Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXII

12:49 a.m. - A man said he came out of a store on Sutton Way and there appeared to be spray paint on his white 2006 Honda CRV. It appeared the man had run over a paint can with his vehicle because paint was all over the undercarriage.

[No doubt he steered for that can in the road too...]

5:13 p.m. - A caller reported someone fell at a federal building on East Main Street. Police contacted a 58-year-old man who had been transported by ambulance to the hospital and cited him on suspicion of public drunkenness.

9:29 p.m. - A caller from a federal building on East Main Street reported a man was passed out in the building. Police contacted the 58-year-old man and told him to move along. He was not drunk.

[What is the link between this man and the federal building?]

11:39 a.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Leecrest Court reported her daughter was outside watering the driveway, destroying the gravel. A deputy advised the caller on what avenues to take to resolve the issue.

[Erosion! Its powers must not be underestimated!]

9:01 a.m. - A man from Empire Street reported the bed of his truck was on fire. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate a truck on fire.

[Truck on Fire, a great name for a band... and think of the album cover potential!]

12:28 p.m. - A caller reported a suspicious cooler was on the corner of Alta Street and West Main Street. Police determined the cooler contained the remains of someone's lunch.

[Get Homeland Security on the phone again and tell them, "Roast Beef."]

3:13 a.m. - A caller from a federal building on the 100 block of East Main Street reported a suspicious package with a white powdery substance coming out of it. Police contacted the caller and determined the substance was sugar.

[Get Homeland Security on the phone again and tell them, "sugar."]

9:06 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of South Church Street reported a suspicious person sleeping on the caller's front lawn. Officers booked the 62-year-old man on a local warrant.

[I would ask how one looks suspicious when asleep, but I guess the warrant proved those suspicions correct.]

7:28 p.m. - A caller from a building on West Main Street reported an older man with a gray beard and wearing a red 49ers' jacket was yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs. Police contacted the man. He said he was an opera singer.

[the Niners have a huge following in opera circles.]

4:39 a.m. - A caller from a restaurant on the 1000 block of Nevada City Highway reported an older yellow van was parked in the middle of the drive-through lane near one of the speakers. Police contacted a man and advised him of the city's camping ordinance.

[Why would you park and sleep in the drive through? Afraid they'll run out of McBreakfasts before you get there?]

10:41 p.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Cypress Hill Drive reported someone drove by her residence and threw a pizza slice. It was stuck to her window. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the pizza-thrower.

[Pizza thrower still at large! Number of slices left in his possession: Unknown!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)