Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXVII

11:25 a.m. - A caller from the 14500 block of Storm Ridge Road reported she couldn't get out because a huge storage container was being moved down her road. She was advised to wait 15 minutes.

[Practical advice.]

2:03 p.m. - A caller from the 10400 block of Broken Oak Court reported hearing someone in the neighborhood banging around on something. Responding deputies discovered the neighbor was setting a crib up for a baby.

[Having set up a crib, I can picture the scene in my mind.]

3:13 p.m. - A woman called from the 15000 block of Carrie Drive saying she'd advertised some items in The Union and got a call from an operator who asked her questions that had nothing to do with the advertised items. While she was talking to the operator, she heard an automated voice say," This could be a scam." The woman said she's received two such calls. She requested a log entry and was asked to contact Nevada County Sheriff's Office.

[There has to be a loophole where, if you warm people something is a scam, you are then absolved of wrong doing. Maybe?]

1:51 a.m. - A woman from the 200 block of Mill Street reported a man in his 50s with a gray beard and mustache and wearing a bandanna, vest and hat was yelling outside her house. Police contacted the 55-year-old man and advised him not to contact the woman and move on.

[As usual, I like the choice of items people use to describe people.]

1:13 p.m. - A woman from the 11000 block of Butler Road reported she was dripping blood from her body. An ambulance responded, and a deputy took an informational report. No arrest was made.

[Bleeding is not a crime, though getting blood on public property might be littering.]

12:23 p.m. - A caller from 13400 Wings of Morning Drive reported receiving threats by text message. The calls were coming from a phone number that refused incoming calls when deputies contacted it. A phone trap will be considered if the messages continue.

[More mental imagery: A phone trap. I picture a phone in the middle of the woods stuck in some steel jaws.]

6:20 p.m. - A caller from the 10300 block of Adam Avenue reported a large explosion. Responding deputies were unable to locate anything.

["Anything" having been, presumably, taken care of by the reported large explosion.]

8:50 p.m. - A caller from the 11100 block of Lakeshore North reported receiving threats by e-mail.

[What a wonderful age we live in.]

3:27 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Valencia Road reported hearing shots fired with an unknown weapon. The caller called back to say the shots were from loggers shooting at a wasps' nest.

[The whole fly/sledge hammer saying comes to mind.]

2:16 a.m. - A caller from Squirrel Creek Road reported multiple people standing on the bridge, blowing a whistle.

[When whistles are outlawed, only the outlaws will have whistles.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXVI

11:11 a.m. - A caller from the 1000 block of East Main Street reported being hit in the face with a beverage from an approximately 22-year-old man driving a gray Honda four-door sedan. Police were unable to locate the man.

[I just wonder if it was still in its container when it hit him.]

7:51 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Yuba Ridge Drive reported a neighbor just shot a deer with a high-powered rifle and then put it in his truck. Police contacted the caller and told the caller that it wasn't a crime.

[It is called deer season.]

12:37 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported someone threw coffee on her earlier in the day. Police took a report.

[Was the person in a grey Honda?]

2:05 p.m. - A caller from Highway 49 reported a person by a disabled vehicle appeared as if he or she wanted to jump over the side of the highway. The person called back to report the car had a flat tire and police did not need to respond.

[Nice of the person to call back after their moment of panic.]

3:41 p.m. - A woman from Candy Lane to report she was being held captive by three people and she just snuck out of the house. Police contacted the woman and took her to the hospital for a mental health evaluation.

[It is surprising to see how often "mental health evaluation" comes up in the blotter.]

4:19 a.m. - A caller from Idaho-Maryland Road reported a foul smell as though there was an excess of sewage built up. A patrol officer was advised.

[What was the office going to do?]

2:13 a.m. - An off-duty police officer called to report a parolee on the 200 block of Broad Street showed him a bag of methamphetamine and said he was under the influence, that he had a gun and he was going to kill the person who had been sleeping with his girlfriend. The officer determined the man did not have a gun. Police looked for the man and could not find him. Truckee Police went to check the man's residence in Truckee, but they could not locate the street address. Local police checked another address in the Greenhorn area and found nothing unusual. A vehicle belonging to a person listed in a restraining order against the parolee was found at the parolee's address. The parolee's father said the man and the woman were in an "on again-off again" relationship.

["On again-off again" seems to describe his relationship with reality.]

2:24 p.m. - A caller from a bar on the 29000 block of Highway 49 in North San Juan reported a man was headbutted by another man in the pool room. The victim was bleeding from the nostrils, but he did not want medical attention and he did not want to make a report. Deputies checked the area and were unable to locate the suspect or any witnesses.

[Nice to see a good "Glasgow Handshake" in the news.]

3:07 p.m. - A woman called from the 13000 block of Capitol Drive to report people from a meat company tried to sell her meat. She felt it was suspicious. She requested a log entry.

[The roving meat salesmen are back. No word on their anger or aggressiveness.]

8:57 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Skaith Bend Road reported someone threw a rock through the caller's front door. A deputy took a report for vandalism.

[I assume the door was open at the time. Either that, or somebody has a hell of an arm.]

12:20 p.m. - A caller from the Veterans Memorial Building on Auburn Street said a number of high school juveniles were behind the building drinking, possibly smoking marijuana, and changing clothes before they took off from the scene.

[Are we sure this wasn't the Cornish Christmas again?]

6:42 p.m. - A caller from the 1400 block of Segesworth reported a woman was outside her apartment screaming and cursing at other tenants. Police contacted the woman and maintained the peace.

[Perhaps they restored the peace, but if the woman was screaming, I cannot imagine there was much peace to maintain.]

10:03 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Second Street reported a pit bull was on her deck, and two Aussies and one golden retriever also were loose in the neighborhood.

[And if I know anything about Aussies on the loose, they were probably already drinking at 10am.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXV

9:35 a.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Ophir Street to report her granddaughters refused to give her videotapes back. Police would follow up.

[I am sure somebody is going to have to draw the short straw to get that assignment.]

3:36 a.m. - An officer took a report at a business for a found ukulele and mandolin.

[Any report that contains a ukulele stands on its own, humor-wise. A mandolin is icing no the cake.]

8:56 a.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Valley View Road reported her son just moved to the area and left a message for her to call him, but she had not been able to reach him for two days. A deputy called the son and he said he was just fine. He would call his mom.

[There is a message in that for all of us: Call your mother.]

10:33 p.m. - A caller from the 12000 block of Slate Creek Road reported multiple vehicles with multiple men who were acting oddly. The caller thought the men may have been trying to steal firewood. A deputy responded, and the incident appeared to be a traffic collision.

[Traffic accident, criminal conspiracy... they look so much alike.]

1:36 a.m. - A caller reported a large party at a residence at Highway 174 and Somerset Drive. Underage drinking reportedly was involved. The caller wanted to remain anonymous. The caller was not at the party but read about it on MySpace.

[Yes, thanks, very helpful.... surfing MySpace at 1:30 in the morning.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller from the hospital on the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a person was out of control in the emergency room. Police contacted the caller and advised mental health and emergency room staff that unless the patient becomes combative, it is not a law enforcement issue.

[We have certain criteria that must be met before we can taze somebody.]

8:48 p.m. - A caller from the hospital on the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a mental health patient was becoming extremely combative and medical staff needed police assistance. Police responded and remained on scene while the patient underwent a mental health evaluation.

[And that criteria has now been met. Okay, it didn't say they used the tazer, but I like to think that they did.]

11:46 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Alpine Lane reported a man who looked like "Barney Fife" with a thin black mustache attempted to burglarize a home. The front door was kicked in, but his entry was blocked by items behind the door. Police were on the lookout for the man.

[Any time the name "Barney Fife" appears in the police blotter is just pure gold. Barney Fife with a thin black mustache. I think we all have that mental picture now.]

7:06 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Neal Street reported a man with long brown hair and facial hair took Early Times whiskey. The man was caught on video. Police took a report for shoplifting.

9:47 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Neal Street reported the same man who took whiskey returned to the store and stole more alcohol. He was last seen five minutes before the call. Police contacted a 31-year-old man and cited him on suspicion shoplifting and violating probation.

[And you thought the whole "returning to the scene of the crime" thing was a cliche.]

12:08 p.m. - A caller from the 900 block of Helling Way reported a man was screaming and fighting everyone. Police responded and the man was moving along.

[I like the idea of "fighting everyone."]

9:03 a.m. - A caller from Sierra College Drive reported a young man wearing white pants was exposing himself. Police contacted the man and gave him a ride to East Main Street. The man was not exposing himself.

[It was just the position of the sun that gave that impression.]

7 p.m. - A caller from West Main Street reported about 20 youths were raising their voices and appeared to be getting ready to fight. Police determined the group was practicing for upcoming Cornish Christmas.

[Not being familiar with how Christmas goes in Cornwall, I cannot tell if somebody should be deeply insulted or not.]

9:51 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Shadow Hill Drive reported a neighbor threatened to shoot any person or vehicle entering his property. A deputy responded and determined the threat was not criminal. The deputy advised both neighbors that they should consider getting restraining orders and refrain from "taking the law into their own hands."

[They were also admonished to "get some perspective."]

10:42 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported seeing a bleached-blonde woman with a boy haircut in a red Mustang steal a registration tag off a tan car in the parking lot. Police were unable to locate the woman.

[If anybody else thought of "A bleach-blonde, in a red convertible, on the planet Schwartz," leave a comment. She no doubt drove off with Captain Jerk.]

12:10 p.m. - A caller from Main Street reported a man was selling candy, and when he was asked to leave, he became verbally abusive.

[Because that is the kind of person who succeeds in the cutthroat business of candy sales these days.]

12:32 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Mercury Drive to report she felt threatened by a neighbor because he was yelling at her while holding a large metal pipe. The man said he made no aggressive gestures toward the woman. He said he was concerned about speeders in the area. A deputy advised the man not to make gestures at, yell at or contact the woman.

[And stop going around with a large metal pipe in your hand.]

4:16 p.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Mallard Drive reported a man with an Indian accent called and said he was an FBI agent and he was going to arrest her for dealing cocaine. Police contacted the woman and determined no crime had occurred.

[I think this was part of Bob Newhart's stand-up routine at one point.]

4:17 p.m. - A woman called from the 11000 block of Sunset Place to report a man was inside her house. He said he was from a bank, and he was changing the locks. The woman locked herself in the bedroom. A deputy mediated the situation.

[Mediated? Does this imply that the bank does, in fact, employ a roving locksmith?]

12:19 p.m. - A caller from the 12000 block of Loma Rica Drive reported two men with bald heads were going in and out of the bushes, taking off their clothes. Deputies determined the men were waiting for the bus with their shirts off.

[The local transit system having dropped the "No shoes, no shirt, no ride" policy.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXIV

11:21 a.m. - A caller from South Church and Neal streets reported a man on a bus was yelling at a driver. Police contacted the man and he would be walking to North San Juan.

[It does not quite have the same ring as "Walking to New Orleans."]

11:45 a.m. - A person in the police station lobby reported the man from the bus incident was taking off all his clothing.

[Closer. "Walking Naked to North San Juan."]

12:04 p.m. - A caller from McCourtney Road asked for clarification about swastikas and what is lawful.

[Nosey neighbor or contentious vandal?]

2:04 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Pleasant Street reported an evicted resident was trying to move out, and she and another woman were "involved in a slapping fight." Police mediated the situation.

[That probably sounds a lot hotter than it really was.]

8:12 p.m. - A man from the 16000 block of Brewer Road reported a woman tried to run him over with a vehicle. Deputies determined the woman was the victim of an accident six months ago, and she had suffered severe brain injury. The man said he also was also bipolar. The dispute was over property. The man wanted to press charges, then later said he did not want to press charges.

[Well, he is bipolar. You want him to stick to one or the other, get him his medication.]

10:09 a.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Ridge Road reported doors had been vandalized. A deputy determined rocks had been thrown from a distance. The deputy took a report for vandalism.

[Thrown from a distance? My sister used to do this to our neighbor across the street.]

11:48 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported a tall man went into the store twice and asked the caller to hold his hand. He was asking very personal questions. Police contacted the tall man and did not arrest him. They also contacted the caller, who would call again if the man returned.

[Can we hold hands?]

11:11 a.m. - A caller from Street Road reported someone was living in a bus at the intersection of Oak Mesa Drive. The person is reportedly on probation and is resistant to law enforcement. The matter was referred to code enforcement.

[Yeah, let the code enforcement guy go confront the guy in the bus.]

7:44 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Berryman Street dialed 911, then hung up. The caller dialed 911 again and reported the first call was a misdial. Police knocked on the door and no one answered. Twenty minutes later, someone from the same address dialed 911 twice. Police contacted two men and one woman and arrested the two men on suspicion of violation of probation.

[Way to bring attention to yourself!]

9:49 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported that a man in his late 30s nicknamed "Turbo" said that law enforcement is aware he allegedly killed someone in self-defense. Police contacted the 30-year-old man and arrested him on a local warrant and advised him he was no longer welcome at the business.

[Do you think the "business" was a bar? Nice move Turbo!]

5:15 p.m. - A man called from the 15000 block of Ant Hill Road to report theft of mail from his residence sometime during the past week. A check was missing from an envelope. A deputy contacted the caller.

[Mail theft is bad, but I really want to know if you would buy a house on "Ant Hill Road?"]
11:05 p.m. - A woman called from the 15000 block of Kingsbury Circle to report a drunken person kicked in the woman's door and pushed her. A deputy and a taxi responded. No arrests were made.

[I bet the taxi got there first.]

12:09 p.m. - A woman called from the 11000 block of Lower Colfax Road to report a UPS truck came to her house, and she felt it was suspicious. She was "frantic and afraid for her life." She said a bomb had been dropped off at her house. A deputy transported the woman to a mental health facility, and she went voluntarily.

[Those UPS guys and their brown trucks.]

2:55 p.m. - A man in the sheriff's office lobby reported his daughter in Los Angeles was missing. The man has spoken with his daughter, and he did not want her to live in Los Angeles. This did not meet the criteria for a missing person.

[But haven't you seen "Escape from LA?"]

3:09 p.m. - A man from the 11000 block of Ridge Road reported five juveniles were waiting for him to leave so they could ride their skateboards on ramps they had been building.

[So, leave already and let the kids have their fun.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Source of Humor Secure

As this Yahoo headlines shows, at least one staple of humor about the English will continue on into the future.



I can just picture Prince Charles, who has pretty bad teeth for being the son of the richest woman in England, tying a length of string around a door knob and then getting Camilla to slam in order to yank a tooth.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXIII

At 8:23 a.m., officers arrested a 39-year-old man on the 200 block of June Drive on suspicion of damaging a telephone and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[It has been a while since we have seen a charge of damaging a telephone.]

At 5:04 p.m., a caller from a business on the 700 block of Freeman Lane reported that a man was in front of the store swinging a bayonet and bleeding from his hand. Officers made contact with the man, who agreed to be transported to the hospital.

[Somehow, that did not end the way I expected.]

At 7:02 p.m., a caller from a storage lot on the 2500 block of Ridge Road reported that he was stuck inside the lot and the gate security was not responding to his pass code. The caller said that he was opening the gate with a screwdriver, but he wouldn't be able to secure it. Officers contacted the owner, who said he would secure the gate.

[Lesson: Always bring a screw driver.]

12:17 a.m. - Officers cited and released a 59-year-old woman on suspicion of petty theft at the 200 block of Mill Street.

1:24 a.m. - Officers arrested a 59-year-old woman at a business on the 100 block of Neal Street on suspicion of drunk driving and driving with a suspended license and booked her into the Nevada County jail.

[There is no reason this should be the same woman, but I like to think it is.]

7:39 p.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Indian Springs Road reported that she heard a moaning sound outside her house when she returned home. She couldn't find her husband and was checking to see where he was. She believed someone had hurt him. But she found her husband was playing a joke with her.

[Haven't we seen enough sitcoms to know that this soft of thing always ends badly?]

12:10 a.m., Sept. 29 - GVFD and NCFD responded to a vehicle that overturned during a police pursuit on Greenhorn Road. Emergency personnel found one occupant had gotten out of the wreck. Police officers utilized a GVFD thermal imaging camera to search for a second occupant who fled on foot. The first occupant was transported by law enforcement, after a medical assessment.

[You can find people with it? I really want one of those cameras!]

5:39 p.m. - A caller from a business on McKnight Way reported a man wearing no shoes was screaming and yelling at people and swinging a very large stick, trying to hit people. Police contacted the man and took his stick. The caller did not wish to press charges.

[Stick: Not Yours]

10:35 a.m. - A woman called 911 from the 14000 block of Lodgepole Drive to ask what the date was. A dispatcher provided the information to the caller.

[The date? I suppose sometimes it is just easier to handle that kind of call rather than start lecturing on the proper use emergency assistance.]

9:42 a.m. - A caller from Indian Springs Road reported a motorcycle was stuck in a tree with blood on the running board and in the roadway. No one was around, but the blood appeared to be fresh. A deputy determined there was no blood and it appeared to be Jell-O on the roadway. The motorcycle was left at the scene.

[Not just gelatin, but Jell-O brand gelatin. A deputy with a discerning pallet. This has to have been a prank. I wonder how they got the motorcycle in the tree.]

9:25 a.m.- A caller from the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported a man nearly 60 years old was scaring customers. Police contacted the man and advised him to move along.

[His "It's Halloween!" excuse was ignored.]

4:32 p.m. - A caller from the 600 block of East Main Street reported seeing tires rolling down the hill. One tire was found on the side of the road with no one around and no evidence that tires continued to roll down the street.

[I just want to repeat that there is NO evidence that tires continued to roll down the street. That is all.]

7:41 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Ramon Court reported feeling he was "under siege" because his garage door wasn't opening. He told the dispatcher he would use the front door that evening.

[Then the power went out for fifteen minutes. It was like the Bataan Death March.]

5:50 p.m. - A woman called 911 from the 14000 block of Lodgepole Drive to report she was upset because she wasn't getting any reception on her television. A dispatcher advised the woman to contact the cable company directly.

[Me? I would have been more likely to complain about the stuff on TV when I do get reception.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXII

8:44 a.m. - A caller from Mainhart Drive and Kate Hayes Street reported a woman in a blue Ford Explorer was naked and shaking her breasts at the caller. Police contacted an 18-year-old woman and a 19-year-old man and told them to leave the area.

[It is a little early in the day for the sort of thing... public breast shaking and such... though they might still be on a roll from the night before.]

8:21 p.m. - A man called from the 13000 block of Golden Eagle Way to report a man threatened to burn his house down if he didn't pay him $5,000.

[There is something refreshing in straightforward extortion. Give me X or I will do Y.]

1:04 a.m. ­ A caller from the 13000 block of Preston Road reported a truck pulled into his driveway and four men came to the door looking for someone that "ripped them off." One man was carrying a claw hammer. Deputies were unable to locate the four men.

[I'm not sure I would have answered the door.]

3:08 p.m. ­ A caller from the 11000 block of Millpond Lane reported a girl ran away. Deputies were advised to be on the lookout for her. She has pink braces.

[Did they have any details about here that did not require a close-up of her smile?]

5:52 a.m. ­ A juvenile from the 15000 block of Cascade Drive reported three men were on the roof, then moved to the backyard. A deputy determined the report was unfounded, and the juvenile had been hallucinating.

[That is it. Just a figment of your imagination.]

1:49 p.m. - Police recovered a stolen 2002 Honda Quad Runner on the 100 block of Saint John's Drive.

4:39 p.m. - Police arrested a 19-year-old man on the 700 block of Doris Drive on suspicion of stealing a vehicle, related to the recovery of a Honda Quad Runner.

[It is nice to see same-day case resolution.]

6:43 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive to report she was being stalked by the maintenance man. Police determined the report was unfounded and notified the property manager. The woman called back to say she wanted extra police patrol in the area. An officer was advised.

[I think we've heard from this woman before.]

9:48 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Main Street reported finding drugs in a first aid kit. An officer took a report.

[Okay, I know they meant illegal drugs... but still, "Drugs Found in First Aid Kit" is never going to be a surprising headline.]

1 p.m. - a woman called from a mobile home park on the 10000 block of School Street to report her neighbor uses profanity and the "N" word. The woman was also upset because the man talks to her and seems to be outside of his trailer whenever she is outside of her trailer. Deputies determined the man's actions do not meet the criteria of stalking. A deputy contacted the man, who agreed not to talk to the woman and avoid her if he sees her near her trailer.

[I had a neighbor like that. He used to corner me every week when I brought out the garbage cans and complain about his idiot daughter and her good-for-nothing husband (his words) who had to move in with him and his wife. I could see his point, but I was not keen to hear it every week.]

11:01 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 29000 block of Highway 49 in North San Juan reported a tall man in his 50s was threatening patrons. The man refused to leave. The caller reported 40 minutes later the man appeared to be leaving.

[You can go ahead and tell the Sheriff Department's Rapid Response Team to stand down.]

1:52 a.m. - A deputy reported a person ran out of gas and pulled over on the side of Highway 49 at Rincon Way. When the deputy arrived on scene, the person was acting suspiciously and masturbating. The deputy requested a second patrol unit. The deputies admonished the driver. No arrest was made.

[Oh my. Aren't you supposed to save that "out of gas" excuse for when you have somebody else along for the ride? I also find it odd that he had time to act suspiciously while masturbating. Generally I am good for one or the other, but not both.]

2:55 p.m. - A caller from the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a man with a mustache was urinating on the building. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[I have a fondness for descriptions that include just ONE detail about the person in question, mostly because they leave the impression that people with that characteristic favor that behavior. For example, here, my first thought was, "Men with mustaches like to pee in public." Completely false, of course, but for a moment all men with mustaches were suspect.]

5:02 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive reported a man with a goatee was sitting on the caller's lawn. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[Impressions: Men with goatees are oddballs who will just sit on people's lawns. I bet if he had a mustache he would be urinating on the lawn!]

7:44 a.m. - Police stopped a man on Meadow Drive who refused to show his ID to deputies. He was admonished on suspicion of trespassing and urinating in public.

[Did he have a mustache?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Executive Initiative

I run a moderately sized organization in our company. I would not exactly call it an empire, but the corporate organizational chart shows that I have over 30 people reporting into me. My team is spread across the world, with people in the US, India, and the Czech Republic.

Maybe not an empire, but the sun never sets on it.

My wife sometimes makes the mistake of asking me what I did at the office on a given day. Sometimes I follow up that mistake by telling her the truth.

Last week she asked and I told her that in addition to the usual meetings to attend and fires to put out, I spent a good part of my day busily burning CDs, updating and printing labels, editing release notes, and double checking dozens of little details that come along with a product release.

My wife wanted to know why *I* had to do all of that. Didn't I have somebody to do all of that stuff for me? She has seen the org chart. She knows how many people I have working for me.

I explained that the people who work for me are all highly skilled, well paid professionals.

She pointed out that I was also a highly skilled, well paid professional.

I told her yes, but I am a manager. My primary responsibility to ensure that my team is productive, that the company is getting their money's worth out of their investment in these people. Often that means keeping them somewhat isolated from the trivia and focused on the goals for the team.

I then told her a story of my youth, which is what I do a lot these days now that I am over 40 and something of an old fart.

When I was around eight years old, I was at my grandfather's company. He started his own business after the WWII, which turned into a reasonable success. My father, my uncles, my aunt, and a few cousins ended up working for him at one time or another. I did my own stretch working for him, on the loading dock, when I was in my teens.

But back when I was eight, I was in his office, which was large and well appointed. I said to him that I would like an office like his some day. He smiled and asked if I really wanted to be an executive. I said "Yes!" quite enthusiastically. He got up and said, "Follow me."

He lead me off to the men's room where he picked up a toilet brush and handed it to me.

He said, "If you want to be an executive, start by cleaning the toilet."

He laughed while I looked at him like he was crazy. Cleaning toilets wasn't going to get me a big office.

Then he said, "When you're ready to do what needs to be done, no matter what, you can be an executive."

So now when my wife asks about my day, she makes a point to enquire about the toilets. I assure her that we pay somebody to take care of that.

Meanwhile, I do what needs to be done... though I do not have a nice office.

Not yet, anyway.

Maybe I should go order some pop-up Post-It® dispensers.

Pop Symbolism

I think it is somehow symbolic that, in our office supply cabinet, we have only Post-It® note pads designed for pop-up dispensers, but nobody in our office actually has such a dispenser.

I was also unaware at how big of a brand Post-It® has become for 3M.

All I have is little yellow square pads... for pop-up dispensers.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXI

10:07 a.m. - A woman went into the police station to report she was angry with the local newspaper over something that was in the police blotter. No names were used in the blotter item, but she said allegations were unfounded. Police contacted the woman. Because a person was filing false reports against her, police advised the woman of the restraining order process.

[I bet this isn't going to make her any happier. I wonder which entry did it?]

7:28 p.m. - A man called from the 300 block of Horizon Circle to report his flower bulbs were pulled from his garden and thrown into the street within the last hour. The man wanted extra police patrols.

[That has to be either a wild animal or a wild neighbor dispute. Or maybe there is some "anti perennial" faction at work in Nevada County.]]

10:39 p.m. - A man called from Richardson Street to report a man was trying to break into a dark-colored Honda Civic. The caller also said, "the guy owes me money." Police responded and determined there was no burglary. They assisted the man, who was locked out of his car.

[It is the little touches, like "the guy owes me money" that make so many of these reports.]

10:19 a.m. - A caller reported a woman was acting strange on the east side of Monte Vista Drive. She was talking to herself, picking up rocks, throwing them and banging the rocks together. A deputy contacted the woman and determined she was hunting for rocks. She was strange but did not meet the requirements for a mental health evaluation. She walked out of the area with a deputy, but she declined a ride.

[They can't take you in for merely being strange.]

2:36 p.m. - A man called from the 10000 block of Carey Drive to report his girlfriend was attempting to steal his vehicle with a tow truck. The CHP was notified of a possible stolen vehicle. The CHP notified the sheriff's office that the car was registered to both the man and the woman, but the woman went to the DMV and had the registration changed to her name only. The tow truck driver was refusing to release the vehicle until deputies arrived. The car would remain where it was. A deputy warned the woman she would be arrested for trespassing if she returned to the property.

[This is why you get married, so when you split up, your lawyer gets the car.]

11:01 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Bali Court reported 15 to 20 cows were headed down Shangrila Lane. Dispatchers advised the CHP and Animal Control.

[There is a "cow heaven" joke in here somewhere.]

1:46 p.m. - A caller from a business in the 12000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a man walked in and said he hoped the place would blow up. The same man with dark hair and glasses has made previous threats to bomb the business. Responding officers were unable to locate the man.

[In a small town you do not have as many options when it comes to bomb threats.]

3:53 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Main Street reported a tall man with bushy eyebrows and a wine carrier appeared to be flashing a false law enforcement badge. He was last seen headed up West Main Street. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[Had he been sampling the wine?]

At 9:46 p.m. - A caller from Mill Street reported a woman was crying. Police contacted the woman and she was fine. Police advised a bartender to refrain from serving alcohol to two other people.

[It is called "going above and beyond."]

2:36 p.m. - A caller from Brock Road reported a water line broke in front of a market. A Public Works employee was on his way to fix the leak.

[It may be just me, but a broken water line and a leak seem to be two different things.]

7:32 Sept. 18 - The GVFD and NCFD responded to a structure fire on Dorsey Drive. The caller reported a strong smell of electrical burning and could not locate the source. Firefighters used a thermal imaging camera to locate and secure a faulty light fixture.

[I still want one of those cameras. I looked them up though, and they are expensive.]

3:03 p.m. - A woman called from the 17000 block of Highway 20 to report someone told her about an electrical problem on her property, and she wanted extra patrol in case of a fire. If a fire broke out, she said, she would sue the county because they didn't do anything to prevent it. She yelled at the dispatcher, refused to calm down and hung up the phone.

[She needs one of those thermal cameras... and a sense of responsibility.]

4:45 p.m. - A woman called to report a woman from the 17000 block of Highway 20 called her and was upset because she thought someone was going to burn down her house. The caller wanted a deputy to contact the woman, and if no contact were made, she would report the sheriff's office to the FBI. A dispatcher said a deputy would call the woman and the caller said she would check with the woman to ensure the call was made.

[Reporting the sheriff's department to the FBI? And she isn't the crazy one on the street. That was the first caller.]

11:33 a.m. - Police arrested a 19-year-old man on the 900 block of West Main Street on suspicion of inducing a minor to violate health and safety code provisions.

[A health and safety code provision? Did he encourage an under age employee to not wash his hands after using the rest room?]

5:11 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Colfax Highway reported a rattlesnake was in the house. The caller said everything was O.K.

[Presumably the OK signal was given at some time after the snake had left the building.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)