Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXXVII

At 9:11 p.m., a caller from a pizza restaurant on Neal Street reported young adults were fighting in front of the business. Police arrested a 38-year-old man on suspicion of assault and violation of probation.

[But he must have been happy to be mistaken for a "young adult."]

At 11:49 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of South Church Street reported a man wearing gold underpants and beige clothing came into a church looking for assistance. The man was riding a bicycle. He became agitated and left.

[One assumes they were bicycling shorts, but you never know in Nevada County.]

At 6:38 p.m., a man called from the 10000 block of Stotler Avenue reported a suspicious-looking "bundle" in a field next his house. His dogs kept barking at it. He said it looked as if a body could be under it. A white Dodge Ram truck was "lurking" by the bundle. A deputy responded. There was no body.

[I like the idea of the Dodge Ram truck "lurking" by the bundle. It must surely be guilty!]

At 4:38 p.m., a caller from a store on the 700 block of Zion Street reported a man had been stealing items from the store. Police took a report. A sergeant said the person had been "86'd" from the business.

[Did the sergeant (in the military one assumes) use any other out-dated diner lingo?]

At 8:53 p.m., a caller from a restaurant on the 700 block of Taylorville Road reported a person was throwing rocks at vehicles and came up to him with a bat while he was waiting to pay his bill.

[I cannot imagine that went over well.]

At 3:00 a.m., a caller from the 300 block of Horizon Court reported someone left a business card on his door with a note about a bill, and his dogs were missing. The caller suspected the person who left his business card had stolen the dogs.

[If only all thieves were so courteous. Is dog theft this common? Dogs as collateral?]

At 6:35 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Cherry Creek Road reported someone who was not welcome in the caller's home was attempting to move in. The intruder allegedly had threatened to kill the caller and was "bouncing around" the house.

[Sort of a home invasion move-in?]

At 11:12 p.m., a caller from Ridge Road near Via Vista reported that a cardboard cutout of a cat had been placed on the road to cause an accident. The fake cat was removed from the street.

[Fake animal control was advised.]

At 11:11 a.m., a caller from the 23000 block of St. Helena Drive reported that during the night someone had dumped a large amount of blood on her fence line and tied a dead turkey there.

[Not a problem you often face in the suburbs.]

At 10:56 a.m., a caller from a restaurant on the 200 block of Broad Street reported that a man exiting the bathroom appeared to be hiding something under his sweatshirt. The caller also said that beer was missing from the walk-in refrigerator located next to the bathroom.

[Well, at least he figured that out on his own.]

A 2:19 p.m. caller from Neal Street reported a possible extortion. He was advised that it was a civil issue.

[Extortion? Isn't that a civil issue Lou?]

A 2:57 p.m. call came from a business in the 150 block of McKnight Way, in which a lasagna theft was reported.

[Make your own Garfield joke.]

A 12:01 a.m. caller from the 300 block of Jan Road thought they heard 12 shots fired in rapid succession. Officers discovered it was firecrackers set off in the street.

[Don't firecrackers usually come in sticks of 20? 12 shots then he ran out of fingers and could not take his shoes of quickly enough I guess.]

Two 12:14 a.m. callers, one from the 600 block of Whiting Street and another from the 300 block of Church Street reported hearing gunshots. Officers were unable to locate anything suspicious.

[Firecrackers again?]

A 12:45 a.m. caller from the 19000 block of Bear Ridge Road reported hearing multiple gunshots coming from a neighbor's home.

[Firecrackers on the move?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)