Friday, September 28, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXI

10:07 a.m. - A woman went into the police station to report she was angry with the local newspaper over something that was in the police blotter. No names were used in the blotter item, but she said allegations were unfounded. Police contacted the woman. Because a person was filing false reports against her, police advised the woman of the restraining order process.

[I bet this isn't going to make her any happier. I wonder which entry did it?]

7:28 p.m. - A man called from the 300 block of Horizon Circle to report his flower bulbs were pulled from his garden and thrown into the street within the last hour. The man wanted extra police patrols.

[That has to be either a wild animal or a wild neighbor dispute. Or maybe there is some "anti perennial" faction at work in Nevada County.]]

10:39 p.m. - A man called from Richardson Street to report a man was trying to break into a dark-colored Honda Civic. The caller also said, "the guy owes me money." Police responded and determined there was no burglary. They assisted the man, who was locked out of his car.

[It is the little touches, like "the guy owes me money" that make so many of these reports.]

10:19 a.m. - A caller reported a woman was acting strange on the east side of Monte Vista Drive. She was talking to herself, picking up rocks, throwing them and banging the rocks together. A deputy contacted the woman and determined she was hunting for rocks. She was strange but did not meet the requirements for a mental health evaluation. She walked out of the area with a deputy, but she declined a ride.

[They can't take you in for merely being strange.]

2:36 p.m. - A man called from the 10000 block of Carey Drive to report his girlfriend was attempting to steal his vehicle with a tow truck. The CHP was notified of a possible stolen vehicle. The CHP notified the sheriff's office that the car was registered to both the man and the woman, but the woman went to the DMV and had the registration changed to her name only. The tow truck driver was refusing to release the vehicle until deputies arrived. The car would remain where it was. A deputy warned the woman she would be arrested for trespassing if she returned to the property.

[This is why you get married, so when you split up, your lawyer gets the car.]

11:01 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Bali Court reported 15 to 20 cows were headed down Shangrila Lane. Dispatchers advised the CHP and Animal Control.

[There is a "cow heaven" joke in here somewhere.]

1:46 p.m. - A caller from a business in the 12000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a man walked in and said he hoped the place would blow up. The same man with dark hair and glasses has made previous threats to bomb the business. Responding officers were unable to locate the man.

[In a small town you do not have as many options when it comes to bomb threats.]

3:53 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Main Street reported a tall man with bushy eyebrows and a wine carrier appeared to be flashing a false law enforcement badge. He was last seen headed up West Main Street. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[Had he been sampling the wine?]

At 9:46 p.m. - A caller from Mill Street reported a woman was crying. Police contacted the woman and she was fine. Police advised a bartender to refrain from serving alcohol to two other people.

[It is called "going above and beyond."]

2:36 p.m. - A caller from Brock Road reported a water line broke in front of a market. A Public Works employee was on his way to fix the leak.

[It may be just me, but a broken water line and a leak seem to be two different things.]

7:32 Sept. 18 - The GVFD and NCFD responded to a structure fire on Dorsey Drive. The caller reported a strong smell of electrical burning and could not locate the source. Firefighters used a thermal imaging camera to locate and secure a faulty light fixture.

[I still want one of those cameras. I looked them up though, and they are expensive.]

3:03 p.m. - A woman called from the 17000 block of Highway 20 to report someone told her about an electrical problem on her property, and she wanted extra patrol in case of a fire. If a fire broke out, she said, she would sue the county because they didn't do anything to prevent it. She yelled at the dispatcher, refused to calm down and hung up the phone.

[She needs one of those thermal cameras... and a sense of responsibility.]

4:45 p.m. - A woman called to report a woman from the 17000 block of Highway 20 called her and was upset because she thought someone was going to burn down her house. The caller wanted a deputy to contact the woman, and if no contact were made, she would report the sheriff's office to the FBI. A dispatcher said a deputy would call the woman and the caller said she would check with the woman to ensure the call was made.

[Reporting the sheriff's department to the FBI? And she isn't the crazy one on the street. That was the first caller.]

11:33 a.m. - Police arrested a 19-year-old man on the 900 block of West Main Street on suspicion of inducing a minor to violate health and safety code provisions.

[A health and safety code provision? Did he encourage an under age employee to not wash his hands after using the rest room?]

5:11 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Colfax Highway reported a rattlesnake was in the house. The caller said everything was O.K.

[Presumably the OK signal was given at some time after the snake had left the building.]

Source: The Union (

Friday, September 21, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXX

At 2:52 p.m., a caller in the Cypress Hill Area reported a suspicious, heavyset man with an earring driving a green pickup with a white camper pulling into driveways in an attempt to sell meat.

[What, again?]

At 10 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Bank Street reported he almost hit a naked, middle-aged man who was standing in the driveway and brushing his teeth when the caller pulled in.

[What, again?]

At 3:41 a.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Ragan Way reported that his neighbor was throwing sand on his roof and skylight.

[Pretty subtle in the usual scheme of neighborly enmity.]

At 10:34 a.m., a caller from the 21000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported that his aunt had kicked him out of the house and wouldn't let him take his medical marijuana plants with him. Deputies contacted the other party, who confirmed that there were six marijuana plants on the property that belonged to the caller, but she didn't want him on the property to retrieve them.

[There has to be more than a simple correlation here between medical marijuana, Nevada County, and... well... some of the people who live there.]

At 1:19 p.m., a woman from Robert Court reported someone leaving suspicious criminal messages on her teenage daughter’s Internet MySpace page.

[At least she is monitoring her MySpace page. Good luck on the messages.]

At 5:25 p.m., a man from the 13000 block of Squirrel Creek Road requested extra patrols after seeing what appeared to be two juvenile boys "casing out his house and his neighbor's house."

[If we're going to "use the lingo," then let's at least get it right. They were either "casing" your house or "staking out" your house. "Casing out" makes no sense and has never been used by any television private detective.]

At 10:14 p.m., a caller from Friar Tucks Road reported an elderly man with what looked like a weapon, though it could have been a paintball gun.

[I think we can all agree that a paintball gun is a weapon of some sort. Ever been hit by one? On the knuckle?]

At 12:17 p.m., a woman from the 12000 block of Slate Creek Road reported someone had placed dead animals on her property two times in one week. Animal carcasses were placed in her mailbox and hung from a pole with fishing line, the woman said. The woman believes her neighbor put the animals there in retaliation over maintenance repair fees required by the homeowners association.

[See, this is the sort of over-the-top, illogical reaction we expect from neighborhood disputes, not just sand on the skylight.]

At 3:31 p.m., a caller from Uren Street reported a man in some bushes making noises like he was being strangled. Another caller reported two people in the bushes, causing dogs to bark.

[I just wonder how often "Uren Street" is the subject of urine jokes.]

At 11:35 p.m., a man called 911 from the 200 block of Sutton Way. He said he could not control himself and he hung up. Police arrested the man on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[Any time off for being the one to turn himself in?]

At 6:26 p.m., a caller from the 22000 block of East Hacienda Drive reported 20 to 25 juveniles were involved in a "fight club" at a community center. The caller said the juveniles jumped into cars and left the center.

[Didn't that movie come out like eight years ago? Did these kids get tired of the phrase "you're so money" and want to move on to something slightly less out dated?]

At 4:10 p.m., a caller from Broad Street reported a woman was being kicked in the face on Dead Man’s Trail. Police determined the report was unfounded.

[So was this just pretend face kicking? A very convincing mime doing, "Marcel Marceau abusing his wife into the wind?"]

At 11:52 a.m., a hysterical woman called from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive to report her manager hung up on her. The manager called to say a woman was crying because someone was trimming the hedges. Police contacted the woman, who said the maintenance worker was stalking her. According to the manager, the worker was there doing his job. Police determined the complaint was unfounded.

[Good help. A Small town. A difficult proposition.]

At 2:51 p.m., a caller from the 900 block of Helling Way reported a man sitting at a computer had a sword. The sword was on a bench. Police contacted the man who would voluntarily leave the library.

[I want to know what he was doing on the computer. World of Warcraft? His SCA blog? Is blogging with a sword the sort of anachronism the SCA endorses?]

At 5:41 p.m., a caller from Adam Street at Sacramento Street reported a man was hitting a tree with a machete. Deputies arrested the man.

[Nice. Simple. To the point.]

Source: The Union (

Monday, September 17, 2007

Green Asparagus Juice Drink

Not something on the regular beverage rotation at our house.

The first question asked by nearly everybody so far, "Does it make your urine smell that way... like real asparagus?"

Friday, September 14, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXVIX

At 2:55 p.m., a bus driver called to report a man was becoming more and more agitated on the bus and the bus would stop soon at South Church and Neal streets. Police arrived and talked with three bus drivers, who did not have a problem. They were unable to locate the agitated man.

[There is a "missed the bus" joke in there somewhere.]

At 10:08 a.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of Ragan Way to report she believed a war was happening and she wanted a deputy to respond to teach her what to do in case of an emergency. She told the dispatcher she was OK, and she was going to sleep.

[Paranoia can strike at any moment.]

At 2:48 p.m., a caller from the 600 block of Whiting Street reported a solicitor was going door to door selling meat. The solicitor was driving a white truck with a shell with a phone number written on the side. The caller told the solicitor to be on his way, and he left.

[Be on your way! And is door-to-door meat sales a lucrative business in Nevada County?]

At 2:17 p.m., a caller from Foxtail Drive reported a possible violation of a restraining order. A person was refusing to leave a driveway and stop blowing leaves. A deputy contacted the caller.

[I bet there is a long story behind this one.]

At 4:25 p.m., a caller reported a male juvenile, a ward of a reform school, got out of a vehicle on Whispering Pines Road and ran away. The boy told the driver he would call law enforcement when he was done with what he had to do. Local law enforcement was advised to be on the lookout for the boy.

[Do we still have "reform schools?" Do they actually reform anybody?]

At 9:11 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Ridge Road reported two juveniles were wearing all black with hoods and masks. They were refusing to cooperate with a custodian, and the caller said the youths were being detained. Deputies determined the juveniles had been playing "ninja warrior." No crime had been committed.

[See, "Ask a Ninja" is just making things worse.]

At 9:30 p.m., a woman from Forest Springs Drive reported a man called her and said he was with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. He wanted her bank account information. A deputy advised the woman about scams.

[Let's hear it for somebody doing the right thing and not falling for a scam!]

At 11:09 p.m., a caller from the 17000 block of Geneva Court reported waking up in his house and seeing someone going through his window. Deputies responded and found that the trespasser had been not a person but a bear.

[Again, under the heading of "small comfort."]

At 3:44 p.m., a caller from Union Street reported that quarters were spilling out of a broken parking meter.

[That brings up a very "Vegas" mental image... and a joke about the idiot who was bragging about the "out door gambling" in Nevada.]

At 1:47 a.m., a caller from South Auburn Street and Highway 49 reported two individuals under the highway in a "compromising position." Officers responded and told the two individuals to move along.

[I promise to post any entry with the words "compromising position." But under the highway? How does that work?]

At 5:54 p.m., officers arrested a 48-year-old man at Memorial Park on suspicion of riding a bicycle under the influence of drugs or alcohol and booked him into Wayne Brown Correctional Facility.

[I did not know that was the sort of crime that would put you in jail.]

At 11:07 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Horizon Circle reported locking herself out of her bedroom. Officers advised her to contact a locksmith.

[Locked out of your bedroom? Is this a cry for help? Does this have deeper meanings?]

At 8:15 a.m., a caller from the 16000 block of Dry Creek Lane reported someone had been harassing him using the Internet for more than a year, using an ISP changer and other illegal devices.

[I want to see the GVPD get right on this one.]

A 9:47 a.m. caller from the 16200 block of Dry Creek Lane reported possible fraud and illegal Internet activity by a person who had been harassing him over the Internet for the past year.

[I guess the answer he got from the GVPD was so satisfying that he had to call the Nevada Country Sheriff's department next.]

A 1:33 p.m. caller from the 11500 block of Bitney Springs Road said a subject stole her trash can overnight, replaced it and left two rubber gloves on the lid.

[Somebody at Homeland Security is going to get in trouble for leaving their gloves behind.]

A 2:16 p.m. caller from Broken Oak Court reported the theft of an ATM card from his or her residence.

[I've been on the phone with people whose sex was indeterminate from their voice. Worse is somebody who sounds like the other sex.]

At 8:04 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of Church Street reported an abandoned vehicle parked on the street for more than a week with toys glued all over it.

[The police blotter needs pictures with entries like these.]

At 8:48 p.m., a caller from the 1000 block of East Main Street reported a naked man between 40 and 50 years old driving a white truck. Police searched but couldn't find the man.

[Naked old guys on the loose again.]

Source: The Union (

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXVIII

At 6:43 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Robin Drive to report her intoxicated roommate was in the yard, naked and out of control. Deputies arrested the 57-year-old man on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[This was moving along fine until it turned out to be an old guy naked in the front yard.]

At 2:52 a.m., a caller from a train company reported three trespassers on a train near the Highway 20/Highway 80 interchange, four miles east of Yuba Pass. Officers would take no action for now because the train tracks were inaccessible.

[You don't hear much about freight hopping these days. Of course, the officers could have notified somebody further down the line I suppose.]

At 3:38 p.m., a man called from the 400 block of French Avenue to report his brother has been threatening to beat him up and burn the house down. The brother called from another home on French Avenue to report the first caller was threatening to beat him up. Police contacted the brother and mediated the situation.

[Later, one of the brothers called up and said, "He's doing it again!" and then hung up.]

At 3:59 p.m., a caller dialed 911 from the 100 block of Lidster Avenue to report his skateboard was stolen from his backpack while he was at school. A dispatcher advised the caller of the proper use of 911 and gave him the police business telephone number.

[We teach kids all about 911 (except appropriate usage I guess), but you have to go looking to find the actual number phone number for the police.]

At 9:05 a.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Newtown Road reported a person was using a camera with infrared lighting to film his property at night. The caller believed this was a restraining order violation. The caller would go to court next week to address the violation.


At 2:23 p.m. Aug. 23, GVFD and neighboring departments responded to a large vegetation fire in the Mooney Flat area of Penn Valley. Engine 1 was part of the initial attack and started extinguishing fire along the left flank of the blaze with a progressive hoselay. Engine 2 was assigned structure protection at the head of the fire. The blaze scorched approximately 60 acres.

[I just like the military metaphor used in this entry. I think this is one of the signs of a career being a traditionally a male profession.]

At 11:10 a.m., a man went into the police station to report the "no alcohol" signs he posted in Memorial Park had been removed. He also reported having problems with a drunken man at the park. Police would follow up.

[I stayed up all night making those signs! Well, at least we know his motivation.]

At 11:42 a.m., a man called from South Church Street at Walsh Street to report peppermint gum was stuck to his car. A patrol officer was advised.

[Advised of what? To be on the lookout for a vandal with fresh breath?]

At 12:40 p.m., a caller from Dee Mautino Park at Alta Street reported a man may have been drunk because he dumped some tequila in the park. Police contacted the driver of the truck and determined he had been drinking, but he did not qualify for a drunken driving arrest. Police cited the man on suspicion of having alcohol in the park.

[Which he would have known was against the law except somebody took down all those home-made signs.]

At 10:32 p.m., a caller from the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a newer black Audi was doing donuts in a parking lot, then drove toward Grass Valley.

At 10:39 p.m., police stopped a black Audi S3 and arrested the driver, a 33-year-old man, on suspicion of drunken driving.

[Nice to see a case wrapped up in just 7 minutes.]

At 6:59 a.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of Ragan Way to report she and her dog hadn't eaten in a week. She had been saying strange things to fire department dispatchers. The fire department requested deputies respond to determine whether the woman should receive a mental health evaluation. The fire department and sheriff's deputies responded and determined the woman did not need to be evaluated and she had plenty of food at the residence.

[So was she on a diet or just bored early in the morning?]

Source: The Union (