Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXV

9:37 p.m. - A woman called from a business on Dorsey Drive to report a man was masturbating as she drove up to clean the business. He continued to have his hands in his pants and was playing with himself. Police determined the woman did not actually see the 21-year-old man playing with himself. She said his hands were in his pants while he was sitting down and she believed he was acting inappropriately. No arrest was made.

[There is a fine line between slacking off and jacking off it would seem.]

2:35 a.m. - A man called from the 15000 block of Beeman Lane to report his wife was missing and a 5-year-old girl he didn't know was sleeping in his chair. Officers determined the caller had been drinking. There was no little girl at the residence. The man would wait a while until possibly filing a missing-persons report for his wife. She was not at the hospital. Deputies checked the area and were unable to locate her.

[Presumably the man would wait until he sobered up to file the papers, at which point he might actually remember where his wife went.]

8:29 a.m. - A man from the 800 block of Old Tunnel Road reported a man fraudulently took his blue 1990 Ford Taurus. The caller said the man gave him a $3,100 certificate of deposit in exchange for the car, and the bank told the caller the CD was fake. Police contacted the caller and looked at the bank statement, which showed the caller received proper funds. There was no crime.

[The perils of complex financial transactions.]

8:15 p.m. - A woman from the 16000 block of Bush Road reported three men in a moving van were stuck in the mud on her property. The men were acting suspiciously and would not get out of the vehicle. A deputy responded and called a tow truck to get the van out of the mud. The tow truck driver called back later to report the landowner was shooting a firearm in the air and telling him not to move another inch. A deputy returned and took a report.

[Well, given the land owners later behavior, I think the men in the van were probably wise to stay in the vehicle.]

9:50 a.m. - A woman called to report she left her cell phone at a business on the 200 block of South Church Street, and it was stolen by an unknown man. She said the man was harassing her by charging things to her telephone and posting her pictures on the Internet. Police took a report for petty theft.

[You would think that this would make the person easy to track down.]

11:28 a.m. – A woman called from the 10000 block of Lime Kiln Road to report her dog locked himself inside her vehicle with the keys inside. A dispatcher advised the woman to call a tow company for assistance.

[But the dog will change all my radio station pre-sets!]

12:11 p.m. ­ A caller from the 400 block of Jordan Street reported hearing a creaking sound, possibly a cupboard opening or a chair. Police contacted the caller and all was fine.

[They checked under the bed as well, and everything was okay.]

9:26 a.m. - A caller from a business on Nevada City Highway reported a man wearing a poncho, blue jeans and carrying a blue bag, possibly in his 50s and traveling with a dog, was on a street corner making gestures to people. Police made contact with the man and determined he was not drunk.

[Glad to see somebody is fighting the trend towards drunkenness in the morning. And the caller did not say they were rude gestures, just gestures. He could have been giving everybody two thumbs up.]

4:34 a.m. - An officer investigated possible vandalism of a 1969 Dodge truck on Butler Street and found what appeared to be Silly String.

[I did not know they still sold Silly String. Now, was this the real deal, or just some toxic knock off, made in China?]

11:51 a.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported an individual dancing like a robot in a parking lot. Police were unable to locate the dancer.

[The Shields and Yarnell amendment to the 1995 Omnibus Budget act specifically prohibits this sort of thing.]

6:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported five to six juveniles were snowboarding. Police were unable to locate the snowboarders.

[Oh no! Snowboards!]

9:49 a.m. - A caller from Ridge Road reported a county bus spun out and was blocking the roadway. The CHP was "aware of the mess."

[They did not mention when somebody would be "cleaning up the mess" however.]

4:42 p.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Lincoln Way reported a residence was burglarized sometime during the day. No weapons were taken. A deputy took a report.

[But now we all know which house on Lincoln Way has a cache of weapons.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Behind Every Successful Pirate?

Wikipedia's article of the day today was about Stede Bonnet, a pirate. I was struck by the opening lines of the entry:

Stede Bonnet was an early 18th-century Barbadian pirate, sometimes called "the gentleman pirate". Because of marital problems, and despite his lack of sailing experience, Bonnet decided to turn to piracy in the summer of 1717.

I am almost jealous of him and his time. His marriage wasn't working out so he decided to become a pirate!

I have not sat down and considered what drove men to become pirates, but if I had, a lack of wedded bliss probably would not have sprung to mind.

Furthermore, even though he was a complete amateur, he went out, bought a boat, hired a crew, and set sail for a life of piracy. He was probably thinking, "I'll show her!" the whole time too.

You have to admire that sort of "can do" spirit as well as the motivation a bad marriage can provide.

Of course, he was caught and hung in 1718, but not before he had a pretty good run as a pirate.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXIV

10:36 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported having a surveillance video of a 27-year-old woman shoplifting clothing. Police would follow up. Three hours later, the woman returned to the store to pay for the items. Police did not take a report.

[It is nice to see that there is a grace period during which guilt can take its course.]

12:50 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Carriage Lane to report a man who had been dating her daughter was outside the house looking for her. Her daughter was hiding from the man. Officers contacted the man and told him not to return.

[Every parents dream scenario.]

12:18 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 700 block of Freeman Lane reported three juveniles had attempted to pass a fake $100 bill. When the reporting person refused to make the change, they vandalized the bathroom and left in a green Ford pickup.

[Kids these days.]

6:22 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Hidden Valley Road reported someone left a message on her answering machine and said in a very low soft voice, "Ow, please help."

[How do you even start on the issues here?]

12:51 p.m. - A caller from Highway 20 at McCourtney Road reported a woman with long gray hair and wearing a long purple sweater was standing in the turn lane yelling at vehicles. Police provided a ride for the 56-year-old woman across the highway so she could wait for her caretaker.

[Just another day in Nevada County.]

1:21 p.m. - A woman called from a business on the 100 block of South Auburn Street to report a man in his mid-20s carrying a violin frequents her shop and makes people uncomfortable by making noise. Today, the man entered and said he hates the caller. She has asked him to leave, but he continued to return. Police advised the man not to return to the business.

[I am pretty sure I knew this guy... or somebody very much like him... back in junior high.]

5:17 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Bank Street reported a skateboarder grabbed an employee. Police arrested the 18-year-old man on suspicion of assault and false personation of another.

[How often have you been accused of "false personation?" Or even genuine "personation" for that matter? It wasn't even election day.]

12:28 a.m. - A man called police to ask them to check on his wife on the 800 block of Morgan Ranch Drive because he was out of town and she was not answering her home telephone or cellular phone. Police contacted the woman, who said she is fine. She said the man was very jealous, and she declined to speak to him.

[There has to be a good back story there.]

1:21 p.m. - A caller from the Nevada County elections office reported opening an envelope containing a torn ballot and other items. A deputy determined the incident was not a law enforcement issue.

[As long as it does not come back to haunt anybody....]

6:09 p.m. - Someone called 911 from the 14000 block of Highway 49 and hung up. When a dispatcher called back, a man said no one had called and everything was fine. The dispatcher said the man was too adamant that no one had called, and he would not consider that the call may have been accidental. He was very unconvincing. Deputies checked on the location, and everything appeared fine.

[The caller doth protest too much for a reason, it seems.]

9:45 a.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Stagecoach Way reported harassment. A man was attempting to report the caller's vehicle as stolen. A deputy advised the caller of the restraining order process.

[You would think that the whole "false reporting of a crime" thing might come into play here.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXIII

4:16 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Neal Street reported a woman stole a dryer and a desk.

[She should be easy to spot, what with dry hair and a desk in tow.]

12:04 a.m. - A man called from North Church Street to report hearing a lot of gunfire in the area. A dispatcher reminded the man it was midnight, and he said he forgot it was New Year's. Patrol officers were advised of the gunfire.

[Probably did like us and celebrated a "New York New Year's Eve" then went to bed early.]

Between Noon and 5:30 p.m., Grass Valley police attempted to serve seven local arrest warrants. Of those seven attempts, police arrested four people for local warrants.

[Nice New Year's Day tactic, but if they were serious, they would have been banging on doors at 5am. I got one of those knocks once. The police had the wrong address, but didn't figure it out until they had made asses of themselves.]

8:19 p.m. - A driver who had been previously stopped by an officer returned to the officer and had "more words" for him. The driver left again.

[I bet he didn't get an apology either.]

12:50 p.m. A woman called from Jackass Flats Road to report her landlord ran her off his property with a shotgun earlier in the day. A deputy took a report.

[Merely listed because I am sure there is a street sign that gets stolen once in a while.]

5:42 p.m. - A caller who lives on Big Blue Road by a gun club reported hearing 20 shots so far. The caller did not want to be disturbed. A deputy was advised.

[Guns? At the gun club?]

9:19 a.m. - A caller from Wendy Circle reported a 60-year-old man fell and couldn't get up. Paramedics arrived, and the man was combative. Police arrested the man on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[I've been drinking and I can't get up!]

3:13 p.m. - A woman called from the 21000 block of Oxnard Court to report a man threatened to kill her if she didn't love him. She said she gave the man money for a vehicle she never received. A deputy advised the woman of the restraining order process.

[There has to be a serious back-story here.]

1:35 a.m. - A woman called 911 from the 13000 block of Hidden Valley Road. She said she was having a nightmare. She said there was no emergency and she would call back if she needed medical attention.

[Or a hug and a glass of warm milk.]

9:38 p.m. - A caller from the 18000 block of Spring Valley Drive reported a woman in a white Isuzu Trooper went to the caller's door and told her there is a sniper in the area. She also said to watch out for radiation, and she wanted to know where a safe house is. She said she lived at Rollins Lake. The woman was gone by the time a deputy arrived.

[Delusions delivered straight to your door!]

11:11 a.m. - A man called from the 14000 block of North Bloomfield Road to report someone hooked a chain to his mailbox and dragged it down the street.

[Everybody has to have a hobby.]

1:48 p.m. - A man called 911 from the 12000 block of Shady Lane to ask the time. The time was provided.

[See, AT&T turned off the "Time Lady" and now people call 911.]

8:14 p.m. - A man in the police station lobby reported he was hit by a white Acura driven by a woman while he was crossing Mill Street at East Main Street. He said he was in a crosswalk. While police were talking to the man, the woman entered the lobby and said she did not see him. She offered to take the man to the hospital. The man said the woman needed to get her eyes checked. He declined medical attention and walked out.

[The therapeutic value of a rejoinder!]

4:43 a.m. - Police contacted a 48-year-old man at the back gate of the police station and arrested him on suspicion of being under the influence of a controlled substance.

[Convienient for the police.]

11:15 a.m. - A caller reported a 5- or 6-year-old child was shoveling snow on Idaho Maryland Road near Banner Ridge Lava Cap Road. The caller was concerned the child would be hit if he didn't get off the roadway. A deputy checked the area and contacted two adult "little people." All was fine.

["Little people" get snowed in too. They don't all live in Hollywood waiting for a remake of "The Wizard of Oz."]

1:02 p.m. - A man called from the 13000 block of Ridge Road to report conspiracy theories. He said he just moved from South Carolina and he believed he was being stalked by some people from Georgia. He believed his brakes had been tampered with, and someone left a cell phone under a mangrove tree.

[Welcome to Grass Valley!]

6:32 p.m. - A caller asked that a deputy check on a man who lives on the 19000 block of Greenhorn Creek. He was supposed to pick up his girlfriend at work three hours ago. He never showed up. Deputies checked the house, and the man was not there. The man's mother reported him as a missing person. She said he possibly went four-wheeling in the Greenhorn Creek area in a dark blue vehicle. The deputies then located the man, and he was fine.

[Somebody had better start shopping for Valentine's Day muy pronto!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

New Record!

By declaring the last picture the record, I spurred some sort of competition.

Juice consumption appears to be up at the office because of this.

Best of the Blotter 2007

The Union has published its yearly "Best of the Blotter" story. I think most of the entries were captured here over the course of the year.

I am certainly looking forward to another year of life in Nevada County, California.

Some Days You Cannot Win

Our vending machine at work. The punts on the bottom of the bottles, those little indents, catch on the dividers, wedging the bottles firmly in place. No amount of shaking the machine will get them free.

Four bottles is the current office record.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXXII

12:49 a.m. - A man said he came out of a store on Sutton Way and there appeared to be spray paint on his white 2006 Honda CRV. It appeared the man had run over a paint can with his vehicle because paint was all over the undercarriage.

[No doubt he steered for that can in the road too...]

5:13 p.m. - A caller reported someone fell at a federal building on East Main Street. Police contacted a 58-year-old man who had been transported by ambulance to the hospital and cited him on suspicion of public drunkenness.

9:29 p.m. - A caller from a federal building on East Main Street reported a man was passed out in the building. Police contacted the 58-year-old man and told him to move along. He was not drunk.

[What is the link between this man and the federal building?]

11:39 a.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Leecrest Court reported her daughter was outside watering the driveway, destroying the gravel. A deputy advised the caller on what avenues to take to resolve the issue.

[Erosion! Its powers must not be underestimated!]

9:01 a.m. - A man from Empire Street reported the bed of his truck was on fire. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate a truck on fire.

[Truck on Fire, a great name for a band... and think of the album cover potential!]

12:28 p.m. - A caller reported a suspicious cooler was on the corner of Alta Street and West Main Street. Police determined the cooler contained the remains of someone's lunch.

[Get Homeland Security on the phone again and tell them, "Roast Beef."]

3:13 a.m. - A caller from a federal building on the 100 block of East Main Street reported a suspicious package with a white powdery substance coming out of it. Police contacted the caller and determined the substance was sugar.

[Get Homeland Security on the phone again and tell them, "sugar."]

9:06 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of South Church Street reported a suspicious person sleeping on the caller's front lawn. Officers booked the 62-year-old man on a local warrant.

[I would ask how one looks suspicious when asleep, but I guess the warrant proved those suspicions correct.]

7:28 p.m. - A caller from a building on West Main Street reported an older man with a gray beard and wearing a red 49ers' jacket was yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs. Police contacted the man. He said he was an opera singer.

[the Niners have a huge following in opera circles.]

4:39 a.m. - A caller from a restaurant on the 1000 block of Nevada City Highway reported an older yellow van was parked in the middle of the drive-through lane near one of the speakers. Police contacted a man and advised him of the city's camping ordinance.

[Why would you park and sleep in the drive through? Afraid they'll run out of McBreakfasts before you get there?]

10:41 p.m. - A woman from the 100 block of Cypress Hill Drive reported someone drove by her residence and threw a pizza slice. It was stuck to her window. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the pizza-thrower.

[Pizza thrower still at large! Number of slices left in his possession: Unknown!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)