Eight, Five, Four, Nine, One...

We moved. We are in our new building now. I will have more on that in the future. I have been too busy actually working to complete the move to actually mock it further.

But I did find one amusing item.

We have nine conference rooms in our new building. Ever efficient (or unimaginative), facilities named them One, Two, Three, and so on.

Ever efficient (but clueless) IT put the conference rooms into Outlook so we could schedule meetings in them. However, they spelled out the numbers, so when you look in the address list to pick your room, you see:

CONF-CA-Eight
CONF-CA-Five
CONF-CA-Four
CONF-CA-Nine
CONF-CA-One
CONF-CA-Seven
CONF-CA-Six
CONF-CA-Three
CONF-CA-Two

Three cheers for the people who create annoyances with which they never have to deal.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXV

At 7:23 p.m., a woman called from the 200 block of Sutton Way to report "she just ran over her old man" on Dog Bar Road. Police made contact with the woman, and the CHP determined the incident was not a hit and run. No response was needed.

[My wife and I have an agreement. Referring to each other as our old man/old lady is grounds for divorce.]

At 3:05 p.m., a woman reported her ex-boyfriend threw a rock through her window. She refused to give the name of the man and asked police not to respond.

[The police must just love this sort of call.]

At 5:17 p.m., police arrested a 21-year-old man in the police station lobby for car theft.

[Some times the fish just jumps in your boat.]

At 7:31 p.m., police arrested a 44-year-old man on Henderson Street for attempted spousal abuse and damaging a telephone line.

[Just another entry for the telephone line patrol. Is there always spousal abuse involved with the charge of damaging a telephone line?]

At 7:58 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Bennett Street to report her 17-year-old son as a runaway. She does not have custody of her son. Child Protective Services has custody and was supposed to report him as a runaway. Police made contact with CPS and took a report for a runaway juvenile.

[One hopes at this point that the child has, in fact, run away. Think of the paperwork if it turns out he just went down to the store.]

At 12:28 a.m., a caller from the 700 block of South Auburn Street reported a man was prowling in the area. Police made contact with the man who was upset over possible eviction. He was advised to refrain from prowling.

[No prowling! Tell that to my cats.]

At 8:44 a.m., a woman called from the 200 block of Fairmont Drive to say she wanted her sister removed from the premises. There was yelling then the sister left in her car. The caller did not want her sister stopped and would not give a description of the vehicle. An officer made contact and the argument was only verbal. The woman did not want to press charges.

[Family fun for the whole... um... family.]

At 2:36 p.m., a man called from the 15000 block of Duggans Road to report the theft of a landscaping rake from his driveway. He said the rake had been for sale for $800. Deputies took a report for grand theft.

[It was right next to my $600 shovel... wait, where is my shovel?]

At 9:23 p.m., a caller from the 400 block of Neal street reported three teen boys, two with skateboards, took a pumpkin off a doorstep and rolled it down the street. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the juveniles. No information was available about the pumpkin.

[The pumpkin remains at large.]

At 5:38 a.m., a 20-year-old man went to the police station to report he had taken medication in violation of his probation and he wanted to turn himself in. The man was arrested on suspicion of being under the influence of a controlled substance and violating probation.

[Why do you think they call it "dope?"]

At 4:09 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Lake Wildwood Drive reported someone was stealing from her mailbox. She was missing six bills.

[I tried that excuse once with the phone company. They were surprisingly unsympathetic.]

At 10:24 a.m., a woman called from the 18000 block of Norlene Way to report she listed a couch for sale on Craigslist and someone said he wanted to send her a check for more than the asking price of the couch and he wanted her to send back the difference. The woman was advised no crime occurred; just intent. She was advised to report the incident to Craigslist.

[Well, points for not falling for it.]

At 8:27 a.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Green Way Place reported a woman was under the influence of alcohol and was trying to break back into the home. The woman wanted more alcohol and the caller wouldn't let her have any.

[There must be an interesting story behind this.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

New Age Corps!

I was looking at the iTunes beta "Just For You" recommendations page this morning. I wanted to see what they would pick for me based on what I had purchased in the past.

Under the heading of "New Age" music was one surprising item: "Music of the Marines"

It features what you would probably expect, "Semper Fidelis," "Washington Post March," "The Marine's Hymn," and more like that.

It is certainly music I know and enjoy (and already own), but is it "New Age?"

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXIV

At 12:45 a.m., a caller from Condon Park said she needed assistance because she couldn't find her condom and lost her Band Aid, along with other unknown problems. The woman hung up when dispatchers asked her for further information. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate the woman.

[One less arrest for drunk in public. I suppose Condon/Condom was part of the humor.]

At 11:13 p.m., a caller from Pioneer Road at Rough and Ready Highway reported tenants on the land were chasing his cows, killing the grass and were always intoxicated.

[I get the whole cow/intoxication link, but how does killing the grass enter into it?]

At 8:58 a.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Pine Cone Circle reported a missing person who took the caller's car and was the way to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in Grass Valley. The caller wanted to report the vehicle as embezzled.

[The dispatcher then had to read the definition of "embezzled" to the caller no doubt.]

At 10:50 a.m., a man called to report his sister would not return his car keys. A dispatcher spoke with the sister, who said she took the keys because her brother is an alcoholic. She said she would return the keys. The man called back to report his sister would not return a second set of keys.

[Give your brother back his keys! Now don't say that, your brother has a problem, but he is working on it!]

At 1:40 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Northstar Place reported that three men were on a ladder crawling into the window of a building but added that one of the men might live there.

[That last bit was very helpful and no doubt put this on the priority list to get an officer on the scene.]

At 6:10 p.m., a caller from the 20000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported that a woman in a Green Isuzu Trooper was parked behind a restaurant, screaming that she was going to kill all the dogs in the neighborhood, but the caller did not see a weapon.

[Was it a Korean restaurant?]

At 1:29 p.m., a caller from the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported juveniles in a truck were throwing rotten apples at a fast food restaurant.

[Ironic or not, it is still "stupidity in broad daylight."]

At 12:49 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of East Drive to report some people were at her house and when she said she was going to call 911, they left.

[At which point it would seem unnecessary to call 911, but she did it anyway.]

At 6:24 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Auburn Road reported a man and a juvenile girl were acting strange together at a movie theater. The man was holding the juvenile in a strange manner. The report was unfounded. The man was fine and the juvenile was "really clingy."

[I think most parents understand this situation.]

At 8:24 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Skaith Bend Road reported approximately 10 people were holding approximately four people hostage. The report was unfounded. When a deputy arrived, the people were asleep.

[I assume they were camping. Did four people just happened to be duct taped into the sleeping bags or anything?]

At 12:14 p.m., a caller from the courthouse on the 200 block of Church Street reported a note was left at the law library stating bodies are located on a piece of property. A map was included.

[Somebody is always claiming they know where the bodies are buried.]

At 11:32 p.m., a man called from the 300 block of Alta Street to report people were making fireballs and compression from the fire was causing his house to shake. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the fireballs.

[I would have gone looking for the people, but the fireballs probably sounded more interesting. Jerry Lee Lewis fans, no doubt.]

At 8:35 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Combie Road reported an elderly man buying lottery tickets was wearing red tights, thong underwear and a T-shirt. He did not seem to know he didn't have pants on. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[He wins the lottery, it will be no pants from here on out!]

at 10:40 p.m., a caller from Stone Arch Drive reported a woman inside a trailer was moaning in pain. Paramedics arrived and determined the woman was fine. The "moaning" sound was located in the yard. An owl yard ornament was operating on a low battery.

[I do not know what else I could add.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Too Big for the Police Blotter

This is linked to a story that just ran too long to be police blotter material.

It even comes with what I belive to be a star-quality mugshot, though the mugshot is under a banner that says "Advertisement."

If it isn't the mugshot, it isn't a very effective ad, and if it is the mugshot, what service are they selling?

Unusual Movie Synopsis

My friend Geoff sent me this from the back of an Asian movie his wife brought home,

"The morning of the Japanese autumn famous mountain, the used car AE86 that a Toyota produce beautifully at go down slope the way to speed, mystery inside the car. The car hand float to move the car to make person shocked soon.The AE86 stops by the side of original bean curd store of under, the original sea of young that have a drowsy look(week Hero) return to the store in, see the old father original text only in the too( the yellow autumn living) lying paralyzed by drink hall, the sea of tidies up the thing for father, remind five years. Come a father of everyday morning sends bean curd to the trip store of the clear top of hill of autumn, the mood is also heavy."

He said that the same person who wrote this apparently also wrote the subtitles in the movie, so the whole thing bean curd/Toyota connection was less than clear.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXIII

At 5:20 p.m., a caller reported a traffic problem. People were riding in a go-cart and many other people were watching.

[Wheeee!]

At 7:44 p.m., a caller from West Main Street reported a man with a guitar was passed out in front of a barber shop.

[That won't generate many tips.]

At 4:45 a.m., Chico Police alerted local law enforcement to be on the lookout for suspects of a burglary at Circuit City in Chico this morning. The people were wearing "Friday the Thirteenth"-type masks and hooded sweatshirts. They pried a back door open and took a large amount of iPods and computer equipment. They left in a small, dark-colored sedan that either had loud exhaust or a bad muffler.

[Prediction: Cheap iPods this weekend at the flea market.]

At 4:29 p.m., a caller from the 400 block of Nimrod Street reported that a man wearing a Dale Earnhardt shirt was in a parking lot yelling at children.

[An obnoxious NASCAR fan. Why wasn't this on the front page?]

At 5:12 p.m., the man with the Dale Earnhardt shirt was arrested at Pioneer Park for being drunk in public.

[A drunken NASCAR fan. Why wasn't this on the front page?]

At 12:34 p.m., a woman called from the 10 block of Juan Way to report there were grapes all over her vehicle. She did not know if there was permanent damage and she requested an officer respond. There was no permanent damage.

[There is a joke in this somewhere. I know there is.]

At 9:37 p.m., a caller from Walsh Street at Mill Street reported a stop sign had been turned around. An officer fixed the sign.

[I like problems with easy resolutions.]

At 4:35 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of North Bloomfield Road reported a man in a driveway was acting very strange and refusing to leave. He said he was being chased by gangs. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[How about the gangs? I want an update on the gangs.]

At 10:13 p.m., a caller from a business on East Main Street said one of his customers was not leaving his bar. The customer was saying the bartender did not give the customer back his credit card, which the bartender said he didn't possess. The police made contact with the 25-year-old customer and booked him into the Nevada County jail for resisting arrest and being drunk in public.

[Drunk in public in a bar and lost his credit card. Insult/Injury ratio: High]

At 2:26 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Borrelli Road complained about a 13-year-old male who hit his 7-year-old sister. The caller said she had dropped the male juvenile off in Nevada City and told him to walk home. When the caller was advised about child endangerment, she hung up on the dispatcher.

[Aparantly you cannot just abandon minors on the side of the road.]

At 9:23 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Adams Street reported unknown juveniles were leaving vulgar messages on his answering machine.

[I thought caller ID and blocking and all that was the end of crank calls. I guess not.]

At 8:02 a.m., Placer County law enforcement alerted Nevada County authorities to be on the lookout for an elderly lady who had been forced into a silver Subaru in Meadow Vista and was screaming for help. A caller from the Placer County Sheriff's Office called back to cancel the alert. The elderly woman did not want to go to the doctor.

[Our cats are the same way.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXII

At 8:18 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 reported someone in a white Ford Explorer with a Raider Nation emblem on the back window was shooting paint balls, last seen at Peterson's Corner.

[It can't be O.J., he'd have a Bills emblem.]

At 2:33 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported that a person in dark clothing with a large backpack was hiding in the bushes at the rear corner of the building. When the suspicious person came out of the bushes toward a van, he was asked if he was delivering the newspaper before the frightened driver drove away. Police made contact with the newspaper carrier.

[A tense moment with the newspaper guy. At least they don't come to your door to collect their money any more.]

At 7:49 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Dorsey Drive reported being approached while in a car by a suspicious man in pajama pants.

[An interesting mental image. I picture the pajama pants to be paisley, for no good reason.]

At 11:39 p.m., two 20- year-old men were arrested for disturbing the peace during a brawl at a business on the 100 block of Neal Street.

[Disturbing the peace during a brawl is quite a feat! Hey, keep it down, we're trying to brawl here!]

At 6:14 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of South Auburn Street reported there was someone sleeping in the closet. Police made contact with a 55-year-old man and arrested him for being drunk in public.

[Was he, technically, in public when in the closet? If the police asked him to come out, was that entrapment?]

At 10:47 a.m., a caller reported a public bus headed toward Brunswick Road had its flashing "Call 911" sign on. Police investigated, and it was a false alarm.

[Whoops, I meant to put up "Downtown."]

At 7:44 p.m., a woman called from the 800 block of Old Tunnel Road to report a man tried to taze her and three others. A second caller said the woman threatened him with a gun, but he did not see the gun. Police stood by while the man gathered his things and was advised not to return to the apartment.

[Was the tazer amongst his things?]

At 11:27 p.m., a man called from the 800 block of Annex Avenue to report he was being robbed by people who "looked like hippies." Police made contact with a 47-year-old woman and a 46-year-old man in a white Honda. The man was arrested for drunken driving, being under the influence of a controlled substance and violation of probation.

[I am confused. Were the people arrested the hippies or the people who called the police?]

At 3:10 a.m., a woman reported two men stole her car. Police made contact with the woman and arrested her for possession of a controlled substance and a Placer County Warrant. The car was located, unoccupied, behind a grocery store on Nevada City Highway.

[Good news, we found your car. Bad news, you have a warrant, you're going to jail.]

At 8:34 p.m., a woman called from the 15000 block of Goldcone Drive to report finding nine suspicious-looking holes dug on her property, each approximately three to four feet deep and two feet across.

[Police were on the lookout for somebody with a backhoe and a grudge.]

At 10:25 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of South Church Street reported a new tenant had a prescription for marijuana but other tenants were smoking something very strong and making the building stink.

[And what action does the caller expect of the police? A can of Airwick?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXI

At 12:11 p.m., a woman called from the 200 block of South School Street to say she was concerned about a sign that was taken from her residence and burned over the weekend.

[A sign related to the upcoming election perhaps?]

At 4:46 p.m., a caller from a business on the 100 block of Olympia Park Road reported a man with a shaved head and goatee stole some gloves. Police were unable to locate the man and took a report.

[Is this connected at all with the man last week who put some gloves in a garbage can? Is there some sort glove conspiracy going on here, or is somebody just trying to get an O.J. reference out of me.]

At 7:33 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a man talking to young men in an apartment complex was scaring them by saying he "just got out of being locked up."

[A new twist on scared straight I guess.]

At 2:54 p.m., a caller from E. Daniels Park reported a man in a black and white parka was being foul and smoking. Police arrested the 21-year-old man for an outstanding warrant.

[I suppose he could have been in a chicken suit, being fowl and clucking. And he had a warrant! No Surprise there.]

At 5:26 p.m., a caller from the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported a person drove away with a gas nozzle still in the vehicle. The caller stopped the customer and it was store policy they record the customer's driver's license. The driver was refusing and asking for an officer.

[I just want the YouTube video for this one.]

At 6:12 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Travertine Court reported an unknown person had cut threatening words into her backyard with a chain saw. Deputies responded and there was no vandalism. The caller said she would see her doctor to change her medication.

[I had high hopes for this at the end of the first sentence. Chain saw graffiti! But then it became another case of medication impairment.]

At 10:04 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Torrey Pines Road reported a credit card was stolen and used to pay for phone sex numbers. Deputies took a report for theft.

[Yes. It was stolen. Like I told my wife, *I* certainly did not call those phone sex numbers.]

At 2:08 a.m., a caller from a bar on the 29000 block of Highway 49 reported a physical fight with more than 10 beer bottles being used as weapons. The caller said the fight was no longer physical, but someone had a head injury and was vomiting. Deputies arrested a 23-year-old man for assault with a deadly weapon and battery with serious bodily injury.

[I remember in college at one point we learned that you have to hit a beer bottle just right to break it into something resembling a weapon.]

At 7:56 a.m., law enforcement was on the lookout for a person who was involved in the bar fight and may have head injuries from the confrontation.

[Six hours later and we're still looking for the puking guy.]

At 11:16 a.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of Myrna Way to report a burglary to her home this weekend while she was out of town. She couldn't tell if anything was missing. Rocks around the fireplace and rocks outside were painted and it wasn't like that when she left. She said some of her plants were dying and she thought someone was trying to kill them.

[Sometimes I go through a series of tepid entries, but then one like this comes along and it makes it all worth while. That is going to be my excuse from now on! Somebody is trying to kill the house plants! And the plants in the back yard! And the lawn! And the goldfish!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

When Books About Books Being Banned Are Banned...

Linked is a story about a family in Texas that wants to ban a book from the local school library.

The book? Fahrenheit 451!

They want to ban a book about a time when books are banned!

The article contains the odd rationalizations of the parent driving this effort.

The Company Move - Side Track 2

It had been a tradition at our old company over the years to have a "yard sale" to get rid of old equipment. The usual suspects in the sale were computer systems that were 3-7 years out of date, lab equipment, some older network gear and the like. Occasionally office chairs and other furniture were included. Mostly it was junk, but there have been some gems including a very nice HP oscilloscope complete with all probes and the manual which I bought then donated to a local high school.

Of course we are now part of bigger company with headquarters in the South. The company is ISO 9000 certified and has a process for everything. Everything it seems, except documenting and publishing processes so that those of us not based at HQ can figure out how to get things done. And even when you can get documentation on a process, it always assumes knowledge you probably do not possess if you need to read the document.

Of course you know, if you have been reading here for a while, that we are going to be moving to a small and less expensive location. Some day soon if we are not careful.

We used the upcoming move as an excuse to clean shop here. In a couple empty areas of our building we collected over three dozen 20" monitors (because we have all those new LCD monitors I mentioned in a previous entry), five dozen Pentium III 500-850MHz systems, a few early Pentium IV systems, four Sun servers, a dozen giant, rack mount Compaq multi-processor (PII or PIII) servers, a few dubious laptops, and a variety of printers, routers, and other stuff that could only charitably called "junk."

Nothing terribly exciting, really. I have better junk, or enough junk, at home already, depending on with whom you speak.

My boss ended up in charge of this sale, mostly because nobody else would take the job. He spent some weeks trying to get somebody in HQ to okay the sale. Finally, with the cooperation of other local managers, he set the date for the sale for a Friday in late April. The Thursday before the sale an email went to everybody at our location that the sale would be at 3pm the following day.

The next morning, in response to the many inquires, an email finally arrived. It was from the company controller. Nothing can be sold without the express permission of the office of the controller. Before the sale could commence, the controller needed have a complete list of all items in the sale.

An email went out to everybody located out here saying, "Yard Sale Postponed."

Being very organized, my boss already had such a list, complete with asset tag and serial number, for the items our department contributed. Other departments here did not have anything resembling a list. Still, we had segregated the stuff by department, so if we had to sell theirs at another time, so be it.

The controller, when asked about pricing of the items for sale said he did not care about that, but that any money from the sale had to be sent to HQ to be accounted for. (Thus ended or usual plan which has traditionally been "Fund a lunch time BBQ out back with the proceeds.") He said that facilities would set the prices.

Facilities, of course, had no interest in pricing anything and left that to us. Facilities did say, however, that we would need to collect sales tax.

My boss asked the controller about sales tax. The controller was not interested in sales tax, but directed him to some other accounting group.

My boss sent an email to this other accounting group asking about sales tax and if we could just charge round numbers ($5, $10, and $20) and then take the tax out later rather than having to make complicated change for each transaction.

The OAG (other accounting group) came back and said that charging round numbers sounded like a fine idea and certainly we could take the tax out after the fact. And, by the way, if we chose to sell anything for under its current market value, the purchasing employee's W2 at the end of the year would have to be adjusted to indicate the financial benefit from such a transaction.

Market value? I guess this keeps companies from selling business jets, homes, and cars to their senior execs for cheap, but what is the market value of a 4 year old Pentium III 700MHz with an 18GB SCSI hard drive and no operating system? (All of the Windows operating systems were licensed under our MSDN agreement, so we had to erase them before we parted with the machines.) It has zero value to the company, we have depreciated it as a capital expense over the last few years. And how attractive does a $20 PIII system look if it might mean that it changes your W2 at the end of the year?

And while we were pondering this gem, an email came in from OAG2 (or is that OOAG?) who had been directed by the controller to account for all of the items on our list in the list of assets they have for our location. OAG2 sent us a spreadsheet with all of the purchase orders for the last six years listed and asked us to please indicate which item from our inventory matched up to which purchase order.

Our local accounting group never bothered to associate an asset tag or serial number when putting together this spreadsheet. But then, all of the local accounting people handed over their data to HQ as they got laid off at the end of March, so we cannot blame them. The list of purchase orders only showed vague items, like "computer systems" or, sometimes, just the vendor in the description field. There was no possible way that these two lists could be reconciled.

So my boss was just about ready to call the whole thing off and call up the computer recycler we had lined up to take away the remains and have him come over and cart off the whole lot. But even that needed to be approved.

I suggested shipping everything to HQ, since we cannot part with the stuff without approval, but he thought I was making a joke.

Silence followed. Not a word more came from HQ. This is not an unusual situation. HQ is frequently unaware of our existence.

Then, a few weeks later, an email showed up from the controller. The sale was approved. My boss just had to hand over any cash to our local HR representative.

Sale on!

In the end, very little of the stuff was sold. The dubious laptops were purchased for the boy scouts. A monitor or two was picked up. There was no mention of market value or W2s. No inventory reconciliation was demanded.

I think somebody did threaten to ship everything to HQ.

A week later the computer recycler came by and carted away all of our left over junk. And one of our coffee makers! Damn them!

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XX

At 12:15 p.m., a caller reported illegal camping. Police made contact and there was no transient camp but a stolen sign from E. Daniels Park was located.

[At least it was not a wasted trip.]

At 10:40 a.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Orzalli Way reported a neighbor shot the caller's dog. Animal Control took a report and would investigate.

[I would think that shooting someone's dog would warrant more than diverting the Animal Control truck from picking up road kill to possibly picking up a dead dog.]

At 2:26 p.m., a woman at the sheriff's office front counter said someone entered a home on the 11000 block of Vista Avenue and took recording equipment. The woman didn't know if weapons were involved. The woman later said someone entered the home on Sept. 22, grabbed her boyfriend by the neck and forcefully took the equipment with a gun to the boyfriend's head. Police took a report for robbery, burglary and kidnapping.

[Since this came in on Sept. 26, the woman, aside from seeming confused on the details, also appears to be somewhat unconcerned about the fate of her boyfriend.]

At 8:21 a.m., a caller from Highway 49 at Little Valley Road reported theft of dirt from a county project. Workers were taking dirt from one pile to a job on Stinson Drive.

[Grass Valley, ever vigilant!]

At 10:04 a.m., a caller from a business on Alta Sierra Drive reported a man with multiple tattoos was walking around the area acting suspiciously.

["Suspiciously" no doubt being defined as "flagrantly having multiple tattoos visible."]

At 2:08 p.m., a caller reported that a golf cart sped through a crosswalk on South Auburn Street near the thrift store and almost hit a pedestrian.

[I repeat, "Golf cart on a rampage!"]

At 11:17 a.m., a caller on the 100 block of Stewart Street reported that a Buddha statue was stolen.

[Oh, now that is going to cost somebody... depending on what their belief system is I suppose....]

At 12:07 p.m., Maria's restaurant reported a man who couldn't pay for his meal. Restaurant staff said they would call police again if the man did not return with the money.

[At that point you really have to tip big to get a "Please come again."]

At 3:19 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of Commercial Street reported that a man and a woman were possibly having intercourse in public.

[I remember when I couldn't tell just by looking either.]

At 2:24 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of McKnight Way reported a man with a shaved head wearing a cowboy hat was asking about laptops at electronics stores. The caller believed the man had a fake credit card. Police made contact with the 27-year-old man and arrested him for burglary, altering or falsifying identification, receiving stolen property, possessing bad checks, theft of an access card, and possession of a controlled substance.

[A bad hombre all around I guess. It probably wasn't even his hat.]

At 4:58 p.m., a woman called to report baseballs were being hit from the Condon Park baseball field into her yard. Police cited four people for being over the field's 12-year-old age limit. All four were removed from the park for 72 hours.

[What is the mechanism for removing them for 72 hours? Admonishment? And why 72 hours?]

At 1:09 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Banner Lava Cap Road reported a domestic disturbance. Police made contact. The disturbance was a verbal fight about burned bacon.

[Any excuse for a party I guess.]

At 8:51 p.m., a man called from the 11000 block of North Bloomfield Road to report someone put an explosive device in his mailbox.

[I see the continuation of a theme here.]

At 2:42 p.m., a caller from Nevada City Highway at Brunswick Road reported a man with a beard and a mustache wearing a black rain poncho threw some gloves into a garbage can.

[Man caught not littering, film at 11.]

At 4:50 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Little Deer Road reported someone broke out the windows to her home. She also said she had to "flee" the house because a person was threatening to beat her up. Deputies determined the issue was of a civil nature, not criminal.

[I guess that no telephone equipment was damaged during this event.]

At 9:06 a.m., a caller from West Main Street near Alta Street reported a woman was jumping on top of a vehicle.

[Exercise is where you find it I suppose.]

At 4:10 a.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Cement Hill Road reported he needed to turn himself in because he thought he may have killed someone. Deputies responded. The man's claims were unfounded.

[Still, you cannot be to careful with these sorts of things. Have you killed someone today? Are you sure?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)