Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXIV

At 12:45 a.m., a caller from Condon Park said she needed assistance because she couldn't find her condom and lost her Band Aid, along with other unknown problems. The woman hung up when dispatchers asked her for further information. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate the woman.

[One less arrest for drunk in public. I suppose Condon/Condom was part of the humor.]

At 11:13 p.m., a caller from Pioneer Road at Rough and Ready Highway reported tenants on the land were chasing his cows, killing the grass and were always intoxicated.

[I get the whole cow/intoxication link, but how does killing the grass enter into it?]

At 8:58 a.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Pine Cone Circle reported a missing person who took the caller's car and was the way to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in Grass Valley. The caller wanted to report the vehicle as embezzled.

[The dispatcher then had to read the definition of "embezzled" to the caller no doubt.]

At 10:50 a.m., a man called to report his sister would not return his car keys. A dispatcher spoke with the sister, who said she took the keys because her brother is an alcoholic. She said she would return the keys. The man called back to report his sister would not return a second set of keys.

[Give your brother back his keys! Now don't say that, your brother has a problem, but he is working on it!]

At 1:40 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Northstar Place reported that three men were on a ladder crawling into the window of a building but added that one of the men might live there.

[That last bit was very helpful and no doubt put this on the priority list to get an officer on the scene.]

At 6:10 p.m., a caller from the 20000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported that a woman in a Green Isuzu Trooper was parked behind a restaurant, screaming that she was going to kill all the dogs in the neighborhood, but the caller did not see a weapon.

[Was it a Korean restaurant?]

At 1:29 p.m., a caller from the 2000 block of Nevada City Highway reported juveniles in a truck were throwing rotten apples at a fast food restaurant.

[Ironic or not, it is still "stupidity in broad daylight."]

At 12:49 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of East Drive to report some people were at her house and when she said she was going to call 911, they left.

[At which point it would seem unnecessary to call 911, but she did it anyway.]

At 6:24 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Auburn Road reported a man and a juvenile girl were acting strange together at a movie theater. The man was holding the juvenile in a strange manner. The report was unfounded. The man was fine and the juvenile was "really clingy."

[I think most parents understand this situation.]

At 8:24 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Skaith Bend Road reported approximately 10 people were holding approximately four people hostage. The report was unfounded. When a deputy arrived, the people were asleep.

[I assume they were camping. Did four people just happened to be duct taped into the sleeping bags or anything?]

At 12:14 p.m., a caller from the courthouse on the 200 block of Church Street reported a note was left at the law library stating bodies are located on a piece of property. A map was included.

[Somebody is always claiming they know where the bodies are buried.]

At 11:32 p.m., a man called from the 300 block of Alta Street to report people were making fireballs and compression from the fire was causing his house to shake. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the fireballs.

[I would have gone looking for the people, but the fireballs probably sounded more interesting. Jerry Lee Lewis fans, no doubt.]

At 8:35 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Combie Road reported an elderly man buying lottery tickets was wearing red tights, thong underwear and a T-shirt. He did not seem to know he didn't have pants on. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[He wins the lottery, it will be no pants from here on out!]

at 10:40 p.m., a caller from Stone Arch Drive reported a woman inside a trailer was moaning in pain. Paramedics arrived and determined the woman was fine. The "moaning" sound was located in the yard. An owl yard ornament was operating on a low battery.

[I do not know what else I could add.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)