Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LII

At 3:05 a.m., a caller from a drug store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a man with a mohawk was walking in and out. Police contacted the 30-year-old man and arrested him on suspicion of possessing drug paraphernalia.

[Well, he was in a drug store.]

At 4:30 p.m., a caller from an agency on Cattle Drive reported a man called and threatened an employee. Deputies contacted the man. He was sleeping and his roommates would keep an eye on him.

[We wouldn't want to wake him up or anything.]

At 5:35 p.m., a woman called from the 17000 block of Lake Forest Drive to report her husband was disturbing the peace, and she had a restraining order against him. The man went into the backyard and into the Nevada Irrigation District ditch. He briefly returned to get his cigarettes, then ran back up the hill. Deputies took a report for vandalism, battery and violation of a court order. They were unable to locate the man. The woman said she invited him onto the property because she was having problems with a juvenile. Deputies advised her not to allow the man on the property and to call 911 if he returned.

[Yes, the tip here was "Don't invite him over in the first place."]

At 2:47 a.m., a woman from the 15000 block of Dog Bar Road reported hearing a traffic accident and men yelling profanities. She heard the sound of multiple flat tires. Deputies located an unoccupied vehicle.

[If a tire goes flat in the forest....]

At 11:11 a.m., a woman from the 40 block of Wendy Circle reported a man was standing outside his house moaning and groaning. The caller was told there was no criminal activity, but a patrol officer was advised.

[Moaning and groaning: Not unlawful by itself.]

At 4:01 p.m., a woman calling from South Church Street reported her mechanic found a knife in her tire when he went to change it.

[And she wanted to know who gets to keep the knife, her or the mechanic.]

At 1:13 p.m., a caller reported a 22-year-old woman who was released from a mental institution the day before jumped out of a moving vehicle and ran into brush and over the bank of the Yuba River near the Highway 49 bridge. She was wearing a blue vest, green shorts, soccer chin guards, a white hat with a butterfly pin and black shoes. She did not take her medication with her. A deputy took a report for a voluntarily missing person.

[Odd, how people jumping from moving vehicles forget things like their medication.]

At 5:59 p.m., a caller from Cottage Hill Drive reported there was an aggressive meat salesman driving a white pickup truck. A patrol deputy was advised.

[What do I have to do to get you to walk out of here with a side of beef?]

At 12:55 a.m., a caller from a bar on Neal Street reported a man standing at the intersection of Mill and Neal streets was threatening to fight. He said he was an Ultimate Fighting Championship champion. His had been kicked out of the bar, and another bar would not let him in. Police located the 22-year-old man and arrested him on warrants.

[I knew a guy who used to claim he was a WWF wrestling star when drunk.]

At 12:10 a.m., a woman called from the 12000 block of Summit Ridge to request deputies check her residence. She said she had a bear on her property. She had returned from work, left her car lights on and was afraid to return outside and turn them off. She was advised there were no deputies available to respond at the time.

[And, of course, the bear isn't going to turn the lights off. It might be time to see just how good AAA roadside assistance really is.]

At 2:38 a.m., a woman called from the 16000 block of Scopar Road to report hearing a bear tearing up cars in her driveway.

[Enraged because the lights were left on?]

A 8:33 a.m. caller from the 10000 block of Grinding Rock Drive reported a mountain lion was behind his residence. Officers referred him to the California Department of Fish and Game.

[No crime had been committed, right?]

A 8:41 a.m. caller from the 12000 block of Shady Creek Drive requested a welfare check on a person who had been missing since jumping out of a moving vehicle earlier in the day. The jumping individual's neighbor was contacted by deputies, who told them he was taking care of the man who was all right.

[At first I thought this was a follow up to the young woman with soccer shin guards, but this appears to be a male, so this jumping out of moving vehicles and running away seems to be a new trend.]

At 1:08 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported finding two abandoned hamsters on a path. Animal Control picked up the critters.

[Bears? Mountain Lions? Deal with it yourself. But two lost hamsters and Animal Control is on the scene!]

At 5:26 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Dorsey Drive reported that she smelled fumes, antiseptic and shiny dust on her furniture.

[Stop sniffing the furniture.]

A 10:26 p.m. caller reported hearing excessive shooting coming from the Greenhorn Creek area.

[Define "excessive."]

A 3:54 p.m. caller reported an abandoned dog was in a vehicle outside of a business on Sutton Way and when she confronted the owners, they were rude and threw a bowl of water at her. Officers were unable to find the dog owners.

[No doubt to demonstrate that they had at least provided the dog with water.]

At 3:40 p.m., a caller from a liquor store on Colfax Avenue reported a man wearing a cowboy hat and driving a white minivan was almost in a traffic collision. Police contacted the man, who had been drinking, and advised him not to drive.

[It can't be Cowboy Bill. He would never drive a minivan. Lucky for him he was merely "advised."]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)