Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIII

1:46 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported juveniles riding their bikes in a precarious manner in the parking lot in front of the caller's business. They have been told to leave and have not, the caller said. Officers contacted the juveniles and they left.

[Precarious bicycle riding, a first for the blotter.]

4:25 p.m. - A caller from the intersection of Packard Drive and Brighton Street reported that a man had punched his mailbox. Officers cited and released the 20-year-old man for vandalism.

[Some insult/injury going on there, unless the mail box was made out of papier mache.]

2:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Idaho-Maryland Road reported a man and woman arguing in a vehicle with three children in it. The couple drove away on the Golden Center Freeway before officers could respond.

[Sounds like a normal scene from my childhood. I would have to guess that the subject of "asking for directions" had been broached.]

7:11 p.m. - A Church Street caller in a wheelchair reported being chased by five subjects and a large dog who were all screaming for her to stay home. Responding officers determined it was simply an argument.

[Good, as I was strongly considering "performance art" as the answer.]

1:40 p.m. - A man from 10000 block of Cement Hill Road reported vandalism to a mailbox and offered to preserve forensic evidence if needed.

[Grass Valley CSI will get the FBI lab will get right on that.]

8:53 p.m. - A caller from Washington Street overpass reported juveniles dropping caution cones on cars below.

[I should collect a series of "dropping things from the overpass" entries. This is what happens when you build an overpass in a small town.]

10 a.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Pamela Drive reported that a garbage truck had knocked down a power line across the road. Waste Management was notified about the incident.

[I might have called PG&E.]

1:52 p.m. - A caller from the 800 block of East Main Street reported being threatened by her sister if she didn't drop charges against her.

[Family life!]

8:45 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way said his roommates had terminated power to his room and he could not find the landlord. Responding officers learned from one of the roommates that the caller had threatened his life. Officers eventually determined it was a civil issue.

[Sounds more like an uncivil issue.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CII

4:22 p.m. - A woman called from the 600 block of Brighton Street to report her neighbor told her a woman in a white Ford Explorer was taking pictures of her dogs. The woman in the SUV refused to tell the neighbor what she was doing and left the area. Patrol officers were advised.

[I suspect those people at I Has A Hotdog]

7:58 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported she was punched in the side of the head by a 20- to 30-year-old heavy-set man with bleached blonde hair. The man had been seen sleeping on a bench about 30 minutes before.

[Didn't we read about this last time?]

11:55 a.m. - A large emu was reported running amuck on Freeman Lane. Officers caught the animal.

[More rogue emu as well.]

10:50 a.m. - A business on the 400 block of Idaho-Maryland Road reported finding narcotics in a patrol vehicle they were working on.

[An LAPD level of evidence handling there. Or was that for recreational use?]

2:55 p.m. - A caller from the 16800 block of Kiwi Road reported that someone had tapped into their NID pipe and were stealing all their water.

[Not just some of their water but ALL of their water. I think, in that case, it isn't a tap any more.]

11:33 a.m. - A caller from the business on the 1200 block of Main Street reported counterfeit $5 bills.

[Now that is low budget. It has to cost that much in time, effort, and ink to make a fake bill.]

2:30 p.m. - A caller from the 400 block of Neal Street reported the neighbor's dog had been barking all day. An officer located the dog, which was stuck in a ditch, and freed it. The dog was no longer barking.

[A little bit of effort.]

6:39 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 800 block of Sutton Way reported a man wearing a plaid shirt and white tennis shoes was demanding free items from store employees and he was refusing to leave. Police contacted the 59-year-old man and told him to leave the store.

[Yeah, we've all seen him in the store before.]

10:49 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 700 block of Sutton Way reported two people climbed into the window of a green van. The caller thought the people were trying to steal the van. Police determined one of the people was the owner of the van, which was having mechanical problems.

[Mechanical problems including the keys being locked inside?]

7:19 p.m. - A mother called from the 11000 block of Lower Circle Road to report a person was under the influence of alcohol and mushrooms. The woman requested deputies arrive without a siren. Deputies determined the person was not under the influence of a controlled substance, but had been drinking. The mother would call back if the person continued to cause a disturbance.

[Things are bad enough around here without having you roar up with the sirens blaring.]

8:53 p.m. - A caller from the 19000 block of Victoria Drive reported a very drunk person was attempting to leave the residence. The caller hid the keys, but it appeared the person was trying to hot-wire a white Ford Taurus. A deputy determined the person had gone to sleep for the evening.

[I think that would be more accurately termed "passed out" for the evening.]

12:44 p.m. - A caller from the 17000 block of Lasso Loop reported a drunken woman was passed out on the floor. The woman was being combative. The woman was transported to the hospital.

[It is hard to be on the floor drunk and believably combative at the same time.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Shades of Soylent Green

I read in the news that the man who designed the packaging for Pringles potato chips passed away. Of course, what really caught my eye was how his ashes were stored:

CINCINNATI - The man who designed the Pringles potato crisp packaging system was so proud of his accomplishment that a portion of his ashes has been buried in one of the iconic cans.

This immediately made me imagine some distant future when some archiologist uncovers his sealed crypt and finds a potato chip can. Taking it back to the lab for analysis, they review the results with horror:

"It's people! Pringles were made out of people! They made their food out of people!"

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CI

6:38 p.m. - A woman called from the 200 block of Mill Street to report her neighbor's Chihuahua bit her shoe. The woman was told to contact Animal Control.

[What was the damage to the shoe?]

7:53 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Townsend Street to report her husband was not allowing her to leave with their children. It sounded as if the two were fighting, then the line went dead. Police arrested the 33-year-old man on suspicion of destroying or removing a wireless communication device.

[We have stepped into the modern age and beyond merely damaging telephone equipment.]

2:24 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Walsh Street reported a woman was screaming about money. Police contacted a drunk woman inside her home. Police told the woman to stay inside and to keep it down.

[Pipe down lady, we've all got our own troubles.]

8:36 p.m. - A woman called from the 800 block of Freeman Lane to report cars were racing three abreast on Freeman Lane. The woman called back to say a juvenile just vomited in front of her residence. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate the juvenile or drivers.

[Or the vomit?]

7:23 a.m. - A man called from the 23000 block of St. Helena Drive to report his dog brought home what appeared to be a crack pipe. The caller would dispose of the item.

[When animals do drugs....]

8:26 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported hearing a man making "animal like" sounds behind a business. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on suspicion of inhaling chemicals for the purpose of intoxication.

[Like an animal doing drugs.]

8:24 p.m. - CHP officers reported seven loose dogs were running in traffic on Highway 49 at Oak Tree Road. An Animal Control officer responded and was unable to corral the dogs. The dogs were causing an extreme traffic hazard, and the officer was not able to get ahold of Animal Control administration to get permission to kill the dogs. The officer would return the following day after contacting administration.

[Another example of the massive amounts of red tape in the bush.]

5:19 p.m. - A caller said liquidation signs were illegally posted on Sutton Way at Brunswick Road and the caller was tired of looking at them. An officer called the person.

[And could you talk the guy across the street into paint his place a nicer color?]

9:49 a.m. - A caller from a convenience store on the 100 block of Hughes Road reported a sign was stolen earlier in the morning.

[One sign...]

11:41 a.m. - A caller from a gas station on the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a sign was stolen. Police took a report for petty theft.

[Two signs...]

1:21 p.m. - A caller from a gas station on the 1000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a sign was stolen. Police took a report for grand theft.

[Three signs... I am going to guess that each of these places was selling gas that had just gone past $4 a gallon.]

12:29 p.m. - A woman called from the 900 block of East Main Street to report her twin sister assaulted her. Police contacted both women and cited one on suspicion of assault.

[No possibility for confusion in this situation!]

8:22 p.m. - A man called from the 11000 block of Tyler Foote Crossing Road to report his granddaughter vandalized his property and bit his wife. A deputy took a report.

[Kids these days.]

2:44 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Olympia Park Road reported a man known for inhaling paint fumes just tried to buy paint. A patrol officer was advised.

[What do you have to do to become a known inhaler of paint fumes... well, aside from inhale a lot of paint fumes.]

12:45 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a man known for huffing paint fumes was in the store. The man left before police arrived. Police advised the caller to get a restraining order.

[Well, that is the sort of thing you get when you're open all night. I wonder how many other places this guy tried to get paint over the past 10 hours.]

10:52 a.m. - A caller from the 18000 block of Fair Oaks Drive reported activities happening in a residence involving "young males who are wearing the same color clothes." A deputy contacted the caller.

[Activities like what? Team sports?]

7:32 p.m. - A man called from a store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way to report he was urinating behind the business when a man in his 40s came up behind him and scared him. Police checked the area and could not find the man

[Yeah, I was urinating in public when somebody scared me. How does that get called in?]

5:25 p.m. - A caller reported one of his clients with mental health issues was planning to drive a car through a house in Penn Valley with the intention of killing someone. A deputy determined the intended victim did not feel threatened. The person was advised to call 911 if the person came on the property.

[Better put that on speed dial, just in case he is going really fast.]

3:20 p.m. - A male public works employee called from the 400 block of Nimrod Street to report a drunk man was near the playground area at Pioneer Park. The man's pants had fallen down. Police located the 45-year-old man lying in the horseshoe area and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure. It did not appear that the man was intentionally exposing himself, police said.

[And to think that I saw it on Nimrod Street.]

5:13 p.m. - A caller from Frontage Road off McKnight Way reported an emu was in the road. Police chased the emu and cornered it until Animal Control responded and took the emu into custody. It was unknown where the emu was from.

[Australia! The zoo! Harrods!]

12:02 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Argall Way reported a man was behind a business huffing paint. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on suspicion of possessing nitrous oxide.

[Well, it sounds like he finally got some sort of fix.]

7:58 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a man who had been sleeping on a bench hit a female in the head. The female said the man also hit all of her friends in the head. No one wanted to file a complaint.

[I am going to guess that these hits were not big, full wind-up, haymakers then.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. C

4:44 a.m. - A woman called from the hospital emergency room to report she was being refused treatment. The woman wanted an officer to tell the doctors to give her pain medication. The woman was advised that was not something that could be done.

[Police powers do not extend quite that far.]

2:23 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Westhill Drive reported a man was cutting weeds on her property in violation of a restraining order.

[Me, I would be happy at somebody cutting my weeds, but there is obviously a history here.]

6:57 p.m. - A caller reported a bull was loose on Rough and Ready Highway at Highway 20. The CHP would respond. The bull was corralled.

[Makes a change from the cows in the road.]

6:12 p.m. - A man called from the 16000 block of Oscar Drive saying he thought someone had been inside his residence and canceled his vacation booked online. Nothing else in the residence had been disturbed, he said.

[When travel agents go bad? Or how to cover up the fact that you did not hit the "submit" button?]

10:59 a.m. Sunday ­ A man called from the 10000 block of Pekolee Drive to report neighborhood children had been throwing rocks at his goats. The man posted signs in the neighborhood about it and the children left a vulgar message on his answering machine. A deputy contacted the father of the child who allegedly left the message. The father said he had no knowledge of his son making the call.

[Fun times on Pekolee Drive.]

2:51 a.m. today ­ A woman called from the 24000 block of Ridge Top Court to report a large bear was in her goat pen. A deputy contacted the woman, who said the bear had left.

[With or without some goats?]

11:46 p.m. - A caller reported people were lighting batons on fire in the Commercial Street parking lot. Police advised people not to light things on fire.

[Twirlers gone wild.]

11:56 p.m. - A caller reported people were still lighting things on fire. Police stood by as the people gathered their things and left the area.

[Twirlers sent home.]

9:30 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive reported a person who possibly had mental health issues was ranting about communism.

[Was he ranting for or against?]

2:48 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Cypress Hill Drive reported a person was looking into vehicles in the area. Police contacted the person, who was delivering newspapers.

[There is no reason he might not have a petty theft hobby. All those unlocked cars in Nevada County.]

10:01 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Wolf Road reported he had been drinking and he needed to turn himself in on a local warrant. Deputies arrested the man.

[See what happens when you drink?]

9:09 p.m. - A caller from Bennett Street reported two men were driving around the neighborhood selling meat. An officer was advised.

[More meat salesmen "on the hoof" as it were.]

6:30 p.m. - A caller from the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a girl was acting "odd" and she may have been a runaway. A deputy arrested the juvenile on suspicion of truancy.

[Was she supposed to be in class at 6:30pm?]

10:13 a.m. - A caller reported that a man with a backpack was lighting incense and waving it around on Church Street. Police could not find the man.

[Could they tell where he had been by the scent?]

10:42 a.m. - A caller said vandals smeared peanut butter on her property at Pleasant Hill Road and suspects it might be a neighbor.

[Something else that has to have a history. I just want to know where on her property the peanut butter was spread.]

12:47 a.m. - A caller reported that four juveniles wearing white shirts and black shorts and other juveniles wearing black clothing were climbing on walls at a business on Plaza Drive. Police made contact with the juveniles who said they were making a "superhero video." They were told to go home.

[At nearly 1am I hope they were at the 17-year old end of the juvenile spectrum.]

1:37 p.m. - A caller complained about skateboarders at a Combie Road business. The skateboarders were warned and told to leave.

[Skateboarding gets you a yellow card?]

5:25 p.m. - A caller said she left her home after getting into a fight with a male during a children's birthday party at a home on Combie Road.

[When kid's parties turn ugly.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Truncated Headline of the Day

Confirmed: Ted Kennedy has a brain!



Judging from the associated picture, the news is being greeted with much enthusiasm.

Good of Obama to be there in Ted's moment of triumph.

Nice work there Yahoo!

Chow Mein Quick Meal

Now with artificial beef! Truly the best of all possible meals.

Read about it here.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVIX

1:03 a.m. - A man called from the 1000 block of East Main Street and reported a rape, murder and possible cannibalism in Sacramento County. The man said he had taken medication and he did not want officers to respond. The man, who sounded drunk, called back again. Police contacted the man and referred him to Sacramento County authorities.

[Possible cannibalism in Sacramento?! Well, it is the state capital and all.]

10:18 p.m. - A woman called to report she was solicited for donations for the Nevada City Fire Department. A deputy took a report.

[And who are you going to call when the Police Officers Association is looking for donations?]

10:20 a.m. - A woman in the police station lobby was asking for a shower. An officer referred her to Hospitality House.

[Well, if it anything like Fire Station #1 in San Jose, they probably have very nice showering facilities.]

8:56 a.m. - A woman reported her neighbor on the 12000 block of Polaris Drive was stealing water from her NID connection. A deputy took a report for malicious injury to a reservoir.

[Phrase of the day, "malicious injury to a reservoir."]

5:04 p.m. Sunday ­ A man called from Beyers Lane to report his son saw a yellow object fall from the sky. His son thought it might have been a plane, but he wasn’t sure. Deputies would not respond unless there was more information or additional callers. There were no additional reports of a yellow object falling from the sky.

[The deputies are wising up.]

6:42 p.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Ridge Road reported a balding man with a dog was exposing himself in front of students. A deputy took a report and advised the man about trespassing.

[Somehow I do not think that trespassing was the key issue here.]

8:33 a.m. - A woman called from the 13000 block of Ridge Road to report the possible theft of Christmas decorations. She said she saw some reindeer that looked like hers in her neighbor's backyard. A deputy determined the claim was unfounded.

[The neighbors just have the same crappy reindeer that you do. Yet I can picture the woman fretting over the thought that those were HER reindeer.]

8:49 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a man took travel-size containers of vodka. Another caller reported the man was darting in and out of bushes near a school. Deputies arrested the man on suspicion of theft.

[The visual images that some words bring up can never meet the reality. When you tap loudly on their tank, tiny fish will dart. A guy with a few mini-bottles of vodka in him, he does not dart.]

1:57 a.m. - A caller from Main Street reported a man on the ground surrounded by several people standing around him.

[Great moments in redundant phraseology.]

12:07 p.m. - A man called from the 100 block of Conaway Avenue to report he signed a loan agreement with an out-of-state company and he sent them his payment and other charges in advance, but he has not received the initial loan amount. Police took a report.

[Were they based in Nigeria?]

5:52 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Joerschke Drive reported a woman in her late 20s was cutting flowers. The caller said the woman claimed she is the gardener, however, she is not. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the woman.

[Impersination of a gardener.]

12:30 p.m. ­ A caller from the 11000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported theft of car keys from an unlocked vehicle. A deputy contacted the caller, who was unsure if the keys were lost or stolen.

[A new low, theft of keys from an unlocked car... unless, of course, they're just lost.]

1:35 p.m. - A man called from the 18000 block of Larsen Road to report his son left home last night without permission, and he had returned. The caller wanted his son cited. A deputy cited the juvenile on suspicion of habitual disobedience or truancy.

[Habitual disobedience is some sort of crime? I have GOT to look into that!]

1:32 p.m. ­ The San Francisco Police Department transferred a call from a woman who told dispatchers she lives in Grass Valley, and she had a gun to her head. The woman hung up before Grass Valley dispatchers could talk to her. It was unknown where the woman lived. Patrol officers were advised of the call.

[She was from Grass Valley, so the SFPD transferred her? But then it seems nobody knew where she actually was at the moment, though if her 911 call was routed to SF, then she probably wasn't in Nevada County.]

11:28 p.m. - Several callers reported seeing strange lights in the sky. Police determined it was lightning.

[Again, no UFOs.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVIII

1:43 p.m. - A woman from the 200 block of Fairmont Drive reported fraud. A person claiming to be with PG&E left her a message telling her to send a key to her house. An officer contacted the woman and would follow up.

[Just mail us a key, please. I wonder how often that works?]

3:06 p.m. - A caller reported 75 people were coming into town Wednesday for an event at Condon Park that was canceled because to park is closed due to vandalism. The people do not know the park is closed. The event was supposed to be from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. An officer would follow up.

[We're going to need a bigger sign.]

3:35 p.m. - A caller reported hearing a "fully-automatic machine gun" being fired for the last 20 minutes in the Greenhorn Creek area. Deputies admonished people for trespassing.

[No machine guns?]

9:34 a.m. - A woman from Zion Street reported a boyfriend dumped garbage all over the house the previous night, and he keeps mercury in the freezer. The boyfriend ingests the mercury daily because he believes he is a yogi and will save the world from destruction. The caller said there are no weapons in the house. An officer contacted the caller.

[The garbage thing doesn't sound very yogi-esque, unless we're talking Yogi the Bear.]

6:30 p.m. - A woman called from the 12000 block of Burma Road to report her husband's father was at her house yelling at her because his son was in jail for domestic violence. The woman wanted the father-in-law to leave. A deputy separated the two. No crime was committed.
[The Acorns doesn't fall far from the tree and all that I guess.]

9:56 a.m. - A screaming caller from 11300 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported a subject was refusing to let him leave the home with his dog. The caller then refused to answer any questions and hung up.

[What is a dispatcher to do?]

2:21 a.m. - John B. Newton, Jr., of Nevada City, was arrested for driving under the influence and having a concealed dagger. Bail was set at $11,316.

[Not just a knife, but a dagger!]

4:28 a.m. - A caller from the 18700 block of Meadowlark Court reported that when she awoke, she found knives in her couches

[If they had been daggers, I would have pointed her at John B. Newton, Jr.]

12:42 p.m. - A man calling from the 14100 block of Mount Auburn Circle said he woke up about 45 minutes ago with a strange woman in his bed. The caller said he was intoxicated and has no idea how the woman got into his residence. He said he had been drinking for the past day and doesn't exactly now how much he has had to drink. He then stated there were multiple people in the house, including some very strong transsexuals. Responding deputies found nothing and will refer the case to the man's son.

[Very strong transsexuals? Strong in what sense?]

2:31 a.m. - A caller from Francis Drive reported hearing screaming, yelling, banging and possibly even gunfire in the area. Responding officers discovered a juvenile party.

[It was either that or the track meet got a very early start.]

3:45 a.m. - A caller from a Nevada City Highway business reported a man at a business parking lot got out of a vehicle with no pants on, got into the back and put a pair of knit shorts on. The man told responding officers he was unaware anyone was watching him.

[No field sobriety test administered? What, was he a Kennedy?]

11:11 a.m. - Police contacted a 54-year-old man lying in a ditch on East Main Street. Police called an ambulance for the man and took a report for possession of a weapon not immediately recognizable as a firearm.

[A knife is a weapon not immediately recognizable as a gun, but I imagine they meant a firearm of some sort. Did he have some sort of CIA spy weapon?]

8:27 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Brentwood reported that one of her roommate's children threw her cell phone over a fence.

[And what were the police to do? Put the children in time out?]

6:03 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of North School Street reported a squirrel was running around and around in circles for over an hour. The caller was worried the squirrel might be rabid. An Animal Control officer advised police it is breeding season for squirrels, which would explain the behavior.

[Running around in circles never helped me during the breeding season.]

9:39 a.m. - A deputy stopped a vehicle on Highway 49 at John Barleycorn Road and arrested a person on suspicion of possession of a weapon not immediately recognizable as a gun and driving with a suspended license.

[More weapons not immediately recognizable as guns. Is this something new from The sharper Image?]

11:39 a.m. - A woman called to report her truck caught fire in the Pelton Mine parking lot. Two men flagged her down and put the fire out for her. They offered to fix the electrical problem, but told her they would need $500 first. They fixed the problem and told the woman they needed $300 more. An officer would contact the men.

[They must have been general contractors... or Nigerians.]

4:16 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of North Church Street reported that while he tried to work on the property, his tenant threatened him. Police went to the apartment and located a large amount of marijuana. Police took a report. No arrest was made.

[Police took a report? Now we at least know why the tenant was agitated.]

11:46 a.m. - A caller from a school on the 11000 block of Colfax Highway reported feces were outside the bathroom door.

[Wouldn't this be something for the janitor?]

1:18 p.m. - Deputies were looking for a man with brown hair and green eyes, driving a green Toyota Rav 4. The man was off his medication and delusional. He believes the devil is coming and there will be a battle for control. The man had been frequenting a business in Roseville, and the employees were afraid his behavior might escalate to violence. The man is known to frequent the Grass Valley area.

[Where he seems to fit right in.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCVII

8:38 a.m. - A caller from South Auburn Street near La Barr Meadows Drive reported a suspicious-looking man was carrying a large gun.

[I think, unless you are in law enforcement, carrying a large gun automatically makes you suspicious.]

11:45 a.m. - A caller from a store on the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported a person collecting signatures for a petition was yelling over her while she also collected signatures for a petition, and she felt it was harassment.

[Were they conflicting petitions, or was this some "zero sum" signature paranoia? "Oh no, I'm getting used signatures!"]

5:31 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of Stacey Lane to report her neighbors, all young men, were playing loud music and they refused to turn it down. She asked them to clean up the beer bottles in their front yard and they would not. They hung a swastika in their front window facing her home, and when she complained and said it was offensive, one of the men lifted his shirt to expose a swastika tattoo, she said. He said he liked the history of the swastika. An officer contacted the woman.

[Think of these guys when you have problems with your neighbors. Things could be worse.]

12:20 a.m. - Three callers from Race Street reported hearing a fight and a gunshot. Police contacted several people. The activity was shut down for the night and everyone was going home. No arrests were made.

[The "fighting and shooting guns" activity?]

11:07 a.m. - A caller from Tyler Foote Crossing Road reported a large cow was in the roadway.

[A large cow. Not one of those indoor cows that the Hollywood celebs are so fond of these days.]

3:15 p.m. - A deputy contacted an ice cream truck driver on the 11000 block of Highway 174. The deputy was following up on a report Wednesday of loud music.

[Still no answer on the laws covering ice cream truck music though.]

6:24 p.m. - A caller from a motel on the 900 block of Sutton Way reported someone stole gasoline tanks of cars that belonged to guests. No one wanted to file a report.

[Somebody is stealing gasoline tanks of cars!?! gasoline "from" tanks of cars. You'll see a lot more of that as the price of gas rises.]

8:48 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of Northstar Place reported neighbors were playing loud music, they had been drinking and they were making inappropriate noises. Police contacted the people who be staying inside.

[We be taking our inappropriate noises indoors!]

10:04 a.m. - A man called from the 100 block of Chester Street to report finding a number of purses and car parts that had been thrown in his yard last night. He believed the items may have been stolen. Police responded and retrieved a hat and two empty zipper pouches.

[Something does not add up.]

2:25 p.m. - a caller from the 22000 block of Queequog Lane reported theft of a doghouse.

[Dog house theft. Things have gotten bad. But cheers for street names that are literary references, even if they are misspelled.]

4:27 p.m. - A caller reported a road rage incident that started on Highway 20 between Penn Valley and Grass Valley. A person driving a blue Honda Matrix followed the caller home. The person in the Matrix left, and the CHP was notified.

[Toyota. Toyota makes the Matrix, not Honda.]

10:14 p.m. - A caller from Pheasant Road reported promiscuous shooting in a back yard. A person denied having firearms and denied shooting.

[Our parents warned us about promiscuous shooting! Plus, when in doubt, deny everything.]

6:35 p.m. - A caller from Gray Oak Drive reported 20 horses were in the roadway. Animal Control would respond in 30 minutes. An Animal Control officer was unable to locate the horses.

[Twenty seems like a lot of horses to miss, even in the tricky glow of twilight.]

2:19 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of North Pine Street to report a man said he would kill any other men the woman dated. She said the man told her he has killed before. Police took a report.

[Again, without context, I picture this guy showing up out of nowhere with this.]

8:52 p.m. - The GVFD responded to a report of a person stuck in the bath tub. Firefighters located the stuck occupant and extricated her from the tub. The woman suffered no injuries.

[No physical injuries. I imagine being stuck in the tub would be a bit humiliating.]

12:37 p.m. - A bus driver reported a man was drinking alcohol in a bus stop shelter on the 700 block of Sutton Way. Police cited a 48-year-old man on suspicion of having an open container of alcohol.

1:46 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of East Main Street reported a man was jumping in and out of traffic and yelling at cars. Police contacted the same 48-year-old man they cited earlier at the bus stop shelter and advised him to move on.

[We haven't seen anybody jumping in and out of traffic for a while... or a multi-part story.]

3:19 p.m. - A caller reported a man was walking on Colfax Avenue holding a baby car seat. Police were unable to locate the man.

[You can't walk around here holding just anything you know!]

6:23 a.m. - A man called from the 100 block of Ruby Ledge Court to report that when he went outside in the morning, he found an extra bag of garbage next to his garbage can. Police determined the bag contained garbage.

[Case solved!]

8:24 a.m. - A man from School Street reported his neighbor was throwing trash into his yard.

[We will believe it is trash when the police determine it to be so!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)