Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXXI

4:11 p.m. — A caller from the 300 block of Crown Point Circle reported a van speeding, squealing its tires and doing doughnuts around kids on bikes. The driver was admonished.

[But was he abashed?]

11:45 p.m. — A caller from the 100 block of King Court reported a physical fight involving three drunken people. One was leaving for the night.

[And the other two were going to keep fighting?]

1:49 a.m. — A caller from the 200 block of South Auburn Street reported juveniles yelling. Four adults were found to have been playing tag.

[No alcohol involved with that I'm sure!]

9:44 a.m. — A woman from the 13000 block of Bitney Springs Road reported resenting a helicopter flying over her residence for 30 minutes.

[A burning resentment no doubt, to get her to call the police about it.]

8:33 p.m. — A woman from the 200 block of Richardson Street reported a woman possibly stole money, debit cards and jewelry and might have poisoned her protein drinks.

[Or any one of the above! It could have happened.]

8:46 p.m. — A woman from Julia Ranch Road reported a neighbor let their wolf out.

[I find it more disturbing that they have a wolf.]

7:34 p.m. — A caller from the 11000 block of Cedar Ridge Drive reported an ongoing issue with seven barking dogs.

[There is a Christmas carol in that somewhere...]

7:12 p.m. — A caller from the 11000 block of Lower Circle Drive reported hearing two gunshots, which were found to have been from a cap gun.

[This one makes you wonder about the regular "shots fired" reports that people call in to the GVPD.]

10 a.m. — A woman from the 200 block of Joerschke Drive reported the theft of $40 from her secret hiding spot.

[But she can't tell you where it is, because it is secret.]

10:58 a.m. — A caller from the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a parent came in the store and then left three children unattended, aged 8, 7 and 1. The parent was contacted and picked up the children.

[IKEA offers day care. Stores in Grass Valley... not so much.]

12:51 a.m. — A caller from South Auburn Street reported loud, belligerent people. A woman was arrested on suspicion of resisting arrest.

[I laugh whenever resisting arrest is the only charge listed, and suspicion thereof is even better.]

8:54 p.m. — A caller from the 16000 block of Annie Drive reported three young men dressed in black suits who came to the door, saying they were missionaries.

[Look for the bicycles. It is the only sure way to tell.]

7:30 p.m. — A caller from West Main Street reported a man skateboarding down the street.

[But your little sticker says that it is not a crime!]

3:15 p.m. — A woman from the 13000 block of Hobart Lane reported her son was tearing up her residence and calling her names. He said she was a hoarder and he was trying to clean up the residence. Code Enforcement was to handle the situation.

[I see this situation happening with my mother-in-law in the not too distant future...]

3:30 a.m. — A caller from the 200 block of Reward Street reported a dumpster fire. It was found to be a vehicle that had been reported stolen out of Pittsburg.

[But was it on fire? Or was the first report completely bogus?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXX

8:16 a.m. — A woman from the 300 block of Pleasant Street reported a man at her window, asking if she wants money and telling her to keep her kids quiet.

[How much money was he offering?]

8:35 a.m. — A caller from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a threat had been carved into a vehicle door.

[That is a pretty determined threat]

9:12 a.m. — A caller from Glen Jones Park reported three drunken men with 12 to 15 cans of Bud Light. They were admonished to clean up and move on.

[Never too early to get started]


4:34 p.m. — A caller from a business in the 700 block of Maltman Drive reported a man bought items with one check and then returned and bought more items with a check under a different name.

[Some criminals have no patience at all]


5:45 p.m. — A caller from the 100 block of McKnight Way reported a shirtless man speaking to himself and making obscene gestures. He was reminded of proper social manners.

[Yeah, at least put a shirt on if you're going to do that!]

10:01 a.m. — A woman from Lime Kiln Road reported she was “leaking.” No response was needed, the woman was getting more medication.

[Something to stop the flow of the leak I presume]

5:44 p.m. — A caller from Mill Street reported a man drinking a Coors while driving.

[I can see his defense already. "Coors? That is hardly beer at all!"]

9:48 a.m. — A caller from the 10000 block of Mountain Rose Road reported a woman screaming. She was found to have been yelling at her dogs to stay away from her donkeys.

[Life in the country]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXIX

2:05 a.m. - A man from the 300 block of South Church Street reported his roommate had been drinking and was "disillusioned." He said the roommate believed he doesn’t exist and was in his room with a machete.

[So we're primarily concerned with the existence of the machete then?]

10:22 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Nutmeg Court reported an ex-employee embezzled a vehicle.

[I think when they end up with a vehicle, it ceases to be embezzlement and moves more into fraud and theft.]

10:12 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported a Volkswagen Beetle was spinning doughnuts in a field.

[I'm going to guess it was one of the "new" Beetles and not your classic pre-1975 VW.]

7:48 a.m. - A caller reported a large amount of bullets had been spilled onto the roadway at Charles Drive and Grass Valley Avenue.

[Ammunition spills are pretty rare.]

10:06 a.m. - A caller from the 12900 block of Amber Street said a neighbor was outside screaming that he was going to burn down houses and kill everyone. The neighbor's wife was at the caller's residence. Responding deputies restored the peace.

[What gets a man that riled up at 10 in the morning? I can't get that worked up until at least mid-afternoon most days.]

1:24 p.m. - A man from the 12700 block of Brunswick Road said someone put on Craig's List that he was having an estate sale Sunday and he did not place the item on the Internet.

[The classic "and what do you want the police to do about it?" situation.]

9:49 p.m. - A caller from the 11700 block of Upper Circle Drive reported a golf cart went by his residence and a person was throwing lit matches out of it. The caller said he reviewed his surveillance tapes and recognized one of the people in the golf cart.

[This seems amusing, unless you live in Grass Valley and it is fire season. I was surprised to not see an additional report about teens stealing golf carts to joy ride again.]

10:58 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported a golf cart had rolled over. A person was arrested on unknown charges.

[But no theft report.]

9:31 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Cornish Lane reported a large tool theft at the residence the prior evening. The caller said a neighbor heard a vehicle around the home between 10 and 11 p.m. Officers took a report for theft.

[And how large of a tool did they take? Ambiguity, a humor essential. Plus there is potential sexual innuendo.]

3:45 p.m. - A person in the lobby of the police station reported a possible fraud by AT&T. The person was urged to contact AT&T to clarify the charges on their bill.

[I bet this person is even now complaining how the police are totally in the pocket of the phone company.]

12:58 a.m. - A caller from Nevada City Highway reported seeing a mountain lion. No mountain lion was spotted, but a dog the color of a mountain lion was seen.

[A big dog presumably.]

8:45 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Alta Sierra Drive reported a man sitting in a vehicle for several hours. He was out of gas.

[And hadn't realized it? Being out of gas is a problem solved rather easily, but you have to leave the vehicle.]

11:55 a.m. - A woman from the 13000 block of Wood Rose Way reported a toddler loitering by the mailboxes the day before.

[Can a toddler actually loiter in a legal sense?]

8:42 p.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Blank Court reported people were firing shots over a wheelbarrow. A person threatened to shoot the caller earlier in the evening over the wheelbarrow. The suspect was leaving in an SUV with the wheelbarrow on top. The caller agreed to put his gun away and would wait for a deputy. Neither party wanted to be "the victim."

[I hope that wheelbarrow was worth it.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXVIII

2:44 p.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Washington Road reported she paid a man to do yard work, and now one of her plants is missing. He frequently stands at the front of her property and yells obscenities at her.

[I can see why you hired him. I mean, if he's already going to be there yelling obscenities, you might as well put him to work.]

11:26 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Rancheria Court reported someone was dismantling a metal building to steal it.

[That sounds perfectly brazen! I wonder how big of a building we're talking about?]

1:52 a.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported he "wants the people out of his house."

[On how many holidays have I uttered those very words? But I've never dialed 911 to do anything about it.]

2:09 p.m. - A caller from the hospital reported a man was in the emergency room, saying he was going to shoot everyone if he didn't receive medical attention. He did not have a gun. The man was arrested at 5:56 p.m. on suspicion of violating parole.

[That seems like quite a long time to go from threatening to kill people to actually being arrested.]

9:21 p.m. - A caller from the 700 block of Freeman Lane reported a man in a white four-door vehicle kept ducking down when someone drove by. A woman was cited and released on suspicion of having an open container while driving, possessing fireworks and possessing a tear gas container after being stopped on Freeman Lane.

[She had a busy night planned I guess.]

12:48 p.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Tervetuloa Lane reported an argument with the neighbors about peacocks running loose. The neighbor said the initial caller verbally assaulted her and the other party's donkeys are running around and her peacocks have nothing to do with it.

[Issues that big city police departments rarely face.]

2:13 p.m. - A caller from eastbound Highway 20 at the Washington overlook reported finding six to seven bags of marijuana on the south side of the roadway. Upon contact, law enforcement determined the material was "leftover shake."

[At first I thought this referred to roofing material, but Google informs me that "shake" is "The cruddy end bits of a large bag of weed." That was my educational moment for the day.]

1:16 p.m. - A caller in the 200 block of Rockwood Drive reported a maroon sedan was parked near the person's residence, and people were trying to sell it.

[They were trying to sell it? Maybe I'm not clear on what the police are supposed to do here.]

1:58 a.m. - A caller on the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a children's video was playing in an upstairs apartment. The caller said the song continued to play unabated. The caller was advised to call the apartment management.

[How can you determine, at that hour, that you are not actually in hell?]

7:30 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Sunny Hill reported the neighbor's television was very loud. The caller said the neighbor has a scanner and will turn down her TV if she hears the call.

[I like that sort of efficiency.]

12:23 p.m. - A man from the 18000 block of Message Place reported an ongoing issue with his neighbor yelling and screaming obscenities at him. He said he also has vehicles trespassing on his property. The neighbor said he was upset that the man was raising llamas on the property. The neighbor admitted yelling at the man, including calling the llamas (expletive) camels. They were advised to resolve the issue civilly.

[I am going to bet alcohol was somehow involved as well.]

8:24 p.m. - An elderly woman from Swallow Court called 911 and wanted to know if 911 was the correct number to dial in an emergency. She did not have an emergency.

[Just, you know, making sure.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXVII

8:37 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Valley View Drive reported a smoke detector had been going off for 30 minutes. A woman was transported to the emergency room and cited on suspicion of violating probation.

[I'd like to know how this was all linked.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller from the 20000 block of Echo Blue Drive reported a man pretending to be her grandson called, saying he was in jail in Canada and needed $3,200. The caller's grandson lives in Corvallis, Ore., and was not in Canada.

[And presumably had no plans to travel to Canada.]

3:52 p.m. - A man from the 19000 block of Connie Drive reported a caller tried to get money out of him, saying he was his grandson.

[In jail, in Canada?]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Tim Burr Lane reported losing about $3,000 in an Internet scam.

[Let me guess, your grandson was reported in jail? Perhaps in another country?]

1:26 p.m. - A caller reported neighbors were tampering with medical marijuana. No address was given.

[That is going to be a tough crime to solve when they won't even give you the address.]

8:10 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Twin Star Lane reported the unauthorized use of identification.

[I'm trying to figure out what this one means. Assuming that the person is not misrepresenting them self, I don't get it.]

9:37 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Lowden Lane who was not making sense reported a firearm on a chair behind a locked door and a woman needing a therapist.

[Not to mention the caller.]

3:01 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Mt. Olive Road reported someone trying to sell meat and seafood out of a vehicle.

[Meat I get... seafood though. One of these guys actually came to our door the other day. "Hey, we were delivering meat to your neighbor and have some extra on the truck!" Left over truck meat!]

3:12 p.m. - A woman from the 17000 block of Aileen Way reported vandalism. It was found to be erosion on an embankment and a naturally occurring hole in an oak tree.

[Mother Nature herself is screwing up your property value!]

12:26 a.m. - A caller from a business in the 300 block of Broad Street requested an officer come by to "get a visual on a punky kid."

[Not Punky Brewster I'm going to guess.]

5:02 a.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Conaway Avenue reported she left her vehicle running to warm it up and heard it drive away. A report was taken for a stolen vehicle.

[I'm going to bet she won't do that again.]

6:14 p.m. - A caller from Juvenile Hall reported a male staff member had been stabbed by a juvenile on the loading dock. A second call reported this was a drill and no stabbing had taken place.

[A drill? At 6pm tonight we'll be practicing our Juvenile stabbing drill! Who wants to play the victim?]

7:52 p.m. - A man from the 17000 block of Foxtail Drive reported a gold Dodge truck had shined a light into his house while driving past. He said the driver is a "goon" who is friends with a man who wants to harass him. He said the man's "goons" are intentionally driving recklessly past his house and behind his house. This is an ongoing issue with the man and his "goons."

[Goons in Grass Valley? Next it will be henchmen or minions! Where will it cease?]

9:17 p.m. - A caller from the 24000 block of Highway 49 reported one juvenile made death threats to another, and a screwdriver that was to be used in the attack was located. The juvenile was placed in restraints and arrested on suspicion of possessing a deadly weapon and making a criminal threat.

[Take him to Juvenile Hall, they know how to deal with stabby people there. They drill the staff on it!]

4:01 p.m. - A caller from the 1400 block of Segsworth Way reported a yellow Jeep drove by six times in 10 minutes.

[Forget being inconspicuous I guess.]

1:25 p.m. - A man who was on the ground at Dalton and Church streets was advised not to lay in the middle of the road.

[I like how this one was worded. We did not find out he was in the middle of the road until the end.]

3:34 p.m. - A woman from the 21000 block of John Born road reported extortion and bribery attempts by her sister.

[Extortion AND bribery. I think somebody is unclear on the concept.]

8:17 p.m. - A caller from Wildlife Lane reported hearing shots, possibly from a .45 handgun.

[That's a well trained ear I'd say.]

1:54 a.m. - A woman from the 26000 block of Wampum Way reported she and her boyfriend were high on mushrooms and he was stating he was going to kill her. The boyfriend came to the telephone and said he did not intend to kill her, they were "exchanging feelings."

[And we're not limiting ourselves to your "approved" feelings man!]

9:34 a.m. - A caller from South Auburn Street reported a woman wearing no pants (but wearing panties) had been asked to leave a business. She was located and said she found her pants and would keep them on.

[Pants that travel by them self? At least she found them. It is cold out.]

1:11 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Mill Street reported seeing lights and movement inside a guest house. A woman was arrested on suspicion of loitering.

[Has that got to be the low end crime in prison or what? What are you in for? Loitering.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXVI

11:21 a.m. - A woman from Condon Park reported she was stuck in the mud and needed assistance. She called later to report she did not need help. A caller called at 12:53 p.m. to report a physical fight with the father of the previous caller.

[No doubt for getting mud all over the vehicle.]

9:55 a.m. - A caller from the 17900 block of Rockmar Lane reported he would be shooting mistletoe out of a tree at 10:30 a.m.

[Is that the recommended way to remove mistletoe?]

4:14 p.m. - A caller from the 13400 block of Tyler Foote Road reported the theft of a fallen tree from his yard.

[He was saving that fallen tree for later.]

10:21 p.m. - A caller from the McCourtney Road - Orion Way area reported seeing a nude man in the street holding a sign. She said the man was still in the area but she did not know exactly where.

[Aside from the fact that it has been snowing, we all

1:48 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Fairmont Drive reported she was followed home and harassed by three young girls who threw snow at her. Contact was made with the juveniles who were admonished.

[More snow related crime.]

2:20 p.m. - A juvenile from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported her mother refused to give her any food.

2:43 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported her daughter had a lighter and was not listening to her mother.

[Home life is supposed to be unsatisfying, otherwise we'd never leave home.]

3:54 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Polaris Drive reported her son was drinking rubbing alcohol.

[Hopefully an ambulance was dispatched or she brought him to the emergency room.]

11:25 a.m. - A woman from the 18000 block of Alexandra Way reported an elderly neighbor who came to her residence stating the gypsies were trying to kidnap him.

[Not a lot of stuff is blamed on gypsies these days.]

1:10 p.m. - A man from the 1000 block of Laurel Lane reported receiving a suspicious phone call from "Jeff," who wanted to speak to the youngest female in the house. The man said he does not know Jeff and there are no females in his house.

["Jeff" needs to work on his social engineering skills I think.]

1:18 a.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Park Avenue reported someone had been in her vehicle and rolled the windows down. She then said she just needed help reading the mileage from her car.

[Just a normal past midnight activity?]

5:33 a.m. - A woman from Colfax Avenue near Oak Street reported seeing a flashing light moving toward Ophir Street. The light was possibly from a garbage truck.

[I was hoping for another UFO report.]

10:25 a.m. - A woman from Minnesota called to request a welfare check on her sister in the 13000 block of Golden Star Road. She said she called her wheelchair-bound sister and all she heard on the line was panting. The sister was contacted; her husband had answered the phone and thought it was a telemarketer, so he left the phone off the hook while working out on his exercise machine.

[Great moments in misunderstanding.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXV

4:11 p.m. ­ A caller from Idaho-Maryland Road between Centennial Drive and Sutton Way reported a 6-year-old on a scooter having difficulty in the snow.

[Trying to ride a scooter in the snow. What a poignant visual image, not to mention a metaphor for something I am sure.]

9:39 a.m. ­ A caller from Broad Street reported a man in a cowboy hat and a duster was yelling and screaming.

[The return of Cowboy Bill?]

11:43 p.m. ­ A caller from the 100 block of East Main Street reported a man in the Post Office was acting "odd, cleaning the counters and rambling."

[As long as he is working out his aggression on dirty counters, leave him be.]

10:54 a.m. ­ A man from the 10000 block of Combie Road reported receiving death threats by way of text messages.

[What a wonderful age in which to live. Death threats all nicely traceable back to the sender. Very smart.]

10:25 a.m. ­ A caller from the Broad Street overpass reported a man was throwing snowballs at vehicles on the freeway.

2:32 p.m. ­ A caller from La Barr Meadows near McKnight Way reported a driver of a blue Toyota Tercel was throwing snowballs at oncoming traffic.

5:25 p.m. ­ A caller from West Main and North School streets reported three people were throwing snowballs at vehicles.

7:54 p.m. ­ A woman from West Main Street and Forest Glade Circle reported someone threw snowballs at her vehicle.

[Some snow falls, anarchy ensues.]

8:43 a.m. ­ A woman from the 18000 block of Highway 174 reported her son, who was afraid of the snow, was missing. She found him 10 minutes later in the house.

[Given how much of it seems to be airborne and aimed at people, I can see a reason for the fear.]

1:47 a.m. ­ A man from a business in the 100 block of Mill Street reported a flak jacket had been stolen. He called later to say he had gotten it back.

[I hope it was the surplus store. Who else keeps a flak jacket around?]

9:33 p.m. ­ A caller from the 11000 block of Spenceville Road reported a bipolar man had not taken his medication and was "freaking out." The man allegedly thought Grass Valley was sinking and made his family evacuate the house.

[I suppose Grass Valley looked like it was sinking with the snow on the ground.]

8:40 p.m. ­ A woman from the 100 block of Park Avenue reported someone keeps opening the windows of her car. She found it suspicious and requested extra patrols.

[An annoying prank, but annoying enough to keep doing it? It something wrong with the car?]

8:27 p.m. ­ A caller from Mill Street reported a man wearing camos and carrying a pizza was walking down the street, talking about killing his mother. He was arrested on suspicion of being drunk in public.

[If you're going to mutter about murder, do it quietly I suppose. Or be sober.]

2:07 p.m. ­ A caller from a business in the 500 block of Brunswick Road reported a man left without paying for an extraction,. He went out to get his checkbook and did not return, leaving his cell phone and coat behind.

[It makes you wonder about the business. Was it a dentist?]

11:14 a.m. ­ A caller from the county tax assessor's office reported a man was throwing items at the front counter.

[It is only a wonder that this does not come up more often.]

4:33 p.m. ­ A woman from the 15000 block of Orchard Springs Road reported a man took photos of her and her husband while they were shoveling snow. The man threatened to show the photos to the Social Security Administration because the couple is on disability. She said the man refused to help them shovel the snow and was trying to set them up. She said she was using a "pooper scooper" to shovel the snow.

[Aside from the usual, "what do you expect the police to do about this?" question, I like the drama and detail of this entry.]

9:23 a.m. ­ A caller from Zion Street reported an 8-year-old boy walking down the street. The mother was tracked down and said she had dropped him off at school, not realizing it was the wrong location.

[Parenting at its finest.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXIV

1:04 p.m. ­ St. Patrick’s Catholic Church agreed to adjust the volume on the chimes after a neighborhood complaint.

[That is a new one on me. I wasn't even aware that one could complain about that sort of thing.]

3:10 p.m. ­ A caller from Nevada City reported receiving annoying telephone calls on a cell phone but refused to report it to Nevada City Police.

[Look, we've seen how strapped the Sheriff's office is for resources, why bug them on this?]

1:07 p.m. ­ A woman from the 29000 block of Highway 49 reported a man climbed over her fence to confront her about his dog, which he believed the woman stole.

[Is dog theft such an issue elsewhere?]

8:13 a.m. ­ A man from the 17000 block of Banner Quaker Hill Road reported being defrauded on eBay in the amount of $5,000.

10:22 a.m. ­ A man from the 13000 block of Discovery Way reported he had sold a Coton de Tulear puppy to a person who stopped payment on the check, but did not return the dog.

[Okay, so here we have actual dog theft... or dog fraud... or some such.]

3:13 a.m. ­ A caller from South Auburn and Race streets reported a man was yelling and went to lie down in the road.

[On a Friday night I somehow imagine this was not politically motivated.]

5:09 p.m. ­ A woman from the 11000 block of Yuba Crest Drive reported a pit bull terrier attacked her llama.

[Llama related crime on the rise?]

8:49 a.m. ­ A caller from Seven Hills Middle School reported a man came to the school at about 7:30 a.m. and kept insisting he needed to see teachers that he had more than 20 years ago. He was “shaving and brushing his teeth in the office.” He was told he could not be on campus during school hours.

[A massive nostalgia attack? The sudden realization that everything you know is wrong?]

5:24 p.m. ­ A caller from the 15100 block of Sunny Hill Road reported a neighbor was dumping fireplace ashes on her driveway.

[And it was not in an effort to cover ice on the driveway to give more traction?]

2:28 p.m. ­ A caller from the 10300 block of Gautier Drive reported his wife was acting "crazy" and had pulled his hair.

[You're married. It happens. There is nothing the police can do.]

8:31 p.m. ­ A caller from the 11200 block of Sierra Circle reported a verbal argument on the porch next door about pistols between a man and a woman who was not wearing a shirt.

[Conflict, guns, and toplessness? Why isn't this on Fox already?]

8:12 a.m. ­ A caller from the Litton Trail between Hughes Road and Sierra College reported a suspicious fox. The fox reportedly "darted" onto the trail at the caller, then did it again 10 minutes later.

[A suspicious fox? Damn their darting ways!]

9:52 a.m. ­ A caller from eastbound Highway 20 reported seeing a dark sedan with a man strapped to the hood with a fire hose. The vehicle could not be located.

[File under: Things you do not see every day... not outside of rural college towns, in any case.]

4:36 p.m. ­ A caller from Brunswick Road reported two men carrying garbage bags were stopping traffic and trying to get rides.

[Garbage bags are pretty low on the list of thing that will help you with your hitchhiking experience.]

5:05 p.m. ­ A caller from the 14000 block of Franciscan Way reported a possibly drunken driver drove through a row of mailboxes and kept driving.

[My uncle did this once. It is hell on the front end of the car as well as the mailboxes.]

10:08 a.m. ­ A woman from the 100 block of Badger Lane reported a woman in her 50s with curly hair walked into her home and was chased out by dogs.

[I don't know why this brings "Li'l Orphan Annie" to mind, or at least "Aged Orphan Annie," but it does.]

11:26 a.m. ­ A woman from the 200 block of Joerschke Drive reported her neighbor tried to run her over with his wheelchair.

[The disabled gone wild.]

10:40 a.m. ­ A caller from Beckman Street reported a woman was going into people’s yards and talking to herself.

[I immediately wondered what she was talking about. Was she talking to an imaginary person, into an imaginary (or real?) radio, or just checking off a mental checklist aloud? "10:32 am, now in the Johnson's yard. Still no killer bees."]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXIII

12:16 a.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Greenhorn Road reported someone shot a paintball at her window. It was determined by deputies that it was eggs, not paintballs.

[Well, that's okay then.]

9:03 a.m. - A caller from Condon Park reported four men were using the fire pit in the barbecue area, and the flames were very high. The men were using the barbecue as a source of heat.

[Was it a spare the air day? We're not allowed to have fires in the winter any more if the pollution level is high.]

10:23 a.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Hogan Hill Road reported eggs were put in her newspaper box.

[A breakfast invitation?]

6:46 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Mill Street reported finding a gun in the bushes. It was determined to be a child's toy.

[Hard to imagine making this mistake myself, but some people....]

4:25 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported hearing noises like someone was hitting an object outside.

[I realize it is early in the morning, but could you get more specific than "an object?"]

9:22 p.m. - A caller from the 1900 block of Nevada City Highway reported an elderly man, possibly in his boxers, thumbing a ride.

[A rather chilly way to travel. The Sierra's are cold at night in November.]

6:36 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Walsh Street reported a man hiding in the bathroom.

[That's just vague enough that I do not know what to say. I hope it wasn't his bathroom.]

1:37 p.m. - A woman from the 500 block of South Auburn Street reported people were following her and that one possibly was a private investigator.

[There is no doubt an interesting story... or a mental health issue... involved here.]

4:27 p.m. - A woman from a business in the 500 block of Sutton Way reported she found her wallet wide open on the floor toward the rear of the business, but it did not appear anything was taken.

[So she called the police to report that she dropped her wallet?]

12:14 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Ridge Road reported her husband was threatening to blow up the house. A loud bang was heard in the background before the line was disconnected. Everything was O.K. when sheriff's deputies arrived.

[Uh... performance art then?]

1:20 p.m. - A caller from the 500 block of Mill Street reported a man washing items in the creek. The man was gold-panning.

[Washing items would probably end up being more useful in the long run.]

5:08 p.m. - A caller from the 900 block of Helling Way reported a goose was stuck in a fishing line near the pond adjacent to the ballfield. The Wildlife Care Center was advised and later it was reported the "goose was loose."

[You do not often get entires in the blotter with their own punch lines.]

4:04 p.m. - A man from the 13000 block of Quaker Hill Cross Road reported a pig was chasing him on his property and would not let him get in his vehicle.

10:36 p.m. - An alarm was reported in the 21000 block of Bear Hollow Road. Wild pigs were on the property and had torn up the yard.

[Pigs on a rampage.]

6 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 400 block of Sierra College Drive reported someone broke into a trailer and took a blower, a hedger and a gas can.

[The suspect will probably have a suddenly well maintained yard.]

5:40 p.m. - A woman from the 11000 block of Upper Circle Drive reported a dead squirrel in her mailbox. She said she previously had found beer cans in the mailbox and has a restraining order against her neighbor.

[Not exactly a scene from "The Godfather."]

7:46 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a man had set up floodlights and was skateboarding.

[Which, if the bumper stickers are to be believed, is not a crime.]

6:21 p.m. - A caller from Mill Street reported loud music coming from a truck in the parking lot. The owner of the truck was asked to turn it down. A second caller reported several people were doing drugs outside and when the officer made contact, they all ran inside.

[Justice thwarted again.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXII

11:34 a.m. A caller from a business in the 100 block of West Main Street reported a recorder was stolen.

[One presumes that they did not mean the instrument that I would dearly like somebody to steal from my daughter.]

4:57 p.m. A woman from the 10000 block of Boulder Hill Drive reported her son was guilty of fraud and theft.

[That's for a jury to decide ma'am.]

10:43 p.m. A woman requested a welfare check on her boyfriend on the 18000 block of River Ranch Road, whom she had last heard from at 6:30 a.m. She said he might be out four-wheeling, and she didn't want to drive up from Sacramento unless he was home.

[Can you see if my boyfriend is home so I don't have to waste my time? Hey, I pay taxes!]

7:28 p.m. A caller from the 300 block of Alta Street reported the residence was open and items were strewn all over the inside. The reporter was standing by in a white shirt and fake blood.

8:15 p.m. A caller from East Main Street reported a teenager dressed up in a construction costume with a stop sign was holding up traffic.

10:07 p.m. A caller from the 200 block of Richardson Street reported a bald man wearing a dress was seen running toward North Church Street, yelling for his purse back.

10:59 p.m. Contact was made with some individuals at a local cemetery who were advised to leave.

[Calls you only get around Halloween.]

4:00 p.m. A caller from Brunswick advised of three cars involved in an "accident" on Brunswick Road near Sutton Way.

[Did the caller make "air quotes" over the phone? Did they suspect it wasn't really an accident?]

10:03 p.m. A caller from Wildlife Lane and You Bet Road reported a fight involving a group of 25 to 30 people.

11:01 p.m. A countywide search was called for a black full size Chevy Blazer with unknown plates that left the Wildlife Lane and You Bet Road area. The vehicle was thought to have three men and one woman aboard. The woman was reported to have a 9 mm handgun.

11:36 p.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a drunk man wearing a gray jump suit who came to the caller's door and stated he was pushed out of a vehicle and subjects were "packing heat."

[Wild times in Grass Valley?]

10:47 a.m. A woman from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported her neighbor from upstairs kept banging on her ceiling.

[Welcome to apartment life.]

10:17 a.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Birchville Road reported armed hunters on his property. The same caller had reported hunters the previous day. He was advised to call state Fish and Game.

[Is trespassing not handled by the Sheriff's department these days?]

1:45 p.m. A caller from Brewer Road reported a missing 3-year-old girl, dressed in a pink-and-white sleeper. She was last seen by the garage. The garage and barn had been checked. The girl was found approximately eight minutes later inside the entertainment center; she had been hiding.

[How to take ten years off your parent's lives.]

7:34 p.m. A caller from the 400 block of Pine Street reported a pickup was parked illegally and blocking a wheelchair ramp. Police determined the resident had painted the sidewalk and it was not illegal to park there.

[You apparently cannot just create your own handicap parking spots.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXI

9:39 a.m. - A caller in the 15000 block of Cottrell Road reported that a person was trying to steal his cattle.

[Would that make him a "cattle rustler" or just not a very adept criminal?]

6:07 p.m. - A caller in the 17000 block of Lake Vera Purdon Road reported that a dead deer was in the roadway posing a hazard. Forty minutes later, a caller from the same location reported that the deer got up and ran away.

[Maybe it was just resting.]

6:22 p.m. - A caller on Shire Court reported that their son was threatening to break things and was extremely defiant. The boy was told that he would be booked into Juvenile Hall if he continued to vandalize the property and disobey his parents.

[Every parent's nightmare... the child realizing how tenuous parental control will be.]

10:29 p.m. - A woman at the intersection of Gracie Road and Melanie Court said she could not explain why she thinks a car intentionally hit her mailbox.

[And yet, there she was.]

9:59 a.m. - A man from the 16000 block of Patricia Way said a driver speeding by in a truck threw a solar light onto his property.

[Some sort of drive-by "Go Green" campaign?]

12:36 p.m. - A be-on-the-lookout bulletin was issued for a man about 35 years old wearing light khaki clothing who had just robbed the U.S. Bank in Auburn.

[In all the years I've been reading the blotter, I don't recall ever seeing a simple bank robbery.]

6:37 p.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a man left a message on her answering machine stating her goats were on his property and he had shot at them. The caller noted that the goats her neighbor was referring to weren't hers, and she wanted a deputy to call the neighbor and ask him to not leave nasty messages on her machine. When the deputy called the neighbor, he said it was better "to shoot the goats than to waste time in court and sue the livestock owner." The deputy advised that calling animal control would be an effective way to stop the goats from coming onto his property.

[It is better to shoot goats than waste time in court. A sentiment for the ages... the middle ages.]

7:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Berryhill Drive reported a neighbor repeatedly leaves his window open while not wearing clothes in his home. Officers were to contact the man.

[We don't want to look... but we cannot help ourselves!]

10:27 p.m. - An intoxicated man from the 16500 block of Countrywood Lane reported a "criminal" had just entered his home. The "criminal" got on the phone and said the caller was too drunk to remember him as a friend.

[That's just criminal.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Terror in a White Jag

I had set these blotter entries aside in the hope that there would be more on the subject. Alas, it ended up being just these three.

At 2:19 p.m., a caller from a business on the 400 block of Sutton Way reported a woman went onto the business and started yelling. She was asked to leave and was last seen driving a white Jaguar with a dog in the back. A second caller, a landscaper in the area, reported the same woman was acting very odd. Police contacted the 47-year-old woman and issued her a re-evaluation through the Department of Motor Vehicles.

At 1:29 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a woman in a white Jaguar was honking her car horn and yelling in the parking lot in front of the emergency room. She was getting in and out of her vehicle, then left. Police were unable to locate the woman.

At 3:53 a.m., a caller from a store on the 10000 block of Combie Road reported a woman was acting irrationally in the store, talking about her dog. The woman left in a white Jaguar. Deputies contacted the woman, who was at her residence on the 11000 block of Sunset Place. She did not meet the criteria for a mental health evaluation. She said she would be going to sleep.

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CX

8:37 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Samantha Way reported a can of baked beans had been dumped on her car.

[There is a first for the blotter.]

11:04 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Catherine Lane reported someone was throwing rocks at her upstairs apartment when the reporting party noticed her rug was on fire.

[Coincidend? Crude warning method?]

1:33 p.m. - A caller found a large knife under a tree at the entrance to Minnie Park. Officers booked the knife in as evidence.

[Evidence of what?]

8:48 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Alta Street reported a juvenile who was dropped off at school but was refusing to stay.

[As a child, this approach never even occurred to me.]

11:45 a.m. - Officers arrested a 20-year-old man on the 900 block of Sutton Way on suspicion of possessing less than an ounce of marijuana and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[There isn't much to this one, except every time I read that charge, I think to myself "None is less than an ounce, right?"]

9:49 p.m. - A caller from McKnight Way reported a man hitchhiking dangerously.

[Yes, as if it wasn't risky enough, we have to get into extreme hitchhiking.]

1:06 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Gates Place reported an ex-employee who has been coming to the business and taking things off the computer. The caller said the ex-employee has told the owner he would sell the information back to the company.

[Here we have, "My First Extortion Racket."]

9:57 p.m. - A man from the 19000 block of Tara Lane reported a large bear in the bed of his truck. The man said the bear would not move, even if he activated the car alarm. He said he called the Department of Fish and Game who said they will not respond.

[That's going to be an interesting call to work if there bear is still there in the morning.]

9:05 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Mill Street reported a woman who had sent about three letters in the mail to the Grass Valley/Nevada County Chamber of Commerce regarding people and businesses who are supposedly threatening to kill her. The caller requested contact with officers.

[Murder being something that the chamber of commerce usually tries to steer clear of.]

9:20 a.m. - A caller in the 600 block of Zion Street reported finding a dead woodpecker in his bathtub. He told officers he believed the bird was put there intentionally. Later, the caller reported that he found a hole in the wall that allowed the bird access to the bathtub.

[So no mysterious "sign of the woodpecker" message to decipher then? We won't need those meddling kids I guess.]

12:55 a.m. - Police reported that a vehicle ran two flashing red lights at East Main and South Auburn streets. The subject told police he was from Israel and did not know what the flashing red lights at the intersections meant.

[I wonder how far that got him... or if he cared.]

5:59 p.m. - A woman from the 300 block of South Auburn Street reported a juvenile skateboarding on her roof. A similar call came in from a home on Buena Vista Avenue. Responding officers found the skateboarder and arrested him on suspicion of giving police officers a false identity and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[I'll bet he says it was worth it.]

12:04 a.m. - A woman heard some glass breaking in her garage and thought it might be a mountain lion.

[Damn those clumsy mountain lions.]

9:45 a.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Sunny Hill Road reported her neighbor made an obscene gesture at her the day before.

[I'm sure the police will get right on that.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIX

5:32 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of South Auburn Street reported receiving threats from the caller's sister-in-law. The caller was advised on how to get a restraining order.

[Which might make Thanksgiving a bit awkward, but probably a bit less tense.]

2:19 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Golden Eagle Way reported someone stole his portable toilet. The caller said he suspected his neighbor.

[I guess if he was looking for it at 2am, he probably needed it.]

2:20 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a theft of a portable toilet. The caller said it was taken by a neighbor who is an ex-Hells Angels member. The portable toilet was gray and white with a chair and a bucket attached. The caller said he wasn't sure if the portable toilet was stolen or just missing.

[Is this midnight plumbing supply or what?]

5:16 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Brentwood Drive reported she is on parole and her father has threatened to plant a weapon in her vehicle. The caller was advised of the restraining order process.

[I can see more awkward holiday seasons coming up.]

7:06 p.m. - A caller wanted officers to stand by while he got his belongings out of an apartment he shared with a girlfriend on the 100 block of Main Street. Officers supplied the standby and then arrested the man on a warrant out of San Diego.

[That must have made the girlfriend's day.]

11:23 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Empire Street reported a prowler was knocking on the back door. Responding officers could not find the prowler.

[It might be just me, but do prowlers usually knock?]

8:52 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported receiving a check for $3,900 in the mail from a company claiming that he won $55,000. The company requested him to send $300 for taxes, he said. The man waited for the check to clear the account, but it bounced. So he never sent the $300 to the company. The man requested contact with officers.

[It bounced. Imagine that!]

8 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported trespassers on his property who were harassing him all day and attacked him with pit bulls. The man said he shot two of the dogs in the rear. The trespassers were near a fence by a shed on the man's property, he said.

[It sounds like he called this in a few hours later that he should have.]

12:58 p.m. - An elderly woman in the lobby of the police department said she hired a gardener and paid him in advance with a blank check. The gardener made out the check for more than the authorized agreement and also never returned to do the work. Officers took a report for fraud.

[Why are people so trusting of strangers?]

3:36 a.m. - A resident of the 15100 block of Beeman Lane was unaware that the person's vehicle was being repossessed.

[A couple of these show up every week now. Surprise!]

5:30 p.m. - A man in handcuffs wearing an orange jumpsuit and a devil's mask was running in and out of traffic on the Broad Street overpass.

[A George W. Bush mask? The guy with the "War Criminal" sign?]

1:29 a.m. - A caller from a downtown bar reported a fast taxi driver.

[Better than the ones who never show up I suppose.]

10:51 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Empire Street reported an intoxicated woman had been banging on his front door for the last 20 minutes. Officers arrested and booked her on three local warrants.

[Three local warrants! A busy woman!]

5:04 p.m. - A caller said a man with dreadlocks was in a vehicle on a parking lot on Litton Drive smoking marijuana. The man left and officers were advised.

[Later, a construction worker made suggestive remarks at a passing woman.]

4:10 p.m. - A caller from Englebright Lake reported a person in an SUV with a boat trailer drove over his kayak on the boat ramp and drove off.

[I wonder if this is part of some ongoing "power boat vs. kayak" feud.]

8:35 p.m. - A man working on a home on Kechely Court reported a woman next door kept coming out of her home, taking notes and harassing him before he could explain what he was doing. Responding officers discerned it was a civil issue.

[Mrs. Kravitz, notes in hand, remained disturbed by the whole situation.]

10:55 a.m. - A caller on McCourtney Road reported that an individual stole a gray Chevrolet Camaro hood off a vehicle to put on his own red Camaro.

[Well, he should be easy to spot in any event.]

2:27 p.m. - A caller in the 10000 block of San Francisco Street reported that a man borrowed $40,000 and had agreed to pay it back in two weeks but hadn't done so. A report was taken.

[But he said he would!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVIII

6:37 p.m. - A caller from the 1900 block of Nevada City Highway reported a man in a pickup truck drove it up on the hood of another vehicle. Responding officers arrested the man on suspicion of vandalism and booked him into the Nevada County jail. His vehicle was towed.

[Vandalism is all that warrants?]

8:14 p.m. ­ A landlord reported tenants from the 300 block of Bennett Street were banging on his door after he had served them an eviction notice for throwing a barbecue off a second story balcony. Responding officers calmed the situation.

11:16 p.m. ­ Officers checking on a man at Neal and Church streets and cited and released him on a Placer County warrant.

[I still do not get this whole "citation for a warrant" routine. What good is a warrant for somebody then?]

7:54 p.m. ­ A caller from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a 19-year-old man was trapped in concrete.

[The lead to some interesting mental images, culminating in a fiendish super-villain death trap scenario.]

5:25 p.m. - A man was reported on Sutton Way at Olympia Circle wearing an orange jumpsuit, a George Bush mask, red horns and handcuffs, and he was holding a sign that read, "War Criminal."

[If you demonstrate against the regime alone in the woods, does it make a sound?]

12:14 a.m. - A woman from the 800 block of Old Tunnel Road reported a fire on the deck of the apartment below her that was beginning to reach her deck. The fire was out when emergency crews arrived.

[A very lively report, fire advancing, damsel in distress.]

5:52 a.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Birchville Road reported her fiance was on probation and doing drugs.

[Don't worry though, you'll be able to change him once you're married to him ma'am.]

7:10 p.m. ­ A mother in the lobby of the police department reported her husband was threatening to take her daughter away from her after she returned from a three-week drinking binge. The mother said she was a previous battery victim at the husband’s hands and wanted officers to contact them both at the home. Officers went to the home and preserved the peace.

[The Lost Weekend comes to Grass Valley. Fortunately the GVPD was there and preserved the peace.]

7:24 p.m. - A caller reported a verbal fight involving a man and woman who were disagreeing with an umpire at the Memorial Park softball field. Responding officers found the umpire did not want to press charges and advised the man and woman to leave the park and not return. Thirty minutes later, the man fell and hit his head while walking on Henderson Street.

[Which, hopefully, went a long way towards preserving the peace going forward.]

8:00 a.m. - A woman reported a reckless driver on Sutton Way who got out of a vehicle and went into a business. The caller said she would continue calling in reckless drivers and following them until the police department does something about them. About 30 minutes later, the driver called and reported the woman caller was following his vehicle in a threatening manner.

[There is a lesson in there somewhere.]

8:30 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a stolen helmet was that three shades of blue with flames coming from the skull. An officer took a report for theft.

[I am going to guess this isn't a bicycle helmet we're talking about.]

3:19 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Wild Turkey Lane reported a verbal argument between an inebriated man and a woman.

[Wild Turkey Lane... this stuff just writes itself.]

10:28 a.m. - A caller reported a man in a straw hat with a long beard appeared to smoking marijuana behind the city library.

[ZZ Top is in town maybe?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVII

12:04 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of South Auburn Street reported someone misusing the caller's credit card.

[It sounds like they were scanning it upside down.]

12:34 p.m. - A caller from the 1200 block of East Main Street reported a man dressed in dark clothing was hiding behind a business

[At half past noon on a Wednesday. Very suspicious!]

9:58 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Nishinam Gulch Road reported that his 15-year-old daughter assaulted him with a bottle of hairspray. She then locked herself in the bedroom and was screaming loudly, he said.

[I can hardly wait for the teenage years to come to our home.]

5:05 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of West Main Street reported inappropriate behavior by what was described as a transvestite with a white wig driving a green Toyota up the street. The man was arrested for indecent exposure and booked into the Nevada County Jail.

[What is going on in Grass Valley on Wednesdays?]

7:58 a.m. - A caller from Vistamont expressed safety concerns for a 10-year-old boy selling pizza door to door.

[Anticipatory pizza delivery?]

8:30 a.m. - A caller from East McKnight reported a man with a pipe who ran through a stop sign in a Honda Civic.

[He was also hatless, repeat, hatless.]

6:05 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Ricky Court reported receiving a call from a man who said he was hired to assassinate the caller.

[What time is good for you? Can I assassinate you before lunch? I have plans in the afternoon.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Goodenough Court reported a subject was in urgent care after being shot in the finger with a BB gun.

[No doubt self-inflicted. Court marshal him.]

3:00 p.m. - A man in the lobby from the 100 block of Murphy Street reported finding several vegetables in his yard, possibly fired from a potato gun. The man said he filed a report because he was afraid his dogs could be injured by future flying produce.

[It is a hazard to both man and man's best friend!]

12:43 a.m. - A vehicle was repossessed on the 100 block of Glenbrook Drive, and the owner was unaware.

[Until they read the blotter this morning... or looked out in their driveway.]

3:15 a.m. - A vehicle on the 100 block of Race Street was repossessed and the owner was aware of it.

[And it didn't make a damn bit of difference, because they both lost their cars. Why is this it the blotter?]

8:59 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Makikuja Drive reported vandalism to a house and theft of household items including the carpet.

[At least they didn't pee on it Dude.]

12:20 p.m. - A traffic stop on Freeman Lane resulted in a man being cited and released for driving a motorized scooter. The scooter was confiscated.

[That deserves at least a Nelson Muntz "Haw-haw!"]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVI

7:06 p.m. - A caller said a man was beating a vehicle with a stick in a downtown parking lot. Arriving officers arrested a youth on suspicion of vandalism and took him to juvenile hall.

[People taking common sayings too far.]

5:56 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Alta Street reported her house had been toilet-papered, egged and tomatoed.

[Tomatoed?]

1:49 p.m. - A caller said the traffic light at Brunswick Road and Sutton Way was not cycling properly, and she had been sitting in the turn lane for more than 8 minutes while traffic backed up. Public Works was dispatched to the scene.

[She could be stuck there for days!]

11:05 a.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Maranatha Place reported his aunt had taken his stimulus check and was refusing to give it back to him, saying he owed her money.

[Hey, that check from the government was so you would buy new things, not pay off old things... no disrespect to your aunt.]

3:41 p.m. - A man walked into a business on the 100 block of Catherine Lane and said he was there to fix the air conditioning unit. When a worker checked on the man he was standing naked by the unit. Officers were called, but the man left before they arrived.

[This must be some sort of holistic approach to air conditioner repair.]

9:05 a.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported her husband was threatening to press charges against her.

[I'm not sure that is a crime.]

2:32 p.m.- Penn Valley Post Office reported that a white male had written a bad check to purchase $840 worth of stamps. A report was taken. The suspect is described as in his late 40s, 5-foot-7 with short sandy, blonde hair.

[They took a check for $840 worth of stamps? I suppose they should look for the guy selling below cost stamps at the flea market.]

6:33 p.m. - A caller reported a naked man is walking down Pleasant Valley Road and jumps into the brush whenever vehicles pass him. He is described as white and in his 40s. Officers checked the area but were unable to find him.

[Yeah, well, I'd jump in the brush too. But does he repair air conditioners?]

12:32 a.m. - A caller from School Street reported her roommate is threatening her. She said he made threatening statements in the past, wrote his name in blood on the refrigerator and left to go sleep in the cemetery.

[I'm glad that's all settled!]

11:42 p.m. - A caller reported a 4-year-old child was left alone and standing outside a Grass Valley bar while the two adults responsible argued and took turns going inside the bar.

[While it sounds idiotic, it does not exactly sound like the child was left alone.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CV

2:06 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 19000 block of Highway 174 reported a man and a woman trying to make a purchase using a 1934 $20 bill. They were trying to convince the store owner the bill was worth more than $20 now. The caller requested log entry only.

[Another one for the "Let me know how that works out for you" files.]

5:37 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Brewer Road reported people selling meat out of the back of a truck, probably without a license.

[Giving a bad name to all those legitimate meat salesmen working out of the backs of their trucks! Still, I am mildly disappointed that they were not described as "angry" or at least "aggressive" as in past reports.]

1:31 p.m. - A business on the 12000 block of Nevada City Highway reported receiving a counterfeit $20 bill. Officers determined the bill was simply old and verified its authenticity at a nearby bank.

[A 1934 series bill by any chance? I hear those are worth more than $20.]

4:28 p.m. - A business on the 100 block of East Main Street reported a person came in and left without paying for services. Officers took a report.

[There is nothing amusing here, other than the fact that you have no idea what happened. A person went into a business and left without paying for services. Could have been the batting cages, could have been a brothel.]

3:02 a.m. - A caller reported a road block with traffic cones had been set up on Ridge Road across from Nevada Union High School, and when the caller slowed for it, someone threw fruit at his vehicle. Officers were unable to locate anyone after an extensive search of the area.

[These sorts of things seem really funny at 3am, unless you're the one being pelted with fruit.]

9:18 a.m. - A caller near Chapel and Brighton streets reported loud music coming from an area church. The music was turned down after officers arrived.

[And this was on a Tuesday.]

2:44 p.m. - A woman from the 13000 block of Greenhorn Road reported that her neighbors had broken into her house and were stealing her clothes and hair ties.

[My hair ties! My beautiful hair ties!]

6:10 p.m. - A woman from the 16000 block of Aileen Way reported that her 8-year-old child was throwing a tantrum about cleaning her room. The dispatcher told the woman she should call 911 only for emergencies.

[But we have guests coming over in an hour! It is an emergency!]

9:00 p.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported that she was walking home with her dogs when a pit bull attempted to attack her. The pit bull’s owner then threatened the woman that he'd come after her and told her to get out of the area. The pit bull didn’t bite the woman or her dogs, the woman said.

[See, it's not the dogs, it's the owners.]

6:06 p.m. - A hysterical female on Neal Street was reportedly upset about a past relationship. Her father arrived and took her home.

[We've all been there. Okay, maybe not actually on Neal Street, but in the vicinity.]


10:30 a.m. - A man set up a dredge in Wolf Creek at the Bank Street bridge. Officers told him to move on.

[It's Saturday and I just got this new dredge, I thought I'd just look for gold.]

12:13 a.m. - A suspicious male was overhead shouting in the shadows on the 2300 block of Nevada City Highway.

['Shouting in the Shadows' would be a good name for a band.]

2:20 a.m. - An intoxicated man was reported running into traffic at West Main and Neal streets. Officers located the man and booked him into Wayne Brown Correctional Facility on suspicion of being drunk in public.

[What kind of traffic is there on West Main and Neal at 2 am on a Sunday night?]

10:47 p.m. - A vehicle was repossessed on the 22900 block of Sunset Ridge Drive.

[That isn't a crime, so I'm not sure why it is in the blotter. Maybe it is there to warn the neighbors not to lend money to the person who is suddenly missing a car, as they aren't paying their bills?]

6:21 p.m. - A man with a beard and no clothes was reported walking down Pleasant Valley Road. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[This is why they put cameras in cell phones, so people will believe you when you tell them this stuff.]

8:17 a.m. - A volunteer vehicle repossession was made on the 11300 block of Alpine Lane.

[Now I'm more confused. Still, signs of a bad economy are everywhere.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIV

12:19 p.m. - A business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported three male juveniles came in wanting to sell diamonds. The clerk refused and then called police because the trio seemed suspicious. Officers were unable to locate the juveniles.

[Juvenile diamond sellers? A change from belligerent door-to-door meat salesmen I suppose.]

12:48 a.m. - A woman from the 20000 block of Penn Valley Drive reported that the headlights of her Jeep, which was parked in the driveway, came on and then turned off by themselves. She wanted officers to check it out.

[We'll get right on that.]

12:12 p.m. - A man from the 22000 block of Rambling Oaks Drive reported that someone had entered his house and a file cabinet and a George Foreman grill were missing.

[Somebody else is eating healthier now.]

9:39 a.m. - A man from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported his mentally disabled brother was having difficulty breathing due to the smoky air. The person was referred to the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection.

[And what is the CDF supposed to do for somebody having trouble breathing? "Oh, hey, my brother is coughing a lot, could you put out those fires faster, please?]

4:06 p.m. - A person came into the police department with gun ammunition, which was destroyed.

[Right there in front of them? I'd like to see that!]

12 a.m. - A caller saw a woman in a nightgown or a hospital gown pushing a shopping cart on Dorsey Drive.

[Well, it is hot out, and those gowns are nice and breezy.]

2:34 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Carriage Road reported she recalled she had a restraining order against her husband, whom she had allowed to stay at her residence for the past two years. The woman said she wanted her husband removed from her house. She was told that the police were uncomfortable enforcing an order she had disregarded for the past two years.

[Hey, I just remembered, I have a restraining order against you! Get out!]

1:05 p.m. - The Grass Valley Library reported a van with the word "Psychic," written on it had been in a handicapped parking spot for more than 24 hours. The situation was turned over to the parking officer.

[I wonder if they saw that coming?]

2:07 p.m. - A caller said they lost their glasses while at the Greenwood Cemetery.

[And you want the police to do what?]

3:20 p.m. - A two car accident on Race Street produced no injuries.

[They call it Race Street for a reason I guess.]

2:06 p.m. - A woman called from the 14000 block of Tanglefoot Court reporting that her neighbor has been videotaping her for about three years. She was seeking advice on what she could do about the situation.

[Restraining order.]

4:52 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Palm Court reporting that her boyfriend was threatening her for having his wallet. She said she couldn't give him back his wallet as it would be a violation of probation.

[One serious wallet.]

6:58 p.m. - A woman who made a 911 call from the 11000 block of Combie Road reported she was teaching her kids how to dial the emergency number.

[A proponent of practical instruction!]

10:10 a.m. - A caller from Finley and Spring streets reported a vehicle parked in the middle of the street with the back end parked in the caller's garden.

[No alcohol involved there, I'm sure!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIII

1:46 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported juveniles riding their bikes in a precarious manner in the parking lot in front of the caller's business. They have been told to leave and have not, the caller said. Officers contacted the juveniles and they left.

[Precarious bicycle riding, a first for the blotter.]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from the intersection of Packard Drive and Brighton Street reported that a man had punched his mailbox. Officers cited and released the 20-year-old man for vandalism.

[Some insult/injury going on there, unless the mail box was made out of papier mache.]

2:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Idaho-Maryland Road reported a man and woman arguing in a vehicle with three children in it. The couple drove away on the Golden Center Freeway before officers could respond.

[Sounds like a normal scene from my childhood. I would have to guess that the subject of "asking for directions" had been broached.]

7:11 p.m. - A Church Street caller in a wheelchair reported being chased by five subjects and a large dog who were all screaming for her to stay home. Responding officers determined it was simply an argument.

[Good, as I was strongly considering "performance art" as the answer.]

1:40 p.m. - A man from 10000 block of Cement Hill Road reported vandalism to a mailbox and offered to preserve forensic evidence if needed.

[Grass Valley CSI will get the FBI lab will get right on that.]

8:53 p.m. - A caller from Washington Street overpass reported juveniles dropping caution cones on cars below.

[I should collect a series of "dropping things from the overpass" entries. This is what happens when you build an overpass in a small town.]

10 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Pamela Drive reported that a garbage truck had knocked down a power line across the road. Waste Management was notified about the incident.

[I might have called PG&E.]

1:52 p.m. - A caller from the 800 block of East Main Street reported being threatened by her sister if she didn't drop charges against her.

[Family life!]

8:45 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way said his roommates had terminated power to his room and he could not find the landlord. Responding officers learned from one of the roommates that the caller had threatened his life. Officers eventually determined it was a civil issue.

[Sounds more like an uncivil issue.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)