Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XCI

7:42 a.m. - A caller reported a boy was skateboarding down the middle of Hughes Road.

[See, it is a crime.]

6:42 p.m. - A woman called from Gold Flat Road at Zion Street to report she hit a gate at a church, and she could not move her car because it was impaled on the gate. An officer responded, determined there was no damage to the gate, and would remain at the church until the woman's husband arrived to help with the car.

[There is something old testament about a car impaled on a gate at a church.]

9:08 a.m. - A caller from the 17000 block of Highway 20 reported being blackmailed by a county department.

[The county department of extortion?]

10:34 a.m. - A woman called from the 18000 block of Biladeau Lane to report her medications were stolen and that it is possible they were stolen while she was visiting a friend at a motel in Grass Valley. She said her dog also was hit this morning, and the driver took off.

[What's the police code for a country western song in progress?]

7:06 p.m. - A caller from Colfax Avenue reported being hit in the face with a beer can thrown from a vehicle. The victim declined to file a report.

[I hope it was an empty]

8:42 a.m. - A caller from the 22000 block of East Hacienda Drive reported stuffed bears were burned and gas cans were nearby.

[That what happens when you don't pay the county department of extortion.]

9:44 a.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Wheeler Acres Road reported an auto burglary.

9:53 a.m. - A caller from the 15000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported the theft of a gate opener.

1:01 p.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Wheeler Acres Road reported a theft from an unlocked vehicle.

1:07 p.m. - A caller from the 13000 block of Wheeler Acres Road reported a theft from an unlocked residence.

2:06 p.m. - A caller from the 16000 block of Pleasant Valley Road reported the theft of a gate opener.

[Crime spree... I wonder if there is something interesting you can do with these gate openers?]

12:01 a.m. - A caller reported a man on East Main Street was walking in the roadway, shouting and scaring people. Police contacted the man, who was fine.

[He was just shouting and scaring people. That's his thing.]

11:18 a.m. - A man called from Benedict Canyon in the Greenhorn Creek area to report numerous motorcycles were going around his gate. He said he would go out with a bat and a gun to take care of the problem. Deputies contacted the caller and located several people, but they didn't match the description of the people going around his gate.

[I'll get go out with a bat and a gun and take care of the problem. Why even call the police then?]

11:24 a.m. A man called from the 700 block of Zion Street to report his vehicle was stolen. Police determined the vehicle was repossessed.

[Oh, yeah... the car payment.]

6:29 p.m. - A caller reported eight juveniles were drinking at the end of Maryland Drive for more than an hour. One of the occupants was outside the car when officers arrived. Officers advised the person to pour out what was left of the alcohol and clean up the mess. There was no underage drinking.

[Pour out that beer! Now clean up that mess you just made!]

2:38 p.m. Tuesday ­ A man called from Gautier Drive to report a 12-year-old boy shot a BB gun toward her residence. A deputy determined the event was about some chickens roaming in the neighborhood. Animal Control was notified.

[So was there a shooter or not?]

2:50 p.m. Tuesday ­ A woman called from the 15000 block of Thornberry Way to report her husband just sped off with the cat and was driving recklessly. The CHP was notified.

[He's taken the cat and there is no telling what he'll do!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)