Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXI

[Not much from the blotter of late, the citizens of Nevada County having set themselves to drunken driving, spousal abuse, and serious bodily harm for the holidays, none of which make for humor.]

3:23 p.m. - A man called from a parking lot on the 100 block of Olympia Park Road to report someone put a nail in his wife's car tire. Police determined no vandalism occurred.

[I want to see somebody "put" a nail in a tire.]

4:53 p.m. - A caller from a gas station on Hughes Road reported a possible drunken driver in a blue Toyota truck almost drove into oncoming traffic. Police contacted the driver and determined the person had not been drinking. Police counseled the person on driving skills.

[Sometimes we just suck.]

2:49 p.m. - A caller from Champion Road reported a man on the roadway was saying that rocks were actually dead people. Deputies arrested the man on suspicion of being under the influence of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia.

[So we're okay about the rocks then? How about the Rockies? After they went down in four, maybe.]

7:03 p.m. - A caller from Butterfly Drive reported a woman was in her backyard with a knife. The 911 call was lost because a circuit was down. The fire department was advised of the report. An officer was with the woman, and she had put the knife down. Officers determined the report was unfounded.

[I'm confused. Who had what? And what about the butterfly?]

12:22 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 12000 block of Sutton Way reported that a man with dreadlocks had just stolen some beef jerky.

[There is a "Rastafarian/Oh Boy, Oberto!" joke in there somewhere.]

9:50 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Northstar Place reported a fight at a neighbor's residence. Responding officers found a couple who were attempting to give their children a bath."

[I wish I could said I hadn't been down that road myself....]

11 a.m. - A caller from Highway 20 at the eastbound Highway 49 overcross reported a black handgun was in the middle of a lane, and no one was in the area. Police checked the area and located a license plate. Police would return the plate to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

[But no gun? Or was the plate in some way gun shaped? Was it a Florida plate?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)