Monday, September 25, 2006

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XVIII

At 9:31 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Quartz street requested extra patrol for an ongoing problem with someone stealing the light bulb that illuminates her driveway.

[I would look for the person into whose home the light undoubtedly shines.]

At 4:11 p.m., a mail carrier reported that a homeowner from the 12000 block of Manion Canyon was hostile to her while she was delivering her route and that she felt threatened.

[That is always wise, threatening the mail carrier. That is a federal crime.]

At 9:12 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Shelter Court reported that a neighbor who appeared to be intoxicated or under the influence of methamphetamine had been hit on the head with a shovel and needed medical attention.

[I cannot decide if the neighbor is too attentive or not attentive enough.]

At 2:39 p.m. a caller from Lakeshore North reported that while she was running on the road, two men driving a golf cart approached her and when they passed, one of them reached out and grabbed her buttocks and hip area. The caller said that soon after the attack, the golf cart was pulled over by Lake of the Pines security, possibly for running a stop sign.

[In the immortal words of Mojo Nixon, "Golfcart on a rampage!"]

At 5:47 p.m., a caller from Safeway reported people playing loud music from their truck. The caller said they opened a beer can and drove toward Highway 20.

[Stay on message. DUI, that is the topic to get police attention, loud music is not.]

At 9:07 p.m., tennis players at Memorial Park said a green truck had circled the tennis courts several times, making them afraid.

[In my mind, I hear that music from "Jaws" as the truck slowly circles the tennis courts.]

At 3:18 p.m., a man called to file a complaint against someone he believed was slandering him and filing false reports against him. He was citing Penal Code sections.

[Do you know the penal code in this state? We're missing "the man was advised of the civil litigation process" as a closer.]

At 8:32 a.m., a caller on the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway said a woman was calling threatening his wife and also telling him she was going to burn down his home. He said the woman had previously blown up his van and tried to kill his wife.

[And yet this woman roams free.]

At 9:29 p.m., a person came to the Grass Valley police station to report that an automobile dealer who was supposed to advertise his vehicle for sale had actually sold the vehicle without his consent or without his sign off on the title. A report was taken for the vehicle.

[My guess is that he was unhappy with the price the dealer got or the commission the dealer took. After all, advertising it for sale is a prime indicator that he wanted to sell the vehicle.]

At 11:20 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Wolf Road said she went into her attic the day before and had found suspicious items.

[Suspicious items! In her attic! Only just the day before!]

A 3:40 p.m. caller from the 11600 block of Ragan Way heard a person yelling profanities loudly and saying "The Taliban will come and get you," at no one in particular.

[Grass Valley, a hotbed of Islamic radicalism!]

A 10:08 p.m. caller from Lake of the Pines said someone was putting plastic bottles filled with ammonia and another substance around the area and causing explosions. Several have been found in the area in recent weeks.

[Maybe the Taliban is trying to get somebody]

A 10:15 a.m. caller from the 10900 block of Castaway Court said someone stole his medical marijuana plants out of his greenhouse.

A 10:27 a.m. caller from the 11800 block of Mooney Flat Road reported someone stole his medical marijuana plants overnight. The caller said two people were now walking around his property in camouflage clothing probably back to pick up the plants they had stashed somewhere.

[I am sure there is some lesson to be drawn from this crime spree.]

A 5:39 p.m. caller from the 300 block of Alexander Street involved in an out-of-control fight cut herself with a knife and was transported to Sierra Nevada Memorial Hospital for treatment.

[My only question is, what is the police definition of an "out-of-control fight?" Does that term apply to the fight in general or to the mental state of the participants?]

At 12:17 a.m. a caller from a Brunswick Basin fast food restaurant reported a young man walked in wearing only boxer shorts.

[The sign clearly said, "No shoes, no shirt, no service."]

Source: The Union (

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