Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVI

4:03 p.m. - A woman called from a parking lot at Sierra College to report two passengers, both with white beards, had been threatening her and taking money from the till.

[Bad Santa... er... Santas.]

5:44 p.m. - A caller from School Street reported a man wearing a baseball hat that said "Police" on it walked into a classroom that the caller was cleaning, then headed down Dalton Street. Police located the man on South Auburn Street and told him not to wear his hat. He headed home.

[No hat for you!]

8:52 a.m. - A caller reported a tall, thin man wearing glasses was at the Sierra College bus stop throwing rocks at cars.

[The Thin Man Lashes Out!]

10:02 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Mooney Flat Road reported a person was causing an argument and throwing cheese in her eye. A man at the house also called. He sounded as if he had been drinking, and he said a woman was throwing cheese all over the house and his wife was acting "nutso." The man said the fight was not physical. A woman said "yes" in the background. A deputy determined the fight was not physical. No arrests were made.

[Cheese related violence is relatively rare outside of France.]

3:09 p.m. - A caller from the 12000 block of Creek View Drive reported a neighbor threw a branch and a rock into the roadway while the caller was driving by, damaging the caller's vehicle. Deputies arrested a person on suspicion of drunken driving.

[Was it the person who called in? That would be ironic.]

1:48 p.m. - A caller reported a person was lying in the dirt by a fence at Veterans Memorial Park. Police checked on the person, who was just enjoying the sun.

[Just catching some rays.]

11:34 p.m. - A caller reported a man wrapped in a blanket was walking very slowly on Kate Hayes Street. The caller thought police should check on him. Police contacted the 19-year-old man, who was fine and was not drunk. He had walked to the store and he was cold, so he used a blanket.

[We are always suspicious of the different.]

1:54 a.m. - A 49-year-old woman at the police station lobby reported running out of gas on the freeway. She requested a ride back to the vehicle, which police provided.

[With some gas in hand I assume. And how did she get to the police station if she needed a ride back?]

8:10 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Marjon Drive reported a man came and out of the bushes and was hitchhiking. The caller said the man "doesn't fit the look of the neighborhood." A deputy took a report.

[You do not meet the minimum requirements to hide in these bushes.]

3:38 p.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Monte Vista Drive reported multiple fireworks going off near her residence. An officer admonished the people with the fireworks and told them to destroy the remaining fireworks.

[By setting them off?]

1:24 p.m. - A man called from the 16000 block of Ophir Silver Road to report a man ripped five of his trees out of the ground.

[I'd let the police handle a guy who could rip trees out of the ground. Hulk no like digger pines!]

6:41 p.m. - A woman called from the 18000 block of Biladeau Lane to report flip flops were missing from her porch and Vicodin was missing from her house.

[Flip flops? Is there a category below "petty theft?"]

7:02 p.m. - A man called from the 10000 block of Dixon Road to report a woman tore his shirt and punched him in the mouth. A deputy took a report for battery.

[One of the odd things about the blotter is the complete lack of context, so you often picture people doing these things out of the blue, with no reason or provocation.]

5:23 p.m. - A caller from a triplex on the 300 block of First Street reported there was no running water. The owner of the residence said he paid the water bill last week. Public Works was advised, then called police back to say the bill had not been paid.

[And why did he call the police in the first place?]

3:09 p.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Highway 174 reported an ice cream truck was coming to the campus before class let out and the male driver was blasting music. The caller asked the man not to park in the school parking lot. The driver parked across the street and was still disrupting class.

[What is the law regarding the music from ice cream trucks? Are there any regulations?]

3:07 p.m. - A caller from the 700 block of Zion Street reported two uncooperative shoplifters were in custody. Police arrested the juveniles on suspicion of shoplifting and possession of a beverage by a minor.

[We do prefer our shoplifters to be cooperative, ideally so cooperative that they do not bother to steal anything at all. Also, I suppose we can assume it was an alcoholic beverage.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)