Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXI

At 7:47 a.m. a caller from the 900 block of Main Street requested a welfare check on his mother, who left an incoherent phone message on his answering machine.

[If that is cause to call the police, they had better go check on my brother.]

At 8:51 a.m. a caller from Hennessy School reported a male subject nearby in a black hat and black leather jacket, "doing something strange under a bush."

[A man in a black hat under a bush.]

At 9:21 a.m. a bank reported a suspicious subject has been coming into the bank for the past couple of weeks trying to cash a check for a large amount from an account he has little or no paperwork on.

[Isn't that why they put a hold on these sorts of transactions? The check was probably from Nigeria.]

At 8:01 p.m. a caller from the 10000 block of Park Avenue said he had taken four hits of acid and didn't know what was going on.

[But he knew enough to dial 911!]

At 3:41 p.m. a caller said a juvenile was riding a skateboard on Brighton Street and was mooning people as he rode by.

[I do not think I have ever see Tony Hawk attempt that particular move.]

At 10:59 p.m., a caller from East Main Street reported a person was carrying an odd musical instrument. Police contacted a person who was carrying a big stick.

[And he was speaking softly.]

At 5:55 a.m., a caller from East Main Street reported a man was sleeping at the post office. Police contacted the 50-year-old man, who would be moving on.

[You need to get a job there first.]

At 6:16 a.m., a man called from East Main Street to report hearing voices in the bushes near City Hall. He said there were also mattresses there. Police contacted a man and advised him to move on.

[Was he wearing a black hat?]

At 6:30 p.m., a man called from the 400 block of Sutton Way to report a man was trying to assault him because he believed the caller threw a sandwich at his son. Police contacted the caller and were unable to locate the other man and his son.

[No report on the sandwich.]

At 6:48 p.m., a caller from South Church Street reported a man was sawing open a bank ATM machine. Police contacted the man, who was repairing the machine.

[Although it does seem to be suspiciously late in the day to be doing such a repair.]

At 11:54 a.m., a caller from Dog Bar Road at Lodestar Drive reported two boys in a gray Buick were shooting a BB gun out the window at mailboxes. The passenger, who was doing the shooting, had short hair.

[Catch them now before they graduate to shotguns.]

At 10:39 p.m., a man called from Dead Man's Flat at Squirrel Creek Road to report a man told him he found a duffel bag in the area with a child's skeleton in it. The man encouraged the caller to contact the police. Deputies searched the area and were unable to locate any duffel bag or a child's bones.

[The man was advised that the word "gullible" is not in the dictionary.]

At 8:44 p.m., a woman called from the 900 block of Laurel Avenue to report receiving a call from a man with a young voice who said, "Rob, I'm stuck in the window, can you come and help me?" The woman was not familiar with the man's voice and a return call came back as disconnected.

[Somewhere, somebody with a young voice must have finally gotten free.]

At 2:21 p.m., a man called from the 600 block of Long Street to report people possibly were living under his house. An officer determined no one was in the basement.

[All that junk down there, that belongs to you, sir.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)