Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVI

7:06 p.m. - A caller said a man was beating a vehicle with a stick in a downtown parking lot. Arriving officers arrested a youth on suspicion of vandalism and took him to juvenile hall.

[People taking common sayings too far.]

5:56 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Alta Street reported her house had been toilet-papered, egged and tomatoed.

[Tomatoed?]

1:49 p.m. - A caller said the traffic light at Brunswick Road and Sutton Way was not cycling properly, and she had been sitting in the turn lane for more than 8 minutes while traffic backed up. Public Works was dispatched to the scene.

[She could be stuck there for days!]

11:05 a.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Maranatha Place reported his aunt had taken his stimulus check and was refusing to give it back to him, saying he owed her money.

[Hey, that check from the government was so you would buy new things, not pay off old things... no disrespect to your aunt.]

3:41 p.m. - A man walked into a business on the 100 block of Catherine Lane and said he was there to fix the air conditioning unit. When a worker checked on the man he was standing naked by the unit. Officers were called, but the man left before they arrived.

[This must be some sort of holistic approach to air conditioner repair.]

9:05 a.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported her husband was threatening to press charges against her.

[I'm not sure that is a crime.]

2:32 p.m.- Penn Valley Post Office reported that a white male had written a bad check to purchase $840 worth of stamps. A report was taken. The suspect is described as in his late 40s, 5-foot-7 with short sandy, blonde hair.

[They took a check for $840 worth of stamps? I suppose they should look for the guy selling below cost stamps at the flea market.]

6:33 p.m. - A caller reported a naked man is walking down Pleasant Valley Road and jumps into the brush whenever vehicles pass him. He is described as white and in his 40s. Officers checked the area but were unable to find him.

[Yeah, well, I'd jump in the brush too. But does he repair air conditioners?]

12:32 a.m. - A caller from School Street reported her roommate is threatening her. She said he made threatening statements in the past, wrote his name in blood on the refrigerator and left to go sleep in the cemetery.

[I'm glad that's all settled!]

11:42 p.m. - A caller reported a 4-year-old child was left alone and standing outside a Grass Valley bar while the two adults responsible argued and took turns going inside the bar.

[While it sounds idiotic, it does not exactly sound like the child was left alone.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)