Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXXII

8:44 a.m. - A caller from Mainhart Drive and Kate Hayes Street reported a woman in a blue Ford Explorer was naked and shaking her breasts at the caller. Police contacted an 18-year-old woman and a 19-year-old man and told them to leave the area.

[It is a little early in the day for the sort of thing... public breast shaking and such... though they might still be on a roll from the night before.]

8:21 p.m. - A man called from the 13000 block of Golden Eagle Way to report a man threatened to burn his house down if he didn't pay him $5,000.

[There is something refreshing in straightforward extortion. Give me X or I will do Y.]

1:04 a.m. ­ A caller from the 13000 block of Preston Road reported a truck pulled into his driveway and four men came to the door looking for someone that "ripped them off." One man was carrying a claw hammer. Deputies were unable to locate the four men.

[I'm not sure I would have answered the door.]

3:08 p.m. ­ A caller from the 11000 block of Millpond Lane reported a girl ran away. Deputies were advised to be on the lookout for her. She has pink braces.

[Did they have any details about here that did not require a close-up of her smile?]

5:52 a.m. ­ A juvenile from the 15000 block of Cascade Drive reported three men were on the roof, then moved to the backyard. A deputy determined the report was unfounded, and the juvenile had been hallucinating.

[That is it. Just a figment of your imagination.]

1:49 p.m. - Police recovered a stolen 2002 Honda Quad Runner on the 100 block of Saint John's Drive.

4:39 p.m. - Police arrested a 19-year-old man on the 700 block of Doris Drive on suspicion of stealing a vehicle, related to the recovery of a Honda Quad Runner.

[It is nice to see same-day case resolution.]

6:43 p.m. - A woman called from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive to report she was being stalked by the maintenance man. Police determined the report was unfounded and notified the property manager. The woman called back to say she wanted extra police patrol in the area. An officer was advised.

[I think we've heard from this woman before.]

9:48 a.m. - A caller from a business on the 100 block of Main Street reported finding drugs in a first aid kit. An officer took a report.

[Okay, I know they meant illegal drugs... but still, "Drugs Found in First Aid Kit" is never going to be a surprising headline.]

1 p.m. - a woman called from a mobile home park on the 10000 block of School Street to report her neighbor uses profanity and the "N" word. The woman was also upset because the man talks to her and seems to be outside of his trailer whenever she is outside of her trailer. Deputies determined the man's actions do not meet the criteria of stalking. A deputy contacted the man, who agreed not to talk to the woman and avoid her if he sees her near her trailer.

[I had a neighbor like that. He used to corner me every week when I brought out the garbage cans and complain about his idiot daughter and her good-for-nothing husband (his words) who had to move in with him and his wife. I could see his point, but I was not keen to hear it every week.]

11:01 p.m. - A caller from a business on the 29000 block of Highway 49 in North San Juan reported a tall man in his 50s was threatening patrons. The man refused to leave. The caller reported 40 minutes later the man appeared to be leaving.

[You can go ahead and tell the Sheriff Department's Rapid Response Team to stand down.]

1:52 a.m. - A deputy reported a person ran out of gas and pulled over on the side of Highway 49 at Rincon Way. When the deputy arrived on scene, the person was acting suspiciously and masturbating. The deputy requested a second patrol unit. The deputies admonished the driver. No arrest was made.

[Oh my. Aren't you supposed to save that "out of gas" excuse for when you have somebody else along for the ride? I also find it odd that he had time to act suspiciously while masturbating. Generally I am good for one or the other, but not both.]

2:55 p.m. - A caller from the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported a man with a mustache was urinating on the building. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[I have a fondness for descriptions that include just ONE detail about the person in question, mostly because they leave the impression that people with that characteristic favor that behavior. For example, here, my first thought was, "Men with mustaches like to pee in public." Completely false, of course, but for a moment all men with mustaches were suspect.]

5:02 p.m. - A caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive reported a man with a goatee was sitting on the caller's lawn. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[Impressions: Men with goatees are oddballs who will just sit on people's lawns. I bet if he had a mustache he would be urinating on the lawn!]

7:44 a.m. - Police stopped a man on Meadow Drive who refused to show his ID to deputies. He was admonished on suspicion of trespassing and urinating in public.

[Did he have a mustache?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)