Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVII

12:04 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of South Auburn Street reported someone misusing the caller's credit card.

[It sounds like they were scanning it upside down.]

12:34 p.m. - A caller from the 1200 block of East Main Street reported a man dressed in dark clothing was hiding behind a business

[At half past noon on a Wednesday. Very suspicious!]

9:58 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Nishinam Gulch Road reported that his 15-year-old daughter assaulted him with a bottle of hairspray. She then locked herself in the bedroom and was screaming loudly, he said.

[I can hardly wait for the teenage years to come to our home.]

5:05 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of West Main Street reported inappropriate behavior by what was described as a transvestite with a white wig driving a green Toyota up the street. The man was arrested for indecent exposure and booked into the Nevada County Jail.

[What is going on in Grass Valley on Wednesdays?]

7:58 a.m. - A caller from Vistamont expressed safety concerns for a 10-year-old boy selling pizza door to door.

[Anticipatory pizza delivery?]

8:30 a.m. - A caller from East McKnight reported a man with a pipe who ran through a stop sign in a Honda Civic.

[He was also hatless, repeat, hatless.]

6:05 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Ricky Court reported receiving a call from a man who said he was hired to assassinate the caller.

[What time is good for you? Can I assassinate you before lunch? I have plans in the afternoon.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Goodenough Court reported a subject was in urgent care after being shot in the finger with a BB gun.

[No doubt self-inflicted. Court marshal him.]

3:00 p.m. - A man in the lobby from the 100 block of Murphy Street reported finding several vegetables in his yard, possibly fired from a potato gun. The man said he filed a report because he was afraid his dogs could be injured by future flying produce.

[It is a hazard to both man and man's best friend!]

12:43 a.m. - A vehicle was repossessed on the 100 block of Glenbrook Drive, and the owner was unaware.

[Until they read the blotter this morning... or looked out in their driveway.]

3:15 a.m. - A vehicle on the 100 block of Race Street was repossessed and the owner was aware of it.

[And it didn't make a damn bit of difference, because they both lost their cars. Why is this it the blotter?]

8:59 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Makikuja Drive reported vandalism to a house and theft of household items including the carpet.

[At least they didn't pee on it Dude.]

12:20 p.m. - A traffic stop on Freeman Lane resulted in a man being cited and released for driving a motorized scooter. The scooter was confiscated.

[That deserves at least a Nelson Muntz "Haw-haw!"]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)