Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXX

At 2:52 p.m., a caller in the Cypress Hill Area reported a suspicious, heavyset man with an earring driving a green pickup with a white camper pulling into driveways in an attempt to sell meat.

[What, again?]

At 10 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Bank Street reported he almost hit a naked, middle-aged man who was standing in the driveway and brushing his teeth when the caller pulled in.

[What, again?]

At 3:41 a.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Ragan Way reported that his neighbor was throwing sand on his roof and skylight.

[Pretty subtle in the usual scheme of neighborly enmity.]

At 10:34 a.m., a caller from the 21000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported that his aunt had kicked him out of the house and wouldn't let him take his medical marijuana plants with him. Deputies contacted the other party, who confirmed that there were six marijuana plants on the property that belonged to the caller, but she didn't want him on the property to retrieve them.

[There has to be more than a simple correlation here between medical marijuana, Nevada County, and... well... some of the people who live there.]

At 1:19 p.m., a woman from Robert Court reported someone leaving suspicious criminal messages on her teenage daughter’s Internet MySpace page.

[At least she is monitoring her MySpace page. Good luck on the messages.]

At 5:25 p.m., a man from the 13000 block of Squirrel Creek Road requested extra patrols after seeing what appeared to be two juvenile boys "casing out his house and his neighbor's house."

[If we're going to "use the lingo," then let's at least get it right. They were either "casing" your house or "staking out" your house. "Casing out" makes no sense and has never been used by any television private detective.]

At 10:14 p.m., a caller from Friar Tucks Road reported an elderly man with what looked like a weapon, though it could have been a paintball gun.

[I think we can all agree that a paintball gun is a weapon of some sort. Ever been hit by one? On the knuckle?]

At 12:17 p.m., a woman from the 12000 block of Slate Creek Road reported someone had placed dead animals on her property two times in one week. Animal carcasses were placed in her mailbox and hung from a pole with fishing line, the woman said. The woman believes her neighbor put the animals there in retaliation over maintenance repair fees required by the homeowners association.

[See, this is the sort of over-the-top, illogical reaction we expect from neighborhood disputes, not just sand on the skylight.]

At 3:31 p.m., a caller from Uren Street reported a man in some bushes making noises like he was being strangled. Another caller reported two people in the bushes, causing dogs to bark.

[I just wonder how often "Uren Street" is the subject of urine jokes.]

At 11:35 p.m., a man called 911 from the 200 block of Sutton Way. He said he could not control himself and he hung up. Police arrested the man on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[Any time off for being the one to turn himself in?]

At 6:26 p.m., a caller from the 22000 block of East Hacienda Drive reported 20 to 25 juveniles were involved in a "fight club" at a community center. The caller said the juveniles jumped into cars and left the center.

[Didn't that movie come out like eight years ago? Did these kids get tired of the phrase "you're so money" and want to move on to something slightly less out dated?]

At 4:10 p.m., a caller from Broad Street reported a woman was being kicked in the face on Dead Man’s Trail. Police determined the report was unfounded.

[So was this just pretend face kicking? A very convincing mime doing, "Marcel Marceau abusing his wife into the wind?"]

At 11:52 a.m., a hysterical woman called from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive to report her manager hung up on her. The manager called to say a woman was crying because someone was trimming the hedges. Police contacted the woman, who said the maintenance worker was stalking her. According to the manager, the worker was there doing his job. Police determined the complaint was unfounded.

[Good help. A Small town. A difficult proposition.]

At 2:51 p.m., a caller from the 900 block of Helling Way reported a man sitting at a computer had a sword. The sword was on a bench. Police contacted the man who would voluntarily leave the library.

[I want to know what he was doing on the computer. World of Warcraft? His SCA blog? Is blogging with a sword the sort of anachronism the SCA endorses?]

At 5:41 p.m., a caller from Adam Street at Sacramento Street reported a man was hitting a tree with a machete. Deputies arrested the man.

[Nice. Simple. To the point.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)