Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XIV

At 2:19 p.m., a woman called to say she wanted to press charges for extortion, kidnapping and harassment. She said there were "multiple events" occurring between Depot Street and Packard Street. Police took an informational report.

[It could happen, I suppose, but I tend to think that "delusions" were on the list of "events."]

At 9:28 p.m., a caller reported a Jeep and a truck were stuck in the river at Secret Town. Placer County deputies were unable to locate the people.

[Because, of course, the town is a secret.]

At 5:17 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Manor Drive reported a man was sitting on the grass looking at cars. Police were unable to locate the man.

[Nor did they care I imagine.]

At 6:54 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Carol Drive reported speeding vehicles. The caller asked them to slow down. A car full of juveniles did 'donuts' in front of the caller's house.

[Insult/Injury ratio: moderate]

At 3:11 p.m., a caller from Nevada County reported a person was en route from New Mexico possibly in a stolen car with a trunkload of automatic weapons. A deputy took a report.

[Watch the paper for updates on this story!]

At 3 p.m., a man from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported his girlfriend had called saying she had thrown all his stuff outside and taken all his money.

[I suppose it was nice that she called him and told him.]

At 8:03 p.m., a man reported his wallet and checkbook had been stolen from a vehicle on Mill Street. When police tried to follow up, the man's roommate said the man was heavily medicated and asleep and would not wake him up.

[The police are thwarted again.]

At 8:39 p.m., a woman from a business on West McKnight Way reported she had set the alarm and closed the business with the wrong keys. An officer helped her back inside.

[This is one where you just expect a follow up entry about how the woman then burglarized the place.]

At 11:37 a.m., a woman called to report she received a text message from someone in Sweden threatening her and her family. The caller also reported the incident to the Swedish police.

[Damn Swedes!]

At 3:33 p.m., a man called from the 11000 block of Lakeshore North to report his friend's neighbor was trying to run him over. His friend was in a dispute with the woman and she had been getting more and more violent. The woman was backing into her garage when she spotted the caller and then sped toward him.

[Some times it is not worth getting to know your neighbors.]

At 7:12 p.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Lowhills Road reported an injured deer was stuck in a waterfall, then freed itself and wandered into the woods.

[A happy ending!]

At 8 p.m., a caller from the 900 block of West Main Street reported a teen boy came to her door and wanted to talk about peace, love and a nonviolent community. The caller did not let the boy in but was concerned he was going door-to-door.

[We cannot let this loose talk of peace, love, and nonviolence spread!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)