Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXVII

8:37 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Valley View Drive reported a smoke detector had been going off for 30 minutes. A woman was transported to the emergency room and cited on suspicion of violating probation.

[I'd like to know how this was all linked.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller from the 20000 block of Echo Blue Drive reported a man pretending to be her grandson called, saying he was in jail in Canada and needed $3,200. The caller's grandson lives in Corvallis, Ore., and was not in Canada.

[And presumably had no plans to travel to Canada.]

3:52 p.m. - A man from the 19000 block of Connie Drive reported a caller tried to get money out of him, saying he was his grandson.

[In jail, in Canada?]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Tim Burr Lane reported losing about $3,000 in an Internet scam.

[Let me guess, your grandson was reported in jail? Perhaps in another country?]

1:26 p.m. - A caller reported neighbors were tampering with medical marijuana. No address was given.

[That is going to be a tough crime to solve when they won't even give you the address.]

8:10 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Twin Star Lane reported the unauthorized use of identification.

[I'm trying to figure out what this one means. Assuming that the person is not misrepresenting them self, I don't get it.]

9:37 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Lowden Lane who was not making sense reported a firearm on a chair behind a locked door and a woman needing a therapist.

[Not to mention the caller.]

3:01 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Mt. Olive Road reported someone trying to sell meat and seafood out of a vehicle.

[Meat I get... seafood though. One of these guys actually came to our door the other day. "Hey, we were delivering meat to your neighbor and have some extra on the truck!" Left over truck meat!]

3:12 p.m. - A woman from the 17000 block of Aileen Way reported vandalism. It was found to be erosion on an embankment and a naturally occurring hole in an oak tree.

[Mother Nature herself is screwing up your property value!]

12:26 a.m. - A caller from a business in the 300 block of Broad Street requested an officer come by to "get a visual on a punky kid."

[Not Punky Brewster I'm going to guess.]

5:02 a.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Conaway Avenue reported she left her vehicle running to warm it up and heard it drive away. A report was taken for a stolen vehicle.

[I'm going to bet she won't do that again.]

6:14 p.m. - A caller from Juvenile Hall reported a male staff member had been stabbed by a juvenile on the loading dock. A second call reported this was a drill and no stabbing had taken place.

[A drill? At 6pm tonight we'll be practicing our Juvenile stabbing drill! Who wants to play the victim?]

7:52 p.m. - A man from the 17000 block of Foxtail Drive reported a gold Dodge truck had shined a light into his house while driving past. He said the driver is a "goon" who is friends with a man who wants to harass him. He said the man's "goons" are intentionally driving recklessly past his house and behind his house. This is an ongoing issue with the man and his "goons."

[Goons in Grass Valley? Next it will be henchmen or minions! Where will it cease?]

9:17 p.m. - A caller from the 24000 block of Highway 49 reported one juvenile made death threats to another, and a screwdriver that was to be used in the attack was located. The juvenile was placed in restraints and arrested on suspicion of possessing a deadly weapon and making a criminal threat.

[Take him to Juvenile Hall, they know how to deal with stabby people there. They drill the staff on it!]

4:01 p.m. - A caller from the 1400 block of Segsworth Way reported a yellow Jeep drove by six times in 10 minutes.

[Forget being inconspicuous I guess.]

1:25 p.m. - A man who was on the ground at Dalton and Church streets was advised not to lay in the middle of the road.

[I like how this one was worded. We did not find out he was in the middle of the road until the end.]

3:34 p.m. - A woman from the 21000 block of John Born road reported extortion and bribery attempts by her sister.

[Extortion AND bribery. I think somebody is unclear on the concept.]

8:17 p.m. - A caller from Wildlife Lane reported hearing shots, possibly from a .45 handgun.

[That's a well trained ear I'd say.]

1:54 a.m. - A woman from the 26000 block of Wampum Way reported she and her boyfriend were high on mushrooms and he was stating he was going to kill her. The boyfriend came to the telephone and said he did not intend to kill her, they were "exchanging feelings."

[And we're not limiting ourselves to your "approved" feelings man!]

9:34 a.m. - A caller from South Auburn Street reported a woman wearing no pants (but wearing panties) had been asked to leave a business. She was located and said she found her pants and would keep them on.

[Pants that travel by them self? At least she found them. It is cold out.]

1:11 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Mill Street reported seeing lights and movement inside a guest house. A woman was arrested on suspicion of loitering.

[Has that got to be the low end crime in prison or what? What are you in for? Loitering.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)