Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVIII

1:43 p.m. - A woman from the 200 block of Fairmont Drive reported fraud. A person claiming to be with PG&E left her a message telling her to send a key to her house. An officer contacted the woman and would follow up.

[Just mail us a key, please. I wonder how often that works?]

3:06 p.m. - A caller reported 75 people were coming into town Wednesday for an event at Condon Park that was canceled because to park is closed due to vandalism. The people do not know the park is closed. The event was supposed to be from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. An officer would follow up.

[We're going to need a bigger sign.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller reported hearing a "fully-automatic machine gun" being fired for the last 20 minutes in the Greenhorn Creek area. Deputies admonished people for trespassing.

[No machine guns?]

9:34 a.m. - A woman from Zion Street reported a boyfriend dumped garbage all over the house the previous night, and he keeps mercury in the freezer. The boyfriend ingests the mercury daily because he believes he is a yogi and will save the world from destruction. The caller said there are no weapons in the house. An officer contacted the caller.

[The garbage thing doesn't sound very yogi-esque, unless we're talking Yogi the Bear.]

6:30 p.m. - A woman called from the 12000 block of Burma Road to report her husband's father was at her house yelling at her because his son was in jail for domestic violence. The woman wanted the father-in-law to leave. A deputy separated the two. No crime was committed.
[The Acorns doesn't fall far from the tree and all that I guess.]

9:56 a.m. - A screaming caller from 11300 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported a subject was refusing to let him leave the home with his dog. The caller then refused to answer any questions and hung up.

[What is a dispatcher to do?]

2:21 a.m. - John B. Newton, Jr., of Nevada City, was arrested for driving under the influence and having a concealed dagger. Bail was set at $11,316.

[Not just a knife, but a dagger!]

4:28 a.m. - A caller from the 18700 block of Meadowlark Court reported that when she awoke, she found knives in her couches

[If they had been daggers, I would have pointed her at John B. Newton, Jr.]

12:42 p.m. - A man calling from the 14100 block of Mount Auburn Circle said he woke up about 45 minutes ago with a strange woman in his bed. The caller said he was intoxicated and has no idea how the woman got into his residence. He said he had been drinking for the past day and doesn't exactly now how much he has had to drink. He then stated there were multiple people in the house, including some very strong transsexuals. Responding deputies found nothing and will refer the case to the man's son.

[Very strong transsexuals? Strong in what sense?]

2:31 a.m. - A caller from Francis Drive reported hearing screaming, yelling, banging and possibly even gunfire in the area. Responding officers discovered a juvenile party.

[It was either that or the track meet got a very early start.]

3:45 a.m. - A caller from a Nevada City Highway business reported a man at a business parking lot got out of a vehicle with no pants on, got into the back and put a pair of knit shorts on. The man told responding officers he was unaware anyone was watching him.

[No field sobriety test administered? What, was he a Kennedy?]

11:11 a.m. - Police contacted a 54-year-old man lying in a ditch on East Main Street. Police called an ambulance for the man and took a report for possession of a weapon not immediately recognizable as a firearm.

[A knife is a weapon not immediately recognizable as a gun, but I imagine they meant a firearm of some sort. Did he have some sort of CIA spy weapon?]

8:27 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Brentwood reported that one of her roommate's children threw her cell phone over a fence.

[And what were the police to do? Put the children in time out?]

6:03 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of North School Street reported a squirrel was running around and around in circles for over an hour. The caller was worried the squirrel might be rabid. An Animal Control officer advised police it is breeding season for squirrels, which would explain the behavior.

[Running around in circles never helped me during the breeding season.]

9:39 a.m. - A deputy stopped a vehicle on Highway 49 at John Barleycorn Road and arrested a person on suspicion of possession of a weapon not immediately recognizable as a gun and driving with a suspended license.

[More weapons not immediately recognizable as guns. Is this something new from The sharper Image?]

11:39 a.m. - A woman called to report her truck caught fire in the Pelton Mine parking lot. Two men flagged her down and put the fire out for her. They offered to fix the electrical problem, but told her they would need $500 first. They fixed the problem and told the woman they needed $300 more. An officer would contact the men.

[They must have been general contractors... or Nigerians.]

4:16 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of North Church Street reported that while he tried to work on the property, his tenant threatened him. Police went to the apartment and located a large amount of marijuana. Police took a report. No arrest was made.

[Police took a report? Now we at least know why the tenant was agitated.]

11:46 a.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Colfax Highway reported feces were outside the bathroom door.

[Wouldn't this be something for the janitor?]

1:18 p.m. - Deputies were looking for a man with brown hair and green eyes, driving a green Toyota Rav 4. The man was off his medication and delusional. He believes the devil is coming and there will be a battle for control. The man had been frequenting a business in Roseville, and the employees were afraid his behavior might escalate to violence. The man is known to frequent the Grass Valley area.

[Where he seems to fit right in.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)