Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXII

At 1:06 p.m., a caller from Mainhart Drive reported a hot dog cart was stuck in the road. An officer took a report.

[What is the radio code for a stuck hot dog cart? I bet they have one.]

At 6:57 p.m., a man called from Freeman Lane to report his 83-year-old wife was supposed to meet him at a grocery store and she had not arrived. Police checked the area, including another nearby grocery store, and found the woman there. Police reunited the couple.

[Once again underlining the importance of clear communication in a relationship.]

At 10:52 p.m., a caller from the Squirrel Creek Road area reported a lost black dachshund named Harley wearing a green collar with a turn-on light that sparkles. The caller said the dog was just neutered yesterday. The graveyard shift officers were advised.

[Just one indignity after another for this poor dog. It is no wonder he ran for it.]

At 10:08 a.m., a caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported vandalism to a topiary in front of a store. Police determined a plant was knocked over.

[Further investigation revealed that is was on the floor now.]

At 10:32 a.m., a woman called from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive to report she was attempting to get her son out of bed to go to school, but every time she tried, he attempted to hit her. Police made contact.

[If only life's problems could be solved by just hitting the person trying to wake you up....]

At 2:01 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Olympia Park Road reported possible fraud. There was no financial loss, but there was a deaf and mute reverend from Wisconsin attempting to buy flooring items.

[The deaf and mute reverend from Wisconsin! I will be disappointed if he never appears in the blotter again. This has to be a setup for a running gag.]

At 6:07 p.m., a woman from the 100 block of Carpenter Street reported a man was driving down the street and taunting her

[Neener, neener, neener!]

At 10:16 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Coyote Street reported a man had strewn personal property all over the inside of the United States Post Office, including toys and clothing. Police contacted the man, who gathered up his belongings. He was advised he is no longer allowed at the Post Office.

[Can you really ban somebody from the post office?]

At 7:46 a.m., a woman from the 14000 block of Ballantree Lane reported another woman was having an affair with her husband was calling all morning and making threats to kill her. A deputy contacted the woman.

[Did she work for NASA? Ouch, very topical joke. I apologize.]

At 11:24 p.m., a caller from the 600 block of Minnie Street reported a person in Condon Park was swinging flaming sticks. Police contacted a 29-year-old woman, and she went home.

[Martial arts? Baton twirling? Pyromania?]

At 9:47 a.m., a caller from the 800 block of Nevada Street reported a roommate engaged in a verbal fight with the a babysitter. The roommate was making threatening statements at the babysitter and the caller's juvenile son. The caller requested welfare check on the son.

[You just know this is a living situation that is going to endure.]

At 8:57 a.m., a caller reported a theft at a business on Sutton Way that occurred Saturday and is on tape. Items taken were $800 worth of Prilosec and Pepsid.

[The stomach problem mafia strikes again.]

At 11:07 a.m., a man from the 15000 block of Digger Hill Way complained of a neighbor photographing him while out in the yard working.

[I have no idea what you do in that situation. I would probably just start taking pictures of the neighbor.]

At 1:46 p.m., a caller from Mt. Olive Road reported two men in the driveway of a residence with two long guns pointed toward a tree in the yard, apparently trying to shoot something out of the tree. It was discovered the weapons were pellet guns.

[The identity of the target remains a mystery.]

At 7:38 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Ryan Court reported a woman tenant went out jogging at 11 a.m. and has not returned yet. Her vehicle and cell telephone were still at her residence.

[The caller's log of the woman's comings and goings indicated that she should have been back at least 2 hours ago.]

At 12:09 a.m., a 911 caller reported a heavy-set man with a beanie carrying a rifle and standing in front of the door of a taco shop. Contact was made with the night manager, who was eradicating birds from the eaves with a BB gun.

[In my mind it is Tweedledee, nocturnal bird slayer at work.]

At 4:13 p.m., a caller reported a woman driving a white GMC truck parked in a handicapped spot on Sutton Way, then drove out of the parking lot at high speed without any concern about who was in her way. Patrol officers were advised.

[She reportedly waved her hands in the air like she just didn't care.]

At 10:40 p.m., a caller reported a suspicious-looking man who drove into a parking lot in a gold Ford. Police contacted the man, who was changing clothes for his next job.

[Presumably it wasn't a bank job.]

At 7:16 p.m., a man from the 20000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported someone named Alex tried to break into his house. The caller said he swung his Christmas tree at the man, causing him to leave.

[First nomination of the year for the category of "Least Likely Weapon of Self Defense." I bet he's glad he hadn't bothered to take his tree down yet.]

At 12:27 p.m., a caller from an elementary school on the 500 block of Main Street reported a neighbor had been in the bushes around the school and walking around the school with a flashlight between 6 a.m. and 6:30 a.m. during the weekdays. The person had been intentionally trying to startle the janitor and she was fearing for her safety. The caller requested extra patrols.

[There is just a deeper story here that I am sure will be on the front page some time soon.

At 10:26 a.m., a caller from Bennett Street near North Star Drive reported a man wearing a black beanie and a blue sweater was drinking beer and yelling at people.

[At least we know what Tweedledum was up to. Two beanies in a week. Another trend?]

At 12:52 p.m., a woman called from a restaurant on McKnight Way to report a man who looked similar to a robbery suspect was eating at the restaurant, and she heard him say he was going to go bowling at 1:30 p.m. The information was given to a detective.

[The detective didn't feel like bowling and suggested a movie instead.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)