Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXIII

12:16 a.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Greenhorn Road reported someone shot a paintball at her window. It was determined by deputies that it was eggs, not paintballs.

[Well, that's okay then.]

9:03 a.m. - A caller from Condon Park reported four men were using the fire pit in the barbecue area, and the flames were very high. The men were using the barbecue as a source of heat.

[Was it a spare the air day? We're not allowed to have fires in the winter any more if the pollution level is high.]

10:23 a.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Hogan Hill Road reported eggs were put in her newspaper box.

[A breakfast invitation?]

6:46 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Mill Street reported finding a gun in the bushes. It was determined to be a child's toy.

[Hard to imagine making this mistake myself, but some people....]

4:25 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported hearing noises like someone was hitting an object outside.

[I realize it is early in the morning, but could you get more specific than "an object?"]

9:22 p.m. - A caller from the 1900 block of Nevada City Highway reported an elderly man, possibly in his boxers, thumbing a ride.

[A rather chilly way to travel. The Sierra's are cold at night in November.]

6:36 a.m. - A caller from the 600 block of Walsh Street reported a man hiding in the bathroom.

[That's just vague enough that I do not know what to say. I hope it wasn't his bathroom.]

1:37 p.m. - A woman from the 500 block of South Auburn Street reported people were following her and that one possibly was a private investigator.

[There is no doubt an interesting story... or a mental health issue... involved here.]

4:27 p.m. - A woman from a business in the 500 block of Sutton Way reported she found her wallet wide open on the floor toward the rear of the business, but it did not appear anything was taken.

[So she called the police to report that she dropped her wallet?]

12:14 p.m. - A woman from the 10000 block of Ridge Road reported her husband was threatening to blow up the house. A loud bang was heard in the background before the line was disconnected. Everything was O.K. when sheriff's deputies arrived.

[Uh... performance art then?]

1:20 p.m. - A caller from the 500 block of Mill Street reported a man washing items in the creek. The man was gold-panning.

[Washing items would probably end up being more useful in the long run.]

5:08 p.m. - A caller from the 900 block of Helling Way reported a goose was stuck in a fishing line near the pond adjacent to the ballfield. The Wildlife Care Center was advised and later it was reported the "goose was loose."

[You do not often get entires in the blotter with their own punch lines.]

4:04 p.m. - A man from the 13000 block of Quaker Hill Cross Road reported a pig was chasing him on his property and would not let him get in his vehicle.

10:36 p.m. - An alarm was reported in the 21000 block of Bear Hollow Road. Wild pigs were on the property and had torn up the yard.

[Pigs on a rampage.]

6 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 400 block of Sierra College Drive reported someone broke into a trailer and took a blower, a hedger and a gas can.

[The suspect will probably have a suddenly well maintained yard.]

5:40 p.m. - A woman from the 11000 block of Upper Circle Drive reported a dead squirrel in her mailbox. She said she previously had found beer cans in the mailbox and has a restraining order against her neighbor.

[Not exactly a scene from "The Godfather."]

7:46 p.m. - A caller from the 14000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a man had set up floodlights and was skateboarding.

[Which, if the bumper stickers are to be believed, is not a crime.]

6:21 p.m. - A caller from Mill Street reported loud music coming from a truck in the parking lot. The owner of the truck was asked to turn it down. A second caller reported several people were doing drugs outside and when the officer made contact, they all ran inside.

[Justice thwarted again.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXII

11:34 a.m. A caller from a business in the 100 block of West Main Street reported a recorder was stolen.

[One presumes that they did not mean the instrument that I would dearly like somebody to steal from my daughter.]

4:57 p.m. A woman from the 10000 block of Boulder Hill Drive reported her son was guilty of fraud and theft.

[That's for a jury to decide ma'am.]

10:43 p.m. A woman requested a welfare check on her boyfriend on the 18000 block of River Ranch Road, whom she had last heard from at 6:30 a.m. She said he might be out four-wheeling, and she didn't want to drive up from Sacramento unless he was home.

[Can you see if my boyfriend is home so I don't have to waste my time? Hey, I pay taxes!]

7:28 p.m. A caller from the 300 block of Alta Street reported the residence was open and items were strewn all over the inside. The reporter was standing by in a white shirt and fake blood.

8:15 p.m. A caller from East Main Street reported a teenager dressed up in a construction costume with a stop sign was holding up traffic.

10:07 p.m. A caller from the 200 block of Richardson Street reported a bald man wearing a dress was seen running toward North Church Street, yelling for his purse back.

10:59 p.m. Contact was made with some individuals at a local cemetery who were advised to leave.

[Calls you only get around Halloween.]

4:00 p.m. A caller from Brunswick advised of three cars involved in an "accident" on Brunswick Road near Sutton Way.

[Did the caller make "air quotes" over the phone? Did they suspect it wasn't really an accident?]

10:03 p.m. A caller from Wildlife Lane and You Bet Road reported a fight involving a group of 25 to 30 people.

11:01 p.m. A countywide search was called for a black full size Chevy Blazer with unknown plates that left the Wildlife Lane and You Bet Road area. The vehicle was thought to have three men and one woman aboard. The woman was reported to have a 9 mm handgun.

11:36 p.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Road reported a drunk man wearing a gray jump suit who came to the caller's door and stated he was pushed out of a vehicle and subjects were "packing heat."

[Wild times in Grass Valley?]

10:47 a.m. A woman from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported her neighbor from upstairs kept banging on her ceiling.

[Welcome to apartment life.]

10:17 a.m. A caller from the 11000 block of Birchville Road reported armed hunters on his property. The same caller had reported hunters the previous day. He was advised to call state Fish and Game.

[Is trespassing not handled by the Sheriff's department these days?]

1:45 p.m. A caller from Brewer Road reported a missing 3-year-old girl, dressed in a pink-and-white sleeper. She was last seen by the garage. The garage and barn had been checked. The girl was found approximately eight minutes later inside the entertainment center; she had been hiding.

[How to take ten years off your parent's lives.]

7:34 p.m. A caller from the 400 block of Pine Street reported a pickup was parked illegally and blocking a wheelchair ramp. Police determined the resident had painted the sidewalk and it was not illegal to park there.

[You apparently cannot just create your own handicap parking spots.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CXI

9:39 a.m. - A caller in the 15000 block of Cottrell Road reported that a person was trying to steal his cattle.

[Would that make him a "cattle rustler" or just not a very adept criminal?]

6:07 p.m. - A caller in the 17000 block of Lake Vera Purdon Road reported that a dead deer was in the roadway posing a hazard. Forty minutes later, a caller from the same location reported that the deer got up and ran away.

[Maybe it was just resting.]

6:22 p.m. - A caller on Shire Court reported that their son was threatening to break things and was extremely defiant. The boy was told that he would be booked into Juvenile Hall if he continued to vandalize the property and disobey his parents.

[Every parent's nightmare... the child realizing how tenuous parental control will be.]

10:29 p.m. - A woman at the intersection of Gracie Road and Melanie Court said she could not explain why she thinks a car intentionally hit her mailbox.

[And yet, there she was.]

9:59 a.m. - A man from the 16000 block of Patricia Way said a driver speeding by in a truck threw a solar light onto his property.

[Some sort of drive-by "Go Green" campaign?]

12:36 p.m. - A be-on-the-lookout bulletin was issued for a man about 35 years old wearing light khaki clothing who had just robbed the U.S. Bank in Auburn.

[In all the years I've been reading the blotter, I don't recall ever seeing a simple bank robbery.]

6:37 p.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a man left a message on her answering machine stating her goats were on his property and he had shot at them. The caller noted that the goats her neighbor was referring to weren't hers, and she wanted a deputy to call the neighbor and ask him to not leave nasty messages on her machine. When the deputy called the neighbor, he said it was better "to shoot the goats than to waste time in court and sue the livestock owner." The deputy advised that calling animal control would be an effective way to stop the goats from coming onto his property.

[It is better to shoot goats than waste time in court. A sentiment for the ages... the middle ages.]

7:14 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Berryhill Drive reported a neighbor repeatedly leaves his window open while not wearing clothes in his home. Officers were to contact the man.

[We don't want to look... but we cannot help ourselves!]

10:27 p.m. - An intoxicated man from the 16500 block of Countrywood Lane reported a "criminal" had just entered his home. The "criminal" got on the phone and said the caller was too drunk to remember him as a friend.

[That's just criminal.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Tenuous Grip on my PIN

I have a strange relationship with the PIN for my ATM card.

I cannot remember it unless I am standing in front of the ATM and, possibly, for the few minutes after that transaction.

If you asked me right now, I could guess at it. I have some inkling about what the numbers could be. But I only know with certainty when I am standing there ready to withdraw some cash.

At least I used to know the numbers with certainty at that point.

I have not had to use the ATM for over two months. It appears that the certainty of knowledge fades with time.

I stood at the ATM today and could not remember my PIN.

I had walked four blocks to the ATM to get some cash so I could buy something lunch, but I had to walk away empty handed. Two guesses at the number and I had to cancel the transaction. After three wrong guesses the machine keeps your card. At least some machines I have run into do that. It has never actually happened to me, but I have never not been able to remember my PIN.

I have had the same PIN for 18 years now. It is in my brain somewhere.

Still, I had better bring my lunch to work tomorrow, just in case.

Sign of Hard Times

My wife is now convinced that we are in economic hard times.

While she has seen the financial disaster unfolding via the nightly news, the front page of the daily paper, and the Yahoo! headlines, for her the true sign came tonight.

There was an ad on prime time television for K-Mart that featured the fact that they offer lay-away plans for Christmas purchases.

If you're under a certain age, you probably have no idea what that is. Click on the link there to learn.

For my wife, the fact that a major retailer is pushing a plan that predates easy credit is more chilling than any financial institution failure.

Hard times are upon us.

Terror in a White Jag

I had set these blotter entries aside in the hope that there would be more on the subject. Alas, it ended up being just these three.

At 2:19 p.m., a caller from a business on the 400 block of Sutton Way reported a woman went onto the business and started yelling. She was asked to leave and was last seen driving a white Jaguar with a dog in the back. A second caller, a landscaper in the area, reported the same woman was acting very odd. Police contacted the 47-year-old woman and issued her a re-evaluation through the Department of Motor Vehicles.

At 1:29 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a woman in a white Jaguar was honking her car horn and yelling in the parking lot in front of the emergency room. She was getting in and out of her vehicle, then left. Police were unable to locate the woman.

At 3:53 a.m., a caller from a store on the 10000 block of Combie Road reported a woman was acting irrationally in the store, talking about her dog. The woman left in a white Jaguar. Deputies contacted the woman, who was at her residence on the 11000 block of Sunset Place. She did not meet the criteria for a mental health evaluation. She said she would be going to sleep.

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CX

8:37 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Samantha Way reported a can of baked beans had been dumped on her car.

[There is a first for the blotter.]

11:04 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Catherine Lane reported someone was throwing rocks at her upstairs apartment when the reporting party noticed her rug was on fire.

[Coincidend? Crude warning method?]

1:33 p.m. - A caller found a large knife under a tree at the entrance to Minnie Park. Officers booked the knife in as evidence.

[Evidence of what?]

8:48 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Alta Street reported a juvenile who was dropped off at school but was refusing to stay.

[As a child, this approach never even occurred to me.]

11:45 a.m. - Officers arrested a 20-year-old man on the 900 block of Sutton Way on suspicion of possessing less than an ounce of marijuana and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[There isn't much to this one, except every time I read that charge, I think to myself "None is less than an ounce, right?"]

9:49 p.m. - A caller from McKnight Way reported a man hitchhiking dangerously.

[Yes, as if it wasn't risky enough, we have to get into extreme hitchhiking.]

1:06 p.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Gates Place reported an ex-employee who has been coming to the business and taking things off the computer. The caller said the ex-employee has told the owner he would sell the information back to the company.

[Here we have, "My First Extortion Racket."]

9:57 p.m. - A man from the 19000 block of Tara Lane reported a large bear in the bed of his truck. The man said the bear would not move, even if he activated the car alarm. He said he called the Department of Fish and Game who said they will not respond.

[That's going to be an interesting call to work if there bear is still there in the morning.]

9:05 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Mill Street reported a woman who had sent about three letters in the mail to the Grass Valley/Nevada County Chamber of Commerce regarding people and businesses who are supposedly threatening to kill her. The caller requested contact with officers.

[Murder being something that the chamber of commerce usually tries to steer clear of.]

9:20 a.m. - A caller in the 600 block of Zion Street reported finding a dead woodpecker in his bathtub. He told officers he believed the bird was put there intentionally. Later, the caller reported that he found a hole in the wall that allowed the bird access to the bathtub.

[So no mysterious "sign of the woodpecker" message to decipher then? We won't need those meddling kids I guess.]

12:55 a.m. - Police reported that a vehicle ran two flashing red lights at East Main and South Auburn streets. The subject told police he was from Israel and did not know what the flashing red lights at the intersections meant.

[I wonder how far that got him... or if he cared.]

5:59 p.m. - A woman from the 300 block of South Auburn Street reported a juvenile skateboarding on her roof. A similar call came in from a home on Buena Vista Avenue. Responding officers found the skateboarder and arrested him on suspicion of giving police officers a false identity and booked him into the Nevada County jail.

[I'll bet he says it was worth it.]

12:04 a.m. - A woman heard some glass breaking in her garage and thought it might be a mountain lion.

[Damn those clumsy mountain lions.]

9:45 a.m. - A woman from the 15000 block of Sunny Hill Road reported her neighbor made an obscene gesture at her the day before.

[I'm sure the police will get right on that.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

The End of Change

I have finally reached the point in my life where I do not really need coins.

And by "coins," I mean that most important of coins, the quarter dollar.

At some point in my life, in the distant past, the quarter was everything.

I needed quarters for everything. The bus. Video games. The coin-op washer and dryer. Vending machines. Parking meters.

I tended to optimize my spending to maximize the number of quarters I would get in change.

Slowly but surely, the need for quarters melted away. I drive my own car. Video games need tokens. I live in a house with my own washer and dryer. I have a parking pass. I do not drive through any toll booths.

The final coin dropped, so to speak, when my company changed the vending machines in the office. Everything used to be a quarter. In an expense control move, the machines are no longer subsidized, so the price of everything floated up to around a dollar.

Nothing in them is a quarter any more, or even some multiple of a quarter, except items that are a dollar even. Everything else is 55 cents or 85 cents or some such anti-quarter valuation.

And since the store right next door to our office has everything cheaper than the vending machines, my final need for coins has faded.

Now all the coins I collect during the day end up on my desk until they become a big enough pile to annoy me. Then the kids get them. But even they look askance at anything less than a quarter some days.

No more jingle-jangle of coins in my pocket, my days of change are through. My kids and places with tip jars will benefit.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CIX

5:32 p.m. - A caller from the 300 block of South Auburn Street reported receiving threats from the caller's sister-in-law. The caller was advised on how to get a restraining order.

[Which might make Thanksgiving a bit awkward, but probably a bit less tense.]

2:19 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Golden Eagle Way reported someone stole his portable toilet. The caller said he suspected his neighbor.

[I guess if he was looking for it at 2am, he probably needed it.]

2:20 a.m. - A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a theft of a portable toilet. The caller said it was taken by a neighbor who is an ex-Hells Angels member. The portable toilet was gray and white with a chair and a bucket attached. The caller said he wasn't sure if the portable toilet was stolen or just missing.

[Is this midnight plumbing supply or what?]

5:16 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Brentwood Drive reported she is on parole and her father has threatened to plant a weapon in her vehicle. The caller was advised of the restraining order process.

[I can see more awkward holiday seasons coming up.]

7:06 p.m. - A caller wanted officers to stand by while he got his belongings out of an apartment he shared with a girlfriend on the 100 block of Main Street. Officers supplied the standby and then arrested the man on a warrant out of San Diego.

[That must have made the girlfriend's day.]

11:23 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of East Empire Street reported a prowler was knocking on the back door. Responding officers could not find the prowler.

[It might be just me, but do prowlers usually knock?]

8:52 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported receiving a check for $3,900 in the mail from a company claiming that he won $55,000. The company requested him to send $300 for taxes, he said. The man waited for the check to clear the account, but it bounced. So he never sent the $300 to the company. The man requested contact with officers.

[It bounced. Imagine that!]

8 p.m. - A man from the 10000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported trespassers on his property who were harassing him all day and attacked him with pit bulls. The man said he shot two of the dogs in the rear. The trespassers were near a fence by a shed on the man's property, he said.

[It sounds like he called this in a few hours later that he should have.]

12:58 p.m. - An elderly woman in the lobby of the police department said she hired a gardener and paid him in advance with a blank check. The gardener made out the check for more than the authorized agreement and also never returned to do the work. Officers took a report for fraud.

[Why are people so trusting of strangers?]

3:36 a.m. - A resident of the 15100 block of Beeman Lane was unaware that the person's vehicle was being repossessed.

[A couple of these show up every week now. Surprise!]

5:30 p.m. - A man in handcuffs wearing an orange jumpsuit and a devil's mask was running in and out of traffic on the Broad Street overpass.

[A George W. Bush mask? The guy with the "War Criminal" sign?]

1:29 a.m. - A caller from a downtown bar reported a fast taxi driver.

[Better than the ones who never show up I suppose.]

10:51 a.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Empire Street reported an intoxicated woman had been banging on his front door for the last 20 minutes. Officers arrested and booked her on three local warrants.

[Three local warrants! A busy woman!]

5:04 p.m. - A caller said a man with dreadlocks was in a vehicle on a parking lot on Litton Drive smoking marijuana. The man left and officers were advised.

[Later, a construction worker made suggestive remarks at a passing woman.]

4:10 p.m. - A caller from Englebright Lake reported a person in an SUV with a boat trailer drove over his kayak on the boat ramp and drove off.

[I wonder if this is part of some ongoing "power boat vs. kayak" feud.]

8:35 p.m. - A man working on a home on Kechely Court reported a woman next door kept coming out of her home, taking notes and harassing him before he could explain what he was doing. Responding officers discerned it was a civil issue.

[Mrs. Kravitz, notes in hand, remained disturbed by the whole situation.]

10:55 a.m. - A caller on McCourtney Road reported that an individual stole a gray Chevrolet Camaro hood off a vehicle to put on his own red Camaro.

[Well, he should be easy to spot in any event.]

2:27 p.m. - A caller in the 10000 block of San Francisco Street reported that a man borrowed $40,000 and had agreed to pay it back in two weeks but hadn't done so. A report was taken.

[But he said he would!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. CVIII

6:37 p.m. - A caller from the 1900 block of Nevada City Highway reported a man in a pickup truck drove it up on the hood of another vehicle. Responding officers arrested the man on suspicion of vandalism and booked him into the Nevada County jail. His vehicle was towed.

[Vandalism is all that warrants?]

8:14 p.m. ­ A landlord reported tenants from the 300 block of Bennett Street were banging on his door after he had served them an eviction notice for throwing a barbecue off a second story balcony. Responding officers calmed the situation.

11:16 p.m. ­ Officers checking on a man at Neal and Church streets and cited and released him on a Placer County warrant.

[I still do not get this whole "citation for a warrant" routine. What good is a warrant for somebody then?]

7:54 p.m. ­ A caller from the 12000 block of Rough and Ready Highway reported a 19-year-old man was trapped in concrete.

[The lead to some interesting mental images, culminating in a fiendish super-villain death trap scenario.]

5:25 p.m. - A man was reported on Sutton Way at Olympia Circle wearing an orange jumpsuit, a George Bush mask, red horns and handcuffs, and he was holding a sign that read, "War Criminal."

[If you demonstrate against the regime alone in the woods, does it make a sound?]

12:14 a.m. - A woman from the 800 block of Old Tunnel Road reported a fire on the deck of the apartment below her that was beginning to reach her deck. The fire was out when emergency crews arrived.

[A very lively report, fire advancing, damsel in distress.]

5:52 a.m. - A woman from the 12000 block of Birchville Road reported her fiance was on probation and doing drugs.

[Don't worry though, you'll be able to change him once you're married to him ma'am.]

7:10 p.m. ­ A mother in the lobby of the police department reported her husband was threatening to take her daughter away from her after she returned from a three-week drinking binge. The mother said she was a previous battery victim at the husband’s hands and wanted officers to contact them both at the home. Officers went to the home and preserved the peace.

[The Lost Weekend comes to Grass Valley. Fortunately the GVPD was there and preserved the peace.]

7:24 p.m. - A caller reported a verbal fight involving a man and woman who were disagreeing with an umpire at the Memorial Park softball field. Responding officers found the umpire did not want to press charges and advised the man and woman to leave the park and not return. Thirty minutes later, the man fell and hit his head while walking on Henderson Street.

[Which, hopefully, went a long way towards preserving the peace going forward.]

8:00 a.m. - A woman reported a reckless driver on Sutton Way who got out of a vehicle and went into a business. The caller said she would continue calling in reckless drivers and following them until the police department does something about them. About 30 minutes later, the driver called and reported the woman caller was following his vehicle in a threatening manner.

[There is a lesson in there somewhere.]

8:30 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Glasson Way reported a stolen helmet was that three shades of blue with flames coming from the skull. An officer took a report for theft.

[I am going to guess this isn't a bicycle helmet we're talking about.]

3:19 a.m. - A caller from the 10000 block of Wild Turkey Lane reported a verbal argument between an inebriated man and a woman.

[Wild Turkey Lane... this stuff just writes itself.]

10:28 a.m. - A caller reported a man in a straw hat with a long beard appeared to smoking marijuana behind the city library.

[ZZ Top is in town maybe?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)