Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CV

2:06 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 19000 block of Highway 174 reported a man and a woman trying to make a purchase using a 1934 $20 bill. They were trying to convince the store owner the bill was worth more than $20 now. The caller requested log entry only.

[Another one for the "Let me know how that works out for you" files.]

5:37 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Brewer Road reported people selling meat out of the back of a truck, probably without a license.

[Giving a bad name to all those legitimate meat salesmen working out of the backs of their trucks! Still, I am mildly disappointed that they were not described as "angry" or at least "aggressive" as in past reports.]

1:31 p.m. - A business on the 12000 block of Nevada City Highway reported receiving a counterfeit $20 bill. Officers determined the bill was simply old and verified its authenticity at a nearby bank.

[A 1934 series bill by any chance? I hear those are worth more than $20.]

4:28 p.m. - A business on the 100 block of East Main Street reported a person came in and left without paying for services. Officers took a report.

[There is nothing amusing here, other than the fact that you have no idea what happened. A person went into a business and left without paying for services. Could have been the batting cages, could have been a brothel.]

3:02 a.m. - A caller reported a road block with traffic cones had been set up on Ridge Road across from Nevada Union High School, and when the caller slowed for it, someone threw fruit at his vehicle. Officers were unable to locate anyone after an extensive search of the area.

[These sorts of things seem really funny at 3am, unless you're the one being pelted with fruit.]

9:18 a.m. - A caller near Chapel and Brighton streets reported loud music coming from an area church. The music was turned down after officers arrived.

[And this was on a Tuesday.]

2:44 p.m. - A woman from the 13000 block of Greenhorn Road reported that her neighbors had broken into her house and were stealing her clothes and hair ties.

[My hair ties! My beautiful hair ties!]

6:10 p.m. - A woman from the 16000 block of Aileen Way reported that her 8-year-old child was throwing a tantrum about cleaning her room. The dispatcher told the woman she should call 911 only for emergencies.

[But we have guests coming over in an hour! It is an emergency!]

9:00 p.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported that she was walking home with her dogs when a pit bull attempted to attack her. The pit bull’s owner then threatened the woman that he'd come after her and told her to get out of the area. The pit bull didn’t bite the woman or her dogs, the woman said.

[See, it's not the dogs, it's the owners.]

6:06 p.m. - A hysterical female on Neal Street was reportedly upset about a past relationship. Her father arrived and took her home.

[We've all been there. Okay, maybe not actually on Neal Street, but in the vicinity.]


10:30 a.m. - A man set up a dredge in Wolf Creek at the Bank Street bridge. Officers told him to move on.

[It's Saturday and I just got this new dredge, I thought I'd just look for gold.]

12:13 a.m. - A suspicious male was overhead shouting in the shadows on the 2300 block of Nevada City Highway.

['Shouting in the Shadows' would be a good name for a band.]

2:20 a.m. - An intoxicated man was reported running into traffic at West Main and Neal streets. Officers located the man and booked him into Wayne Brown Correctional Facility on suspicion of being drunk in public.

[What kind of traffic is there on West Main and Neal at 2 am on a Sunday night?]

10:47 p.m. - A vehicle was repossessed on the 22900 block of Sunset Ridge Drive.

[That isn't a crime, so I'm not sure why it is in the blotter. Maybe it is there to warn the neighbors not to lend money to the person who is suddenly missing a car, as they aren't paying their bills?]

6:21 p.m. - A man with a beard and no clothes was reported walking down Pleasant Valley Road. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[This is why they put cameras in cell phones, so people will believe you when you tell them this stuff.]

8:17 a.m. - A volunteer vehicle repossession was made on the 11300 block of Alpine Lane.

[Now I'm more confused. Still, signs of a bad economy are everywhere.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

They Also Serve, Who Only Click and Wait

After a week of checking the superior court web site several times a day, the row that included my number finally gave me the message I was waiting for:

Thank you for your services to the court this week. You are excused and will receive a one year exception.

Not that I was even expecting to be called in on a Friday, a day that is generally reserved for motions and administrative functions down at the courthouse. Or, if you believe the local paper, for playing golf.

Either way, I have served on three juries and have never had to be in court on a Friday.

And, if the usual pattern follows, I will get another summons in 7-10 months and will be able to use the one year exemption.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIV

12:19 p.m. - A business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported three male juveniles came in wanting to sell diamonds. The clerk refused and then called police because the trio seemed suspicious. Officers were unable to locate the juveniles.

[Juvenile diamond sellers? A change from belligerent door-to-door meat salesmen I suppose.]

12:48 a.m. - A woman from the 20000 block of Penn Valley Drive reported that the headlights of her Jeep, which was parked in the driveway, came on and then turned off by themselves. She wanted officers to check it out.

[We'll get right on that.]

12:12 p.m. - A man from the 22000 block of Rambling Oaks Drive reported that someone had entered his house and a file cabinet and a George Foreman grill were missing.

[Somebody else is eating healthier now.]

9:39 a.m. - A man from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported his mentally disabled brother was having difficulty breathing due to the smoky air. The person was referred to the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection.

[And what is the CDF supposed to do for somebody having trouble breathing? "Oh, hey, my brother is coughing a lot, could you put out those fires faster, please?]

4:06 p.m. - A person came into the police department with gun ammunition, which was destroyed.

[Right there in front of them? I'd like to see that!]

12 a.m. - A caller saw a woman in a nightgown or a hospital gown pushing a shopping cart on Dorsey Drive.

[Well, it is hot out, and those gowns are nice and breezy.]

2:34 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Carriage Road reported she recalled she had a restraining order against her husband, whom she had allowed to stay at her residence for the past two years. The woman said she wanted her husband removed from her house. She was told that the police were uncomfortable enforcing an order she had disregarded for the past two years.

[Hey, I just remembered, I have a restraining order against you! Get out!]

1:05 p.m. - The Grass Valley Library reported a van with the word "Psychic," written on it had been in a handicapped parking spot for more than 24 hours. The situation was turned over to the parking officer.

[I wonder if they saw that coming?]

2:07 p.m. - A caller said they lost their glasses while at the Greenwood Cemetery.

[And you want the police to do what?]

3:20 p.m. - A two car accident on Race Street produced no injuries.

[They call it Race Street for a reason I guess.]

2:06 p.m. - A woman called from the 14000 block of Tanglefoot Court reporting that her neighbor has been videotaping her for about three years. She was seeking advice on what she could do about the situation.

[Restraining order.]

4:52 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Palm Court reporting that her boyfriend was threatening her for having his wallet. She said she couldn't give him back his wallet as it would be a violation of probation.

[One serious wallet.]

6:58 p.m. - A woman who made a 911 call from the 11000 block of Combie Road reported she was teaching her kids how to dial the emergency number.

[A proponent of practical instruction!]

10:10 a.m. - A caller from Finley and Spring streets reported a vehicle parked in the middle of the street with the back end parked in the caller's garden.

[No alcohol involved there, I'm sure!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Farewell, Fake Steve Jobs!

So many great things in life are fleeting. Brilliant and fresh and there at just the right moment in time.

And such was The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs.

Started by Daniel Lyons as a joke to amuse some friends, it grew a cult following spurred not only by the great writing, but by the mystery of who was really doing the writing.

The insight into life in Silicon Valley and the industry out here was outstanding. And the influence it had was incredible. Friends of mine at Sun Microsystems say that everybody there knows who you mean when you say, "My Little Pony."

But the time has passed. Mr. Lyons has hung up the persona of Fake Steve and is moving on to other things.

Fans of the site will miss it dearly, but all things pass.

Another bright spot on the internet , it will soon fade from memory for most of us. And in a few years somebody will bring it up and those that do remember will say, "Wow, has it been that long since Fake Steve Jobs shut down?" the way I even now think about how it has been nine years since The Dysfunctional Family Circus was taken down.

It seems like only yesterday.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIII

1:46 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported juveniles riding their bikes in a precarious manner in the parking lot in front of the caller's business. They have been told to leave and have not, the caller said. Officers contacted the juveniles and they left.

[Precarious bicycle riding, a first for the blotter.]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from the intersection of Packard Drive and Brighton Street reported that a man had punched his mailbox. Officers cited and released the 20-year-old man for vandalism.

[Some insult/injury going on there, unless the mail box was made out of papier mache.]

2:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Idaho-Maryland Road reported a man and woman arguing in a vehicle with three children in it. The couple drove away on the Golden Center Freeway before officers could respond.

[Sounds like a normal scene from my childhood. I would have to guess that the subject of "asking for directions" had been broached.]

7:11 p.m. - A Church Street caller in a wheelchair reported being chased by five subjects and a large dog who were all screaming for her to stay home. Responding officers determined it was simply an argument.

[Good, as I was strongly considering "performance art" as the answer.]

1:40 p.m. - A man from 10000 block of Cement Hill Road reported vandalism to a mailbox and offered to preserve forensic evidence if needed.

[Grass Valley CSI will get the FBI lab will get right on that.]

8:53 p.m. - A caller from Washington Street overpass reported juveniles dropping caution cones on cars below.

[I should collect a series of "dropping things from the overpass" entries. This is what happens when you build an overpass in a small town.]

10 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Pamela Drive reported that a garbage truck had knocked down a power line across the road. Waste Management was notified about the incident.

[I might have called PG&E.]

1:52 p.m. - A caller from the 800 block of East Main Street reported being threatened by her sister if she didn't drop charges against her.

[Family life!]

8:45 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way said his roommates had terminated power to his room and he could not find the landlord. Responding officers learned from one of the roommates that the caller had threatened his life. Officers eventually determined it was a civil issue.

[Sounds more like an uncivil issue.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CII

4:22 p.m. - A woman called from the 600 block of Brighton Street to report her neighbor told her a woman in a white Ford Explorer was taking pictures of her dogs. The woman in the SUV refused to tell the neighbor what she was doing and left the area. Patrol officers were advised.

[I suspect those people at I Has A Hotdog]

7:58 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported she was punched in the side of the head by a 20- to 30-year-old heavy-set man with bleached blonde hair. The man had been seen sleeping on a bench about 30 minutes before.

[Didn't we read about this last time?]

11:55 a.m. - A large emu was reported running amuck on Freeman Lane. Officers caught the animal.

[More rogue emu as well.]

10:50 a.m. - A business on the 400 block of Idaho-Maryland Road reported finding narcotics in a patrol vehicle they were working on.

[An LAPD level of evidence handling there. Or was that for recreational use?]

2:55 p.m. - A caller from the 16800 block of Kiwi Road reported that someone had tapped into their NID pipe and were stealing all their water.

[Not just some of their water but ALL of their water. I think, in that case, it isn't a tap any more.]

11:33 a.m. - A caller from the business on the 1200 block of Main Street reported counterfeit $5 bills.

[Now that is low budget. It has to cost that much in time, effort, and ink to make a fake bill.]

2:30 p.m. - A caller from the 400 block of Neal Street reported the neighbor's dog had been barking all day. An officer located the dog, which was stuck in a ditch, and freed it. The dog was no longer barking.

[A little bit of effort.]

6:39 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 800 block of Sutton Way reported a man wearing a plaid shirt and white tennis shoes was demanding free items from store employees and he was refusing to leave. Police contacted the 59-year-old man and told him to leave the store.

[Yeah, we've all seen him in the store before.]

10:49 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 700 block of Sutton Way reported two people climbed into the window of a green van. The caller thought the people were trying to steal the van. Police determined one of the people was the owner of the van, which was having mechanical problems.

[Mechanical problems including the keys being locked inside?]

7:19 p.m. - A mother called from the 11000 block of Lower Circle Road to report a person was under the influence of alcohol and mushrooms. The woman requested deputies arrive without a siren. Deputies determined the person was not under the influence of a controlled substance, but had been drinking. The mother would call back if the person continued to cause a disturbance.

[Things are bad enough around here without having you roar up with the sirens blaring.]

8:53 p.m. - A caller from the 19000 block of Victoria Drive reported a very drunk person was attempting to leave the residence. The caller hid the keys, but it appeared the person was trying to hot-wire a white Ford Taurus. A deputy determined the person had gone to sleep for the evening.

[I think that would be more accurately termed "passed out" for the evening.]

12:44 p.m. - A caller from the 17000 block of Lasso Loop reported a drunken woman was passed out on the floor. The woman was being combative. The woman was transported to the hospital.

[It is hard to be on the floor drunk and believably combative at the same time.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Shades of Soylent Green

I read in the news that the man who designed the packaging for Pringles potato chips passed away. Of course, what really caught my eye was how his ashes were stored:

CINCINNATI - The man who designed the Pringles potato crisp packaging system was so proud of his accomplishment that a portion of his ashes has been buried in one of the iconic cans.

This immediately made me imagine some distant future when some archiologist uncovers his sealed crypt and finds a potato chip can. Taking it back to the lab for analysis, they review the results with horror:

"It's people! Pringles were made out of people! They made their food out of people!"

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CI

6:38 p.m. - A woman called from the 200 block of Mill Street to report her neighbor's Chihuahua bit her shoe. The woman was told to contact Animal Control.

[What was the damage to the shoe?]

7:53 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Townsend Street to report her husband was not allowing her to leave with their children. It sounded as if the two were fighting, then the line went dead. Police arrested the 33-year-old man on suspicion of destroying or removing a wireless communication device.

[We have stepped into the modern age and beyond merely damaging telephone equipment.]

2:24 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Walsh Street reported a woman was screaming about money. Police contacted a drunk woman inside her home. Police told the woman to stay inside and to keep it down.

[Pipe down lady, we've all got our own troubles.]

8:36 p.m. - A woman called from the 800 block of Freeman Lane to report cars were racing three abreast on Freeman Lane. The woman called back to say a juvenile just vomited in front of her residence. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate the juvenile or drivers.

[Or the vomit?]

7:23 a.m. - A man called from the 23000 block of St. Helena Drive to report his dog brought home what appeared to be a crack pipe. The caller would dispose of the item.

[When animals do drugs....]

8:26 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported hearing a man making "animal like" sounds behind a business. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on suspicion of inhaling chemicals for the purpose of intoxication.

[Like an animal doing drugs.]

8:24 p.m. - CHP officers reported seven loose dogs were running in traffic on Highway 49 at Oak Tree Road. An Animal Control officer responded and was unable to corral the dogs. The dogs were causing an extreme traffic hazard, and the officer was not able to get ahold of Animal Control administration to get permission to kill the dogs. The officer would return the following day after contacting administration.

[Another example of the massive amounts of red tape in the bush.]

5:19 p.m. - A caller said liquidation signs were illegally posted on Sutton Way at Brunswick Road and the caller was tired of looking at them. An officer called the person.

[And could you talk the guy across the street into paint his place a nicer color?]

9:49 a.m. - A caller from a convenience store on the 100 block of Hughes Road reported a sign was stolen earlier in the morning.

[One sign...]

11:41 a.m. - A caller from a gas station on the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a sign was stolen. Police took a report for petty theft.

[Two signs...]

1:21 p.m. - A caller from a gas station on the 1000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a sign was stolen. Police took a report for grand theft.

[Three signs... I am going to guess that each of these places was selling gas that had just gone past $4 a gallon.]

12:29 p.m. - A woman called from the 900 block of East Main Street to report her twin sister assaulted her. Police contacted both women and cited one on suspicion of assault.

[No possibility for confusion in this situation!]

8:22 p.m. - A man called from the 11000 block of Tyler Foote Crossing Road to report his granddaughter vandalized his property and bit his wife. A deputy took a report.

[Kids these days.]

2:44 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Olympia Park Road reported a man known for inhaling paint fumes just tried to buy paint. A patrol officer was advised.

[What do you have to do to become a known inhaler of paint fumes... well, aside from inhale a lot of paint fumes.]

12:45 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a man known for huffing paint fumes was in the store. The man left before police arrived. Police advised the caller to get a restraining order.

[Well, that is the sort of thing you get when you're open all night. I wonder how many other places this guy tried to get paint over the past 10 hours.]

10:52 a.m. - A caller from the 18000 block of Fair Oaks Drive reported activities happening in a residence involving "young males who are wearing the same color clothes." A deputy contacted the caller.

[Activities like what? Team sports?]

7:32 p.m. - A man called from a store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way to report he was urinating behind the business when a man in his 40s came up behind him and scared him. Police checked the area and could not find the man

[Yeah, I was urinating in public when somebody scared me. How does that get called in?]

5:25 p.m. - A caller reported one of his clients with mental health issues was planning to drive a car through a house in Penn Valley with the intention of killing someone. A deputy determined the intended victim did not feel threatened. The person was advised to call 911 if the person came on the property.

[Better put that on speed dial, just in case he is going really fast.]

3:20 p.m. - A male public works employee called from the 400 block of Nimrod Street to report a drunk man was near the playground area at Pioneer Park. The man's pants had fallen down. Police located the 45-year-old man lying in the horseshoe area and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure. It did not appear that the man was intentionally exposing himself, police said.

[And to think that I saw it on Nimrod Street.]

5:13 p.m. - A caller from Frontage Road off McKnight Way reported an emu was in the road. Police chased the emu and cornered it until Animal Control responded and took the emu into custody. It was unknown where the emu was from.

[Australia! The zoo! Harrods!]

12:02 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Argall Way reported a man was behind a business huffing paint. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on suspicion of possessing nitrous oxide.

[Well, it sounds like he finally got some sort of fix.]

7:58 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a man who had been sleeping on a bench hit a female in the head. The female said the man also hit all of her friends in the head. No one wanted to file a complaint.

[I am going to guess that these hits were not big, full wind-up, haymakers then.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. C

4:44 a.m. - A woman called from the hospital emergency room to report she was being refused treatment. The woman wanted an officer to tell the doctors to give her pain medication. The woman was advised that was not something that could be done.

[Police powers do not extend quite that far.]

2:23 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Westhill Drive reported a man was cutting weeds on her property in violation of a restraining order.

[Me, I would be happy at somebody cutting my weeds, but there is obviously a history here.]

6:57 p.m. - A caller reported a bull was loose on Rough and Ready Highway at Highway 20. The CHP would respond. The bull was corralled.

[Makes a change from the cows in the road.]

6:12 p.m. - A man called from the 16000 block of Oscar Drive saying he thought someone had been inside his residence and canceled his vacation booked online. Nothing else in the residence had been disturbed, he said.

[When travel agents go bad? Or how to cover up the fact that you did not hit the "submit" button?]

10:59 a.m. Sunday ­ A man called from the 10000 block of Pekolee Drive to report neighborhood children had been throwing rocks at his goats. The man posted signs in the neighborhood about it and the children left a vulgar message on his answering machine. A deputy contacted the father of the child who allegedly left the message. The father said he had no knowledge of his son making the call.

[Fun times on Pekolee Drive.]

2:51 a.m. today ­ A woman called from the 24000 block of Ridge Top Court to report a large bear was in her goat pen. A deputy contacted the woman, who said the bear had left.

[With or without some goats?]

11:46 p.m. - A caller reported people were lighting batons on fire in the Commercial Street parking lot. Police advised people not to light things on fire.

[Twirlers gone wild.]

11:56 p.m. - A caller reported people were still lighting things on fire. Police stood by as the people gathered their things and left the area.

[Twirlers sent home.]

9:30 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive reported a person who possibly had mental health issues was ranting about communism.

[Was he ranting for or against?]

2:48 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Cypress Hill Drive reported a person was looking into vehicles in the area. Police contacted the person, who was delivering newspapers.

[There is no reason he might not have a petty theft hobby. All those unlocked cars in Nevada County.]

10:01 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Wolf Road reported he had been drinking and he needed to turn himself in on a local warrant. Deputies arrested the man.

[See what happens when you drink?]

9:09 p.m. - A caller from Bennett Street reported two men were driving around the neighborhood selling meat. An officer was advised.

[More meat salesmen "on the hoof" as it were.]

6:30 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a girl was acting "odd" and she may have been a runaway. A deputy arrested the juvenile on suspicion of truancy.

[Was she supposed to be in class at 6:30pm?]

10:13 a.m. - A caller reported that a man with a backpack was lighting incense and waving it around on Church Street. Police could not find the man.

[Could they tell where he had been by the scent?]

10:42 a.m. - A caller said vandals smeared peanut butter on her property at Pleasant Hill Road and suspects it might be a neighbor.

[Something else that has to have a history. I just want to know where on her property the peanut butter was spread.]

12:47 a.m. - A caller reported that four juveniles wearing white shirts and black shorts and other juveniles wearing black clothing were climbing on walls at a business on Plaza Drive. Police made contact with the juveniles who said they were making a "superhero video." They were told to go home.

[At nearly 1am I hope they were at the 17-year old end of the juvenile spectrum.]

1:37 p.m. - A caller complained about skateboarders at a Combie Road business. The skateboarders were warned and told to leave.

[Skateboarding gets you a yellow card?]

5:25 p.m. - A caller said she left her home after getting into a fight with a male during a children's birthday party at a home on Combie Road.

[When kid's parties turn ugly.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Truncated Headline of the Day

Confirmed: Ted Kennedy has a brain!



Judging from the associated picture, the news is being greeted with much enthusiasm.

Good of Obama to be there in Ted's moment of triumph.

Nice work there Yahoo!