Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXIX

11:27 p.m. - A woman called from the 200 block of North School Street and reported a strong odor similar to that of nail polish remover that was making her eyes water. Officers contacted the reporting person's neighbors, confirmed the odor, but could not trace its origin.

[But did it make the officer's eyes water as well?]

6:32 p.m. - Officers responded to a call from the 12000 block of Francis Drive about a man who was found dead in a tree. The man appeared to have died of natural causes. Once his death was confirmed, Hooper and Weaver Mortuary was informed.

[Natural aside from the fact that he was in a tree.]

3:41 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Berryman Street reported that a dog kennel was cut open and the dog is missing.

[More dog theft? Or an inside job?]

10:55 p.m. - A caller from the 400 block of Henderson Street reported four juvenile boys skateboarding in the middle of the street.

[Okay, at 11pm I guess that might be worthy of a call.]

11:04 p.m. - Officers arrested a man for driving under the influence at Colfax Highway near Hennessy School.

[I just laugh every time I see a DUI near Hennessy (VSOP?) School.]

7:39 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Morgan Ranch Drive reported seeing people throwing eggs at homes and vehicles in the area. Police saw the eggs but didn't notice that any eggs hit homes or vehicles.

[Being bad at your crime does not make it less of a crime.]

3:21 p.m. - A boy from the 1000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a girl at Lyman Gilmore School touched his backpack and he wants her arrested.

[No doubt he also wanted compensation for any cootie-disinfecting he felt required.]

4:42 p.m. - A caller from the corner of Freeman Lane and McKnight Way reported a juvenile "doing wheelies" in the parking lot at a high rate of speed.

[I would guess he was on a motorcycle, but the entry doesn't specify, so let your imagination take over.]

12:01 p.m. - A woman from the 14000 block of Beyers Lane reported several men on her property shooting turkeys.

[Part of the Thanksgiving tradition? Nothing like fresh from the forest?]

2:44 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Westhill Road reported a neighbor yelling, screaming and blowing a horn.

[I see Dallas won.]

5:22 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Little Deer Drive reported two people wandering around the woods near the caller's residence. The people said they were looking for a rock pile and wouldn't leave.

[They were told of a tomb full of gold or some such.]

2:47 p.m. - A woman called from the 10000 block of Rincon Way to report a vehicle fire 10 feet from her house. The fire department responded.

[Ten feet? I'd be a little worried about it becoming a residential fire.]

10:49 a.m. - A person in the police station lobby wanted to talk to an officer about theft of horses in Arizona. Police would follow up.

[The price of butter in Ottawa came up as well.]

12:15 p.m. - A woman who works as a holiday charity bell ringer on East Main Street reported a woman approached her with a hypodermic needle the day before and asked her if she wanted a flu shot. When she said no, the woman said she could have it for free. The woman wanted to talk to an officer.

[Normally $20, but for you, free! That constantly ringing bell can drive people to desperate measures I guess. I read once that donations actually go up when the person stops ringing the bell. But they have to ring it for a while first, to prove they are serious.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXVIII

8:29 p.m. - A caller from a restaurant on East Main Street reported a drive-through customer who smelled like marijuana. Responding officers cited the youth on suspicion of driving while possessing marijuana, and released him to a parent.

[I suspect that fast food and convenience stores would be fertile ground for this sort of bust.]

2:27 p.m. - A motorist was pulled over at Colfax Avenue and South Auburn Streets and arrested on suspicion of not having driver's insurance that qualifies in California.

[A pretty esoteric thing for which to pull somebody over.]

10:09 p.m. - Officers responded to a call of loud drums in the 300 block of Horizon Circle. They discovered a band that was shutting down for the night.

[The call of loud drums can be irresistible in the night.]

10:21 a.m. - A man from the 11000 block of Caledonia Way dialed 911, hung up, and upon callback was very upset over a bear in the area.

[They at least had the presence of mind, at the last second at least, to realize that the police were not going to be the solution.]

2:20 p.m. - A man from the 160000 block of Ophir Hill Road reported his neighbor posted obscene language on signs and faced them toward the caller's property.

[No doubt part of an ongoing dispute.]

6:58 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Sutton Way reported numerous juveniles were in a hallway, and they appeared to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. One male juvenile in Hawaiian-print swim trunks said he had five warrants, and he didn't care who called the police on him. Police contacted the youths. They were not under the influence of any substance, and the young man with the swim trunks did not have any warrants for his arrest.

[Kids these days, standing around, not doing drugs, not committing crimes and openly rubbing our faces in it.]

8:25 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported seven men and a woman were smoking marijuana behind the business and they possibly were clients of a homeless shelter intake center. Police determined the people did not have drugs and they were all waiting for the bus. They did not confirm whether they were homeless.

[I suppose after swooping in for a drug bust and finding everybody was just waiting for the bus, the question of homelessness became a bit silly.]

12:03 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of North Church Street reported a man in his 50s was sleeping on the porch, then went inside the residence. He was refusing to leave. Police contacted the 54-year-old man, who said he would get a hotel room.

[A reasonable response, I suppose. But deciding to sack out on somebody's porch in the Sierras in November when a hotel room is a viable options?]

9:27 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Broken Oak Court reported an X-Box had been stolen and switched with the neighbor's broken X-Box video game system. Deputies contacted both parties and determined the accusation was unfounded. Neither X-Box was working.

[Microsoft: Greetings Gentleman. All your XBoxes are broken by us!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXVII

11:25 a.m. - A caller from the 14500 block of Storm Ridge Road reported she couldn't get out because a huge storage container was being moved down her road. She was advised to wait 15 minutes.

[Practical advice.]

2:03 p.m. - A caller from the 10400 block of Broken Oak Court reported hearing someone in the neighborhood banging around on something. Responding deputies discovered the neighbor was setting a crib up for a baby.

[Having set up a crib, I can picture the scene in my mind.]

3:13 p.m. - A woman called from the 15000 block of Carrie Drive saying she'd advertised some items in The Union and got a call from an operator who asked her questions that had nothing to do with the advertised items. While she was talking to the operator, she heard an automated voice say," This could be a scam." The woman said she's received two such calls. She requested a log entry and was asked to contact Nevada County Sheriff's Office.

[There has to be a loophole where, if you warm people something is a scam, you are then absolved of wrong doing. Maybe?]

1:51 a.m. - A woman from the 200 block of Mill Street reported a man in his 50s with a gray beard and mustache and wearing a bandanna, vest and hat was yelling outside her house. Police contacted the 55-year-old man and advised him not to contact the woman and move on.

[As usual, I like the choice of items people use to describe people.]

1:13 p.m. - A woman from the 11000 block of Butler Road reported she was dripping blood from her body. An ambulance responded, and a deputy took an informational report. No arrest was made.

[Bleeding is not a crime, though getting blood on public property might be littering.]

12:23 p.m. - A caller from 13400 Wings of Morning Drive reported receiving threats by text message. The calls were coming from a phone number that refused incoming calls when deputies contacted it. A phone trap will be considered if the messages continue.

[More mental imagery: A phone trap. I picture a phone in the middle of the woods stuck in some steel jaws.]

6:20 p.m. - A caller from the 10300 block of Adam Avenue reported a large explosion. Responding deputies were unable to locate anything.

["Anything" having been, presumably, taken care of by the reported large explosion.]

8:50 p.m. - A caller from the 11100 block of Lakeshore North reported receiving threats by e-mail.

[What a wonderful age we live in.]

3:27 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Valencia Road reported hearing shots fired with an unknown weapon. The caller called back to say the shots were from loggers shooting at a wasps' nest.

[The whole fly/sledge hammer saying comes to mind.]

2:16 a.m. - A caller from Squirrel Creek Road reported multiple people standing on the bridge, blowing a whistle.

[When whistles are outlawed, only the outlaws will have whistles.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXVI

11:11 a.m. - A caller from the 1000 block of East Main Street reported being hit in the face with a beverage from an approximately 22-year-old man driving a gray Honda four-door sedan. Police were unable to locate the man.

[I just wonder if it was still in its container when it hit him.]

7:51 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Yuba Ridge Drive reported a neighbor just shot a deer with a high-powered rifle and then put it in his truck. Police contacted the caller and told the caller that it wasn't a crime.

[It is called deer season.]

12:37 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported someone threw coffee on her earlier in the day. Police took a report.

[Was the person in a grey Honda?]

2:05 p.m. - A caller from Highway 49 reported a person by a disabled vehicle appeared as if he or she wanted to jump over the side of the highway. The person called back to report the car had a flat tire and police did not need to respond.

[Nice of the person to call back after their moment of panic.]

3:41 p.m. - A woman from Candy Lane to report she was being held captive by three people and she just snuck out of the house. Police contacted the woman and took her to the hospital for a mental health evaluation.

[It is surprising to see how often "mental health evaluation" comes up in the blotter.]

4:19 a.m. - A caller from Idaho-Maryland Road reported a foul smell as though there was an excess of sewage built up. A patrol officer was advised.

[What was the office going to do?]

2:13 a.m. - An off-duty police officer called to report a parolee on the 200 block of Broad Street showed him a bag of methamphetamine and said he was under the influence, that he had a gun and he was going to kill the person who had been sleeping with his girlfriend. The officer determined the man did not have a gun. Police looked for the man and could not find him. Truckee Police went to check the man's residence in Truckee, but they could not locate the street address. Local police checked another address in the Greenhorn area and found nothing unusual. A vehicle belonging to a person listed in a restraining order against the parolee was found at the parolee's address. The parolee's father said the man and the woman were in an "on again-off again" relationship.

["On again-off again" seems to describe his relationship with reality.]

2:24 p.m. - A caller from a bar on the 29000 block of Highway 49 in North San Juan reported a man was headbutted by another man in the pool room. The victim was bleeding from the nostrils, but he did not want medical attention and he did not want to make a report. Deputies checked the area and were unable to locate the suspect or any witnesses.

[Nice to see a good "Glasgow Handshake" in the news.]

3:07 p.m. - A woman called from the 13000 block of Capitol Drive to report people from a meat company tried to sell her meat. She felt it was suspicious. She requested a log entry.

[The roving meat salesmen are back. No word on their anger or aggressiveness.]

8:57 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Skaith Bend Road reported someone threw a rock through the caller's front door. A deputy took a report for vandalism.

[I assume the door was open at the time. Either that, or somebody has a hell of an arm.]

12:20 p.m. - A caller from the Veterans Memorial Building on Auburn Street said a number of high school juveniles were behind the building drinking, possibly smoking marijuana, and changing clothes before they took off from the scene.

[Are we sure this wasn't the Cornish Christmas again?]

6:42 p.m. - A caller from the 1400 block of Segesworth reported a woman was outside her apartment screaming and cursing at other tenants. Police contacted the woman and maintained the peace.

[Perhaps they restored the peace, but if the woman was screaming, I cannot imagine there was much peace to maintain.]

10:03 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Second Street reported a pit bull was on her deck, and two Aussies and one golden retriever also were loose in the neighborhood.

[And if I know anything about Aussies on the loose, they were probably already drinking at 10am.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)