Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXIX

At 2:11 a.m., a caller from the 300 block of Alexander Street reported a pit bull that might jump out of its yard and scare people.

[It could happen!]

At 10:29 a.m., a caller from LaBarr Meadows reported a vehicle collision in a car wash tunnel.

[What vehicles code applies there?]

At 12:29 p.m., a caller from the 16000 block of Auburn Road reported promiscuous shooting and possible explosives at a nearby location.

[Phrase of the say, "promiscuous shooting!"]

At 1:13 p.m., a man called from the 19000 block of Fairview Drive to report dog feces was left in a plastic bag on his porch, along with two apple cider bottles with an unknown substance inside. Officers determined no crime occurred. The man called back requesting an officer respond because a possible suspect was found. He said the bottles were still at his residence with fingerprints on them and he wanted a deputy to take a look.

[Bagged dog crap and bottled urine are not a crime.]

At 1:34 p.m., a woman from the 12000 block of Shady Creek Drive reported hearing shots fired in the area. The shots were later found to be a neighbor trying to shoot gophers on his property.

[Glad to hear she was right. Still, shooting gophers? Were they filming a live action "Mac & Tosh" episode?]

At 2:26 p.m., a woman called from North Bloomfield Road to report two suspicious men carrying buckets and wire clippers attempting to get into a water plant gate. The men were driving a Chevy pickup truck with a camper shell.

[I steal ur waterz kthnxbi!]

At 4:38 p.m., a man from Dog Bar Road reported two men and one woman shooting what sounded like .22 caliber guns. The man stated he was shot at while sleeping and now his sleeping bag is damaged by bullet holes. The man stated that when he confronted the people they said they would shoot him if he didn't leave.

[A hell of a sleeping bag if it resisted .22 rounds.]

At 2:22 a.m., a woman called from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive to report she was being stalked by her neighbor and she believed her manager was filming her in her apartment. She would call back tomorrow if she wanted police contact.

[But from a pay phone, because she was sure somebody was monitoring the line.]

At 11:21 a.m., a woman called from the 12000 block Kentucky Flat Road to report a burglary. It appeared people ate her food and left beer cans on the counter. A deputy could not locate the address and had dispatchers call the woman for directions to her house. No one answered the phone.

[Justice thwarted again.]

At 7:29 p.m., a woman called from Champion Mine Road to report she was picking flowers and a man wearing a beanie cap was walking toward her, swinging a butcher knife. Deputies were unable to locate a man with a butcher knife.

[The woman? Was she okay?]

At 10:14 a.m., a caller from Streeter Road at Oak Mesa Road reported a man and a woman were passed out in a teal Ford Escort with the door open. A deputy admonished them for illegal camping.

[Again, we're sure this isn't "drunk in public" and "DUI?"]

At 11:24 p.m., a caller from a fast food restaurant on the 11000 block of Nevada City Highway reported the drive-thru window was broken and it could not be locked. The caller requested extra police patrol until 6 a.m.

[Can you come watch our store? We want to go home and go to bed.]

At 5:21 p.m., a caller from a market on the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a schizophrenic man was acting strangely. He was attempting to shoplift, then was trying to get money from patrons. The man was pacing back and forth. Deputies contacted the man, who declined a ride back to his care home. He would be walking back. Deputies advised him not to return to the market or he would be arrested for trespassing.

[A schizophrenic man was acting strangely? Does that mean he was acting normal?]

At 10:28 p.m., a caller from the town of Washington reported a drunk man was staggering down Main Street and yelling at himself. The caller said if the man approached him he would shoot him.

[Nice to hear that the LAPD vacation in Nevada County.]

At 10:19 a.m., a woman called from Commercial Street to report a man sitting in an older white van with Indiana plates did not respond when she tapped on the window. An officer responded. No arrests were made.

[He got of with a warning for not responding to window tapping and being from Indiana.]

At 12:47 p.m., an anonymous caller from Packard Drive reported a man appeared to be unconscious in his maroon Chevrolet truck. Police checked on the man. He was eating his lunch.

[Sometimes you have to close your eyes and psych yourself up.]

At 8:05 p.m., a caller from Kidder Cemetery reported three carloads of teens were speeding toward the back of the cemetery. There were two white compact cars and a red Toyota pickup. Police contacted the teens who were filming a movie for school. They would be moving on.

[I want to see the movie.]

At 6:48 p.m., police arrested a 42-year-old man on Spring Street at Pine Street on suspicion of inhaling a toxic substance with the purpose of intoxication.

[I never really made the whole "toxic" and "inTOXICation" link until just now.]

At 12:46 p.m., a caller from a Chinese restaurant on West McKnight Way reported someone placed a false to-go order. The caller had no information about the person. Police suggested the restaurant get caller ID.

[This is a sitcom episode that just writes itself.]

At 7:42 a.m., a woman in the police station lobby reported three employees of a store on the 100 block of West McKnight Way all had restraining orders against one another. Since they all work together, the woman said they were all in violation of the court orders. The woman wanted documentation.

[Yeah, I would be asking for some written proof of that situation.]

At 9:02 a.m., a caller from the 28000 block of New School Road reported the theft of five goats including three Nigerian dwarfs and two uberhasles, with an approximate value of $1,000 to $2,000. The goats had been stolen the night before. Deputies took a report for grand theft. The goats returned later in the afternoon. They apparently had wandered off after the owner left the gate open, police said.

[First, any mention of goats is amusing. Second, what is with people and the whole "missing = theft" thing with their animals.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)