Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CV

2:06 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 19000 block of Highway 174 reported a man and a woman trying to make a purchase using a 1934 $20 bill. They were trying to convince the store owner the bill was worth more than $20 now. The caller requested log entry only.

[Another one for the "Let me know how that works out for you" files.]

5:37 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Brewer Road reported people selling meat out of the back of a truck, probably without a license.

[Giving a bad name to all those legitimate meat salesmen working out of the backs of their trucks! Still, I am mildly disappointed that they were not described as "angry" or at least "aggressive" as in past reports.]

1:31 p.m. - A business on the 12000 block of Nevada City Highway reported receiving a counterfeit $20 bill. Officers determined the bill was simply old and verified its authenticity at a nearby bank.

[A 1934 series bill by any chance? I hear those are worth more than $20.]

4:28 p.m. - A business on the 100 block of East Main Street reported a person came in and left without paying for services. Officers took a report.

[There is nothing amusing here, other than the fact that you have no idea what happened. A person went into a business and left without paying for services. Could have been the batting cages, could have been a brothel.]

3:02 a.m. - A caller reported a road block with traffic cones had been set up on Ridge Road across from Nevada Union High School, and when the caller slowed for it, someone threw fruit at his vehicle. Officers were unable to locate anyone after an extensive search of the area.

[These sorts of things seem really funny at 3am, unless you're the one being pelted with fruit.]

9:18 a.m. - A caller near Chapel and Brighton streets reported loud music coming from an area church. The music was turned down after officers arrived.

[And this was on a Tuesday.]

2:44 p.m. - A woman from the 13000 block of Greenhorn Road reported that her neighbors had broken into her house and were stealing her clothes and hair ties.

[My hair ties! My beautiful hair ties!]

6:10 p.m. - A woman from the 16000 block of Aileen Way reported that her 8-year-old child was throwing a tantrum about cleaning her room. The dispatcher told the woman she should call 911 only for emergencies.

[But we have guests coming over in an hour! It is an emergency!]

9:00 p.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported that she was walking home with her dogs when a pit bull attempted to attack her. The pit bull’s owner then threatened the woman that he'd come after her and told her to get out of the area. The pit bull didn’t bite the woman or her dogs, the woman said.

[See, it's not the dogs, it's the owners.]

6:06 p.m. - A hysterical female on Neal Street was reportedly upset about a past relationship. Her father arrived and took her home.

[We've all been there. Okay, maybe not actually on Neal Street, but in the vicinity.]


10:30 a.m. - A man set up a dredge in Wolf Creek at the Bank Street bridge. Officers told him to move on.

[It's Saturday and I just got this new dredge, I thought I'd just look for gold.]

12:13 a.m. - A suspicious male was overhead shouting in the shadows on the 2300 block of Nevada City Highway.

['Shouting in the Shadows' would be a good name for a band.]

2:20 a.m. - An intoxicated man was reported running into traffic at West Main and Neal streets. Officers located the man and booked him into Wayne Brown Correctional Facility on suspicion of being drunk in public.

[What kind of traffic is there on West Main and Neal at 2 am on a Sunday night?]

10:47 p.m. - A vehicle was repossessed on the 22900 block of Sunset Ridge Drive.

[That isn't a crime, so I'm not sure why it is in the blotter. Maybe it is there to warn the neighbors not to lend money to the person who is suddenly missing a car, as they aren't paying their bills?]

6:21 p.m. - A man with a beard and no clothes was reported walking down Pleasant Valley Road. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[This is why they put cameras in cell phones, so people will believe you when you tell them this stuff.]

8:17 a.m. - A volunteer vehicle repossession was made on the 11300 block of Alpine Lane.

[Now I'm more confused. Still, signs of a bad economy are everywhere.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

They Also Serve, Who Only Click and Wait

After a week of checking the superior court web site several times a day, the row that included my number finally gave me the message I was waiting for:

Thank you for your services to the court this week. You are excused and will receive a one year exception.

Not that I was even expecting to be called in on a Friday, a day that is generally reserved for motions and administrative functions down at the courthouse. Or, if you believe the local paper, for playing golf.

Either way, I have served on three juries and have never had to be in court on a Friday.

And, if the usual pattern follows, I will get another summons in 7-10 months and will be able to use the one year exemption.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIV

12:19 p.m. - A business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported three male juveniles came in wanting to sell diamonds. The clerk refused and then called police because the trio seemed suspicious. Officers were unable to locate the juveniles.

[Juvenile diamond sellers? A change from belligerent door-to-door meat salesmen I suppose.]

12:48 a.m. - A woman from the 20000 block of Penn Valley Drive reported that the headlights of her Jeep, which was parked in the driveway, came on and then turned off by themselves. She wanted officers to check it out.

[We'll get right on that.]

12:12 p.m. - A man from the 22000 block of Rambling Oaks Drive reported that someone had entered his house and a file cabinet and a George Foreman grill were missing.

[Somebody else is eating healthier now.]

9:39 a.m. - A man from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported his mentally disabled brother was having difficulty breathing due to the smoky air. The person was referred to the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection.

[And what is the CDF supposed to do for somebody having trouble breathing? "Oh, hey, my brother is coughing a lot, could you put out those fires faster, please?]

4:06 p.m. - A person came into the police department with gun ammunition, which was destroyed.

[Right there in front of them? I'd like to see that!]

12 a.m. - A caller saw a woman in a nightgown or a hospital gown pushing a shopping cart on Dorsey Drive.

[Well, it is hot out, and those gowns are nice and breezy.]

2:34 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Carriage Road reported she recalled she had a restraining order against her husband, whom she had allowed to stay at her residence for the past two years. The woman said she wanted her husband removed from her house. She was told that the police were uncomfortable enforcing an order she had disregarded for the past two years.

[Hey, I just remembered, I have a restraining order against you! Get out!]

1:05 p.m. - The Grass Valley Library reported a van with the word "Psychic," written on it had been in a handicapped parking spot for more than 24 hours. The situation was turned over to the parking officer.

[I wonder if they saw that coming?]

2:07 p.m. - A caller said they lost their glasses while at the Greenwood Cemetery.

[And you want the police to do what?]

3:20 p.m. - A two car accident on Race Street produced no injuries.

[They call it Race Street for a reason I guess.]

2:06 p.m. - A woman called from the 14000 block of Tanglefoot Court reporting that her neighbor has been videotaping her for about three years. She was seeking advice on what she could do about the situation.

[Restraining order.]

4:52 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Palm Court reporting that her boyfriend was threatening her for having his wallet. She said she couldn't give him back his wallet as it would be a violation of probation.

[One serious wallet.]

6:58 p.m. - A woman who made a 911 call from the 11000 block of Combie Road reported she was teaching her kids how to dial the emergency number.

[A proponent of practical instruction!]

10:10 a.m. - A caller from Finley and Spring streets reported a vehicle parked in the middle of the street with the back end parked in the caller's garden.

[No alcohol involved there, I'm sure!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Farewell, Fake Steve Jobs!

So many great things in life are fleeting. Brilliant and fresh and there at just the right moment in time.

And such was The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs.

Started by Daniel Lyons as a joke to amuse some friends, it grew a cult following spurred not only by the great writing, but by the mystery of who was really doing the writing.

The insight into life in Silicon Valley and the industry out here was outstanding. And the influence it had was incredible. Friends of mine at Sun Microsystems say that everybody there knows who you mean when you say, "My Little Pony."

But the time has passed. Mr. Lyons has hung up the persona of Fake Steve and is moving on to other things.

Fans of the site will miss it dearly, but all things pass.

Another bright spot on the internet , it will soon fade from memory for most of us. And in a few years somebody will bring it up and those that do remember will say, "Wow, has it been that long since Fake Steve Jobs shut down?" the way I even now think about how it has been nine years since The Dysfunctional Family Circus was taken down.

It seems like only yesterday.