Friday, February 29, 2008

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXIX

9:54 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of East Main Street reported workers found a knife with blood on it and a sweater. Police collected the items and determined there was no crime.

[The Hardy boys were sent on their way.]

5:18 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 900 block of Plaza Drive reported a patio light was broken by someone who threw a boulder. Police took a report for vandalism.

[Hulk no like outdoor lighting!]

4:24 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Warbler Way reported a burglary in progress. Deputies cited two juveniles on suspicion of burglary and released them to their parents.

[What is this, "Boys will be boys?"]

12:41 p.m. - A woman called from the 13000 block of Meda Drive to report a person violated a restraining order by calling 30 times in the last hour and threatening to kill her and cut her car's brake lines. A deputy called the woman, who said she did not consider the threats credible. However, the person called the woman 29 times while the deputy was on the phone with the woman. The deputy took a report.

[I think persistence raises the credibility of the threat. I'd love to see this guy explain calling 30 times in front of a jury.]

11:55 p.m. - A caller from Broad Street reported a person was swinging a steel bar and hitting meters and light poles. Police arrested the person.

[Hulk no like metered parking!]

3:33 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Boulder Street reported a suspicious-looking man was dancing in the street and undressing. Police determined there was no crime. The man was moving on.

[No crime in happiness I guess.]

8:33 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 300 block of Sacramento Street reported a suspicious-looking man was sucking on gas nozzles and scaring customers and employees. He was wearing white-and-black polka dot pajamas. Police arrested the man on suspicion of trespassing and booked him into jail. The jail would not accept the man, and he was released to the custody of Behavioral Health Services for an evaluation at the hospital emergency room.

[Just another day in Nevada County.]

9:37 p.m. - Officers arrested a 27-year-old man on suspicion of falsity and being drunk in public on the 300 block of West Main Street and booked him into Nevada County jail.

[I just like the word "falisty." A good Scrabble word, that.]

6:26 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Rough and Ready Highway to report her son was calling from jail in Nevada City and making threats. A deputy advised the woman of the restraining order process.

[Okay, I get that the police cannot be, well, policing us every moment, but still. This guy is in jail already. Isn't there something they can do about inmates making threatening calls?]
12:08 a.m. - Officers contacted two employees of a business on the 1800 block of East Main Street who were fighting over a quarter on the ground.

[Worst team building exercise ever.]

2:38 p.m. - A caller reported suspicious activity at a bus stop on Highway 49 at Norambagua Way. A man with short hair and mustache in a dark, four-door sedan was calling to several girls who got off the bus. When the girls left, the man drove away. A second caller reported the same thing; however, a green pickup truck was involved. A third caller reported the vehicle involved was a green Chevrolet Suburban. A deputy would interview all witnesses and take a report.

[Sedan? Pickup? SUV? You can see why eye witness evidence is so unconvincing in court.]

8:23 a.m. - A caller requested police check on a woman who lives in an upstairs unit on the 500 block of Broad Street. The woman is bi-polar and paranoid, and she had a loaded firearm in the house. She also had a history of public drunkenness. The woman told the caller she kept the firearm as protection against "the FBI and other agencies." Police checked on the woman, and she was fine.

[Belonging to one of those "other agencies," I am sure the police were happy to go check this out.]

8:14 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported a man was kicking the doors of City Hall. The man was wearing a camouflage jacket. Police contacted the man, who was moving on.

[You can't fight city hall... you can't even kick city hall.]

8:56 p.m. - A woman called from the 15000 block of Stagecoach Way to report someone went into her kitchen, removed items from the refrigerator and set them on the counter.

[Did they corresponded exactly with what she was planning for dinner?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXVIII

3:40 p.m. - A woman called from the 500 block of Fawcett Street to report she recognized a dead cat on Highway 49 as one of her neighbors' cats, which had been missing for several months. She said a man in the neighborhood had pointed at a kitten "as if his hand was a ".45 Magnum" and the kitten didn't move. In addition, two jade plants were taken from her house about five months after she moved in. She wanted officers to take DNA from dead jade plants for further investigation. Also, someone had taken some of her newly sprouted trees while cleaning up after the last storm. An officer contacted the woman.

[No doubt to expedite getting that jade plant DNA to the FBI lab.]

8:11 p.m. - A man called 911 from the 14000 block of Highway 49 to report a possible heart attack. Paramedics responded, and requested deputies respond to explain proper usage of 911 to the man. He said he wanted to reach his girlfriend at the hospital and he thought he could get through easier by calling 911.

[Everybody's personal crisis seems more important than mere rules or logic.]

5:10 p.m. - A caller reported a man pulled up to Condon Park in a silver Honda Prelude, got out, looked at a small plastic bag containing white powder, then got into a green Toyota 4-Runner and left. A patrol officer was advised.

[Suspicious indeed.]

6:59 a.m. - Deputies followed two dirt bikes on Highway 174. Officers pursued the bikes, which were going at a high rate of speed and crossing double-yellow lines. The bikes crossed the county line and deputies ended the chase due to safety concerns.

[Or apathy reasons... or the whole "somebody else's problem" idea....]

9:58 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 300 block of Sacramento Street reported a person wearing a striped blue shirt and a black hat stole a cheeseburger. A deputy arrested the woman on suspicion of petty theft with a prior conviction for theft.

[I can stealz cheeseburger?]

9:05 p.m. - A deputy was following two dirt bikes that had outrun deputies in Cedar Ridge Monday. One bike was purple, and one was red. They were going 50 miles per hour on Highway 174 toward Cedar Ridge. The riders were driving recklessly and crossing the double yellow lines. Another deputy joined in the chase, but both deputies abandoned the chase at the Placer County line. Dispatcher advised Placer County law enforcement to be on the lookout for the dirt bikes.

[See, somebody else's problem. The SEP field works.]

10:36 p.m. - Police arrested a 20-year-old man on South Auburn Street at Winchester Street on a local warrant. The man asked for police to drop off his personal bag to a 43-year-old man at a motel up the street. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on a local warrant.

[With friends like that....]

10:53 a.m. - A man from the 200 block of Horizon Circle reported he left his keys in the ignition with the motor running while delivering a package to a residence. When he returned, the vehicle was gone.

[Go figure.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Monday, February 11, 2008

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXVII

10:43 a.m. - A caller from Rough and Ready Highway near Bitney Springs Road reported sheep were in the roadway. The CHP was notified.

[The sheep have gotten loose!]

12:08 p.m. - A caller from Highway 49 between Combie Road and Lime Kiln Road reported a cow was near the roadway. The CHP was notified.

[I wonder if they were meeting up with the sheep?]

11:42 p.m. - Police stopped a red truck in a parking lot on the 100 block of West McKnight Way. The driver had been drinking but did not qualify for a DUI arrest. The person would get a ride home.

[I suppose if you have to be under-qualified for something, a DUI arrest would be high on the list.]

4:08 p.m. - An elderly woman from the 13000 block of Naomi Way requested extra patrols after a woman entered her home and tried to sell her books, then refused to leave.

[This is an unsuccessful encyclopedia salesman.]

4:48 a.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of McCourtney Road reported goats in the road.

[Because after the cows and the sheep got away with it, why not the goats?]

8:54 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Horizon Circle reported an agitated resident banging his head against the wall.

10:53 a.m. - A 911 caller from Nevada City Highway reported an unresponsive person lying on the ground at the bus stop.

11:03 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Sutton Way requested a welfare check for a woman who sounded as if she were overmedicated.

[Just a strange morning all over Grass Valley.]

6:32 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Main Street reported a young man, approximately 6-feet-2-inches tall, with blond hair, wearing a black zip-up sweater and carrying a football, was harassing female customers. He was removed from the business but continued to stick his head in and harass the people inside. Police contacted the man, who would be on his way.

7:15 p.m. - A caller from the same business on Mill Street reported the blond man still was causing a disturbance outside. Police advised the man not to return or he would face trespassing charges.

Shortly after the previous call, a caller from a business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported the blond man was in front of the business. Police arrested the 24-year-old man on suspicion of trespassing, possession of less then an ounce of marijuana and public drunkenness.

[Nice to see the police following up on their statements.]

5:52 p.m. - A man called from the 14000 block of Pasquale Road to report dredge parts were stolen from his garage. He bought the equipment at a store in Auburn, and the store owner later called to say he had not charged the caller enough and he wanted more money. The caller refused, and the store owner went to the caller's residence while he was not home and took the equipment back. A deputy took a report for burglary.

[It isn't like the police won't know where to find the store owner.]

7:12 p.m. - A caller from Bitney Springs Road reported a black cow was in the roadway.

[Another one...]

1:46 a.m. - A woman called from Plaza Drive at Sutton Way to report a man flagged her down and said he heard a woman scream in the wooded area. The man said he asked the woman if she needed help and she screamed, "Help me." Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate the woman in distress.

3:32 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of West Empire Street reported a person was lying on the ground wrapped in a blanket and yelling, "Help me." Police arrested the 58-year-old woman for an out-of-county warrant.

[Probably not the sort of help she was looking for.]

Between 4:37 p.m. and 5:38 p.m., police received calls from five different locations in downtown Grass Valley reporting a blond man in his 20s was harassing people and causing a disturbance. Police contacted the man at a store on the 100 block of Neal Street, and he said he would be leaving Grass Valley for the day.

[Return of the blond man!]

6:09 p.m. - A caller from a bar on Main Street reported a blond man who had been told to leave earlier was back inside the building. Police arrested the 24-year-old man on suspicion of trespassing and booked him into jail.

[Return of the blond man, to jail!]

10:08 a.m. - A woman called from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway to report her neighbor stole her cat and it was an ongoing issue.

[Stealing a cat implies that you can actually own a cat, rather that the cat just deciding to live where you do.]

3:11 p.m. - A man called from the 24000 block of Lowell Hill Road to report people were shooting onto his property from Red Dog Road, right next to signs that state "no shooting." The shooting later stopped and the caller no longer needed a deputy to respond.

[Contrarians in town. Probably parked in a "No Parking" zone as well.]

5:15 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported a man in front of City Hall was annoying workers and saying "I'd do anything to go to jail tonight." Police advised the man he couldn't go to jail unless he commits a crime.

[You would think that this would be an easy situation to rectify.]

12:43 - A woman called from the 100 block of Boulder Street to report she was assaulted by a bartender on the 300 block of Broad Street. Police took a report and told the woman to call back when she is sober. The woman continued to call 911 repeatedly to demand that police respond. The dispatcher informed the woman that she could be arrested for making harassing phone calls.

1:13 a.m. - Police arrested a woman on the 100 block of Boulder Street on suspicion of making harassing phone calls.

[The police come through again!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Friday, February 08, 2008

Osteen/Short?

I saw this ad on the web and could not help thinking how much Joel Osteen looks like a Martin Short character.

At least in this picture.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXVI

12:54 a.m. - A caller from Colfax Avenue reported seeing something on fire. There "fire" was steam coming off the pool at Veterans Memorial Park.

[Where there is smoke, there may be fire, but where there is steam.... On the other hand, I bet somebody on the scene started at least humming, "Smoke on the Water."]

11:42 a.m. - a caller reported juveniles were building snowmen on Ridge Road near Zion Street. An officer was unable to locate the juveniles

[They might be created an army to enslave us all!]

12:49 p.m. - A caller from Valley View Drive at Banner Lava Cap Road reported a bald man in his 20s was grabbing at vehicles. Police were unable to locate the man.

[Vehicular harassment?]

9:05 a.m. - A caller from a business the 12000 block of Highway 49 reported a man wearing a white camouflage winter outfit walked into the business and started a fight. He then went across the street to a concrete pumping station and told people he needed help getting his truck back. The man returned to the business and stole the owner's dog. The owner was chasing after the man. Police arrested the man on suspicion of grand theft and making threats.

[He was on a roll there.]

9:34 a.m. - A woman called from the 16000 block of Greenhorn Road to report another woman attacked her and was making false statements about her behavior. The fight between roommates was about a note left regarding a phone call. There was a gun located above the refrigerator. The caller said she would go to her room and wait for deputies to respond. A deputy took a report for battery.

[A phone message started it all.]

1:31 p.m. - A man called from the 17000 block of Jackass Flats Road to report the landlady was pounding on his door and yelling at him. A deputy contacted the man and the landlady and told the landlady she cannot turn off the power or gas again or she would be subject to arrest.

[Why do I picture the landlady in her bathrobe, hair up in curlers, screeching at this guy through the door?]

2:46 p.m. - A man called from the 17000 block of Jackass Flats Road to report the landlady turned off his power again at was at his door screaming. A deputy arrived and would stay in the area until the landlady's husband returned.

[But why wasn't she arrested?]

10:31 a.m. - A 38-year-old man from Kendall Street reported he was assaulted by seven family members and another man with a baseball bat six days ago. The combat was mutual and the man only wanted a log entry of the incident.

[And alcohol was involved, no doubt.]

10:30 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Bank Street reported two people went into a hotel, took some complimentary breakfast and were drinking under an overpass. Police advised the men not to return to the business.

[When we said "complimentary," we didn't mean for just anybody.]

11:01 p.m. - A caller from a bar on Mill Street reported a drunken man was leaving the bar and was headed to another one. Police arrested the 54-year-old man for a local warrant.

[An odd reason to call, but I guess there might have other reasons.]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from a home on the 300 block of Nile Street reported an unwanted male was on the front porch. Police contacted the caller, and the man was gone when they arrived.

["An unwanted male?" I thought for a moment that somebody left a puppy on the porch.]

4:59 p.m. - A man called from the 1000 block of East Main Street to report an assault the day before. He said someone threw a snowball at him, but he did not know who did it.

[The snow related crime-spree spreads! Snowmen! Snowballs! Where will it end?]

6:43 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Main Street reported a man with a beard was masturbating. Police arrested the 58-year-old man on suspicion of indecent exposure, public drunkenness and violating probation.

[Aside from the probation reference, which means this probably wasn't his first time waving his willy for all to see, do I have to point out the fact that it is snowing in Nevada County? This must have been a very chilly experience for him as well.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)