Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXVII

At 9:11 p.m., a caller from a pizza restaurant on Neal Street reported young adults were fighting in front of the business. Police arrested a 38-year-old man on suspicion of assault and violation of probation.

[But he must have been happy to be mistaken for a "young adult."]

At 11:49 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of South Church Street reported a man wearing gold underpants and beige clothing came into a church looking for assistance. The man was riding a bicycle. He became agitated and left.

[One assumes they were bicycling shorts, but you never know in Nevada County.]

At 6:38 p.m., a man called from the 10000 block of Stotler Avenue reported a suspicious-looking "bundle" in a field next his house. His dogs kept barking at it. He said it looked as if a body could be under it. A white Dodge Ram truck was "lurking" by the bundle. A deputy responded. There was no body.

[I like the idea of the Dodge Ram truck "lurking" by the bundle. It must surely be guilty!]

At 4:38 p.m., a caller from a store on the 700 block of Zion Street reported a man had been stealing items from the store. Police took a report. A sergeant said the person had been "86'd" from the business.

[Did the sergeant (in the military one assumes) use any other out-dated diner lingo?]

At 8:53 p.m., a caller from a restaurant on the 700 block of Taylorville Road reported a person was throwing rocks at vehicles and came up to him with a bat while he was waiting to pay his bill.

[I cannot imagine that went over well.]

At 3:00 a.m., a caller from the 300 block of Horizon Court reported someone left a business card on his door with a note about a bill, and his dogs were missing. The caller suspected the person who left his business card had stolen the dogs.

[If only all thieves were so courteous. Is dog theft this common? Dogs as collateral?]

At 6:35 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Cherry Creek Road reported someone who was not welcome in the caller's home was attempting to move in. The intruder allegedly had threatened to kill the caller and was "bouncing around" the house.

[Sort of a home invasion move-in?]

At 11:12 p.m., a caller from Ridge Road near Via Vista reported that a cardboard cutout of a cat had been placed on the road to cause an accident. The fake cat was removed from the street.

[Fake animal control was advised.]

At 11:11 a.m., a caller from the 23000 block of St. Helena Drive reported that during the night someone had dumped a large amount of blood on her fence line and tied a dead turkey there.

[Not a problem you often face in the suburbs.]

At 10:56 a.m., a caller from a restaurant on the 200 block of Broad Street reported that a man exiting the bathroom appeared to be hiding something under his sweatshirt. The caller also said that beer was missing from the walk-in refrigerator located next to the bathroom.

[Well, at least he figured that out on his own.]

A 2:19 p.m. caller from Neal Street reported a possible extortion. He was advised that it was a civil issue.

[Extortion? Isn't that a civil issue Lou?]

A 2:57 p.m. call came from a business in the 150 block of McKnight Way, in which a lasagna theft was reported.

[Make your own Garfield joke.]

A 12:01 a.m. caller from the 300 block of Jan Road thought they heard 12 shots fired in rapid succession. Officers discovered it was firecrackers set off in the street.

[Don't firecrackers usually come in sticks of 20? 12 shots then he ran out of fingers and could not take his shoes of quickly enough I guess.]

Two 12:14 a.m. callers, one from the 600 block of Whiting Street and another from the 300 block of Church Street reported hearing gunshots. Officers were unable to locate anything suspicious.

[Firecrackers again?]

A 12:45 a.m. caller from the 19000 block of Bear Ridge Road reported hearing multiple gunshots coming from a neighbor's home.

[Firecrackers on the move?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

I Find This Lack of Breeze Disturbing...

If I had a hot air balloon, it would look like this.

Then I Got To Step 24...

If you go to Google Maps, select the Get Directions option, and type in New York, New York as your starting point and Paris, France as your destination, you get a set of directions with a rather odd catch.

They do provide a map to help you along the way.

[Update: This seems to work from any location on this side of the Atlantic, even Grass Valley.]

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXVI

At 12:20 a.m., a caller from Sutton Way reported a woman was walking back and forth, yelling at cars. Police contacted the woman and she walked toward her boyfriend's apartment.

[And did they check to see if she walked back again?]

At 9:35 a.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Bowman Lake Road reported a group home area had been entered and burglarized. No weapons were stolen. A deputy took a report for burglary.

[So they keep the weapons somewhere else in the group home?]

At 10:22 a.m., a woman called from Hawaii to report she was possibly assaulted in Dec. 2004 on the 11000 block of Forest View Drive. She said she just found out about it. The caller said she is in the Air Force and is stationed in Hawaii. She said both she and the suspect were in the military when the assault occurred, and the suspect is possibly living in Jacksonville, Fla.

[Aside from the absurdity of the report (was she notified of the assault through the mail?) and the jurisdictional nightmare, I just wanted to mention I used to live on Forest View Drive.]

At 12:03 p.m., a caller from Mill Street reported a juvenile male with red hair kept running into a business and lighting things on fire.

[Carrot Top runs amok.]

At 3:36 p.m., police cited a 15-year-old boy at Hennessy School on suspicion of possession of an alcoholic beverage by a minor and possession of an alcoholic beverage on school grounds.

[I dearly hope it was Cognac.]

At 9:45 p.m., an officer contacted a man hiding in bushes at Minnie Park. Police arrested the 43-year-old man on warrants. Police also advised another man not to drive because of his suspended license.

[I suppose at least the guy was trying to hide as opposed to doing something to draw attention to himself.]

At 9:28 p.m., a caller from the 17000 block of Del Mar Way reported a man tried to deliver a package to a previous resident at a house who moved out seven years ago. The man said he worked for FedEx, but he drove a red truck and wore "western garb." The caller contacted FedEx. They told the caller to call the sheriff because their drivers always wear uniforms. A deputy responded.

[I suspect Cowboy Bill.]

At 9:02 p.m., a caller from a fast food restaurant on the 11000 block of Nevada City Highway reported two to three men appeared to be doing a drug deal through a white Jeep with a "for sale" sign in the window. Police were unable to locate the Jeep.

[Were they standing on either side of the jeep and communicating through the open doors?]

At 3:14 a.m., a woman called from Pleasant Street to report her car was taken from in front of a bar. Police contacted a 19-year-old woman and arrested her for warrants.

[Again, the irony of calling the police and then being arrested. Insult/Injury ratio: High]

At 12:06 p.m. a caller from the 10000 block of Hawke Lane reported a dog was stolen. A deputy contacted the caller, who would activate a tracking chip on the dog. The caller would report the dog's location the next day.

[I was going to comment on the idea of a dog being "stolen," but then this dog has a built in tracking system, so maybe it is valuable enough to steal.]

At 5:16 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Banner Lava Cap Road reported her mailbox and her neighbor's mailbox were vandalized. One was filled with concrete.

[That is a new twist.]

At 8:28 p.m., a caller from a gas station on the 200 block of South Auburn Street reported two men in a white meat truck possibly were drunk. Police contacted a 26-year-old man and a 25-year-old man. They were not drunk.

[I would have to guess that the caller was female. Guys are goofy even when they are not drunk.]

At 11:43 p.m., a caller from Newtown Road reported a suspicious-looking pedestrian was crossing the street. The caller said the person was dressed like "a red ninja."

[I will be disappointed if we hear nothing further regarding "a red ninja."]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXV

At 11:59 a.m., a caller from a business on the 200 block of Main Street reported an antique gun with a gold handle and cowboy scene engraving was stolen. It was a "General Custer Replica." Police took a report for petty theft.

[General Custer was not really a "cowboy" per se.]

At 1:25 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported someone was driving something that was very loud and probably illegal. The caller said a juvenile must be operating it. The caller did not see anything, but just heard something. A patrol officer was advised.

[I see this person wants to be the new Jean Dixon.]

At 3:14 p.m., a caller from a grocery store on Freeman Lane reported a man ordered food, then threw the food at customers. The man was last seen leaving the store on his bicycle. A caller from a grocery store on the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported the same man had shoplifted. Police arrested the 42-year-old man on suspicion of violation of probation.

[We suspect that throwing food and/or shoplifting might be a violation thereof.]

At 10:18 a.m., a caller from Houghton Ranch Road reported someone was setting off "a very large amount of dynamite charges that were way too strong and too many." The caller was worried the blasts would damage her well. Caltrans was blasting on Highway 20 at a construction site.

[Everybody is an expert.]

At 6:10 p.m., a woman called from the 22000 block of Wild Canary Road to report an emu had been loose in her driveway for the last three hours. An Animal Control officer was advised.

[How often has an emu ever been loose on Wild Canary Road? How often do they get loose in Nevada County?]

At 10:07 a.m., several callers from Wolf Mountain Road reported people on quads and dirt bikes were riding up and down the roadway at dangerously high speeds.

[That is what they are for.]

At 3:25 p.m., a caller from the intersection of Nevel and Wiley Streets reported that a woman was blowing a whistle to make the neighborhood dogs bark, and then yelling at them.

[Everybody should have a hobby.]

At 8:32 p.m., a caller from a business on the 200 block of McKnight Way reported that a man wearing sunglasses and a green sweatshirt and carrying a flute and a notepad had been making weird faces at her and had followed her outside.

[There is a "Band Camp" joke in there somewhere.]

At 4:08 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Stagecoach Way reported that her neighbor, a butcher, has placed two steer heads in view of her residence.

[Get back to us if he puts one in your bed.]

At 11:43 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of S. Ponderosa Way reported that her neighbor was threatening to burn her house down.

[Neighbor relations!]

At 6:35 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Taylor Crossing Road reported that a transient had moved his things into the bushes near her residence. At 6:48 p.m., the caller reported that after the transient told her he was going down to the river to get his shoes, she heard a gunshot. When the man didn't return, she feared that he had committed suicide.

[Somebody else vying to be the new Jean Dixon.]

At 6:27 p.m., a caller from a gas station on McKnight Way reported a wild bird was in the store and it was injured. Animal Control would not respond because the bird was not a domestic animal. A dispatcher gave the caller a phone number for wild bird rescue.

[But if it was a deer I bet they would be out there.]

At 9:45 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Pleasant Street to report she was attacked by a strange cat and she locked it in her bathroom. Animal Control would handle the situation.

[Consistancy! Domestic animal, problem handled. Wasn't there a movie about cats that attacked?]

At 2:33 p.m., a caller from McCourtney Road and Patterson Valley Road reported a man wearing all camouflage, approximately 20 years old, was carrying a rifle. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[Of course not, he was camouflaged!]

At 8:10 p.m., a caller from a bar on the 29000 block of Highway 49 in North San Juan reported two women were in a physical fight. Dispatchers called back and determined the women had left the bar. An officer would check on their welfare.

[I like how the fact that they were in a bar just slips in near the end.]

At 1:42 p.m., a person flagged down an officer on East Main Street at Scandling Avenue to report a fire truck was involved in a minor collision with a parked car. Police would follow up.

[In San Jose the police do feel a bit of resentment against the fire department because of their plush fire stations (at least the one down town). I wonder if they get to ticket the driver of the fire truck and, if so, whether or not the enjoyed it.]

At 4:37 a.m., a man called from the 100 block of Boundy Court to report someone was breaking into his home. Police verified the address then the line was disconnected.

[And?]

At 12:04 p.m., a caller from Streeter Road reported two men dressed in camouflage and carrying rifles were near the Oak Mesa Junction. They were in a white Dodge Ram pickup. Deputies were unable to locate the men.

[Another testament to the effectiveness of camouflaged!]

At 5:39 p.m., a woman reported she left her vehicle in front of an auto repair business on the 300 block of Railroad Avenue while she was trying to get money for repairs to her car's transmission. The last time she checked on it was Feb. 14. She recently received paperwork from the Placer County Sheriff's Office that the vehicle was stripped and burned in Colfax. She asked to make a report for a stolen vehicle.

[I wonder how you react to a letter telling you your vehicle was stolen, stripped, and burned? I suppose you can let go of worry about the transmission repairs.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXIV

At 2:17 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Oak Meadow Road reported cabinets, kitchen counter, toilets and other features were missing from a house that the bank had foreclosed on.

[I guess the Joads packed everything when the bank threw them out.]

At 11:22 p.m., a caller from a business of the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a young man taking stickers off condom packs and putting them in his pocket. The man left in a green, two-door hatchback vehicle, going in an unknown direction. Officers contacted the reporting person, who couldn't say if anything was stolen.

[Condom stickers?]

At 8:09 a.m., a woman from the 600 block of Eskaton Circle reported she received a suspicious call on her office voice machine from a man who said he had just gotten out of a Mexican prison and needed massage therapy.

[That message... that I would call the police about. That disturbs me even now.]

At 9:13 p.m., a caller from the intersection of Brighton Street and Penstock Drive reported that four juveniles were throwing liquid at vehicles.

[Throwing liquid is difficult unless it is encased in a balloon.]

At 11:25 a.m., an employee from a business on the 200 block of Broad Street reported that a customer had become belligerent when the employee refused to take back a pair of slippers purchased by the customer the week before. The customer wanted to return the slippers after wearing them to a bar and getting kicked out for not wearing shoes.

[I am dissatisfied with my purchase as my bartender refuses to acknowledge it as footwear.]

At 2:39 p.m., a caller from a bar on the 300 block of Broad Street reported that a suspicious person wearing black clothing and sheepskin slippers was loitering.

[And no doubt still fuming about everybody thinking slippers are not appropriate footwear for bar hopping.]

At 5:57 a.m., a caller from Mooney Flat Road reported that a man in a truck claiming to be "checking for patch paving" had been driving up and down the road without headlights. The caller suspected he was poaching.

[That "checking for patch paving" being the oldest excuse in the book I guess.]

At 6:29 p.m., a 23-year-old from Grass Valley was booked at the Wayne Brown Correctional Facility and released for assault with a deadly weapon.

[Because we wouldn't want to actually keep violent criminals in jail. They would only cause problems.]

At 8:05 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Hazel Way to report that her estranged husband had come into the residence and taken some of her jewelry. Officers contacted the 39-year-old woman and booked her on a warrant.

[I chuckle every time somebody calls the police and ends up getting arrested.]

An 8:19 p.m. caller from the 14600 block of Nutmeg Court reported someone had broken into their home and may have taken a shower.

[They left the bath towel on the floor. I hate when they do that.]

At 10:58 p.m., a caller from the 19000 block of Cerrito Road reported a verbal argument with an allegedly drunken person in a parking lot. Deputies arrested a 46-year-old man on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon, possession of a controlled substance, buying a handgun without an identification mark, assault with a deadly weapon other than a firearm and bringing drugs into jail.

[Wow, a full line up of charges, including one after they got him to jail. I hope they did not let him out again.]

At 2:55 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Lime Kiln Road reported a man drove over a fence to access a neighboring property. Deputies contacted the man, who had a shovel and said he was planting strawberries. Deputies admonished the man for minor property damage to the fence and trespassing.

[Planting strawberries. Worst excuse ever.]

At 8:26 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Warbler Way reported a car belonging to the caller's son was covered in flour, pinto beans and syrup. The caller requested extra patrol.

[Either that or a very large frying pan.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)