.

[I did not know they still sold Silly String. Now, was this the real deal, or just some toxic knock off, made in China?]

11:51 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported an individual dancing like a robot in a parking lot. Police were unable to locate the dancer.

[The Shields and Yarnell amendment to the 1995 Omnibus Budget act specifically prohibits this sort of thing.]

6:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported five to six juveniles were snowboarding. Police were unable to locate the snowboarders.

[Oh no! Snowboards!]

9:49 a.m. - A caller from Ridge Road reported a county bus spun out and was blocking the roadway. The CHP was "aware of the mess."

[They did not mention when somebody would be "cleaning up the mess" however.]

4:42 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Lincoln Way reported a residence was burglarized sometime during the day. No weapons were taken. A deputy took a report.

[But now we all know which house on Lincoln Way has a cache of weapons.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Behind Every Successful Pirate?

2008-01-23T13:41:00.000-08:00

Wikipedia's article of the day today was about Stede Bonnet, a pirate. I was struck by the opening lines of the entry:

Stede Bonnet was an early 18th-century Barbadian pirate, sometimes called "the gentleman pirate". Because of marital problems, and despite his lack of sailing experience, Bonnet decided to turn to piracy in the summer of 1717.

I am almost jealous of him and his time. His marriage wasn't working out so he decided to become a pirate!

I have not sat down and considered what drove men to become pirates, but if I had, a lack of wedded bliss probably would not have sprung to mind.

Furthermore, even though he was a complete amateur, he went out, bought a boat, hired a crew, and set sail for a life of piracy. He was probably thinking, "I'll show her!" the whole time too.

You have to admire that sort of "can do" spirit as well as the motivation a bad marriage can provide.

Of course, he was caught and hung in 1718, but not before he had a pretty good run as a pirate.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXIV

2008-01-21T13:09:00.000-08:00

10:36 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported having a surveillance video of a 27-year-old woman shoplifting clothing. Police would follow up. Three hours later, the woman returned to the store to pay for the items. Police did not take a report.

[It is nice to see that there is a grace period during which guilt can take its course.]

12:50 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Carriage Lane to report a man who had been dating her daughter was outside the house looking for her. Her daughter was hiding from the man. Officers contacted the man and told him not to return.

[Every parents dream scenario.]

12:18 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 700 block of Freeman Lane reported three juveniles had attempted to pass a fake $100 bill. When the reporting person refused to make the change, they vandalized the bathroom and left in a green Ford pickup.

[Kids these days.]

6:22 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Hidden Valley Road reported someone left a message on her answering machine and said in a very low soft voice, "Ow, please help."

[How do you even start on the issues here?]

12:51 p.m. - A caller from Highway 20 at McCourtney Road reported a woman with long gray hair and wearing a long purple sweater was standing in the turn lane yelling at vehicles. Police provided a ride for the 56-year-old woman across the highway so she could wait for her caretaker.

[Just another day in Nevada County.]

1:21 p.m. - A woman called from a business on the 100 block of South Auburn Street to report a man in his mid-20s carrying a violin frequents her shop and makes people uncomfortable by making noise. Today, the man entered and said he hates the caller. She has asked him to leave, but he continued to return. Police advised the man not to return to the business.

[I am pretty sure I knew this guy... or somebody very much like him... back in junior high.]

5:17 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Bank Street reported a skateboarder grabbed an employee. Police arrested the 18-year-old man on suspicion of assault and false personation of another.

[How often have you been accused of "false personation?" Or even genuine "personation" for that matter? It wasn't even election day.]

12:28 a.m. - A man called police to ask them to check on his wife on the 800 block of Morgan Ranch Drive because he was out of town and she was not answering her home telephone or cellular phone. Police contacted the woman, who said she is fine. She said the man was very jealous, and she declined to speak to him.

[There has to be a good back story there.]

1:21 p.m. - A caller from the Nevada County elections office reported opening an envelope containing a torn ballot and other items. A deputy determined the incident was not a law enforcement issue.

[As long as it does not come back to haunt anybody....]

6:09 p.m. - Someone called 911 from the 14000 block of Highway 49 and hung up. When a dispatcher called back, a man said no one had called and everything was fine. The dispatcher said the man was too adamant that no one had called, and he would not consider that the call may have been accidental. He was very unconvincing. Deputies checked on the location, and everything appeared fine.

[The caller doth protest too much for a reason, it seems.]

9:45 a.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Stagecoach Way reported harassment. A man was attempting to report the caller's vehicle as stolen. A deputy advised the caller of the restraining order process.

[You would think that the whole "false reporting of a crime" thing might come into play here.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXIII

2008-01-11T13:38:00.000-08:00

4:16 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Neal Street reported a woman stole a dryer and a desk.

[She should be easy to spot, what with dry hair and a desk in tow.]

12:04 a.m. - A man called from North Church Street to report hearing a lot of gunfire in the area. A dispatcher reminded the man it was midnight, and he said he forgot it was New Year's. Patrol officers were advised of the gunfire.

[Probably did like us and celebrated a "New York New Year's Eve" then went to bed early.]

Between Noon and 5:30 p.m., Grass Valley police attempted to serve seven local arrest warrants. Of those seven attempts, police arrested four people for local warrants.

[Nice New Year's Day tactic, but if they were serious, they would have been banging on doors at 5am. I got one of those knocks once. The police had the wrong address, but didn't figure it out until they had made asses of themselves.]

8:19 p.m. - A driver who had been previously stopped by an officer returned to the officer and had "more words" for him. The driver left again.

[I bet he didn't get an apology either.]

12:50 p.m. A woman called from Jackass Flats Road to report her landlord ran her off his property with a shotgun earlier in the day. A deputy took a report.

[Merely listed because I am sure there is a street sign that gets stolen once in a while.]

5:42 p.m. - A caller who lives on Big Blue Road by a gun club reported hearing 20 shots so far. The caller did not want to be disturbed. A deputy was advised.

[Guns? At the gun club?]

9:19 a.m. - A caller from Wendy Circle reported a 60-year-old man fell and couldn't get up. Paramedics arrived, and the man was combative. Police arrested the man on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[I've been drinking and I can't get up!]

3:13 p.m. - A woman called from the 21000 block of Oxnard Court to report a man threatened to kill her if she didn't love him. She said she gave the man money for a vehicle she never received. A deputy advised the woman of the restraining order process.

[There has to be a serious back-story here.]

1:35 a.m. - A woman called 911 from the 13000 block of Hidden Valley Road. She said she was having a nightmare. She said there was no emergency and she would call back if she needed medical attention.

[Or a hug and a glass of warm milk.]

9:38 p.m. - A caller from the 18000 block of Spring Valley Drive reported a woman in a white Isuzu Trooper went to the caller's door and told her there is a sniper in the area. She also said to watch out for radiation, and she wanted to know where a safe house is. She said she lived at Rollins Lake. The woman was gone by the time a deputy arrived.

[Delusions delivered straight to your door!]

11:11 a.m. - A man called from the 14000 block of North Bloomfield Road to report someone hooked a chain to his mailbox and dragged it down the street.

[Everybody has to have a hobby.]

1:48 p.m. - A man called 911 from the 12000 block of Shady Lane to ask the time. The time was provided.

[See, AT&T turned off the "Time Lady" and now people call 911.]

8:14 p.m. - A man in the police station lobby reported he was hit by a white Acura driven by a woman while he was crossing Mill Street at East Main Street. He said he was in a crosswalk. While police were talking to the man, the woman entered the lobby and said she did not see him. She offered to take the man to the hospital. The man said the woman needed to get her eyes checked. He declined medical attention and walked out.

[The therapeutic value of a rejoinder!]

4:43 a.m. - Police contacted a 48-year-old man at the back gate of the police station and arrested him on suspicion of being under the influence of a controlled substance.

[Convienient for the police.]

11:15 a.m. - A caller reported a 5- or 6-year-old child was shoveling snow on Idaho Maryland Road near Banner Ridge Lava Cap Road. The caller was concerned the child would be hit if he didn't get off the roadway. A deputy checked the area and contacted two adult "little people." All was fine.

["Little people" get snowed in too. They don't all live in Hollywood waiting for a remake of "The Wizard of Oz."]

1:02 p.m. - A man called from the 13000 block of Ridge Road to report conspiracy theories. He said he just moved from South Carolina and he believed he was being stalked by some people from Georgia. He believed his brakes had been tampered with, and someone left a cell phone under a mangrove tree.

[Welcome to Grass Valley!]

6:32 p.m. - A caller asked that a deputy check on a man who lives on the 19000 block of Greenhorn Creek. He was supposed to pick up his girlfriend at work three hours ago. He never showed up. Deputies checked the house, and the man was not there. The man's mother reported him as a missing person. She said he possibly went four-wheeling in the Greenhorn Creek area in a dark blue vehicle. The deputies then located the man, and he was fine.

[Somebody had better start shopping for Valentine's Day muy pronto!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

New Record!

2008-01-10T13:10:00.001-08:00

By declaring the last picture the record, I spurred some sort of competition.

Juice consumption appears to be up at the office because of this.

Best of the Blotter 2007

2008-01-10T11:54:00.000-08:00

The Union has published its yearly "Best of the Blotter" story. I think most of the entries were captured here over the course of the year.

I am certainly looking forward to another year of life in Nevada County, California.

Some Days You Cannot Win

2008-01-09T15:46:00.001-08:00

Our vending machine at work. The punts on the bottom of the bottles, those little indents, catch on the dividers, wedging the bottles firmly in place. No amount of shaking the machine will get them free.

Four bottles is the current office record.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXII

2008-01-08T15:14:00.000-08:00

12:49 a.m. - A man said he came out of a store on Sutton Way and there appeared to be spray paint on his white 2006 Honda CRV. It appeared the man had run over a paint can with his vehicle because paint was all over the undercarriage.

[No doubt he steered for that can in the road too...]

5:13 p.m. - A caller reported someone fell at a federal building on East Main Street. Police contacted a 58-year-old man who had been transported by ambulance to the hospital and cited him on suspicion of public drunkenness.

9:29 p.m. - A caller from a federal building on East Main Street reported a man was passed out in the building. Police contacted the 58-year-old man and told him to move along. He was not drunk.

[What is the link between this man and the federal building?]

11:39 a.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Leecrest Court reported her daughter was outside watering the driveway, destroying the gravel. A deputy advised the caller on what avenues to take to resolve the issue.

[Erosion! Its powers must not be underestimated!]

9:01 a.m. - A man from Empire Street reported the bed of his truck was on fire. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate a truck on fire.

[Truck on Fire, a great name for a band... and think of the album cover potential!]

12:28 p.m. - A caller reported a suspicious cooler was on the corner of Alta Street and West Main Street. Police determined the cooler contained the remains of someone's lunch.

[Get Homeland Security on the phone again and tell them, "Roast Beef."]

3:13 a.m. - A caller from a federal building on the 100 block of East Main Street reported a suspicious package with a white powdery substance coming out of it. Police contacted the caller and determined the substance was sugar.

[Get Homeland Security on the phone again and tell them, "sugar."]

9:06 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of South Church Street reported a suspicious person sleeping on the caller's front lawn. Officers booked the 62-year-old man on a local warrant.

[I would ask how one looks suspicious when asleep, but I guess the warrant proved those suspicions correct.]

7:28 p.m. - A caller from a building on West Main Street reported an older man with a gray beard and wearing a red 49ers' jacket was yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs. Police contacted the man. He said he was an opera singer.

[the Niners have a huge following in opera circles.]

4:39 a.m. - A caller from a restaurant on the 1000 block of Nevada City Highway reported an older yellow van was parked in the middle of the drive-through lane near one of the speakers. Police contacted a man and advised him of the city's camping ordinance.

[Why would you park and sleep in the drive through? Afraid they'll run out of McBreakfasts before you get there?]

10:41 p.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Cypress Hill Drive reported someone drove by her residence and threw a pizza slice. It was stuck to her window. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the pizza-thrower.

[Pizza thrower still at large! Number of slices left in his possession: Unknown!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXI

2007-12-11T18:00:00.000-08:00

[Not much from the blotter of late, the citizens of Nevada County having set themselves to drunken driving, spousal abuse, and serious bodily harm for the holidays, none of which make for humor.]

3:23 p.m. - A man called from a parking lot on the 100 block of Olympia Park Road to report someone put a nail in his wife's car tire. Police determined no vandalism occurred.

[I want to see somebody "put" a nail in a tire.]

4:53 p.m. - A caller from a gas station on Hughes Road reported a possible drunken driver in a blue Toyota truck almost drove into oncoming traffic. Police contacted the driver and determined the person had not been drinking. Police counseled the person on driving skills.

[Sometimes we just suck.]

2:49 p.m. - A caller from Champion Road reported a man on the roadway was saying that rocks were actually dead people. Deputies arrested the man on suspicion of being under the influence of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia.

[So we're okay about the rocks then? How about the Rockies? After they went down in four, maybe.]

7:03 p.m. - A caller from Butterfly Drive reported a woman was in her backyard with a knife. The 911 call was lost because a circuit was down. The fire department was advised of the report. An officer was with the woman, and she had put the knife down. Officers determined the report was unfounded.

[I'm confused. Who had what? And what about the butterfly?]

12:22 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 12000 block of Sutton Way reported that a man with dreadlocks had just stolen some beef jerky.

[There is a "Rastafarian/Oh Boy, Oberto!" joke in there somewhere.]

9:50 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Northstar Place reported a fight at a neighbor's residence. Responding officers found a couple who were attempting to give their children a bath."

[I wish I could said I hadn't been down that road myself....]

11 a.m. - A caller from Highway 20 at the eastbound Highway 49 overcross reported a black handgun was in the middle of a lane, and no one was in the area. Police checked the area and located a license plate. Police would return the plate to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

[But no gun? Or was the plate in some way gun shaped? Was it a Florida plate?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXX

2007-12-04T13:34:00.000-08:00

1:56 p.m. - A man called from Kings Beach in Placer County and reported finding a spinal cord. He took it home with him and was not sure if it was human or not. He wanted law enforcement to contact him. A deputy took a courtesy miscellaneous incident report, which would be forwarded to Placer County law enforcement.

[A spinal cord? How did he identify it? Why did he take it? Why call the police at this point? I bet he's retired.]

1:05 p.m. A person from the Grass Valley area dropped off a purse into the Police department’s lost and found box. The man said the purse was left in his vehicle, but he does not remember which party it may have belonged to. The purse is a black "Playboy" purse with a Playboy bunny on the front with rhinestones.

[Classy. I am sure there was a rush to the police department once this was published.]

9 a.m. A man from the 300 block of First Street reported that when he went to check on a residence that was supposed to be vacant, he found a woman in the bathroom. She left out the window.

[No suspicious at all. I am sure she just had to go badly.]

3:58 p.m. A caller from 10000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported dogs attacked her emu.

[Any entry with an emu gets reposted here. Same goes for dingos and any other species indigenous to Australia.]

11:13 p.m. A caller from Alta Sierra reported three to four juveniles using orange cones to divert traffic off the road.

[Bonus points if they were directing traffice to a) a fake toll booth b) a cliff with a tunnel painted on it.]

3:58 p.m. California Highway Patrol reported receiving a call from a woman with slurred speech who stated, "we are stuck here." Authorities were unable to call the woman back. After playing back a recording of the phone call, law enforcement discovered the woman was walking at Malakoff Diggins. State Park reported having a resident ranger at the park to help.

[Were they able to decipher her speech, or is there something distinctive about the sounds at Malakoff Diggings?]

10:26 a.m. - Someone called 911 from the 12000 block of Slate Creek Road, then hung up. Dispatchers determined a dog accidentally made the call.

[Bad dog! I said pizza, not police!]

6:34 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Littlejohn Lane reported a woman made harassing phone calls and dropped off a box with two kittens inside, stating the kittens belonged to the caller's daughter. The woman also allegedly left notes calling the daughter names. A deputy would contact the caller.

[They must have been LOLcats. They bring out the worst in people.]

1:50 a.m. - A woman reported someone had been taking pictures of her, and she saw two people in her backyard. The woman could not provide the dispatcher with her address. The dispatcher told her to call 911 so her address would show up. Police contacted the woman on the 1000 block of East Main Street and determined no crime had occurred.

[A lot of running around for nothing at 2am.]

4:45 a.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Ballantree Lane reported a person was riding a quad with no lights on. The person was screaming and yelling and drove through a yoga farm. The caller believed drugs may be involved. A deputy contacted the quad rider, who was in compliance. The person had been drinking a little alcohol, but everything was fine.

[He was fully in compliance riding through a yoga farm at 4am. (Yoga farm?) And a little alcohol... well, the deputies were cool with that.]

9:41 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Ball Road reported a refrigerator and a stove were taken in a residential burglary. The caller would re-contact the sheriff's office with more information.

[Not the usual items taken in a burglary, but maybe they were the only valuable items around.]

11:44 a.m. - A caller from Nevada City reported a stolen computer was possibly located on eBay. The caller wanted an officer to contact eBay to get the computer back. When the officer said he would take a report, the caller was not happy. The caller may re-contact police to make a report.

[If you think eBay actually has the computer, then I question your ability to identify your specific missing computer. Not happy indeed!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXIX

2007-11-27T15:27:00.000-08:00

11:27 p.m. - A woman called from the 200 block of North School Street and reported a strong odor similar to that of nail polish remover that was making her eyes water. Officers contacted the reporting person's neighbors, confirmed the odor, but could not trace its origin.

[But did it make the officer's eyes water as well?]

6:32 p.m. - Officers responded to a call from the 12000 block of Francis Drive about a man who was found dead in a tree. The man appeared to have died of natural causes. Once his death was confirmed, Hooper and Weaver Mortuary was informed.

[Natural aside from the fact that he was in a tree.]

3:41 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Berryman Street reported that a dog kennel was cut open and the dog is missing.

[More dog theft? Or an inside job?]

10:55 p.m. - A caller from the 400 block of Henderson Street reported four juvenile boys skateboarding in the middle of the street.

[Okay, at 11pm I guess that might be worthy of a call.]

11:04 p.m. - Officers arrested a man for driving under the influence at Colfax Highway near Hennessy School.

[I just laugh every time I see a DUI near Hennessy (VSOP?) School.]

7:39 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Morgan Ranch Drive reported seeing people throwing eggs at homes and vehicles in the area. Police saw the eggs but didn't notice that any eggs hit homes or vehicles.

[Being bad at your crime does not make it less of a crime.]

3:21 p.m. - A boy from the 1000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a girl at Lyman Gilmore School touched his backpack and he wants her arrested.

[No doubt he also wanted compensation for any cootie-disinfecting he felt required.]

4:42 p.m. - A caller from the corner of Freeman Lane and McKnight Way reported a juvenile "doing wheelies" in the parking lot at a high rate of speed.

[I would guess he was on a motorcycle, but the entry doesn't specify, so let your imagination take over.]

12:01 p.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Beyers Lane reported several men on her property shooting turkeys.

[Part of the Thanksgiving tradition? Nothing like fresh from the forest?]

2:44 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Westhill Road reported a neighbor yelling, screaming and blowing a horn.

[I see Dallas won.]

5:22 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Little Deer Drive reported two people wandering around the woods near the caller's residence. The people said they were looking for a rock pile and wouldn't leave.

[They were told of a tomb full of gold or some such.]

2:47 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Rincon Way to report a vehicle fire 10 feet from her house. The fire department responded.

[Ten feet? I'd be a little worried about it becoming a residential fire.]

10:49 a.m. - A person in the police station lobby wanted to talk to an officer about theft of horses in Arizona. Police would follow up.

[The price of butter in Ottawa came up as well.]

12:15 p.m. - A woman who works as a holiday charity bell ringer on East Main Street reported a woman approached her with a hypodermic needle the day before and asked her if she wanted a flu shot. When she said no, the woman said she could have it for free. The woman wanted to talk to an officer.

[Normally $20, but for you, free! That constantly ringing bell can drive people to desperate measures I guess. I read once that donations actually go up when the person stops ringing the bell. But they have to ring it for a while first, to prove they are serious.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXVIII

2007-11-16T12:42:00.000-08:00

8:29 p.m. - A caller from a restaurant on East Main Street reported a drive-through customer who smelled like marijuana. Responding officers cited the youth on suspicion of driving while possessing marijuana, and released him to a parent.

[I suspect that fast food and convenience stores would be fertile ground for this sort of bust.]

2:27 p.m. - A motorist was pulled over at Colfax Avenue and South Auburn Streets and arrested on suspicion of not having driver's insurance that qualifies in California.

[A pretty esoteric thing for which to pull somebody over.]

10:09 p.m. - Officers responded to a call of loud drums in the 300 block of Horizon Circle. They discovered a band that was shutting down for the night.

[The call of loud drums can be irresistible in the night.]

10:21 a.m. - A man from the 11000 block of Caledonia Way dialed 911, hung up, and upon callback was very upset over a bear in the area.

[They at least had the presence of mind, at the last second at least, to realize that the police were not going to be the solution.]

2:20 p.m. - A man from the 160000 block of Ophir Hill Road reported his neighbor posted obscene language on signs and faced them toward the caller's property.

[No doubt part of an ongoing dispute.]

6:58 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Sutton Way reported numerous juveniles were in a hallway, and they appeared to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. One male juvenile in Hawaiian-print swim trunks said he had five warrants, and he didn't care who called the police on him. Police contacted the youths. They were not under the influence of any substance, and the young man with the swim trunks did not have any warrants for his arrest.

[Kids these days, standing around, not doing drugs, not committing crimes and openly rubbing our faces in it.]

8:25 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported seven men and a woman were smoking marijuana behind the business and they possibly were clients of a homeless shelter intake center. Police determined the people did not have drugs and they were all waiting for the bus. They did not confirm whether they were homeless.

[I suppose after swooping in for a drug bust and finding everybody was just waiting for the bus, the question of homelessness became a bit silly.]

12:03 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of North Church Street reported a man in his 50s was sleeping on the porch, then went inside the residence. He was refusing to leave. Police contacted the 54-year-old man, who said he would get a hotel room.

[A reasonable response, I suppose. But deciding to sack out on somebody's porch in the Sierras in November when a hotel room is a viable options?]

9:27 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Broken Oak Court reported an X-Box had been stolen and switched with the neighbor's broken X-Box video game system. Deputies contacted both parties and determined the accusation was unfounded. Neither X-Box was working.

[Microsoft: Greetings Gentleman. All your XBoxes are broken by us!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXVII

2007-11-12T12:49:00.000-08:00

11:25 a.m. - A caller from the 14500 block of Storm Ridge Road reported she couldn't get out because a huge storage container was being moved down her road. She was advised to wait 15 minutes.

[Practical advice.]

2:03 p.m. - A caller from the 10400 block of Broken Oak Court reported hearing someone in the neighborhood banging around on something. Responding deputies discovered the neighbor was setting a crib up for a baby.

[Having set up a crib, I can picture the scene in my mind.]

3:13 p.m. - A woman called from the 15000 block of Carrie Drive saying she'd advertised some items in The Union and got a call from an operator who asked her questions that had nothing to do with the advertised items. While she was talking to the operator, she heard an automated voice say," This could be a scam." The woman said she's received two such calls. She requested a log entry and was asked to contact Nevada County Sheriff's Office.

[There has to be a loophole where, if you warm people something is a scam, you are then absolved of wrong doing. Maybe?]

1:51 a.m. - A woman from the 200 block of Mill Street reported a man in his 50s with a gray beard and mustache and wearing a bandanna, vest and hat was yelling outside her house. Police contacted the 55-year-old man and advised him not to contact the woman and move on.

[As usual, I like the choice of items people use to describe people.]

1:13 p.m. - A woman from the 11000 block of Butler Road reported she was dripping blood from her body. An ambulance responded, and a deputy took an informational report. No arrest was made.

[Bleeding is not a crime, though getting blood on public property might be littering.]

12:23 p.m. - A caller from 13400 Wings of Morning Drive reported receiving threats by text message. The calls were coming from a phone number that refused incoming calls when deputies contacted it. A phone trap will be considered if the messages continue.

[More mental imagery: A phone trap. I picture a phone in the middle of the woods stuck in some steel jaws.]

6:20 p.m. - A caller from the 10300 block of Adam Avenue reported a large explosion. Responding deputies were unable to locate anything.

["Anything" having been, presumably, taken care of by the reported large explosion.]

8:50 p.m. - A caller from the 11100 block of Lakeshore North reported receiving threats by e-mail.

[What a wonderful age we live in.]

3:27 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Valencia Road reported hearing shots fired with an unknown weapon. The caller called back to say the shots were from loggers shooting at a wasps' nest.

[The whole fly/sledge hammer saying comes to mind.]

2:16 a.m. - A caller from Squirrel Creek Road reported multiple people standing on the bridge, blowing a whistle.

[When whistles are outlawed, only the outlaws will have whistles.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXVI

2007-11-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

11:11 a.m. - A caller from the 1000 block of East Main Street reported being hit in the face with a beverage from an approximately 22-year-old man driving a gray Honda four-door sedan. Police were unable to locate the man.

[I just wonder if it was still in its container when it hit him.]

7:51 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Yuba Ridge Drive reported a neighbor just shot a deer with a high-powered rifle and then put it in his truck. Police contacted the caller and told the caller that it wasn't a crime.

[It is called deer season.]

12:37 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported someone threw coffee on her earlier in the day. Police took a report.

[Was the person in a grey Honda?]

2:05 p.m. - A caller from Highway 49 reported a person by a disabled vehicle appeared as if he or she wanted to jump over the side of the highway. The person called back to report the car had a flat tire and police did not need to respond.

[Nice of the person to call back after their moment of panic.]

3:41 p.m. - A woman from Candy Lane to report she was being held captive by three people and she just snuck out of the house. Police contacted the woman and took her to the hospital for a mental health evaluation.

[It is surprising to see how often "mental health evaluation" comes up in the blotter.]

4:19 a.m. - A caller from Idaho-Maryland Road reported a foul smell as though there was an excess of sewage built up. A patrol officer was advised.

[What was the office going to do?]

2:13 a.m. - An off-duty police officer called to report a parolee on the 200 block of Broad Street showed him a bag of methamphetamine and said he was under the influence, that he had a gun and he was going to kill the person who had been sleeping with his girlfriend. The officer determined the man did not have a gun. Police looked for the man and could not find him. Truckee Police went to check the man's residence in Truckee, but they could not locate the street address. Local police checked another address in the Greenhorn area and found nothing unusual. A vehicle belonging to a person listed in a restraining order against the parolee was found at the parolee's address. The parolee's father said the man and the woman were in an "on again-off again" relationship.

["On again-off again" seems to describe his relationship with reality.]

2:24 p.m. - A caller from a bar on the 29000 block of Highway 49 in North San Juan reported a man was headbutted by another man in the pool room. The victim was bleeding from the nostrils, but he did not want medical attention and he did not want to make a report. Deputies checked the area and were unable to locate the suspect or any witnesses.

[Nice to see a good "Glasgow Handshake" in the news.]

3:07 p.m. - A woman called from the 13000 block of Capitol Drive to report people from a meat company tried to sell her meat. She felt it was suspicious. She requested a log entry.

[The roving meat salesmen are back. No word on their anger or aggressiveness.]

8:57 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Skaith Bend Road reported someone threw a rock through the caller's front door. A deputy took a report for vandalism.

[I assume the door was open at the time. Either that, or somebody has a hell of an arm.]

12:20 p.m. - A caller from the Veterans Memorial Building on Auburn Street said a number of high school juveniles were behind the building drinking, possibly smoking marijuana, and changing clothes before they took off from the scene.

[Are we sure this wasn't the Cornish Christmas again?]

6:42 p.m. - A caller from the 1400 block of Segesworth reported a woman was outside her apartment screaming and cursing at other tenants. Police contacted the woman and maintained the peace.

[Perhaps they restored the peace, but if the woman was screaming, I cannot imagine there was much peace to maintain.]

10:03 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Second Street reported a pit bull was on her deck, and two Aussies and one golden retriever also were loose in the neighborhood.

[And if I know anything about Aussies on the loose, they were probably already drinking at 10am.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXV

2007-10-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

9:35 a.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Ophir Street to report her granddaughters refused to give her videotapes back. Police would follow up.

[I am sure somebody is going to have to draw the short straw to get that assignment.]

3:36 a.m. - An officer took a report at a business for a found ukulele and mandolin.

[Any report that contains a ukulele stands on its own, humor-wise. A mandolin is icing no the cake.]

8:56 a.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Valley View Road reported her son just moved to the area and left a message for her to call him, but she had not been able to reach him for two days. A deputy called the son and he said he was just fine. He would call his mom.

[There is a message in that for all of us: Call your mother.]

10:33 p.m. - A caller from the 12000 block of Slate Creek Road reported multiple vehicles with multiple men who were acting oddly. The caller thought the men may have been trying to steal firewood. A deputy responded, and the incident appeared to be a traffic collision.

[Traffic accident, criminal conspiracy... they look so much alike.]

1:36 a.m. - A caller reported a large party at a residence at Highway 174 and Somerset Drive. Underage drinking reportedly was involved. The caller wanted to remain anonymous. The caller was not at the party but read about it on MySpace.

[Yes, thanks, very helpful.... surfing MySpace at 1:30 in the morning.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller from the hospital on the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a person was out of control in the emergency room. Police contacted the caller and advised mental health and emergency room staff that unless the patient becomes combative, it is not a law enforcement issue.

[We have certain criteria that must be met before we can taze somebody.]

8:48 p.m. - A caller from the hospital on the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a mental health patient was becoming extremely combative and medical staff needed police assistance. Police responded and remained on scene while the patient underwent a mental health evaluation.

[And that criteria has now been met. Okay, it didn't say they used the tazer, but I like to think that they did.]

11:46 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Alpine Lane reported a man who looked like "Barney Fife" with a thin black mustache attempted to burglarize a home. The front door was kicked in, but his entry was blocked by items behind the door. Police were on the lookout for the man.

[Any time the name "Barney Fife" appears in the police blotter is just pure gold. Barney Fife with a thin black mustache. I think we all have that mental picture now.]

7:06 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Neal Street reported a man with long brown hair and facial hair took Early Times whiskey. The man was caught on video. Police took a report for shoplifting.

9:47 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Neal Street reported the same man who took whiskey returned to the store and stole more alcohol. He was last seen five minutes before the call. Police contacted a 31-year-old man and cited him on suspicion shoplifting and violating probation.

[And you thought the whole "returning to the scene of the crime" thing was a cliche.]

12:08 p.m. - A caller from the 900 block of Helling Way reported a man was screaming and fighting everyone. Police responded and the man was moving along.

[I like the idea of "fighting everyone."]

9:03 a.m. - A caller from Sierra College Drive reported a young man wearing white pants was exposing himself. Police contacted the man and gave him a ride to East Main Street. The man was not exposing himself.

[It was just the position of the sun that gave that impression.]

7 p.m. - A caller from West Main Street reported about 20 youths were raising their voices and appeared to be getting ready to fight. Police determined the group was practicing for upcoming Cornish Christmas.

[Not being familiar with how Christmas goes in Cornwall, I cannot tell if somebody should be deeply insulted or not.]

9:51 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Shadow Hill Drive reported a neighbor threatened to shoot any person or vehicle entering his property. A deputy responded and determined the threat was not criminal. The deputy advised both neighbors that they should consider getting restraining orders and refrain from "taking the law into their own hands."

[They were also admonished to "get some perspective."]

10:42 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported seeing a bleached-blonde woman with a boy haircut in a red Mustang steal a registration tag off a tan car in the parking lot. Police were unable to locate the woman.

[If anybody else thought of "A bleach-blonde, in a red convertible, on the planet Schwartz," leave a comment. She no doubt drove off with Captain Jerk.]

12:10 p.m. - A caller from Main Street reported a man was selling candy, and when he was asked to leave, he became verbally abusive.

[Because that is the kind of person who succeeds in the cutthroat business of candy sales these days.]

12:32 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Mercury Drive to report she felt threatened by a neighbor because he was yelling at her while holding a large metal pipe. The man said he made no aggressive gestures toward the woman. He said he was concerned about speeders in the area. A deputy advised the man not to make gestures at, yell at or contact the woman.

[And stop going around with a large metal pipe in your hand.]

4:16 p.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Mallard Drive reported a man with an Indian accent called and said he was an FBI agent and he was going to arrest her for dealing cocaine. Police contacted the woman and determined no crime had occurred.

[I think this was part of Bob Newhart's stand-up routine at one point.]

4:17 p.m. - A woman called from the 11000 block of Sunset Place to report a man was inside her house. He said he was from a bank, and he was changing the locks. The woman locked herself in the bedroom. A deputy mediated the situation.

[Mediated? Does this imply that the bank does, in fact, employ a roving locksmith?]

12:19 p.m. - A caller from the 12000 block of Loma Rica Drive reported two men with bald heads were going in and out of the bushes, taking off their clothes. Deputies determined the men were waiting for the bus with their shirts off.

[The local transit system having dropped the "No shoes, no shirt, no ride" policy.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXIV

2007-10-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

11:21 a.m. - A caller from South Church and Neal streets reported a man on a bus was yelling at a driver. Police contacted the man and he would be walking to North San Juan.

[It does not quite have the same ring as "Walking to New Orleans."]

11:45 a.m. - A person in the police station lobby reported the man from the bus incident was taking off all his clothing.

[Closer. "Walking Naked to North San Juan."]

12:04 p.m. - A caller from McCourtney Road asked for clarification about swastikas and what is lawful.

[Nosey neighbor or contentious vandal?]

2:04 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Pleasant Street reported an evicted resident was trying to move out, and she and another woman were "involved in a slapping fight." Police mediated the situation.

[That probably sounds a lot hotter than it really was.]

8:12 p.m. - A man from the 16000 block of Brewer Road reported a woman tried to run him over with a vehicle. Deputies determined the woman was the victim of an accident six months ago, and she had suffered severe brain injury. The man said he also was also bipolar. The dispute was over property. The man wanted to press charges, then later said he did not want to press charges.

[Well, he is bipolar. You want him to stick to one or the other, get him his medication.]

10:09 a.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Ridge Road reported doors had been vandalized. A deputy determined rocks had been thrown from a distance. The deputy took a report for vandalism.

[Thrown from a distance? My sister used to do this to our neighbor across the street.]

11:48 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported a tall man went into the store twice and asked the caller to hold his hand. He was asking very personal questions. Police contacted the tall man and did not arrest him. They also contacted the caller, who would call again if the man returned.

[Can we hold hands?]

11:11 a.m. - A caller from Street Road reported someone was living in a bus at the intersection of Oak Mesa Drive. The person is reportedly on probation and is resistant to law enforcement. The matter was referred to code enforcement.

[Yeah, let the code enforcement guy go confront the guy in the bus.]

7:44 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Berryman Street dialed 911, then hung up. The caller dialed 911 again and reported the first call was a misdial. Police knocked on the door and no one answered. Twenty minutes later, someone from the same address dialed 911 twice. Police contacted two men and one woman and arrested the two men on suspicion of violation of probation.

[Way to bring attention to yourself!]

9:49 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported that a man in his late 30s nicknamed "Turbo" said that law enforcement is aware he allegedly killed someone in self-defense. Police contacted the 30-year-old man and arrested him on a local warrant and advised him he was no longer welcome at the business.

[Do you think the "business" was a bar? Nice move Turbo!]

5:15 p.m. - A man called from the 15000 block of Ant Hill Road to report theft of mail from his residence sometime during the past week. A check was missing from an envelope. A deputy contacted the caller.

[Mail theft is bad, but I really want to know if you would buy a house on "Ant Hill Road?"]
11:05 p.m. - A woman called from the 15000 block of Kingsbury Circle to report a drunken person kicked in the woman's door and pushed her. A deputy and a taxi responded. No arrests were made.

[I bet the taxi got there first.]

12:09 p.m. - A woman called from the 11000 block of Lower Colfax Road to report a UPS truck came to her house, and she felt it was suspicious. She was "frantic and afraid for her life." She said a bomb had been dropped off at her house. A deputy transported the woman to a mental health facility, and she went voluntarily.

[Those UPS guys and their brown trucks.]

2:55 p.m. - A man in the sheriff's office lobby reported his daughter in Los Angeles was missing. The man has spoken with his daughter, and he did not want her to live in Los Angeles. This did not meet the criteria for a missing person.

[But haven't you seen "Escape from LA?"]

3:09 p.m. - A man from the 11000 block of Ridge Road reported five juveniles were waiting for him to leave so they could ride their skateboards on ramps they had been building.

[So, leave already and let the kids have their fun.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Source of Humor Secure

2007-10-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

As this Yahoo headlines shows, at least one staple of humor about the English will continue on into the future.

I can just picture Prince Charles, who has pretty bad teeth for being the son of the richest woman in England, tying a length of string around a door knob and then getting Camilla to slam in order to yank a tooth.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXIII

2007-10-12T14:26:00.000-07:00

At 8:23 a.m., officers arrested a 39-year-old man on the 200 block of June Drive on suspicion of damaging a telephone and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[It has been a while since we have seen a charge of damaging a telephone.]

At 5:04 p.m., a caller from a business on the 700 block of Freeman Lane reported that a man was in front of the store swinging a bayonet and bleeding from his hand. Officers made contact with the man, who agreed to be transported to the hospital.

[Somehow, that did not end the way I expected.]

At 7:02 p.m., a caller from a storage lot on the 2500 block of Ridge Road reported that he was stuck inside the lot and the gate security was not responding to his pass code. The caller said that he was opening the gate with a screwdriver, but he wouldn't be able to secure it. Officers contacted the owner, who said he would secure the gate.

[Lesson: Always bring a screw driver.]

12:17 a.m. - Officers cited and released a 59-year-old woman on suspicion of petty theft at the 200 block of Mill Street.

1:24 a.m. - Officers arrested a 59-year-old woman at a business on the 100 block of Neal Street on suspicion of drunk driving and driving with a suspended license and booked her into the Nevada County jail.

[There is no reason this should be the same woman, but I like to think it is.]

7:39 p.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Indian Springs Road reported that she heard a moaning sound outside her house when she returned home. She couldn't find her husband and was checking to see where he was. She believed someone had hurt him. But she found her husband was playing a joke with her.

[Haven't we seen enough sitcoms to know that this soft of thing always ends badly?]

12:10 a.m., Sept. 29 - GVFD and NCFD responded to a vehicle that overturned during a police pursuit on Greenhorn Road. Emergency personnel found one occupant had gotten out of the wreck. Police officers utilized a GVFD thermal imaging camera to search for a second occupant who fled on foot. The first occupant was transported by law enforcement, after a medical assessment.

[You can find people with it? I really want one of those cameras!]

5:39 p.m. - A caller from a business on McKnight Way reported a man wearing no shoes was screaming and yelling at people and swinging a very large stick, trying to hit people. Police contacted the man and took his stick. The caller did not wish to press charges.

[Stick: Not Yours]

10:35 a.m. - A woman called 911 from the 14000 block of Lodgepole Drive to ask what the date was. A dispatcher provided the information to the caller.

[The date? I suppose sometimes it is just easier to handle that kind of call rather than start lecturing on the proper use emergency assistance.]

9:42 a.m. - A caller from Indian Springs Road reported a motorcycle was stuck in a tree with blood on the running board and in the roadway. No one was around, but the blood appeared to be fresh. A deputy determined there was no blood and it appeared to be Jell-O on the roadway. The motorcycle was left at the scene.

[Not just gelatin, but Jell-O brand gelatin. A deputy with a discerning pallet. This has to have been a prank. I wonder how they got the motorcycle in the tree.]

9:25 a.m.- A caller from the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported a man nearly 60 years old was scaring customers. Police contacted the man and advised him to move along.

[His "It's Halloween!" excuse was ignored.]

4:32 p.m. - A caller from the 600 block of East Main Street reported seeing tires rolling down the hill. One tire was found on the side of the road with no one around and no evidence that tires continued to roll down the street.

[I just want to repeat that there is NO evidence that tires continued to roll down the street. That is all.]

7:41 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Ramon Court reported feeling he was "under siege" because his garage door wasn't opening. He told the dispatcher he would use the front door that evening.

[Then the power went out for fifteen minutes. It was like the Bataan Death March.]

5:50 p.m. - A woman called 911 from the 14000 block of Lodgepole Drive to report she was upset because she wasn't getting any reception on her television. A dispatcher advised the woman to contact the cable company directly.

[Me? I would have been more likely to complain about the stuff on TV when I do get reception.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXII

2007-10-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

8:44 a.m. - A caller from Mainhart Drive and Kate Hayes Street reported a woman in a blue Ford Explorer was naked and shaking her breasts at the caller. Police contacted an 18-year-old woman and a 19-year-old man and told them to leave the area.

[It is a little early in the day for the sort of thing... public breast shaking and such... though they might still be on a roll from the night before.]

8:21 p.m. - A man called from the 13000 block of Golden Eagle Way to report a man threatened to burn his house down if he didn't pay him $5,000.

[There is something refreshing in straightforward extortion. Give me X or I will do Y.]

1:04 a.m. A caller from the 13000 block of Preston Road reported a truck pulled into his driveway and four men came to the door looking for someone that "ripped them off." One man was carrying a claw hammer. Deputies were unable to locate the four men.

[I'm not sure I would have answered the door.]

3:08 p.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Millpond Lane reported a girl ran away. Deputies were advised to be on the lookout for her. She has pink braces.

[Did they have any details about here that did not require a close-up of her smile?]

5:52 a.m. A juvenile from the 15000 block of Cascade Drive reported three men were on the roof, then moved to the backyard. A deputy determined the report was unfounded, and the juvenile had been hallucinating.

[That is it. Just a figment of your imagination.]

1:49 p.m. - Police recovered a stolen 2002 Honda Quad Runner on the 100 block of Saint John's Drive.

4:39 p.m. - Police arrested a 19-year-old man on the 700 block of Doris Drive on suspicion of stealing a vehicle, related to the recovery of a Honda Quad Runner.

[It is nice to see same-day case resolution.]

6:43 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive to report she was being stalked by the maintenance man. Police determined the report was unfounded and notified the property manager. The woman called back to say she wanted extra police patrol in the area. An officer was advised.

[I think we've heard from this woman before.]

9:48 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Main Street reported finding drugs in a first aid kit. An officer took a report.

[Okay, I know they meant illegal drugs... but still, "Drugs Found in First Aid Kit" is never going to be a surprising headline.]

1 p.m. - a woman called from a mobile home park on the 10000 block of School Street to report her neighbor uses profanity and the "N" word. The woman was also upset because the man talks to her and seems to be outside of his trailer whenever she is outside of her trailer. Deputies determined the man's actions do not meet the criteria of stalking. A deputy contacted the man, who agreed not to talk to the woman and avoid her if he sees her near her trailer.

[I had a neighbor like that. He used to corner me every week when I brought out the garbage cans and complain about his idiot daughter and her good-for-nothing husband (his words) who had to move in with him and his wife. I could see his point, but I was not keen to hear it every week.]

11:01 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 29000 block of Highway 49 in North San Juan reported a tall man in his 50s was threatening patrons. The man refused to leave. The caller reported 40 minutes later the man appeared to be leaving.

[You can go ahead and tell the Sheriff Department's Rapid Response Team to stand down.]

1:52 a.m. - A deputy reported a person ran out of gas and pulled over on the side of Highway 49 at Rincon Way. When the deputy arrived on scene, the person was acting suspiciously and masturbating. The deputy requested a second patrol unit. The deputies admonished the driver. No arrest was made.

[Oh my. Aren't you supposed to save that "out of gas" excuse for when you have somebody else along for the ride? I also find it odd that he had time to act suspiciously while masturbating. Generally I am good for one or the other, but not both.]

2:55 p.m. - A caller from the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a man with a mustache was urinating on the building. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[I have a fondness for descriptions that include just ONE detail about the person in question, mostly because they leave the impression that people with that characteristic favor that behavior. For example, here, my first thought was, "Men with mustaches like to pee in public." Completely false, of course, but for a moment all men with mustaches were suspect.]

5:02 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive reported a man with a goatee was sitting on the caller's lawn. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[Impressions: Men with goatees are oddballs who will just sit on people's lawns. I bet if he had a mustache he would be urinating on the lawn!]

7:44 a.m. - Police stopped a man on Meadow Drive who refused to show his ID to deputies. He was admonished on suspicion of trespassing and urinating in public.

[Did he have a mustache?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Executive Initiative

2007-10-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

I run a moderately sized organization in our company. I would not exactly call it an empire, but the corporate organizational chart shows that I have over 30 people reporting into me. My team is spread across the world, with people in the US, India, and the Czech Republic.

Maybe not an empire, but the sun never sets on it.

My wife sometimes makes the mistake of asking me what I did at the office on a given day. Sometimes I follow up that mistake by telling her the truth.

Last week she asked and I told her that in addition to the usual meetings to attend and fires to put out, I spent a good part of my day busily burning CDs, updating and printing labels, editing release notes, and double checking dozens of little details that come along with a product release.

My wife wanted to know why *I* had to do all of that. Didn't I have somebody to do all of that stuff for me? She has seen the org chart. She knows how many people I have working for me.

I explained that the people who work for me are all highly skilled, well paid professionals.

She pointed out that I was also a highly skilled, well paid professional.

I told her yes, but I am a manager. My primary responsibility to ensure that my team is productive, that the company is getting their money's worth out of their investment in these people. Often that means keeping them somewhat isolated from the trivia and focused on the goals for the team.

I then told her a story of my youth, which is what I do a lot these days now that I am over 40 and something of an old fart.

When I was around eight years old, I was at my grandfather's company. He started his own business after the WWII, which turned into a reasonable success. My father, my uncles, my aunt, and a few cousins ended up working for him at one time or another. I did my own stretch working for him, on the loading dock, when I was in my teens.

But back when I was eight, I was in his office, which was large and well appointed. I said to him that I would like an office like his some day. He smiled and asked if I really wanted to be an executive. I said "Yes!" quite enthusiastically. He got up and said, "Follow me."

He lead me off to the men's room where he picked up a toilet brush and handed it to me.

He said, "If you want to be an executive, start by cleaning the toilet."

He laughed while I looked at him like he was crazy. Cleaning toilets wasn't going to get me a big office.

Then he said, "When you're ready to do what needs to be done, no matter what, you can be an executive."

So now when my wife asks about my day, she makes a point to enquire about the toilets. I assure her that we pay somebody to take care of that.

Meanwhile, I do what needs to be done... though I do not have a nice office.

Not yet, anyway.

Maybe I should go order some pop-up Post-It® dispensers.

Pop Symbolism

2007-10-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

I think it is somehow symbolic that, in our office supply cabinet, we have only Post-It® note pads designed for pop-up dispensers, but nobody in our office actually has such a dispenser.

I was also unaware at how big of a brand Post-It® has become for 3M.

All I have is little yellow square pads... for pop-up dispensers.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXI

2007-09-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

10:07 a.m. - A woman went into the police station to report she was angry with the local newspaper over something that was in the police blotter. No names were used in the blotter item, but she said allegations were unfounded. Police contacted the woman. Because a person was filing false reports against her, police advised the woman of the restraining order process.

[I bet this isn't going to make her any happier. I wonder which entry did it?]

7:28 p.m. - A man called from the 300 block of Horizon Circle to report his flower bulbs were pulled from his garden and thrown into the street within the last hour. The man wanted extra police patrols.

[That has to be either a wild animal or a wild neighbor dispute. Or maybe there is some "anti perennial" faction at work in Nevada County.]]

10:39 p.m. - A man called from Richardson Street to report a man was trying to break into a dark-colored Honda Civic. The caller also said, "the guy owes me money." Police responded and determined there was no burglary. They assisted the man, who was locked out of his car.

[It is the little touches, like "the guy owes me money" that make so many of these reports.]

10:19 a.m. - A caller reported a woman was acting strange on the east side of Monte Vista Drive. She was talking to herself, picking up rocks, throwing them and banging the rocks together. A deputy contacted the woman and determined she was hunting for rocks. She was strange but did not meet the requirements for a mental health evaluation. She walked out of the area with a deputy, but she declined a ride.

[They can't take you in for merely being strange.]

2:36 p.m. - A man called from the 10000 block of Carey Drive to report his girlfriend was attempting to steal his vehicle with a tow truck. The CHP was notified of a possible stolen vehicle. The CHP notified the sheriff's office that the car was registered to both the man and the woman, but the woman went to the DMV and had the registration changed to her name only. The tow truck driver was refusing to release the vehicle until deputies arrived. The car would remain where it was. A deputy warned the woman she would be arrested for trespassing if she returned to the property.

[This is why you get married, so when you split up, your lawyer gets the car.]

11:01 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Bali Court reported 15 to 20 cows were headed down Shangrila Lane. Dispatchers advised the CHP and Animal Control.

[There is a "cow heaven" joke in here somewhere.]

1:46 p.m. - A caller from a business in the 12000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a man walked in and said he hoped the place would blow up. The same man with dark hair and glasses has made previous threats to bomb the business. Responding officers were unable to locate the man.

[In a small town you do not have as many options when it comes to bomb threats.]

3:53 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Main Street reported a tall man with bushy eyebrows and a wine carrier appeared to be flashing a false law enforcement badge. He was last seen headed up West Main Street. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[Had he been sampling the wine?]

At 9:46 p.m. - A caller from Mill Street reported a woman was crying. Police contacted the woman and she was fine. Police advised a bartender to refrain from serving alcohol to two other people.

[It is called "going above and beyond."]

2:36 p.m. - A caller from Brock Road reported a water line broke in front of a market. A Public Works employee was on his way to fix the leak.

[It may be just me, but a broken water line and a leak seem to be two different things.]

7:32 Sept. 18 - The GVFD and NCFD responded to a structure fire on Dorsey Drive. The caller reported a strong smell of electrical burning and could not locate the source. Firefighters used a thermal imaging camera to locate and secure a faulty light fixture.

[I still want one of those cameras. I looked them up though, and they are expensive.]

3:03 p.m. - A woman called from the 17000 block of Highway 20 to report someone told her about an electrical problem on her property, and she wanted extra patrol in case of a fire. If a fire broke out, she said, she would sue the county because they didn't do anything to prevent it. She yelled at the dispatcher, refused to calm down and hung up the phone.

[She needs one of those thermal cameras... and a sense of responsibility.]

4:45 p.m. - A woman called to report a woman from the 17000 block of Highway 20 called her and was upset because she thought someone was going to burn down her house. The caller wanted a deputy to contact the woman, and if no contact were made, she would report the sheriff's office to the FBI. A dispatcher said a deputy would call the woman and the caller said she would check with the woman to ensure the call was made.

[Reporting the sheriff's department to the FBI? And she isn't the crazy one on the street. That was the first caller.]

11:33 a.m. - Police arrested a 19-year-old man on the 900 block of West Main Street on suspicion of inducing a minor to violate health and safety code provisions.

[A health and safety code provision? Did he encourage an under age employee to not wash his hands after using the rest room?]

5:11 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Colfax Highway reported a rattlesnake was in the house. The caller said everything was O.K.

[Presumably the OK signal was given at some time after the snake had left the building.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXX

2007-09-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

At 2:52 p.m., a caller in the Cypress Hill Area reported a suspicious, heavyset man with an earring driving a green pickup with a white camper pulling into driveways in an attempt to sell meat.

[What, again?]

At 10 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Bank Street reported he almost hit a naked, middle-aged man who was standing in the driveway and brushing his teeth when the caller pulled in.

[What, again?]

At 3:41 a.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Ragan Way reported that his neighbor was throwing sand on his roof and skylight.

[Pretty subtle in the usual scheme of neighborly enmity.]

At 10:34 a.m., a caller from the 21000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported that his aunt had kicked him out of the house and wouldn't let him take his medical marijuana plants with him. Deputies contacted the other party, who confirmed that there were six marijuana plants on the property that belonged to the caller, but she didn't want him on the property to retrieve them.

[There has to be more than a simple correlation here between medical marijuana, Nevada County, and... well... some of the people who live there.]

At 1:19 p.m., a woman from Robert Court reported someone leaving suspicious criminal messages on her teenage daughter’s Internet MySpace page.

[At least she is monitoring her MySpace page. Good luck on the messages.]

At 5:25 p.m., a man from the 13000 block of Squirrel Creek Road requested extra patrols after seeing what appeared to be two juvenile boys "casing out his house and his neighbor's house."

[If we're going to "use the lingo," then let's at least get it right. They were either "casing" your house or "staking out" your house. "Casing out" makes no sense and has never been used by any television private detective.]

At 10:14 p.m., a caller from Friar Tucks Road reported an elderly man with what looked like a weapon, though it could have been a paintball gun.

[I think we can all agree that a paintball gun is a weapon of some sort. Ever been hit by one? On the knuckle?]

At 12:17 p.m., a woman from the 12000 block of Slate Creek Road reported someone had placed dead animals on her property two times in one week. Animal carcasses were placed in her mailbox and hung from a pole with fishing line, the woman said. The woman believes her neighbor put the animals there in retaliation over maintenance repair fees required by the homeowners association.

[See, this is the sort of over-the-top, illogical reaction we expect from neighborhood disputes, not just sand on the skylight.]

At 3:31 p.m., a caller from Uren Street reported a man in some bushes making noises like he was being strangled. Another caller reported two people in the bushes, causing dogs to bark.

[I just wonder how often "Uren Street" is the subject of urine jokes.]

At 11:35 p.m., a man called 911 from the 200 block of Sutton Way. He said he could not control himself and he hung up. Police arrested the man on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[Any time off for being the one to turn himself in?]

At 6:26 p.m., a caller from the 22000 block of East Hacienda Drive reported 20 to 25 juveniles were involved in a "fight club" at a community center. The caller said the juveniles jumped into cars and left the center.

[Didn't that movie come out like eight years ago? Did these kids get tired of the phrase "you're so money" and want to move on to something slightly less out dated?]

At 4:10 p.m., a caller from Broad Street reported a woman was being kicked in the face on Dead Man’s Trail. Police determined the report was unfounded.

[So was this just pretend face kicking? A very convincing mime doing, "Marcel Marceau abusing his wife into the wind?"]

At 11:52 a.m., a hysterical woman called from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive to report her manager hung up on her. The manager called to say a woman was crying because someone was trimming the hedges. Police contacted the woman, who said the maintenance worker was stalking her. According to the manager, the worker was there doing his job. Police determined the complaint was unfounded.

[Good help. A Small town. A difficult proposition.]

At 2:51 p.m., a caller from the 900 block of Helling Way reported a man sitting at a computer had a sword. The sword was on a bench. Police contacted the man who would voluntarily leave the library.

[I want to know what he was doing on the computer. World of Warcraft? His SCA blog? Is blogging with a sword the sort of anachronism the SCA endorses?]

At 5:41 p.m., a caller from Adam Street at Sacramento Street reported a man was hitting a tree with a machete. Deputies arrested the man.

[Nice. Simple. To the point.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Green Asparagus Juice Drink

2007-09-17T12:24:00.000-07:00

Not something on the regular beverage rotation at our house.

The first question asked by nearly everybody so far, "Does it make your urine smell that way... like real asparagus?"

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXVIX

2007-09-14T14:48:00.000-07:00

At 2:55 p.m., a bus driver called to report a man was becoming more and more agitated on the bus and the bus would stop soon at South Church and Neal streets. Police arrived and talked with three bus drivers, who did not have a problem. They were unable to locate the agitated man.

[There is a "missed the bus" joke in there somewhere.]

At 10:08 a.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of Ragan Way to report she believed a war was happening and she wanted a deputy to respond to teach her what to do in case of an emergency. She told the dispatcher she was OK, and she was going to sleep.

[Paranoia can strike at any moment.]

At 2:48 p.m., a caller from the 600 block of Whiting Street reported a solicitor was going door to door selling meat. The solicitor was driving a white truck with a shell with a phone number written on the side. The caller told the solicitor to be on his way, and he left.

[Be on your way! And is door-to-door meat sales a lucrative business in Nevada County?]

At 2:17 p.m., a caller from Foxtail Drive reported a possible violation of a restraining order. A person was refusing to leave a driveway and stop blowing leaves. A deputy contacted the caller.

[I bet there is a long story behind this one.]

At 4:25 p.m., a caller reported a male juvenile, a ward of a reform school, got out of a vehicle on Whispering Pines Road and ran away. The boy told the driver he would call law enforcement when he was done with what he had to do. Local law enforcement was advised to be on the lookout for the boy.

[Do we still have "reform schools?" Do they actually reform anybody?]

At 9:11 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Ridge Road reported two juveniles were wearing all black with hoods and masks. They were refusing to cooperate with a custodian, and the caller said the youths were being detained. Deputies determined the juveniles had been playing "ninja warrior." No crime had been committed.

[See, "Ask a Ninja" is just making things worse.]

At 9:30 p.m., a woman from Forest Springs Drive reported a man called her and said he was with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. He wanted her bank account information. A deputy advised the woman about scams.

[Let's hear it for somebody doing the right thing and not falling for a scam!]

At 11:09 p.m., a caller from the 17000 block of Geneva Court reported waking up in his house and seeing someone going through his window. Deputies responded and found that the trespasser had been not a person but a bear.

[Again, under the heading of "small comfort."]

At 3:44 p.m., a caller from Union Street reported that quarters were spilling out of a broken parking meter.

[That brings up a very "Vegas" mental image... and a joke about the idiot who was bragging about the "out door gambling" in Nevada.]

At 1:47 a.m., a caller from South Auburn Street and Highway 49 reported two individuals under the highway in a "compromising position." Officers responded and told the two individuals to move along.

[I promise to post any entry with the words "compromising position." But under the highway? How does that work?]

At 5:54 p.m., officers arrested a 48-year-old man at Memorial Park on suspicion of riding a bicycle under the influence of drugs or alcohol and booked him into Wayne Brown Correctional Facility.

[I did not know that was the sort of crime that would put you in jail.]

At 11:07 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Horizon Circle reported locking herself out of her bedroom. Officers advised her to contact a locksmith.

[Locked out of your bedroom? Is this a cry for help? Does this have deeper meanings?]

At 8:15 a.m., a caller from the 16000 block of Dry Creek Lane reported someone had been harassing him using the Internet for more than a year, using an ISP changer and other illegal devices.

[I want to see the GVPD get right on this one.]

A 9:47 a.m. caller from the 16200 block of Dry Creek Lane reported possible fraud and illegal Internet activity by a person who had been harassing him over the Internet for the past year.

[I guess the answer he got from the GVPD was so satisfying that he had to call the Nevada Country Sheriff's department next.]

A 1:33 p.m. caller from the 11500 block of Bitney Springs Road said a subject stole her trash can overnight, replaced it and left two rubber gloves on the lid.

[Somebody at Homeland Security is going to get in trouble for leaving their gloves behind.]

A 2:16 p.m. caller from Broken Oak Court reported the theft of an ATM card from his or her residence.

[I've been on the phone with people whose sex was indeterminate from their voice. Worse is somebody who sounds like the other sex.]

At 8:04 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of Church Street reported an abandoned vehicle parked on the street for more than a week with toys glued all over it.

[The police blotter needs pictures with entries like these.]

At 8:48 p.m., a caller from the 1000 block of East Main Street reported a naked man between 40 and 50 years old driving a white truck. Police searched but couldn't find the man.

[Naked old guys on the loose again.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXVIII

2007-09-06T17:29:00.000-07:00

At 6:43 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Robin Drive to report her intoxicated roommate was in the yard, naked and out of control. Deputies arrested the 57-year-old man on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[This was moving along fine until it turned out to be an old guy naked in the front yard.]

At 2:52 a.m., a caller from a train company reported three trespassers on a train near the Highway 20/Highway 80 interchange, four miles east of Yuba Pass. Officers would take no action for now because the train tracks were inaccessible.

[You don't hear much about freight hopping these days. Of course, the officers could have notified somebody further down the line I suppose.]

At 3:38 p.m., a man called from the 400 block of French Avenue to report his brother has been threatening to beat him up and burn the house down. The brother called from another home on French Avenue to report the first caller was threatening to beat him up. Police contacted the brother and mediated the situation.

[Later, one of the brothers called up and said, "He's doing it again!" and then hung up.]

At 3:59 p.m., a caller dialed 911 from the 100 block of Lidster Avenue to report his skateboard was stolen from his backpack while he was at school. A dispatcher advised the caller of the proper use of 911 and gave him the police business telephone number.

[We teach kids all about 911 (except appropriate usage I guess), but you have to go looking to find the actual number phone number for the police.]

At 9:05 a.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Newtown Road reported a person was using a camera with infrared lighting to film his property at night. The caller believed this was a restraining order violation. The caller would go to court next week to address the violation.

[Neighbors.]

At 2:23 p.m. Aug. 23, GVFD and neighboring departments responded to a large vegetation fire in the Mooney Flat area of Penn Valley. Engine 1 was part of the initial attack and started extinguishing fire along the left flank of the blaze with a progressive hoselay. Engine 2 was assigned structure protection at the head of the fire. The blaze scorched approximately 60 acres.

[I just like the military metaphor used in this entry. I think this is one of the signs of a career being a traditionally a male profession.]

At 11:10 a.m., a man went into the police station to report the "no alcohol" signs he posted in Memorial Park had been removed. He also reported having problems with a drunken man at the park. Police would follow up.

[I stayed up all night making those signs! Well, at least we know his motivation.]

At 11:42 a.m., a man called from South Church Street at Walsh Street to report peppermint gum was stuck to his car. A patrol officer was advised.

[Advised of what? To be on the lookout for a vandal with fresh breath?]

At 12:40 p.m., a caller from Dee Mautino Park at Alta Street reported a man may have been drunk because he dumped some tequila in the park. Police contacted the driver of the truck and determined he had been drinking, but he did not qualify for a drunken driving arrest. Police cited the man on suspicion of having alcohol in the park.

[Which he would have known was against the law except somebody took down all those home-made signs.]

At 10:32 p.m., a caller from the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a newer black Audi was doing donuts in a parking lot, then drove toward Grass Valley.

At 10:39 p.m., police stopped a black Audi S3 and arrested the driver, a 33-year-old man, on suspicion of drunken driving.

[Nice to see a case wrapped up in just 7 minutes.]

At 6:59 a.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of Ragan Way to report she and her dog hadn't eaten in a week. She had been saying strange things to fire department dispatchers. The fire department requested deputies respond to determine whether the woman should receive a mental health evaluation. The fire department and sheriff's deputies responded and determined the woman did not need to be evaluated and she had plenty of food at the residence.

[So was she on a diet or just bored early in the morning?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXVII

2007-08-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

At 12:04 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 at the Colfax Highway offramp reported a reckless driver in a blue El Camino. The driver had a mullet hair cut. An officer was advised.

[A guy with a mullet driving recklessly in a blue el Camino. Sounds just about right to me.]

At 7:54 p.m., police assisted a man on a scooter on the 100 block of South Church Street. The scooter's battery ran out. Police plugged the scooter into an electrical outlet and called an ambulance because the man had not taken his medication.

[Was he arrested because he was blocking traffic or for just being out of control?]

At 9:47 p.m., a caller from the hospital reported a 46-year-old mentally ill man with "scary hair" involved in an earlier traffic accident had left the hospital. He was off his medication and was actively hearing voices in his head. He was not believed to be a danger to the public. The man's niece and local law enforcement were advised.

[Scary hair. But not a mullet. Well, at least we know why he was arrested now.]

At 6:50 a.m., a caller from Highway 20 and Mill Street reported that there was a loose dog running in and out of the roadway. The caller believed it was a beagle puppy with a collar. Police were unable to locate the animal.

[Even the dogs are jumping in and out of traffic now.]

At 2:59 p.m., a caller from Purdon Crossing reported that at 1:30 p.m., he saw a suspicious man with binoculars who was looking and acting very suspiciously. The caller also saw a woman who would not speak to him but was also acting suspiciously. The caller was requesting an area check.

[Suspcioun abounds!]

At 12:31 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Ball Road reported two men in her yard. She says this has been occurring for three months. Contact was made with the caller and she was advised that it could be an animal in the yard and to call back if she saw anything else.

[Two men. An Animal. Months. No idea what is going on here.]

At 8:12 a.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Tervetuloa Lane reported that someone unplugged her electrical fence. Police believed that it was possibly an animal.

[The animal certainly had motive.]

At 10:28 a.m., a caller from Sunset Place reported that she and her husband drove up a driveway to look at a home for sale and a neighbor came out and yelled at them and threw the For Sale sign at their car and wrote down their license plate number.

[They certainly won't be offering over asking for that place!]

At 3:38 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Arcadia Drive reported that a juvenile had posted a message on the caller's MySpace account, threatening that he had weapons and was going to come after the caller. Officers responded and found that no crime had been committed.

[Words that could very well come back to haunt somebody.]

At 7:22 p.m., a caller from a business on the 1000 block of Plaza Drive reported that a 50 year-old, heavyset man wearing red suspenders and jeans was harassing customers and was last seen walking across the plaza.

[Is there a UNIX convention in town? I know, it did not say he had a big, scraggly beard, but it would certainly fit.]

At 1:16 a.m., a caller from the 1000 block of East Main Street reported a man with a
beard and a mustache wearing a baseball cap and camouflage pants who walked passed the drive-through and punched the window when he was refused service. Another caller reported the same man punched a vehicle window.

[I am sure there is a discrimination suit on the way from people without cars that cannot use the after-hours drive through window.]

At 11:55 a.m., a report was made of a man age 18-22 with a butch haircut wearing a black mesh tank walking down the road swinging nunchaks.

[If nothing else, fashion crime in progress.]

At 12:40 p.m., police contacted a man swinging nunchucks. The nunchucks were plastic. Police counseled the man.

[You think that the mesh shirt and plastic nunchucks makes you hot. They don't.]

At 4:12 p.m., a caller from 10000 block of Combie Road reported a man who had been seen getting dropped off in the area to panhandle numerous times during the day. A woman was also seen picking up the man and bringing him to Longs where he would buy phone cards and hand them to the woman. She then sprayed him down with water and returned him to the same location to panhandle.

[So that person you see at the off-ramp... they may have their own infrastructure going.]

At 9:28 a.m., a caller from Cannon Way reported a possible animal control issue with a Queensland Healer that refused to leave her property. The caller asked if she could shoot the animal because the animal was blocking the only exit door from her residence.

[I had to look up Queensland Heeler. It is a type of dog and not some member of the Australian branch of the SCA.]

At 11:47 am., Calfire requested assistance with a pregnant woman with altered level of consciousness throwing items around the house located on the 10000 block of Blackledge Road.

[The phrase "a pregnant woman with altered level of consciousness" is redundant.]

At 10:34 p.m., police chased two juveniles at Eureka Street and East Main Street and cited them on suspicion of burglary and possession of a beverage by a minor.

[One assumes that means an alcoholic beverage and not just a soda or such.]

At 10:13 p.m., a caller from Washington Road reported a physical fight between two men had been going on for hours. Deputies contacted the men an hour later, and they were at their respective homes.

[Hours? Are the reenacting that scene from "The Quiet Man?"]

At 5:22 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Wintergreen Lane reported two people in a silver pickup truck with a flag on the hood were trying to sell meat. Deputies were unable to locate the truck.

[Meat sold from the back of a truck. I bet that goes over well in 100 degree heat.]

At 6:55 p.m., a caller from the 20000 block of Linhall Road reported a man was talking to himself and throwing things around the room. He possibly had a knife with him and may have been under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Deputies advised the caller of the restraining order process and eviction process.

[File the deputies' advice under the heading of "small comfort."]

At 1:01 a.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of Still Road reported a person was in her barn. She said the person drove in without car lights on and the engine off. Deputies contacted the caller and were unable to locate anyone on the property.

[I bet that car gets great mileage if it can go with the engine off.]

At 9:17 a.m., a woman called from the 200 block of Lloyd Street to report her neighbor's dog was continually on their porch, growling at her and her family. A dispatcher said Animal Control could respond. The woman said if she shot the dog, police would respond. The dispatcher advised Animal Control of the situation and of the threat to the dog.

[And she is no doubt right.]

At 11:09 a.m., a man called from a gas station on the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway to report a woman in a green Subaru tried to drive off with the pump nozzle in the vehicle. When the caller tried to get insurance information from her, she said, "Not today, dude," and drove off. Police determined who owned the car and would follow up.

["Not today, dude," a phrase that will no doubt come back to haunt her.]

At 6:06 p.m., a woman called from the 15000 block of Ricky Court to report a man came to the door and asked for a drink of water. The caller told the man she didn't live there, and the man said all he wanted was a drink of water. The caller thought that was suspicious. A deputy contacted the man, who was selling magazines in the area. The deputy advised him to get proper permits from the county.

[It is in the high 90s to low 100s and now this guy wants water... very suspicious indeed!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXVI

2007-08-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

At 4:58 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Mill Street reported an older man went into a store and bought an expensive item for a young man. The caller felt uncomfortable about it and wanted to speak to an officer. Police contacted the man and determined there was no criminal issue.

[Now we are calling the police over our level of discomfort? I assume "young man" implies "over the age of consent."

At 5:02 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 by Lime Kiln Road reported a disabled truck was in the middle of the road with its flashers on. Dispatchers called the CHP and were on hold for 14 minutes. The dispatchers could not hold any longer.

[Makes you feel confident in your ability to get ahold of the CHP.]

At 8:39 p.m., a woman caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive to report her neighbor was outside yelling random political statements. An officer contacted the neighbor, who was inside the house talking on the phone.

[Were they truly random, or did they have a common theme?]

At 8:45 p.m., a woman called from the 600 block of Kate Hayes Street to report her neighbor was taking her patio furniture. Police determined the property had been returned. The woman would call back if the neighbor were to return.

[You have to have some brass to start making off with your neighbors patio furniture.]

At 12:51 p.m., a caller from the 700 block of Whiting Street reported his ex-wife and another woman were at his business shredding documents and destroying the business.

[Was that part of the settlement?]

At 1:57 p.m., officers responded to a small compact car that rolled over in a ditch southbound on the Golden Center Freeway Idaho-Maryland Road. There were no injuries.

[Not one of those huge compact cars, just a small one.]

At 9:40 p.m., a caller from the 400 block of Marshall Street reported a customer was extremely intoxicated and pushed an employee and destroyed a pizza. The caller did not wish to press charges, but wanted the man to be counseled. Police made contact and counseled the man.

[Pizza destruction! I picture the Death Star blowing up, only with a lot of pepperoni.]

At 10:53 p.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Pawnee Trail reported multiple firearms had been stolen three and six years ago. Police determined that the person had been drinking.

[Drinking? How unusual.]

A 5:59 p.m. caller from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported two injured peacocks on her property.

[Now there is a report you do not get every day. Will animal control respond? We will probably never know.]

A 5:24 p.m. a caller from the 900 block of Sutton Way advised that radiation was burning her alive.

[Step away from the microwave?]

At 11:36 a.m., a caller from an apartment complex on the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a female neighbor had been banging on the wall for the last two hours, saying she was locked in the bathroom. The woman's front door was locked, and the caller had been unable to find the apartment manager. Police assisted the woman.

[A heck of a way to introduce yourself to your neighbors!]

At 9:28 a.m., a man in the police station lobby reported a woman was accusing him of stalking her. An officer contacted the man.

[I get the feeling that this is not going to play out as he planned.]

At 9:03 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Flume Street reported the Virgin Mary was stolen from the backyard. She was last seen two weeks ago. Police contacted the caller, who did not need a report taken. Four hours later, the statue was found.

[This was on a Sunday, of course. Nobody cares where the Virgin Mary is on Thursday afternoon.]

At 7:25 p.m., a caller from Indian Springs Road reported a dog just brought bones inside. A deputy determined the bones were deer remains, not human. The deputy determined the caller had been drinking.

[Drinking? How unusual.]

At 7:38 p.m., a caller reported a drunken man was sleeping in the gravel on the 500 block of Packard Street. Police contacted the 54-year-old man, who was not drunk and was just taking a nap.

[Gravel nap! You don't have to be drunk to take one!]

At 3:56 p.m., a caller from Elizabeth Daniels Park reported a person was in the park with a python. An officer contacted the caller and advised possessing the snake was not a crime or violation of a city ordinance.

[Remember, you read it here first.]

At 8:33 p.m., a caller from a bar on the 100 block of Mill Street reported a 53-year-old man fell off a stool. The man was transported to the hospital emergency room.

[And the surest sign that you have had enough.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Baked Dorritos

2007-08-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

The vending machine at the office stocks the usual array of junk food. Generally, the only item in the machine I want is a bag of Dorritos, usually as a tide-me-over snack because I cannot get out to lunch at a reasonable hour.

Yesterday, I was in a time crunch around lunch, so went to the machine to grab a snack.

No Dorritos. The usual red bag was nowhere to be seen.

However, there was a yellow bag of "Baked Dorritos" in the machine.

The bag even has a green sticker on it that says "Smart Choices Made Easy" as an indicator that this is somehow more healthy for me than my standard choice.

Fine. Whatever. I am hungry. I have no time. I bought the bag.

Back at my desk, I opened the bag and took one of the Baked Dorritos in my hand. They seem flatter than the regular ones.

Then I put it in my mouth.

Can you say, "Yuck?"

Not horrible, I've eated something spoiled or putrid yuck.

More of a "this sort of tastes like what it is supposed to be, but it has a whole array of other, odd flavors along for the ride" yuck.

I tried to get past the flavor. I tossed the bag after three chips.

Avoid those Baked Dorritos.

I suppose, in the end, that not eating any Dorritos is the healthiest choice of all.

IQ: A Bad Resume Idea

2007-08-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

Being a front line manager in a tech company, I spend a lot of time in the hiring process. There were times during the first web boom that I spent half of my time reviewing resumes, phone screening or interviewing, and providing feedback on candidates.

Of course, given the number of resumes that have crossed my desk, I have seen my fair share of bad ideas. I just reviewed a resume last week that had one of the more rare mistakes.

The person in question put their IQ on their resume.

This is always a mistake. There is no winning in this situation.

First, there is no way that a hiring manager can verify this tidbit of information. Your resume should stick to things that can be reasonably verified or demonstrated. So it is a useless piece of data.

But it gets worse. If you claim to have a high IQ, you may look like you are bragging or come off as an elitist. Is that the impression you want people to take from your resume? The best case scenario is that you will set unreasonably high expectations for yourself. Imagine every slip in your interview being greeting in the mind of the interviewer with, "You didn't do so well there, did you Einstein?"

And if you do not have a high IQ (and I had a resume that listed an IQ of 105) who cares? What message are you trying to send? That you do not have enough experience to fill a letter sized page of paper? That you do not understand the IQ scale?

So keep your IQ to yourself.