Thursday, May 31, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LIII

At 1:40 p.m., a woman called 911 from a pay telephone at a gas station on the 16000 block of Penn Valley Drive to talk to a deputy. The woman was advised to call the nonemergency number, but she said she could not afford the 50 cents. Deputies contacted the woman and advised her not to use 911 for a taxi service. The woman had a bike and was advised to move on.

[Note: 911 is not a taxi service.]

At 4:15 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 at Smith Road reported a juvenile with a machete was on the side of the road attacking bushes. Deputies were unable to locate the juvenile.

[But isn't that what movies have taught us to do with machetes?]

At 9:20 p.m., a woman called from the 19000 block of Tall Timbers Lane to report a person was outside her residence. She had heard him running about a minute earlier. Deputies responded and located two bears up a tree. The property was secure.

[Except for those two bears outside in a tree.]

At 5:33 p.m., a woman called from the 100 block of Eureka Street to report her dog had a large cat cornered, possibly a mountain lion. An officer contacted the woman. There was no mountain lion.

[Bears and lions again? Cornering a mountain lion. Not high on my list of things to do.]

At 8:19 p.m., a caller from the 900 block of Sutton Way reported a 30-year-old man with a heavy gut, wearing an unusual apron and a multicolored rainbow beanie, was making threats in the California Highway Patrol parking lot. The man left.

[If they couldn't find this guy...]

At 6:53 p.m., a woman called from the 21000 block of Oakridge Drive to report a neighbor lurks around the bushes and tries to scare her. He talks about having lights all over his body and he said he wanted to "find" a woman. He seemed to have a mental condition.


At 9:21 p.m., a woman called from the 13000 block of Mooney Flat Road to report catching juveniles who shot her cow. Deputies took a report for cruelty to animals.

[They shoot cows, don't they?]

At 7:29 a.m., the California Highway Patrol advised of a dead cow stuck in a fence at Mooney Flat Road and Pleasant Valley Road.


At 9:39 p.m., an extremely intoxicated caller from the 400 block of East Main Street reported believing gangsters were attacking a gas station clerk. Police determined everything at the gas station was fine.

[No gangsters.]

At 1:31 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Rough and Ready Highway to request police check on a person who was walking around with scissors and was threatening to beat car windows out. Deputies responded and the person was transported to the hospital.

[Now if he had been running with scissors...]

At 1:35 p.m., a caller reported a three-day rave, or large party, was taking place at the Chicago Powerhouse. The CHP and Placer County Sheriff's Office sent in a deputy and an air unit to ensure the party was dispersed. The party was over.

[An air unit dispatched to stop a party!]

At 8:20 p.m., a man called from the 19000 block of Buck Mountain Road to report four juveniles in two golf carts had been racing on the street throughout the day and had driven over the caller's lawn and garden. The CHP was advised.

[I was looking for the "golf cart theft" that usually goes hand in hand with these entries, but no such luck.]

At 9:47 p.m., a caller from the Town of Washington reported a large party near a hotel. Underaged people were drinking and people were hanging off the back of moving vehicles. Deputies determined there were several drunken people in town.

[A pretty safe finding, if you ask me.]

At 4:45 p.m., a driver from the intersection of South Auburn and Main Street reported that someone had thrown soda on his white Jeep Cherokee. Officers responded and found the Jeep owner driving around the area yelling at people over his car's PA system. Officers made contact with the person who threw the soda, who agreed to buy cleaning supplies for the Jeep owner.

[Anal retentive person driving a white Jeep with a PA system. A road rage victim in the making.]

At 6:56 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Dorsey Drive to report someone had been repeatedly breaking into her apartment and suspicious things were happening to her furniture. Things have gone missing, then showed up. Police contacted the woman and determined no crime had occurred.

[No crime, no foul!]

At 2:58 a.m., police stopped a vehicle at a gas station on East Main Street. The driver had not been drinking. The driver was a newspaper delivery person.

[If he worked for a newspaper, one could see this as a natural mistake.]

Source: The Union (

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LII

At 3:05 a.m., a caller from a drug store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a man with a mohawk was walking in and out. Police contacted the 30-year-old man and arrested him on suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia.

[Well, he was in a drug store.]

At 4:30 p.m., a caller from an agency on Cattle Drive reported a man called and threatened an employee. Deputies contacted the man. He was sleeping and his roommates would keep an eye on him.

[We wouldn't want to wake him up or anything.]

At 5:35 p.m., a woman called from the 17000 block of Lake Forest Drive to report her husband was disturbing the peace, and she had a restraining order against him. The man went into the backyard and into the Nevada Irrigation District ditch. He briefly returned to get his cigarettes, then ran back up the hill. Deputies took a report for vandalism, battery and violation of a court order. They were unable to locate the man. The woman said she invited him onto the property because she was having problems with a juvenile. Deputies advised her not to allow the man on the property and to call 911 if he returned.

[Yes, the tip here was "Don't invite him over in the first place."]

At 2:47 a.m., a woman from the 15000 block of Dog Bar Road reported hearing a traffic accident and men yelling profanities. She heard the sound of multiple flat tires. Deputies located an unoccupied vehicle.

[If a tire goes flat in the forest....]

At 11:11 a.m., a woman from the 40 block of Wendy Circle reported a man was standing outside his house moaning and groaning. The caller was told there was no criminal activity, but a patrol officer was advised.

[Moaning and groaning: Not unlawful by itself.]

At 4:01 p.m., a woman calling from South Church Street reported her mechanic found a knife in her tire when he went to change it.

[And she wanted to know who gets to keep the knife, her or the mechanic.]

At 1:13 p.m., a caller reported a 22-year-old woman who was released from a mental institution the day before jumped out of a moving vehicle and ran into brush and over the bank of the Yuba River near the Highway 49 bridge. She was wearing a blue vest, green shorts, soccer chin guards, a white hat with a butterfly pin and black shoes. She did not take her medication with her. A deputy took a report for a voluntarily missing person.

[Odd, how people jumping from moving vehicles forget things like their medication.]

At 5:59 p.m., a caller from Cottage Hill Drive reported there was an aggressive meat salesman driving a white pickup truck. A patrol deputy was advised.

[What do I have to do to get you to walk out of here with a side of beef?]

At 12:55 a.m., a caller from a bar on Neal Street reported a man standing at the intersection of Mill and Neal streets was threatening to fight. He said he was an Ultimate Fighting Championship champion. His had been kicked out of the bar, and another bar would not let him in. Police located the 22-year-old man and arrested him on warrants.

[I knew a guy who used to claim he was a WWF wrestling star when drunk.]

At 12:10 a.m., a woman called from the 12000 block of Summit Ridge to request deputies check her residence. She said she had a bear on her property. She had returned from work, left her car lights on and was afraid to return outside and turn them off. She was advised there were no deputies available to respond at the time.

[And, of course, the bear isn't going to turn the lights off. It might be time to see just how good AAA roadside assistance really is.]

At 2:38 a.m., a woman called from the 16000 block of Scopar Road to report hearing a bear tearing up cars in her driveway.

[Enraged because the lights were left on?]

A 8:33 a.m. caller from the 10000 block of Grinding Rock Drive reported a mountain lion was behind his residence. Officers referred him to the California Department of Fish and Game.

[No crime had been committed, right?]

A 8:41 a.m. caller from the 12000 block of Shady Creek Drive requested a welfare check on a person who had been missing since jumping out of a moving vehicle earlier in the day. The jumping individual's neighbor was contacted by deputies, who told them he was taking care of the man who was all right.

[At first I thought this was a follow up to the young woman with soccer shin guards, but this appears to be a male, so this jumping out of moving vehicles and running away seems to be a new trend.]

At 1:08 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported finding two abandoned hamsters on a path. Animal Control picked up the critters.

[Bears? Mountain Lions? Deal with it yourself. But two lost hamsters and Animal Control is on the scene!]

At 5:26 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Dorsey Drive reported that she smelled fumes, antiseptic and shiny dust on her furniture.

[Stop sniffing the furniture.]

A 10:26 p.m. caller reported hearing excessive shooting coming from the Greenhorn Creek area.

[Define "excessive."]

A 3:54 p.m. caller reported an abandoned dog was in a vehicle outside of a business on Sutton Way and when she confronted the owners, they were rude and threw a bowl of water at her. Officers were unable to find the dog owners.

[No doubt to demonstrate that they had at least provided the dog with water.]

At 3:40 p.m., a caller from a liquor store on Colfax Avenue reported a man wearing a cowboy hat and driving a white minivan was almost in a traffic collision. Police contacted the man, who had been drinking, and advised him not to drive.

[It can't be Cowboy Bill. He would never drive a minivan. Lucky for him he was merely "advised."]

Source: The Union (

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Recursive Blogging Idea

Somebody should start a blog listing blogs that point out amusing, annoying, or incorrect signage.

I will toss out a starter list for those eager to take up the task:

Engrish - The Classic

The "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks - I "heartily" approve

passive-aggressive notes from roommates, neighbors, coworkers and strangers - We've all seen these in the breakroom

Apostrophe Abuse - Feeling possessive?

lowercase L - A previously unexplored venue, yet I find it immediately annoying

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LI

At 9:30 a.m., a man from the 1000 block of East Main Street said he wanted to press charges against a woman who was in his yard stealing his flowers. He wanted an officer to call him. An officer was advised.

[What are the laws surrounding flower theft?]

At 11:02 a.m., two callers from the 500 block of Penstock Drive reported a man pushed a woman against the house and slapped her. Police contacted everyone involved and took a report for numerous charges to be reviewed by the Nevada County District Attorney.

["Numerous charges?" Sounds like these two have a history... or are married... or both.]

At 4:38 p.m., a caller from a business on the 11000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a man was trying to sell a stolen saw. Police contacted a 28-year-old man and arrested him on suspicion of theft.

[I realize it was probably a power saw, and that he probably did not represent it as stolen, yet my initial mental image was somebody trying to pass off a rusty old cross-cut saw with the line, "You wanna buy a hot saw?"]

At 8:41 p.m., a woman reported she was working out of town and her son was having a party at her house on the 100 block of Celesta Drive. She wanted the trespassers out, except for two adults authorized to be there. An officer responded.

[I wonder if the neighbors tipper her off?]

At 12:14 a.m., a caller from the 29000 block of Highway 49 reported she was at a bar in North San Juan and a man tried to "taze" her. Staff at the bar told a deputy that the woman was the primary aggressor. She had gone to the bar to collect a $400 debt from "Gary." Everyone fled the bar after the incident and the bar closed. The woman, who was intoxicated, did not want to press charges.

[A tazing! A tazing!]

At 2:29 a.m., a man called 911 from the 400 block of South Auburn Street and said he was fine. He was trying to call 114. He didn't know what room he was in. Police contacted two 27-year-old men and a 26-year-old man. They had all been drinking but they were OK.

[I bet he works somewhere that requires him to dial '9' before making an outside call.]

At 8:37 a.m., a woman called from the 17000 block of Cattle Drive to report receiving porn on her fax machine. The woman would call back if it continued.

[The internet is for porn! The fax is for refinance, health care, and vacation package offers!]

At 12:03 p.m., a man called from Bowman Lake Road to report his vehicle was broken into while he was camping. His iPod, a GPS system and sunglasses were stolen. The CHP recovered the property.

[Which makes you wonder exactly how "stolen" they really were. Still, good job CHP!]

At 1:49 p.m., a caller from a business on West Main Street reported possible stalking. A 24-year-old man was taking pictures and stalking.

[I would be interested to know how one "stalks." Don't you have to be stalking a particular person? Or can you just stalk without an actual person in mind?]

At 4:11 p.m., a woman came into the police station and wanted an officer to talk to her out-of-control 5-year-old.

[I haven't had to go there yet.]

At 6:20 p.m., a caller from South Auburn Street at School Alley reported a man wearing a red shirt and a tan hat was jumping into traffic. Police contacted the 52-year-old man and arrested him on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[Spring comes, the weather warms up, and people start jumping into traffic.]

At 9:40 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Shady S Lane reported a neighbor was stealing firewood, and it was an ongoing situation. A report was taken for a citizen's arrest on suspicion of trespassing and vandalism. A court date was set for June. The caller and the neighbor entered into a civil agreement that the neighbor would return the firewood that was taken.

[Nice to see these sorts of things get resolved.]

At 5:25 p.m., a caller from a gas station on the 16000 block of Penn Valley Drive reported a man stole $34 of propane. Deputies contacted the driver, who said it was accidental. He returned to the gas station to pay his bill.

[Nice to see that a genuine "oops" doesn't land you in the pokey.]

At 8:28 a.m., deputies stopped a vehicle on the 17000 block of Penn Valley Drive and arrested a person on suspicion of driving with a suspended license and violation of probation. The vehicle was released to a friend.

[And in a string of niceness, I guess the Sheriff's office doesn't have a lucrative deal with an impound yard if they let this guy's pal take his car home.]

At 1:58 a.m., a caller from the 1000 block of East Main Street reported a large crowd and people being rowdy in their cars.

[Can you be a "crowd" yet all be in your cars? Shouldn't there be another word for that? A traffic jam maybe?]

At 8:56 a.m., a caller from Freeman Lane reported a man was in the middle of the road with flowers and a cigarette in his hand. He was yelling at passing cars. Police were unable to locate the man.

[But was he yelling words of affection? Did he offer the flowers?]

At 2:21 p.m., a woman in the police station lobby reported that, while she was at the post office, someone placed a bumper sticker on her car that read, "My child was inmate of the month at county jail." The sticker came off.


At 3 a.m., a woman reported her brother is an ill transient and if he were to pass away, she would like to be notified.

[An odd, and perhaps alcohol induced, time to think about ones brother. Included because this is the third middle of the night call like this I have seen. I want to track the pattern.]

At 3:10 a.m., a caller reported a pedestrian was standing under a light pole on Highway 20 just west of Brighton Street. Police contacted the 31-year-old man and arrested him on a local warrant.

[An odd, yet successful way to draw attention to yourself... and get arrested.]

At 2:39 p.m., a person at the front counter reported someone was throwing empty beer cans and shooting things with a BB gun at a property on the 17000 block of Refuge Road. The shooter also drives fast, screams foul words and throws trash in the creek. A deputy would contact the person making the report.

[And somebody isn't going to put up with it any more.]

At 7:27 a.m., a man from the 14000 block of Peaceful Meadow Lane reported his wife is a bigamist.

[That must have been some early morning revelation.]

Source: The Union (

Monday, May 14, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. L

At 2:51 p.m., a woman called from the 14000 block of Auburn Road to report her purse was stolen more than an hour ago. The woman had been drinking and was hardly able to answer any questions. The woman would call a deputy when she was sober.

[Yes, I am sure she did not just mislay the purse.]

At 3:43 p.m., a caller from a business on the 600 block of East Main Street reported receiving suspicious $20 bills dated from the 1950s.

[These crazy "Silver Certificates" aren't real money, are they? Some kid probably was out spending his dad's currency collection I bet.]

At 5:46 p.m., a caller from Elizabeth Daniels Park reported that a man in a dark jacket with a fur collar was repeatedly jumping into traffic and swearing at drivers before letting them pass.

[Fur is in this season?]

At 2:23 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of Mill Street reported that neighbors were having a loud party.

[And it was late... or early....]

At 8:27 p.m., a caller from Norlene Way reported that a portable latrine had fallen into the road and was causing a hazard.

[There has to be a joke in this somewhere.]

At 3:21 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Hughes Road reported that a man has been threatening to come to a weekly meeting with a bomb and blow everyone up.

[Presumably this isn't The Rotary we're talking about.]

At 3:29 p.m., a caller from the intersection of Richardson and Main streets reported that four juveniles in a green SUV were shooting silly string at vehicles.

[Done that.]

At 6:14 p.m., a caller from a parking lot on the 700 block of Taylorville Road reported finding pry marks and a broken window on a horse trailer that had been left in the parking lot for one hour.

[Attempted animal theft? PETA at large?]

At 12:37 a.m., a caller from a bar on the 200 block of Mill Street reported that he had been poked in the eye by another person.

[I suspect alcohol came into play.]

At 9:33 a.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported that a suspicious man walked into her house, asked for spray paint and left.

[And what was suspicious about the man?]

At 6:33 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Judas Ear Court reported hearing multiple shots fired in the area. He said more than 100 rounds had been fired in three hours. Patrol officers were advised.

[Aside from the prodigial firearms practice, I wonder what it is like to live on a street named for a fungus. And what is it like to be a fungus names after Judas Iscariot's ear.}

At 7:14 p.m., a caller from Martis Peak Road reported numerous shots were fired. Deputies were advised. Truckee police could not send anyone because of minimum staffing.

[Feels safe to live in Truckee I bet.]

At 12:24 p.m., a caller from Sutton Way and Brunswick Road reported a reckless driver who was parked in a commercial parking lot. The female driver appeared "very out of it." Police contacted the driver. She was not drunk, but she was advised to wear her prescription glasses. While at the parking lot, police contacted another 44-year-old woman and arrested her on a warrant and cited her on suspicion of resisting arrest.

[Somebody not wearing their glasses, plus a bonus citation!]

At 1:01 p.m., a woman in the police station lobby reported another woman made an obscene gesture toward her on Quartz Street, allegedly in violation of a court order. Police determined no crime was committed.

["The Finger" is not a crime I guess.]

At 6:40 p.m., a woman called from the 1000 block of Pampas Drive to report someone stole her Siamese cat, Twister. She said Twister is a female with a white mustache. The woman later reported Twister came back.

[Again, why do people think their missing animals are stolen?]

Source: The Union (

Friday, May 04, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXIX

At 2:11 a.m., a caller from the 300 block of Alexander Street reported a pit bull that might jump out of its yard and scare people.

[It could happen!]

At 10:29 a.m., a caller from LaBarr Meadows reported a vehicle collision in a car wash tunnel.

[What vehicles code applies there?]

At 12:29 p.m., a caller from the 16000 block of Auburn Road reported promiscuous shooting and possible explosives at a nearby location.

[Phrase of the say, "promiscuous shooting!"]

At 1:13 p.m., a man called from the 19000 block of Fairview Drive to report dog feces was left in a plastic bag on his porch, along with two apple cider bottles with an unknown substance inside. Officers determined no crime occurred. The man called back requesting an officer respond because a possible suspect was found. He said the bottles were still at his residence with fingerprints on them and he wanted a deputy to take a look.

[Bagged dog crap and bottled urine are not a crime.]

At 1:34 p.m., a woman from the 12000 block of Shady Creek Drive reported hearing shots fired in the area. The shots were later found to be a neighbor trying to shoot gophers on his property.

[Glad to hear she was right. Still, shooting gophers? Were they filming a live action "Mac & Tosh" episode?]

At 2:26 p.m., a woman called from North Bloomfield Road to report two suspicious men carrying buckets and wire clippers attempting to get into a water plant gate. The men were driving a Chevy pickup truck with a camper shell.

[I steal ur waterz kthnxbi!]

At 4:38 p.m., a man from Dog Bar Road reported two men and one woman shooting what sounded like .22 caliber guns. The man stated he was shot at while sleeping and now his sleeping bag is damaged by bullet holes. The man stated that when he confronted the people they said they would shoot him if he didn't leave.

[A hell of a sleeping bag if it resisted .22 rounds.]

At 2:22 a.m., a woman called from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive to report she was being stalked by her neighbor and she believed her manager was filming her in her apartment. She would call back tomorrow if she wanted police contact.

[But from a pay phone, because she was sure somebody was monitoring the line.]

At 11:21 a.m., a woman called from the 12000 block Kentucky Flat Road to report a burglary. It appeared people ate her food and left beer cans on the counter. A deputy could not locate the address and had dispatchers call the woman for directions to her house. No one answered the phone.

[Justice thwarted again.]

At 7:29 p.m., a woman called from Champion Mine Road to report she was picking flowers and a man wearing a beanie cap was walking toward her, swinging a butcher knife. Deputies were unable to locate a man with a butcher knife.

[The woman? Was she okay?]

At 10:14 a.m., a caller from Streeter Road at Oak Mesa Road reported a man and a woman were passed out in a teal Ford Escort with the door open. A deputy admonished them for illegal camping.

[Again, we're sure this isn't "drunk in public" and "DUI?"]

At 11:24 p.m., a caller from a fast food restaurant on the 11000 block of Nevada City Highway reported the drive-thru window was broken and it could not be locked. The caller requested extra police patrol until 6 a.m.

[Can you come watch our store? We want to go home and go to bed.]

At 5:21 p.m., a caller from a market on the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a schizophrenic man was acting strangely. He was attempting to shoplift, then was trying to get money from patrons. The man was pacing back and forth. Deputies contacted the man, who declined a ride back to his care home. He would be walking back. Deputies advised him not to return to the market or he would be arrested for trespassing.

[A schizophrenic man was acting strangely? Does that mean he was acting normal?]

At 10:28 p.m., a caller from the town of Washington reported a drunk man was staggering down Main Street and yelling at himself. The caller said if the man approached him he would shoot him.

[Nice to hear that the LAPD vacation in Nevada County.]

At 10:19 a.m., a woman called from Commercial Street to report a man sitting in an older white van with Indiana plates did not respond when she tapped on the window. An officer responded. No arrests were made.

[He got of with a warning for not responding to window tapping and being from Indiana.]

At 12:47 p.m., an anonymous caller from Packard Drive reported a man appeared to be unconscious in his maroon Chevrolet truck. Police checked on the man. He was eating his lunch.

[Sometimes you have to close your eyes and psych yourself up.]

At 8:05 p.m., a caller from Kidder Cemetery reported three carloads of teens were speeding toward the back of the cemetery. There were two white compact cars and a red Toyota pickup. Police contacted the teens who were filming a movie for school. They would be moving on.

[I want to see the movie.]

At 6:48 p.m., police arrested a 42-year-old man on Spring Street at Pine Street on suspicion of inhaling a toxic substance with the purpose of intoxication.

[I never really made the whole "toxic" and "inTOXICation" link until just now.]

At 12:46 p.m., a caller from a Chinese restaurant on West McKnight Way reported someone placed a false to-go order. The caller had no information about the person. Police suggested the restaurant get caller ID.

[This is a sitcom episode that just writes itself.]

At 7:42 a.m., a woman in the police station lobby reported three employees of a store on the 100 block of West McKnight Way all had restraining orders against one another. Since they all work together, the woman said they were all in violation of the court orders. The woman wanted documentation.

[Yeah, I would be asking for some written proof of that situation.]

At 9:02 a.m., a caller from the 28000 block of New School Road reported the theft of five goats including three Nigerian dwarfs and two uberhasles, with an approximate value of $1,000 to $2,000. The goats had been stolen the night before. Deputies took a report for grand theft. The goats returned later in the afternoon. They apparently had wandered off after the owner left the gate open, police said.

[First, any mention of goats is amusing. Second, what is with people and the whole "missing = theft" thing with their animals.]

Source: The Union (

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

The Day of Polka is at Hand!

If this comic is right, I'll be laughing as all the new polka posers as they jump on the accordian driven bandwagon!

Time to get my alpine hat and lederhosen out early this year! No need to wait for Oktober!

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXVIII

At 5:59 p.m., a caller from Dog Bar at La Barr Meadows roads reported multiple rams were in the roadway. Deputies were unable to locate the rams.

[Were they lurking?]

At 12:18 p.m., a caller from the 500 block of East Broad Street reported a man attempted to hit his mother and was threatening suicide by cop. The mother was able to leave the residence and there were no hostages and one in harm's way. The man was advised via loudspeaker to call the police department if he needed any assistance. An officer determined there was no crime and took a miscellaneous incident report.

[It never works out this way on TV.]

At 1:52 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Church Street reported a mentally ill person walked away from the courthouse. The man had been in a locked facility in the past and he was supposed to appear in front of a Superior Court judge regarding a conservatorship, which is not a criminal matter. The man was on medication and had no weapons, though he had a history of violence.

[So why watch him, right? It wasn't like he was armed.]

At 1:58 p.m., a caller reported a dog was fetching a stick from a pond at Condon Park. An Animal Control officer was advised.

[There must be something missing from this picture.]

At 4:27 a.m., a caller from the 1000 block of Plaza Drive requested police check on a woman wearing a long white dress, heals, two gray shirts and a baseball cap. Police arrested the woman on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[And unspecified fashion crimes no doubt.]

At 2:11 p.m., a caller from West McKnight Way reported there was an elderly man behind a laundromat with his pants down. The man told police his pants had fallen down, and he pulled them back up. The man and his friend had both been drinking. Police told them not to drive.

[Nice that he left his pants down until the police arrived. Somehow this wasn't public drunkenness.]

At 11:14 a.m., a caller from the hospital on the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a 40-year-old man left the hospital with intravenous tubes still attached. He was walking down Main Street. Police contacted the man, who was walking back to the emergency room.

[He needed a pack of smokes.]

At 5:35 p.m., a caller from the 23000 block of Wayfarer Court reported a dog bit someone. Two Animal Control officers were paged. They did not answer their pages.

[The dog remains at large.]

At 5:38 p.m., a woman called from the 800 block of Forest Glade Circle to report a loud band was playing and her walls were vibrating. Police contacted the woman. Band practice was over.

[Sorry ma'am, there is nothing we can do, band practice is over.]

At 5:03 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Woodchuck Court reported a pit bull terrier was stolen within the last hour. Someone called back later to say everything was fine, and the dog was back home.

[Why do people assume a missing dog means dog theft? Was there some bad sitcom on lately with a tale of dognapping for ransom?]

At 8:43 p.m., the CHP advised the sheriff's office of possible domestic abuse with a firearm on "Miwok" in North San Juan. There was no such address. Sierra County deputies advised the address was in their jurisdiction, and they were on their way. Only one deputy was available from Sierra County and that deputy would be handling an aggravated assault in Alleghany. More than an hour later, it was determined both people involved in the domestic assault had been drinking. The woman also was on medication. She left the house for the evening.

[Glad to see we're all on top of the situation. The couple probably started drinking waiting for the deputy to arrive.]

At 8:25 a.m., a caller from the 21000 block of Pine Needle Lane reported trash was left on a private road and Waste Management Inc. would not pick it up because the neighbors don't have garbage service at their house.

[An informational bulletin? A lesson for all of us?]

At 4:45 p.m., a caller from a grocery store on Freeman Lane reported a car seat violation. A person was driving in a dark blue minivan with a baby on the lap. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the minivan.

[Which Hollywood star drives a blue minivan?]

At 1:49 a.m., a woman called from the 500 block of Jenkins Street to report her neighbors were walking up and down the stairs. Dispatchers advised the woman of the conditions of apartment living. A patrol officer was advised.

[Sorry lady. The walls are probably pretty thin as well. I know what it is like.]

At 12:13 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Forest Glade reported that several juveniles were in his driveway vomiting and being loud.


At 7:32 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Penny Court reported that a man claiming he was from PG&E had called her asking if he could change her light bulbs. PG&E advised the caller that the man was not their employee.

[Let's hear it for reasonable thought and not getting taken in by really lame scams!]

Source: The Union (