Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CX

8:37 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Samantha Way reported a can of baked beans had been dumped on her car.

[There is a first for the blotter.]

11:04 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Catherine Lane reported someone was throwing rocks at her upstairs apartment when the reporting party noticed her rug was on fire.

[Coincidend? Crude warning method?]

1:33 p.m. - A caller found a large knife under a tree at the entrance to Minnie Park. Officers booked the knife in as evidence.

[Evidence of what?]

8:48 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Alta Street reported a juvenile who was dropped off at school but was refusing to stay.

[As a child, this approach never even occurred to me.]

11:45 a.m. - Officers arrested a 20-year-old man on the 900 block of Sutton Way on suspicion of possessing less than an ounce of marijuana and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[There isn't much to this one, except every time I read that charge, I think to myself "None is less than an ounce, right?"]

9:49 p.m. - A caller from McKnight Way reported a man hitchhiking dangerously.

[Yes, as if it wasn't risky enough, we have to get into extreme hitchhiking.]

1:06 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Gates Place reported an ex-employee who has been coming to the business and taking things off the computer. The caller said the ex-employee has told the owner he would sell the information back to the company.

[Here we have, "My First Extortion Racket."]

9:57 p.m. - A man from the 19000 block of Tara Lane reported a large bear in the bed of his truck. The man said the bear would not move, even if he activated the car alarm. He said he called the Department of Fish and Game who said they will not respond.

[That's going to be an interesting call to work if there bear is still there in the morning.]

9:05 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Mill Street reported a woman who had sent about three letters in the mail to the Grass Valley/Nevada County Chamber of Commerce regarding people and businesses who are supposedly threatening to kill her. The caller requested contact with officers.

[Murder being something that the chamber of commerce usually tries to steer clear of.]

9:20 a.m. - A caller in the 600 block of Zion Street reported finding a dead woodpecker in his bathtub. He told officers he believed the bird was put there intentionally. Later, the caller reported that he found a hole in the wall that allowed the bird access to the bathtub.

[So no mysterious "sign of the woodpecker" message to decipher then? We won't need those meddling kids I guess.]

12:55 a.m. - Police reported that a vehicle ran two flashing red lights at East Main and South Auburn streets. The subject told police he was from Israel and did not know what the flashing red lights at the intersections meant.

[I wonder how far that got him... or if he cared.]

5:59 p.m. - A woman from the 300 block of South Auburn Street reported a juvenile skateboarding on her roof. A similar call came in from a home on Buena Vista Avenue. Responding officers found the skateboarder and arrested him on suspicion of giving police officers a false identity and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[I'll bet he says it was worth it.]

12:04 a.m. - A woman heard some glass breaking in her garage and thought it might be a mountain lion.

[Damn those clumsy mountain lions.]

9:45 a.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Sunny Hill Road reported her neighbor made an obscene gesture at her the day before.

[I'm sure the police will get right on that.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

The End of Change

I have finally reached the point in my life where I do not really need coins.

And by "coins," I mean that most important of coins, the quarter dollar.

At some point in my life, in the distant past, the quarter was everything.

I needed quarters for everything. The bus. Video games. The coin-op washer and dryer. Vending machines. Parking meters.

I tended to optimize my spending to maximize the number of quarters I would get in change.

Slowly but surely, the need for quarters melted away. I drive my own car. Video games need tokens. I live in a house with my own washer and dryer. I have a parking pass. I do not drive through any toll booths.

The final coin dropped, so to speak, when my company changed the vending machines in the office. Everything used to be a quarter. In an expense control move, the machines are no longer subsidized, so the price of everything floated up to around a dollar.

Nothing in them is a quarter any more, or even some multiple of a quarter, except items that are a dollar even. Everything else is 55 cents or 85 cents or some such anti-quarter valuation.

And since the store right next door to our office has everything cheaper than the vending machines, my final need for coins has faded.

Now all the coins I collect during the day end up on my desk until they become a big enough pile to annoy me. Then the kids get them. But even they look askance at anything less than a quarter some days.

No more jingle-jangle of coins in my pocket, my days of change are through. My kids and places with tip jars will benefit.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIX

5:32 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of South Auburn Street reported receiving threats from the caller's sister-in-law. The caller was advised on how to get a restraining order.

[Which might make Thanksgiving a bit awkward, but probably a bit less tense.]

2:19 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Golden Eagle Way reported someone stole his portable toilet. The caller said he suspected his neighbor.

[I guess if he was looking for it at 2am, he probably needed it.]

2:20 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a theft of a portable toilet. The caller said it was taken by a neighbor who is an ex-Hells Angels member. The portable toilet was gray and white with a chair and a bucket attached. The caller said he wasn't sure if the portable toilet was stolen or just missing.

[Is this midnight plumbing supply or what?]

5:16 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Brentwood Drive reported she is on parole and her father has threatened to plant a weapon in her vehicle. The caller was advised of the restraining order process.

[I can see more awkward holiday seasons coming up.]

7:06 p.m. - A caller wanted officers to stand by while he got his belongings out of an apartment he shared with a girlfriend on the 100 block of Main Street. Officers supplied the standby and then arrested the man on a warrant out of San Diego.

[That must have made the girlfriend's day.]

11:23 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Empire Street reported a prowler was knocking on the back door. Responding officers could not find the prowler.

[It might be just me, but do prowlers usually knock?]

8:52 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported receiving a check for $3,900 in the mail from a company claiming that he won $55,000. The company requested him to send $300 for taxes, he said. The man waited for the check to clear the account, but it bounced. So he never sent the $300 to the company. The man requested contact with officers.

[It bounced. Imagine that!]

8 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported trespassers on his property who were harassing him all day and attacked him with pit bulls. The man said he shot two of the dogs in the rear. The trespassers were near a fence by a shed on the man's property, he said.

[It sounds like he called this in a few hours later that he should have.]

12:58 p.m. - An elderly woman in the lobby of the police department said she hired a gardener and paid him in advance with a blank check. The gardener made out the check for more than the authorized agreement and also never returned to do the work. Officers took a report for fraud.

[Why are people so trusting of strangers?]

3:36 a.m. - A resident of the 15100 block of Beeman Lane was unaware that the person's vehicle was being repossessed.

[A couple of these show up every week now. Surprise!]

5:30 p.m. - A man in handcuffs wearing an orange jumpsuit and a devil's mask was running in and out of traffic on the Broad Street overpass.

[A George W. Bush mask? The guy with the "War Criminal" sign?]

1:29 a.m. - A caller from a downtown bar reported a fast taxi driver.

[Better than the ones who never show up I suppose.]

10:51 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Empire Street reported an intoxicated woman had been banging on his front door for the last 20 minutes. Officers arrested and booked her on three local warrants.

[Three local warrants! A busy woman!]

5:04 p.m. - A caller said a man with dreadlocks was in a vehicle on a parking lot on Litton Drive smoking marijuana. The man left and officers were advised.

[Later, a construction worker made suggestive remarks at a passing woman.]

4:10 p.m. - A caller from Englebright Lake reported a person in an SUV with a boat trailer drove over his kayak on the boat ramp and drove off.

[I wonder if this is part of some ongoing "power boat vs. kayak" feud.]

8:35 p.m. - A man working on a home on Kechely Court reported a woman next door kept coming out of her home, taking notes and harassing him before he could explain what he was doing. Responding officers discerned it was a civil issue.

[Mrs. Kravitz, notes in hand, remained disturbed by the whole situation.]

10:55 a.m. - A caller on McCourtney Road reported that an individual stole a gray Chevrolet Camaro hood off a vehicle to put on his own red Camaro.

[Well, he should be easy to spot in any event.]

2:27 p.m. - A caller in the 10000 block of San Francisco Street reported that a man borrowed $40,000 and had agreed to pay it back in two weeks but hadn't done so. A report was taken.

[But he said he would!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)