Friday, February 23, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXIV

At 10:29 p.m., a woman report that while she was driving south on Highway 49 she saw a man in an upstairs window in a hotel under construction. The man was facing the freeway. Police contacted the 39-year-old man and determined there was a civil warrant for the man's arrest from Sacramento County. However, the warrant instructed police to contact a Sacramento detective before arresting. Police left messages for the detective. No arrest was made at that time.

[Damn red tape.]

At 10:39 a.m., a caller from a parking lot on the 100 block of Neal Street reported a man in a red Fiero was speeding in the lot and tried to start a fight with the caller. Police stopped the man and advised him about the speeding and his attitude.

[Giving people advice about their attitude seems a bit futile.]

At 12:47 p.m., a woman from the 18000 block of Chaparral Drive reported possible identity theft. She said she was being tailgated on Highway 49 by a white Honda with tinted windows. An officer took a report for identity theft.

[Were the people in the Honda attempting to steal her identity? I don't get it.]

At 7:40 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Kentucky Ravine reported a roommate set a small fire to a residence. The fire was out but the caller wanted contact regarding the roommate being "crazy." A deputy called the man back, but the phone was busy. Further contact was pending.

[Crazy roommates. Another reason to live alone.]

At 7:45 a.m., a burglary alarm sounded at a bank on the 100 block of West Main Street. It appeared a balloon may have set it off.

[A very sensitive burglary alarm or a very big ballon I would guess.]

At 5:06 p.m., an officer cited a 46-year-old man in a parking lot on the 100 block of Neal Street for having an open container of alcohol. The contents were photographed and destroyed.

[I was taught that matter can neither be created nor destroyed. And why the photograph? Memories?]

At 5:53 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported a person was buying bomb materials in the back of a store. An officer said the situation had already been dealt with, and there was no need to follow up.

[Somehow that is less than reassuring.]

At 6:15 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Mill Street reported a physical fight. An older man wearing a cowboy hat was a suspect. He went by the name of "Cowboy Bill." Police took a report for assault.

[This makes me want to write a song called, "The Ballad of Cowboy Bill."]

At 7:07 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Mill Street reported Cowboy Bill was back. Police contacted the man and cited him on suspicion of assault.

[The Return of Cowboy Bill! Another song to write!]

At 9:02 p.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of Rocker Road to report her wallet was stolen. She said she knew who had her wallet and she would attempt to get it back herself. She would call back if she was unsuccessful.

[As usual, why did she call the police in the first place then?]

At 6:27 a.m., a man called from the 10000 block of Boulder Street to ask a dispatcher whether or not he is on probation. A dispatcher told him he was on probation. Part of terms of the man's probation was no alcohol consumption. The man sounded like he had been drinking and he was making death threats to the dispatcher over the phone. A deputy contacted the man.

[You have to love people with no sense of self interest.]

At 3:32 p.m., a caller from the 700 block of Zion Street reported a woman just dumped a bag of clothing. An officer would attempt to notify the woman and tell her to pick up her clothes.

[And have her clean her room while she is at it.]

At 2:26 p.m., a woman in the police station lobby said someone was pet-sitting her dog and would not return it. Police would follow up.

[The heartbreak of lovable pets?]

At 3:18 p.m., a woman called from the hospital on Glasson Way to report she had not received food for two days. Police contacted the nursing supervisor, who would check on the woman.

[If the woman was right, isn't that just handing things back to the people causing the problem?]

At 3:29 p.m., a woman called to report she watched a television show, "60 Minutes," and she was concerned for her stepfather's welfare. She had not spoken to him in more than 12 years. A deputy went to the address and determined the stepfather was staying in Colorado.

[Was it the one about the horrible nursing home? Obama? The Kurds?]

At 11:39 p.m., a woman called from Rattlesnake Road to report hearing two shots fired in the area. All was quiet when deputies arrived.

[Well, now we know how to get things to be quiet.]

At 11:57 p.m., a caller from Spenceville Road reported hearing three gunshots in the area. All was quiet when deputies arrived.

[Will somebody up the bid to four gunshots?]

At 2:39 p.m., a caller reported a man who lives on the 800 block of Annex Avenue was possibly on drugs and he believed worms were crawling on him. Police contacted the man. He was not on drugs and he was not considered to have mental health issues at the time.

[So were there, in fact, worms crawling on him then?]

At 4:07 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Stage Coach Way reported a dog was in foster care and the man who was taking care of the dog said the dog belonged to him. A deputy contacted both people.

[There is foster care for dogs? And what is it with doggie care takers becoming so possessive?]

At 3:15 p.m., a caller reported a person dropped off another package for a waitress at a cafe on the 200 block of Broad Street. The person who sent the package had been notified of a hearing about a restraining order involving the cafe. An officer took a report.

[There has to be some creepy story behind this I am sure.]

At 1:32 p.m., a woman called from the 900 block of Plaza Drive to report she was being harassed by a person who was posing as an attorney. The person said a client wanted to sue the woman. The caller wanted to press charges for impersonating a lawyer. An officer checked background information and discovered the person is a legitimate attorney. No crime had been committed.

[Actually being a lawyer is not a crime. And how do you prove that you are a lawyer? Does your bar association membership count?]

At 9:46 p.m., a caller from North Church Street reported a female yellow terrier mix dog named Pariah was missing. Pariah weighs 48 pounds and was wearing a green harness and a silver and leather collar with no tags. Patrol officers and Animal Control were advised.

[If you name a dog Pariah, are you foolish for thinking it will stick around?]

At 7:32 p.m., a woman called from Freeman Lane to report that while she was doing her laundry she found a sofa in the back of the business that had ammunition in it. Police collected and destroyed six 12-gage shot rounds.

[Is possession of a loaded sofa against any laws? Watch how you sit on that thing, it could go off!]

At 6:16 a.m., a man called from the 12000 block of Garden Bar Road to report his elderly parents had been missing since Feb. 11. They were last seen at a funeral in Lompoc. The caller's parents were entered into a missing persons database and law enforcement was alerted to be on the lookout for them. Eight hours later, the man located his parents and the alert was canceled.

[This was 8 days later, so it seems to have been something of a long funeral... or a hell of a wake.]

Source: The Union (

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

SETI@home Finds Something At Last

Maybe SETI hasn't found life in the universe yet, but it did find somebody's stolen laptop.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXIII

At 3:54 a.m., a caller from the 500 block of Blight Road reported a flooded apartment and said the landlord wouldn't do anything about it. Deputies found minor dripping.

[Deputies responded at 4am to a reported drip in progress?]

At 9:03 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of North Auburn Street reported her yard was flooded due to water backup form the rain runoff.

[No report of a police response to this water crime.]

At 9:31 a.m., a caller from 300 block of Clark Street reported her garage was possibly vandalized or hit by a car.

[It is hard to tell. It might just be the rain.]

At 3:07 a.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Lake Forest Drive reported an unknown subject was on the caller's deck, then jumped the fence and ran toward the forest. The caller called back to say coyotes "are going crazy" behind the forest.

[We can only hope it was a feeding frenzy.]

At 3:43 a.m., a 911 caller reported hearing gunshots at a neighbor's house. Officers at the scene found an unresponsive woman on the couch breathing and a man unresponsive but breathing in the back room. There was a large amount of alcohol seen inside the residence.

[I once knew a woman who was quite unresponsive on a couch, but we broke up not too long after that.]

At 4:26 p.m., the sheriff's office reported a stolen vehicle was found in the Greenhorn area. They were unable to retrieve the vehicle and would try again the next day with a bigger tow truck.

[Just how big is this stolen vehicle? Or was there a typo on the request and somebody showed up with a "toy truck?"]

At 12:27 p.m., a caller from Bitney Springs Road reported a group of eight to nine men appeared hostile. One man got out of his vehicle with a chain saw and was arguing. The caller called back and reported two vehicles left the area and the men no longer appeared to be fighting.

[Damn, no chain saw fight.]

At 12:48 p.m., a caller from Edgewood Road at Highway 174 reported a neighbor was digging ditches across a private roadway to slow traffic. The caller said every time in rains, the road becomes almost impassable.

[I suppose ditches are easier to craft in dirt than speed bumps.]

At 3:53 p.m., a caller from the Buckeye Greenhorn Crossing reported a white F150 truck was in the river up to its windows. The caller said he heard juveniles say they had gotten stuck, but they would report the truck stolen instead of having it towed.

[There goes that plan to fool somebody's dad I bet. Also, there is a great street name. "Why did the Buckeye Greenhorn cross the road?"]

At 5:20 p.m., a woman who sounded extremely drunk called from the 10000 block of Kearney Court to report she had been drugged for the last four months and was confused about what happened to her during that time. She also said she was told where a meth lab was located. An deputy contacted her.

[Well, she remembered something I suppose.]

At 6:54 p.m., a woman called from the 1000 block of Kearney Court to say she didn't know why deputies were at her house. She was crying and disoriented on the phone.

[This probably puts the meth lab location into question.]

At 11:01 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported a fight with his roommate over snoring. The man then said he would "kill" someone. A deputy explained the eviction process.

[Small comfort to the guy who couldn't sleep.]

At 10:45 p.m., a caller from a grocery store on Nevada City Highway reported a possible drunken driver. An older man with a full beard driving a silver Toyota Tacoma hit road markers across from a gas station on the same road. Police stopped the car and spoke with the 53-year-old driver. He had not been drinking, but was possibly driving badly.

[Sometimes we just suck all by ourselves.]

At 1:20 p.m., a woman from the 12000 block of Quaker Hill Cross Road reported her neighbors are loud when the weather is good and she wanted to know how to make them stop.

[Move some place where the weather isn't so nice?]

At 8:08 p.m., a caller from Wolf Road requested deputies check the area near Combie Road for a woman hitchhiking with two black eyes.

[Either that, or she is a goth, which would probably elicit a call to the police in Nevada County as well.]

At 8:44 a.m., a caller from the 400 block of Factory Street reported a raccoon that was sleeping on her porch was running on the side of the road and she was concerned the raccoon would be injured or run over. An officer advised the woman that raccoons are wild and the police department could not assist.

[I see a series of painful rabies shots in this woman's future.]

Source: The Union (

Friday, February 09, 2007

Overboard for Anna Nicole

While I am sorry for her untimely death, I rather think the Yahoo! headline writer went a little far with this allusion, effectively putting her in the same league as Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana:

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Still, I am resting easy on my worry that Elton John might change the lyrics again for a few more bucks.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXII

At 1:06 p.m., a caller from Mainhart Drive reported a hot dog cart was stuck in the road. An officer took a report.

[What is the radio code for a stuck hot dog cart? I bet they have one.]

At 6:57 p.m., a man called from Freeman Lane to report his 83-year-old wife was supposed to meet him at a grocery store and she had not arrived. Police checked the area, including another nearby grocery store, and found the woman there. Police reunited the couple.

[Once again underlining the importance of clear communication in a relationship.]

At 10:52 p.m., a caller from the Squirrel Creek Road area reported a lost black dachshund named Harley wearing a green collar with a turn-on light that sparkles. The caller said the dog was just neutered yesterday. The graveyard shift officers were advised.

[Just one indignity after another for this poor dog. It is no wonder he ran for it.]

At 10:08 a.m., a caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported vandalism to a topiary in front of a store. Police determined a plant was knocked over.

[Further investigation revealed that is was on the floor now.]

At 10:32 a.m., a woman called from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive to report she was attempting to get her son out of bed to go to school, but every time she tried, he attempted to hit her. Police made contact.

[If only life's problems could be solved by just hitting the person trying to wake you up....]

At 2:01 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Olympia Park Road reported possible fraud. There was no financial loss, but there was a deaf and mute reverend from Wisconsin attempting to buy flooring items.

[The deaf and mute reverend from Wisconsin! I will be disappointed if he never appears in the blotter again. This has to be a setup for a running gag.]

At 6:07 p.m., a woman from the 100 block of Carpenter Street reported a man was driving down the street and taunting her

[Neener, neener, neener!]

At 10:16 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Coyote Street reported a man had strewn personal property all over the inside of the United States Post Office, including toys and clothing. Police contacted the man, who gathered up his belongings. He was advised he is no longer allowed at the Post Office.

[Can you really ban somebody from the post office?]

At 7:46 a.m., a woman from the 14000 block of Ballantree Lane reported another woman was having an affair with her husband was calling all morning and making threats to kill her. A deputy contacted the woman.

[Did she work for NASA? Ouch, very topical joke. I apologize.]

At 11:24 p.m., a caller from the 600 block of Minnie Street reported a person in Condon Park was swinging flaming sticks. Police contacted a 29-year-old woman, and she went home.

[Martial arts? Baton twirling? Pyromania?]

At 9:47 a.m., a caller from the 800 block of Nevada Street reported a roommate engaged in a verbal fight with the a babysitter. The roommate was making threatening statements at the babysitter and the caller's juvenile son. The caller requested welfare check on the son.

[You just know this is a living situation that is going to endure.]

At 8:57 a.m., a caller reported a theft at a business on Sutton Way that occurred Saturday and is on tape. Items taken were $800 worth of Prilosec and Pepsid.

[The stomach problem mafia strikes again.]

At 11:07 a.m., a man from the 15000 block of Digger Hill Way complained of a neighbor photographing him while out in the yard working.

[I have no idea what you do in that situation. I would probably just start taking pictures of the neighbor.]

At 1:46 p.m., a caller from Mt. Olive Road reported two men in the driveway of a residence with two long guns pointed toward a tree in the yard, apparently trying to shoot something out of the tree. It was discovered the weapons were pellet guns.

[The identity of the target remains a mystery.]

At 7:38 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Ryan Court reported a woman tenant went out jogging at 11 a.m. and has not returned yet. Her vehicle and cell telephone were still at her residence.

[The caller's log of the woman's comings and goings indicated that she should have been back at least 2 hours ago.]

At 12:09 a.m., a 911 caller reported a heavy-set man with a beanie carrying a rifle and standing in front of the door of a taco shop. Contact was made with the night manager, who was eradicating birds from the eaves with a BB gun.

[In my mind it is Tweedledee, nocturnal bird slayer at work.]

At 4:13 p.m., a caller reported a woman driving a white GMC truck parked in a handicapped spot on Sutton Way, then drove out of the parking lot at high speed without any concern about who was in her way. Patrol officers were advised.

[She reportedly waved her hands in the air like she just didn't care.]

At 10:40 p.m., a caller reported a suspicious-looking man who drove into a parking lot in a gold Ford. Police contacted the man, who was changing clothes for his next job.

[Presumably it wasn't a bank job.]

At 7:16 p.m., a man from the 20000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported someone named Alex tried to break into his house. The caller said he swung his Christmas tree at the man, causing him to leave.

[First nomination of the year for the category of "Least Likely Weapon of Self Defense." I bet he's glad he hadn't bothered to take his tree down yet.]

At 12:27 p.m., a caller from an elementary school on the 500 block of Main Street reported a neighbor had been in the bushes around the school and walking around the school with a flashlight between 6 a.m. and 6:30 a.m. during the weekdays. The person had been intentionally trying to startle the janitor and she was fearing for her safety. The caller requested extra patrols.

[There is just a deeper story here that I am sure will be on the front page some time soon.

At 10:26 a.m., a caller from Bennett Street near North Star Drive reported a man wearing a black beanie and a blue sweater was drinking beer and yelling at people.

[At least we know what Tweedledum was up to. Two beanies in a week. Another trend?]

At 12:52 p.m., a woman called from a restaurant on McKnight Way to report a man who looked similar to a robbery suspect was eating at the restaurant, and she heard him say he was going to go bowling at 1:30 p.m. The information was given to a detective.

[The detective didn't feel like bowling and suggested a movie instead.]

Source: The Union (

Airline Ruthlessness

A friend of mine is planning, with his family (wife and two kids) a trip to Disney World this summer.

After the recent unpleasantness on an ATA flight from Orlando to Boston, my friend wanted to make sure his kids, especially his young son, understood the importance of behaving on the airplane.

He explained to his son how this family's child, of similar age, was misbehaving so badly that the whole family got thrown off the flight.

This hit home harder than my friend thought it would. His son was wide-eyed and speechless.

My friend asked if he understood now why he should behave on the place.

His son nodded, then asked in a quiet voice, "But they got parachutes, didn't they?"

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXI

At 7:47 a.m. a caller from the 900 block of Main Street requested a welfare check on his mother, who left an incoherent phone message on his answering machine.

[If that is cause to call the police, they had better go check on my brother.]

At 8:51 a.m. a caller from Hennessy School reported a male subject nearby in a black hat and black leather jacket, "doing something strange under a bush."

[A man in a black hat under a bush.]

At 9:21 a.m. a bank reported a suspicious subject has been coming into the bank for the past couple of weeks trying to cash a check for a large amount from an account he has little or no paperwork on.

[Isn't that why they put a hold on these sorts of transactions? The check was probably from Nigeria.]

At 8:01 p.m. a caller from the 10000 block of Park Avenue said he had taken four hits of acid and didn't know what was going on.

[But he knew enough to dial 911!]

At 3:41 p.m. a caller said a juvenile was riding a skateboard on Brighton Street and was mooning people as he rode by.

[I do not think I have ever see Tony Hawk attempt that particular move.]

At 10:59 p.m., a caller from East Main Street reported a person was carrying an odd musical instrument. Police contacted a person who was carrying a big stick.

[And he was speaking softly.]

At 5:55 a.m., a caller from East Main Street reported a man was sleeping at the post office. Police contacted the 50-year-old man, who would be moving on.

[You need to get a job there first.]

At 6:16 a.m., a man called from East Main Street to report hearing voices in the bushes near City Hall. He said there were also mattresses there. Police contacted a man and advised him to move on.

[Was he wearing a black hat?]

At 6:30 p.m., a man called from the 400 block of Sutton Way to report a man was trying to assault him because he believed the caller threw a sandwich at his son. Police contacted the caller and were unable to locate the other man and his son.

[No report on the sandwich.]

At 6:48 p.m., a caller from South Church Street reported a man was sawing open a bank ATM machine. Police contacted the man, who was repairing the machine.

[Although it does seem to be suspiciously late in the day to be doing such a repair.]

At 11:54 a.m., a caller from Dog Bar Road at Lodestar Drive reported two boys in a gray Buick were shooting a BB gun out the window at mailboxes. The passenger, who was doing the shooting, had short hair.

[Catch them now before they graduate to shotguns.]

At 10:39 p.m., a man called from Dead Man's Flat at Squirrel Creek Road to report a man told him he found a duffel bag in the area with a child's skeleton in it. The man encouraged the caller to contact the police. Deputies searched the area and were unable to locate any duffel bag or a child's bones.

[The man was advised that the word "gullible" is not in the dictionary.]

At 8:44 p.m., a woman called from the 900 block of Laurel Avenue to report receiving a call from a man with a young voice who said, "Rob, I'm stuck in the window, can you come and help me?" The woman was not familiar with the man's voice and a return call came back as disconnected.

[Somewhere, somebody with a young voice must have finally gotten free.]

At 2:21 p.m., a man called from the 600 block of Long Street to report people possibly were living under his house. An officer determined no one was in the basement.

[All that junk down there, that belongs to you, sir.]

Source: The Union (