Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXI

[Not much from the blotter of late, the citizens of Nevada County having set themselves to drunken driving, spousal abuse, and serious bodily harm for the holidays, none of which make for humor.]

3:23 p.m. - A man called from a parking lot on the 100 block of Olympia Park Road to report someone put a nail in his wife's car tire. Police determined no vandalism occurred.

[I want to see somebody "put" a nail in a tire.]

4:53 p.m. - A caller from a gas station on Hughes Road reported a possible drunken driver in a blue Toyota truck almost drove into oncoming traffic. Police contacted the driver and determined the person had not been drinking. Police counseled the person on driving skills.

[Sometimes we just suck.]

2:49 p.m. - A caller from Champion Road reported a man on the roadway was saying that rocks were actually dead people. Deputies arrested the man on suspicion of being under the influence of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia.

[So we're okay about the rocks then? How about the Rockies? After they went down in four, maybe.]

7:03 p.m. - A caller from Butterfly Drive reported a woman was in her backyard with a knife. The 911 call was lost because a circuit was down. The fire department was advised of the report. An officer was with the woman, and she had put the knife down. Officers determined the report was unfounded.

[I'm confused. Who had what? And what about the butterfly?]

12:22 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 12000 block of Sutton Way reported that a man with dreadlocks had just stolen some beef jerky.

[There is a "Rastafarian/Oh Boy, Oberto!" joke in there somewhere.]

9:50 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Northstar Place reported a fight at a neighbor's residence. Responding officers found a couple who were attempting to give their children a bath."

[I wish I could said I hadn't been down that road myself....]

11 a.m. - A caller from Highway 20 at the eastbound Highway 49 overcross reported a black handgun was in the middle of a lane, and no one was in the area. Police checked the area and located a license plate. Police would return the plate to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

[But no gun? Or was the plate in some way gun shaped? Was it a Florida plate?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXX

1:56 p.m. - A man called from Kings Beach in Placer County and reported finding a spinal cord. He took it home with him and was not sure if it was human or not. He wanted law enforcement to contact him. A deputy took a courtesy miscellaneous incident report, which would be forwarded to Placer County law enforcement.

[A spinal cord? How did he identify it? Why did he take it? Why call the police at this point? I bet he's retired.]

1:05 p.m. ­ A person from the Grass Valley area dropped off a purse into the Police department’s lost and found box. The man said the purse was left in his vehicle, but he does not remember which party it may have belonged to. The purse is a black "Playboy" purse with a Playboy bunny on the front with rhinestones.

[Classy. I am sure there was a rush to the police department once this was published.]

9 a.m. ­ A man from the 300 block of First Street reported that when he went to check on a residence that was supposed to be vacant, he found a woman in the bathroom. She left out the window.

[No suspicious at all. I am sure she just had to go badly.]

3:58 p.m. ­ A caller from 10000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported dogs attacked her emu.

[Any entry with an emu gets reposted here. Same goes for dingos and any other species indigenous to Australia.]

11:13 p.m. ­ A caller from Alta Sierra reported three to four juveniles using orange cones to divert traffic off the road.

[Bonus points if they were directing traffice to a) a fake toll booth b) a cliff with a tunnel painted on it.]

3:58 p.m. ­ California Highway Patrol reported receiving a call from a woman with slurred speech who stated, "we are stuck here." Authorities were unable to call the woman back. After playing back a recording of the phone call, law enforcement discovered the woman was walking at Malakoff Diggins. State Park reported having a resident ranger at the park to help.

[Were they able to decipher her speech, or is there something distinctive about the sounds at Malakoff Diggings?]

10:26 a.m. - Someone called 911 from the 12000 block of Slate Creek Road, then hung up. Dispatchers determined a dog accidentally made the call.

[Bad dog! I said pizza, not police!]

6:34 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Littlejohn Lane reported a woman made harassing phone calls and dropped off a box with two kittens inside, stating the kittens belonged to the caller's daughter. The woman also allegedly left notes calling the daughter names. A deputy would contact the caller.

[They must have been LOLcats. They bring out the worst in people.]

1:50 a.m. - A woman reported someone had been taking pictures of her, and she saw two people in her backyard. The woman could not provide the dispatcher with her address. The dispatcher told her to call 911 so her address would show up. Police contacted the woman on the 1000 block of East Main Street and determined no crime had occurred.

[A lot of running around for nothing at 2am.]

4:45 a.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Ballantree Lane reported a person was riding a quad with no lights on. The person was screaming and yelling and drove through a yoga farm. The caller believed drugs may be involved. A deputy contacted the quad rider, who was in compliance. The person had been drinking a little alcohol, but everything was fine.

[He was fully in compliance riding through a yoga farm at 4am. (Yoga farm?) And a little alcohol... well, the deputies were cool with that.]

9:41 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Ball Road reported a refrigerator and a stove were taken in a residential burglary. The caller would re-contact the sheriff's office with more information.

[Not the usual items taken in a burglary, but maybe they were the only valuable items around.]

11:44 a.m. - A caller from Nevada City reported a stolen computer was possibly located on eBay. The caller wanted an officer to contact eBay to get the computer back. When the officer said he would take a report, the caller was not happy. The caller may re-contact police to make a report.

[If you think eBay actually has the computer, then I question your ability to identify your specific missing computer. Not happy indeed!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)