Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXIV

At 2:17 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Oak Meadow Road reported cabinets, kitchen counter, toilets and other features were missing from a house that the bank had foreclosed on.

[I guess the Joads packed everything when the bank threw them out.]

At 11:22 p.m., a caller from a business of the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a young man taking stickers off condom packs and putting them in his pocket. The man left in a green, two-door hatchback vehicle, going in an unknown direction. Officers contacted the reporting person, who couldn't say if anything was stolen.

[Condom stickers?]

At 8:09 a.m., a woman from the 600 block of Eskaton Circle reported she received a suspicious call on her office voice machine from a man who said he had just gotten out of a Mexican prison and needed massage therapy.

[That message... that I would call the police about. That disturbs me even now.]

At 9:13 p.m., a caller from the intersection of Brighton Street and Penstock Drive reported that four juveniles were throwing liquid at vehicles.

[Throwing liquid is difficult unless it is encased in a balloon.]

At 11:25 a.m., an employee from a business on the 200 block of Broad Street reported that a customer had become belligerent when the employee refused to take back a pair of slippers purchased by the customer the week before. The customer wanted to return the slippers after wearing them to a bar and getting kicked out for not wearing shoes.

[I am dissatisfied with my purchase as my bartender refuses to acknowledge it as footwear.]

At 2:39 p.m., a caller from a bar on the 300 block of Broad Street reported that a suspicious person wearing black clothing and sheepskin slippers was loitering.

[And no doubt still fuming about everybody thinking slippers are not appropriate footwear for bar hopping.]

At 5:57 a.m., a caller from Mooney Flat Road reported that a man in a truck claiming to be "checking for patch paving" had been driving up and down the road without headlights. The caller suspected he was poaching.

[That "checking for patch paving" being the oldest excuse in the book I guess.]

At 6:29 p.m., a 23-year-old from Grass Valley was booked at the Wayne Brown Correctional Facility and released for assault with a deadly weapon.

[Because we wouldn't want to actually keep violent criminals in jail. They would only cause problems.]

At 8:05 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Hazel Way to report that her estranged husband had come into the residence and taken some of her jewelry. Officers contacted the 39-year-old woman and booked her on a warrant.

[I chuckle every time somebody calls the police and ends up getting arrested.]

An 8:19 p.m. caller from the 14600 block of Nutmeg Court reported someone had broken into their home and may have taken a shower.

[They left the bath towel on the floor. I hate when they do that.]

At 10:58 p.m., a caller from the 19000 block of Cerrito Road reported a verbal argument with an allegedly drunken person in a parking lot. Deputies arrested a 46-year-old man on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon, possession of a controlled substance, buying a handgun without an identification mark, assault with a deadly weapon other than a firearm and bringing drugs into jail.

[Wow, a full line up of charges, including one after they got him to jail. I hope they did not let him out again.]

At 2:55 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Lime Kiln Road reported a man drove over a fence to access a neighboring property. Deputies contacted the man, who had a shovel and said he was planting strawberries. Deputies admonished the man for minor property damage to the fence and trespassing.

[Planting strawberries. Worst excuse ever.]

At 8:26 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Warbler Way reported a car belonging to the caller's son was covered in flour, pinto beans and syrup. The caller requested extra patrol.

[Either that or a very large frying pan.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)