Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXI

At 2:19 p.m., a caller from the intersection of Neal and Mill Streets reported that a man wearing a blue jacket, black beret and red scarf was jumping out at people and screaming. Police responded and told the man to move on.

[Another day in the life...]

At 9:14 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Bennett Street reported that a man wearing a red shirt and dark pants was exposing himself. Police arrested a 23 year-old man for indecent exposure.

[Red seems to be the warning sign of the day.]

At 3:50 a.m., a caller from a gas station on the 300 block of Sacramento Street reported a man who gave the clerk six dollars and asked for fuel but didn't have a vehicle. Police arrested the man for being drunk in public and under the influence of a controlled substance.

[Drunk, stoned, and interested in buying some bulk gas please!]

At 6:55 p.m., a caller from Scotia Pines Circle at Peabody Court reported a large touch football game in the middle of the street. The players were gone when police arrived.

[Gosh darned kids! The streets are for cars!]

At 7:56 p.m., a caller from Willow Valley Road reported hearing 4 gunshots near her residence from what she believed was a large gun.

[heh heh... the sound of the round is inversely proportional to the feel of the steel... or something....]

At 9:48 p.m., a man called to report his son and adult daughter were waiting out in front of an office supply store on Sutton Way all night for an early morning sale. An officer was advised so he could look out for their safety. The caller would also check on them.

[My children are foolish, can you bring them some pumpkin pie while you're out there?]

At 11:19 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Sutton Way reported a man named Duane often goes into a theater and makes threats toward workers.

[We know your name Duane! We know where you hang out!]

At 4:59 a.m., a woman from the 600 block of Kate Hayes Street reported her neighbors' house had been built unlawfully and light from their kitchen shines into her bedroom. She requested an officer make contact. The woman was advised to contact the city building department on Monday.

[And the people who live next door refuse to pick their feet up when the walk, so the caller is disturbed by a constant shuffling sound.]

At 2:54 p.m., a caller from Mooney Flat Road reported a man was dumping sewage from an open holding tank onto the roadway near the second gate of Lake Wildwood. Deputies were unable to locate the man.

[How about the sewage? That could not have gotten far and we have seen that the police in Nevada County have often been called on to use their noses in the pursuit of justice.]

At 6:25 p.m., a caller reported hearing five shots in the area of Lake Vera Purdon Road. A deputy was informed.

[But nothing about the gun this time, other than the implication that it may have held more ammo than the first one.]

At 10:12 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Meadow View Drive reported a vehicle had been stolen.

At 11:37 p.m., CHP officers arrested a 21-year-old man accused of stealing the car from Meadow View Drive. He was arrested on the 13000 block of Elderberry Lane on suspicion of malicious mischief, drunken driving and driving without a license.

[I have a soft spot for multi-part blotter entries .]

At 2:25 a.m., a caller from Squirrel Creek Road reported two men were lying in the roadway about 20 feet apart. A deputy arrested one man for public drunkenness and gave the other man a ride to his home on Oak Street.

[So, the other guy was lying in the roadway sober?]

At 5:34 p.m. caller from the 100 block of Richardson Street found a screw in her door.

[Was it holding the hinge on?]

At 3:06 a.m. police arrested a 21-year-old Grass Valley man in the 300 block of Second Street who lost his temper in an argument and allegedly fired six to seven rounds from a semi-automatic pistol. No one was injured, but the man was booked into the Wayne Brown Correctional Facility for assault with a firearm, threatening a crime and being a felon in possession of a firearm. He was released after making a $25,000 bail.

[Another escalation in the gunshot drama! Who will make it eight rounds?]

A 3:40 a.m. caller from the 100 block of Solar Drive said her husband was drunk on the couch and she wanted him removed from the home.

[I am not sure there is much the police can do about that. Are his feet up on the couch?]

An 8:50 p.m. caller from the 15100 of Nugget Street said juveniles stole his golf cart, ran it into a ditch and stole items from it. The caller said he could see the juveniles rummaging through the cart when he came home and his headlights shown on them, causing them to flee.

[lock up your golf carts... lock up your golf carts... lock up your gold carts...]

An 11:24 p.m. caller from the 15300 block of Little Valley Road said his roommate just stole his dog and left the residence.

[Another dog theft?]

An 8:08 p.m. caller from Pine Hill Drive reported hearing six to seven gunshots in the area and fireworks prior to phoning.

[Okay, we need better counting skills here. Was the last one six and this one seven? And how do the fireworks figure into this? I'll see your six to seven gunshots and raise you three bottle rockets!]

At 1:12 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Mill Street reported a suspicious-looking man with an umbrella entered a laundry room through a window.

[Did he have an English accent?]

At 10:12 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a man collapsed at a bar. An officer cited the man for public drunkenness. He would remain at the hospital emergency room until he sobered up.

[Public drunkenness in a bar seems like seems like ticketing people for loitering at a bus stop. But, I guess if you get the emergency response people out to look after your drunken butt, you probably deserve it.]

At 11:37 a.m., a caller from Mill Street at Neal Street reported a man was acting strangely and had a bandana around his face so no one could tell who he is.

[I am betting the bandana was red, just to revisit that theme.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXX

At 11:46 a.m., an out-of-breath caller from the 200 block of Park Avenue reported a vehicle burglary.

[I cannot explain why I included this item. There is something amusing about the out-of-breath angle. Did he chase the people who broke into his car or was the nearest phone up three flights of stairs?]

At 11:33 a.m., a man from the 10600 block of Silver Way reported a subject sucker-punched him and made threats.

[If you have been sucker-punched does that not make you, by definition, a sucker? Though, thinking about it, being rabbit punched does not make you a rabbit, so I am not sure.]

At 2:37 p.m., a caller reported two subjects at Neal and Townsend streets shooting airsoft guns at each other while using foul language.

[Somebody get these guys an Xbox]

At 10:52 p.m., a man from the 300 block of Sutton Way said his upstairs neighbor pulled a knife on him, so he punched him in the face.

[The ongoing strain of being neighborly in the modern world.]

At 12:50 p.m., a man called from the 100 block of Lidster Avenue reported someone sent him inappropriate photographs on his e-mail.

[And what did the police suggest?]

At 3:42 p.m., a man reported the theft of a computer on the 100 block of East Main Street. He asked an officer to stand by while he retrieved it.

[I'm interested to know how far this computer got that this guy knows where it is and can go pick it up.]

At 7:26 p.m., a person came to the police lobby to complain about a towing company. The person was told to deal with the towing company directly.

[Peace officer powers are not available at this time.]

At 10 p.m., a caller reported three juveniles were playing under an overcrossing pointing lasers at people. Police gave the youths a ride home, and their parents said they would keep them for the night.

[Tomorrow however....]

At 9:29 a.m., a woman from the 10000 block of Gold Hill Drive reported ongoing harassment by a neighbor, who was outside yelling things about her to the people who were cleaning the roadside drains.

[And some of these people move up to Grass Valley to get away from annoying neighbors....]

At 10:32 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Catherine Way reported a 66-year-old man using a walker had walked away from the convalescent facility. Police found the man at the hospital emergency room, and gave him a ride back.

[Did anybody stop and ask if, perhaps, this man struggled all the way to the emergency room for a reason?]

At 11:12 p.m., a caller reported a girl hitchhiking at the South Auburn Street onramp. Police gave the girl a ride.

[That worked out for everybody, now didn't it?]

At 7:57 a.m., a man from the 100 block of Richardson Street reported the air was let out of his vehicle's tires. He was leaving for a restraining order hearing and would go to the police station later to file a report.

[I bet he can guess who let the air out of his tires.]

At 6:34 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported a man with long hair wearing sweats and a leather jacket was yelling that someone stole his bike. Police made contact with the 42-year-old man and arrested him for violation of probation.

[Again, if you're on probation, have a warrant, or are otherwise vulnerable, keep your head down and your mouth shut.]

At 9:50 a.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Pleasant Valley Road to report hearing four gunshots close to the residence. A deputy made contact. A person was shooting at a skunk.

[That's just fine then. Unless you're the skunk.]

At 9:30 a.m., a caller from Tall Pines Mobile Home Estates reported a man in Nevada and Placer counties was impersonating a Burrows Security guard to enter homes without permission. The man was driving a white Ford Ranger with a toolbox in the back and a black star on the side. Burrows Security uses a gold star.

[Take note of the color of the star.]

At 10:49 p.m., a woman called from the 18000 block of Nubian Way to report hearing a suspicious noise outside her residence. She saw someone walking near her car and toward a pond. A deputy responded. The disturbance was a bear.

[A suspicious bear.]

At 12:38 p.m., a caller from Commercial Street reported a man was acting strangely and kicking his old Buick.

[If it is anything like old Buicks I have known, his behavior was not so strange.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Casino Royale

My wife and I went to see the new James Bond movie "Casino Royale" on Friday night. It is a rare event for the two of us to be able to go out on a date these days.

We are both Bond fans. We have all of the Bond movies at home on DVD and have watched every single one of them together. We had our own little film festival a few years back where we watched them all, in order, one a night.

As combined bodies of work, we order the Bonds:

Sean
Pierce
Roger
George
Timothy

Though, to give Roger Moore his due, "Live and Let Die" is our combined all time favorite.

And now we have Daniel.

One movie in, we put him ahead of George and Timothy. (As far as my wife is concerned, she would rank a two days dead armadillo ahead of Timothy, but that is another story.)

Daniel Craig is a reasonable Bond. He fits into the role of a reckless, somewhat naive new Bond just starting out on his career. That is what the movie is about. Gone is Commander Bond, veteran of WWII, the sophisticated gentleman of exquisite taste. It is a clean slate, a new Bond, with the ink on his license to kill is barely dry.

Which brings us to my first problem with the movie. If it is a clean slate, you need to throw all of the past overboard. Instead we have, returning for her 5th run as M, Judi Dench. Not the biggest flaw in film history, but a serious distraction if you are familiar with the series. She has a past with Bond, but this Bond is not supposed to have that past. While I am just fine with Judi Dench as M in general, the audience would have been better served by starting fresh in the M role as well.

The second problem I have with the movie is at the Casino itself. Gone is baccarat, the classic Bond card game since "Dr. No." Instead we have a $150 million stakes game of Texas Hold'em poker. Yes, baccarat is an odd game with obscure rules such that almost nobody in the audience knows what the hell is going on in the game, but the games progress is always announced in French and the director never leaves any doubt as to who has won. Baccarat delivers a foreign atmosphere not to mention staying true to the past. The main benefit of Texas Hold'em is that now everybody in the audience who watches celebrity poker on cable can figure out who has won on their own. An unnecessary break with tradition for little benefit.

Finally, the movie itself runs a bit long. Bond is a genre that is good for 90-120 minutes. At nearly 150 minutes, this film is outside the zone and it suffers from it. The film drags some in places. You get to points where the film could end, but you know that the Bond genre won't allow it, so you fidget and wait for that final plot twist and action sequence that is standard issue. Tighter editing and a little less plot complication early on would have helped immensely.

On the plus side, this movie features what is unquestionably the best on-foot chase scene of any Bond movie ever. You will be impressed.

Otherwise, the "Casino Royale" sticks with most of the conventions of the Bond films. Daniel Craig is fine in the role. This is his first run at it, and he has the awkward duty of being new to a role that has a serious past in a movie that is supposed to forget that past. He gets through it well.

"Casino Royale" will probably never be on the short list of favorites for either my wife or myself, but it was good enough that we want to see the next Bond movie with Daniel Craig.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXIX

At 7:21 p.m., a woman called from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive to report a man was screaming and he threatened her when she asked him to quiet down. The man was in his early 20s with his dark hair sticking straight up.

[If not for his hair, I probably would not have included this. Did he do his hair special for this behavior, or is this his normal style?]

At 5:23 p.m., a man called from the 20000 block of Pleasant Valley Road to report a person was driving up and down a dirt road behind his home continually honking the car horn.

[Wheeeee!]

At 7:16 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Robin Avenue to report catching a juvenile trying to kiss another juvenile.

[Alert the press! Oh, wait, this was in the paper.]

At 8:15 p.m., a caller from 11000 block of Butler Road said a neighbor was waving a baseball bat and threatening people.

[Further adventures in neighbor relations.]

At 9:34 a.m., a person on the 10000 block of Terrace Oaks Lane said medicinal marijuana plants had been stolen from his or her yard. The caller had a current prescription for the plants.

[So at least the caller might not get arrested along with the thief.]

At 10:22 a.m., a person slit a turkey's throat and hung the animal from a tree with a noose around its feet, according to a caller on the 10000 block of Gautier Drive. The turkey was taken down after law enforcement arrived.

[That turkey doesn't just wrap itself in a Butterball package, you do have to kill them and drain the blood. Still, I might not do this in my front yard.]

At 7:51 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Pleasant Street to report hearing firecrackers outside. She also thought she saw a person with a gun earlier in the day, but she wasn't sure if it was real. Police checked the area and were unable to locate firecrackers or a person with a gun.

[I might have called a little sooner about the person with the gun.]

At 2:28 a.m., a woman called from the 100 block of Richardson Street to report she was assaulted by a man and he broke her cellular phone and mirrors. Police determined there was no assault or property damage. The woman called back an hour later to report she suffered injuries from the assault. Police made contact and determined again there was no sign of assault.

[Motivation. What is her motivation?]

At 8:48 a.m., a caller from McCourtney Road at Brighton Street reported a possible drunken driver in a white Chevrolet with no tailgate. The driver looked to be about 65 years old. Police made contact and determined the man was trying to use his cell phone while driving. He was admonished to stop.

[Anecdotal confirmation of those studies that say using your cell phone while driving makes you as dangerous as you would be if you were drunk.]

At 1:49 p.m., a caller from the 17000 block of Penn Valley Drive reported theft of a baby Jesus from a nativity scene. A deputy took a report for petty theft.

[So much blasphemy. Is stealing baby Jesus really only petty theft? I think that down in Lubbock it is a felony.]

At 9:05 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Harmony Ridge Road reported theft of medical marijuana in September or October. A deputy made a log entry. There was no proof of any suspect.

[We continue with the drug/crime correlation study here. If you grow it, they will come. Tip: If you can narrow down the crime to, say, a single month, the police really appreciate it.]

At 9:31 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported a vehicle had hit the building. The vehicle was being driven by a 25-year-old person who left by the time police arrived. The person was contacted later on Alta Street and advised not to return to the address on Berryhill.

[Wasn't there a hit and run here?]

At 10:18 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Carpenter Street reported someone threw a rock at her skylight. No damage was caused.

[I am betting on it being another walnut.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXIII

At 3:36 a.m., a caller reported a man on the 200 block of Mill Street was in a fight with another person, and he may have been brandishing a gun. Police made contact with the man who was reportedly causing the disturbance. The man had been drinking and police were unable to locate any weapon. The man was advised to keep it down.

[They must have filled their "drunk in public" quota for the night. Or is 4am a shift change?]

At 9:22 a.m., a woman called from the 16000 block of Autumn Oak Road to report her teen daughter was flying out of control because she took away the girl's text messaging privileges. The girl was throwing things around the house. The mother was upset because of the cost of the service. A deputy mediated the situation.

[Text messaging? Throwing things around the house? I can hardly wait for my daughter to hit the teen years.]

At 11:23 a.m., a woman from the same Autumn Oak Road address reported the teenage girl was hitting her sibling and the caller because she was very upset about text messaging being taken away. An officer made contact and the alleged victim declined prosecution for assault. The juvenile was outside in the brush.

[I'm sorry, if my daughter was hitting me, the police would not need to get involved even once. And, if they had to get involved, somebody would be spending a night in the slam.]

At 2:30 p.m., a woman called from the 14000 block of Dalmatian Drive to report her neighbor threatened to kill all of her dogs for no reason. The caller was afraid the neighbor had mental health issues.

[The pressure of living on Dalmatian Drive just got to the neighbor I bet.]

At 8:26 a.m., the Placer County Sheriff's Office asked the Nevada County Sheriff's Office to contact a man regarding a burned Hyundai. Deputies attempted to make contact, but the man was dead, and they advised the Placer County.

[That second sentence is a self-contained tragedy. Sort of "We Went Looking for Godot." Still, I wonder if this is related to the guy last week who was going to burn his car.]

At 3:04 p.m. a caller reported seeing a deer wrapped in a green blanket that smelled deceased on the side of the road on Rough and Ready Highway.

[Smelled deceased? Wasn't the fact that it was wrapped in a green blanket and presumably laying on the ground sufficient? Did it have to pass the sniff test?]

At 5 p.m. a caller from the 11200 block of Sierra Circle reported a golf cart had been abandoned in her yard for two days and she was concerned it might be stolen.

[I've said it before and I will say it again: Lock up your golf carts!]

At 7:31 a.m. a caller reported seeing a white pickup truck on the 13900 block of Highway 49 with a male and female in the back cutting the head off a deer.

[How did it smell? Or were they filming "Bring Me the Head of Bambi's Mother?"]

At 12:17 a.m. a woman called from Connie Drive saying there were lights hovering in the sky, possibly from a UFO, just south of her residence.

[I have waited five years for a UFO report to appear in the police blotter. It came sooner than I expected.]

At 6:50 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported hearing a male voice yelling in a field in the back of an apartment complex. Police made contact with a 42-year-old man and arrested him for probation violation.

[I always think, "If you have a warrant or are on probation, wouldn't you want to play things cool?" But, then, this may explain why these people have warrants or are on probation.]

At 11:55 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Carpenter Street reported a rock hit a skylight. Police determined it was possibly a walnut.

[Case files that will never make it into any remake of "Dragnet."]

At 6:49 p.m., a woman called from the 13000 block of Rough and Ready Highway to report her daughter was smoking marijuana in front of her younger brother and refusing to reveal where it was. The woman said she was leaving the residence to go to Bible study but wanted a deputy to cite the girl while she was gone. When the deputy was at the residence to cite the girl, she ran.

[Okay, some things are more important that bible study. But then, this attitude probably explains why her daughter is smoking marijuana and probably running up a huge text messaging bill.]

At 9:03 p.m., deputies alerted local law enforcement to be on the lookout for a 17-year-old girl who ran from them when they were about to cite her for disturbing the peace and being under the influence of marijuana.

[Somehow I think they deputy did not give chase with any enthusiasm, not that I blame him. Still, a stoned 17-year-old girl got away from him. That had to get some comments back at the station.]

At 7:43 a.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Loma Rica Drive reported a foul odor coming from an apartment. The caller said this had been ongoing and the fumes were so bad they were making other tenants sick in the building. A deputy made contact and there was no odor in the area. The caller was given the deputy's card and told to call again when the smell is around.

[My friend Nick has this problem. His neighbors eat only burned food. We speculate that this is for religious reasons.]

At 2:14 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Brunswick Road to report a man took a fraudulent check from a customer after she told him not to take any more checks.

[You can fire the employee, but he has not committed a crime, unless you can prove he was in league with the passer of the bad check.]

At 9:05 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Ophir Street reported his apartment was broken into and his crayfish was stolen. Police made contact and were unable to locate any point of entry.

[Could there be escaped crayfish on the loose?!?]

At 12:41 a.m., a woman called to report someone has been trying to break into her son-in-law's house on the 10000 block of Lime Kiln Road to try and kill him. Deputies determined the call was unfounded.

[Another case of wishful thinking.]

At 10:09 a.m., a caller from Dog Bar Road reported being assaulted. A person grabbed the caller's arm during a discussion about loose dogs and driving too fast. The caller requested a log entry only.

[Loose dogs and fast cars! Wasn't that picture in the series along with the dogs playing poker?]

At 12:14 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Torrey Pines Drive reported forged money orders. The crime was committed in Canada and was incomplete.

[That seems like a long way to go to "almost" commit a crime.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXVII

At 8:16 p.m., a woman from the 800 block of Zion Street reported her neighbors were trying to break into her home, have sex with her, maim and kill her. She denied she had been drinking.

[The denial! That colors the whole entry.]

At 2:17 a.m., a caller from Carpenter Street in Grass Valley reported smoke that smelled funny was in the air. Police were unable to locate the source of the smell.

[Another police call for "funny smells." I wonder who gets assigned to follow these up?]

At 2:48 p.m., police arrested two people at a business on the 100 block of South Auburn Street. An 18-year-old woman was arrested for resisting arrest, obstructing or resisting a police officer and battery of a police officer, and an 18-year-old man was arrested for resisting arrest, false representation of identity to a peace officer, battery of a police officer and obstructing or resisting a police officer.

[I like when the list of charges are all around the actual arrest and no other crime is listed. To be resisting arrest, don't you have to be under arrest for something else?]

At 10:30 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of South School Street reported a man was undressing in front of a window. The caller said the building was condemned and no one was supposed to be there. Police made contact with the man, who said he was renting. Police would follow up.

[Wasn't this an episode of "Friends?"]

At 1:34 p.m., a caller reported a man, who was possibly homeless, loitering at the CHP building on the 900 block of Sutton Way.

[Calling the police to report somebody loitering outside of the police station....]

At 9:07 a.m., a caller from the 700 block of Zion Street reported a man and a woman were shoving and pushing each other. Officers stood by while the couple "worked it out."

[The police said they would "knock their heads together" if they didn't straighten up.]

At 10:33 a.m., a caller from South Auburn Street reported a person waving a blue bandana appeared to have been drinking and was making people feel very uncomfortable.
[Is he waving at me? That's just so weird. Call the police.]

At 11:39 a.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Miners Trail to report two men soliciting a new business made her feel uncomfortable. Police were unable to locate the men.

[Did the Mikes move on to a new business?]

At 12:23 p.m., a caller from Walsh Street reported a suspicious-looking man was going door-to-door.

[They are out in force.]

At 12:41 p.m., a caller from Carpenter Street reported a solicitor was in the area. Police made contact. There were six solicitors in town. Police spoke to the driver who would pick up the solicitors and leave town.

[I always thought running people out of town or dropping them at the city limits was just a cliche.]

At 5:08 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Oak Leaf Drive reported a girl was hitting herself in the head with her fists and striking other people in the residence. A deputy mediated the situation and everyone involved agreed the girl needed to go to counseling.

[But did she get the counseling she needed?]

At 12:54 a.m., a woman called from the 13000 Naomi Way to report her television just came on in the other room and channels were being changed.

[I want to know how this one played out. Wasn't this an episode of "The Twilight Zone?"]

At 4:31 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported a monster truck with a 9-inch lift, 37-inch tires and a missing grill was taken by someone the caller knew. Police would follow up.

[Monster truck theft! How much would you bet that there was serious pride in the caller's voice as he announce the "9-inch lift" and the "37-inch tires?"]

At 6:20 a.m., a caller from a hotel on West Main Street reported a lost or stolen knife, approximately 11 inches long, with a fixed blade. One side of the knife read "Randall Made Orlando Florida," and the other side read "Thrasher."

[A hard day, first you lose your monster truck and then your knife....]

At 4:56 p.m., a man from the 20000 block of McDaniel Road reported he came home to find a skinny man with a goatee parked in a brown Chevrolet Tahoe backed up against the caller's deck. Other neighbors had advised the caller the same man had been driving in and out of their driveway. The caller was concerned the man was "casing" the houses in the area.

[Truck backed up against your deck? Well, he is either a typical contractor or a burglar who believes in publicity.]

At 8:06 p.m., a woman called to say she had called the Sacramento County Sheriff's Office to report she had a dream that Christine Wilson's body had been dumped into Pittsburgh Mine. A log entry was made.

[Eyes were rolled. Sighs were heard. Life went on.]

At 2 a.m., Grass Valley Police requested a deputy to assist with a possible marijuana grow that an arrestee just admitted to having during a traffic stop.

[Way to blurt out information. "Excuse me sir, where are you headed at this hour?" "Well, I was just headed home from the marijuana patch I have back up in the... uh... oh... hmmmm...."]

At 4:38 p.m., a caller from the 400 block of Broad Street reported an older man with a long beard who was extremely drunk picked up the caller's dog in the yard and walked off with the dog. When the caller confronted him, the bearded man dropped the dog and staggered away.

[You get those prospectors full of drink and they will make a pass at anything.]

At 3:56 p.m., a caller from the 14700 block of Gracie Road just outside of Nevada City reported seeing a juvenile drive a vehicle into an unnamed city park, light it on fire, take a video of the flaming vehicle and flee the scene.

[I checked the rest of the paper, but there were no reports for of flaming vehicles. I plan to go browse YouTube tonight.]

At 9:01 p.m., a caller from Pasquale Road reported shooting and hearing a man yelling "Where are you?" The caller said the subject just ran down the street wearing jeans and white tennis shoes.

[Times when you want to resist shouting out "Here!"]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Software Made In Germany

This morning, when attempting to torture myself via SAP, I received the following error:

BSP Exception: Das Objekt session_default_frame.htm in der URL /sap(bD1lbiZjPTUwMA==) /bc/bsp/sap/zer_pinstappl/ session_default_frame.htm ist nicht gültig. [red highlighting is mine]

Sure, you can read it, if you know that gültig means "valid" in German. (Also interesting is that "URL" gets the masculine gender auf Duetsch.) But you wonder what other errors lurk in Business Server Pages.

This is the first time, for me at least, that SAP has been obstinate and multilingual at the same time. The clincher though is the actual "Error Type" which reads:

Your SAP Business Server Pages Team

You've got that right!

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXVI

At 12:29 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of King Court reported coming home and finding a tree service cutting down the caller's trees.

[Well, I'm pretty sure at least you don't have to pay them at that point....]

At 8:22 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Hydraulic Ridge Close reported the theft of a leaf blower and ladder from her front porch. At 8:34 p.m., the caller notified deputies that the thief had returned the items.

[A considerate thief! Or the caller forgot she put them in the garage, which seems more likely.]

At 11:09 p.m., a caller from Highway 20 reported someone was throwing pumpkins off the overpass.

[Well, it is the season....]

At 4:26 p.m., a caller from the 500 block of Idaho-Maryland Road reported two loose dogs - a pit bull and a boxer - had chased a cat and scratched the caller's vehicle. Animal Control was notified.

[It is the little details that people put in that make for much of the humor. Two dogs on the loose, there is the reason for the call. Scratching the caller's car was just icing on the cake.]

At 9:33 a.m., a woman called from a park on the 18000 block of Penn Valley Drive reported a pit bull attacked her German shepherd. The woman said she pepper sprayed the pit bull and its owner. The woman was charged with assault. A report was forwarded to Animal Control and the District Attorney.

[Pepper sprayed the pit bull AND the owner? That did not seem to help the situation.]

At 10:58 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Keenan Way reported a 17-year-old boy ran away, and that he runs away frequently. The caller said the boy's 18-year-old girlfriend contributed to his behavior. The juvenile was located by Roseville police.

[At some point you have to sit down and discuss the definition of "running away."]

At 2:53 p.m., a man called from the 10000 block of Berggren Lane to report people came into his yard and onto his deck and were mocking his wife. When his wife threatened to let the dog out of the house, the people left.

[And here I am, mocking her again. Are roving bands of mockers an issue in Nevada County?]

At 9:14 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Hummingbird Drive reported a man was acting strange. He had been threatening to kill people and was carrying a large knife.

[Now, see, here is something that deserves a police report. Of course, we don't even get to find out if the police could find the man or not.]

At 12:15 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported two men in their 20s going door to door selling magazine subscriptions, and both gave the name of Mike. Police were unable to locate the men.

[You haven't heard of "Mike & Mike Magazine Sales?" Me either.]

At 4:33 p.m., a caller from a business on the 700 block of East Main Street reported being hit with golf balls from a nearby apartment complex. Police contacted with three people who apologized to the business owner.

[I have no idea why the police had to get involved and coerce an apology out of these people. And no drunk in public arrest either! These guys... and you know they were guys... were hitting golf balls on Main Street, sober, and in the middle of the afternoon.]

At 7:44 p.m., police arrested a 29-year-old man who was in the police station lobby waiting to talk to an officer. There was a warrant for the man's arrest.

[It is nice when these come with free delivery.]

At 7:58 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Lode Line Way reported three men were driving around town in a van going door to door asking for money. A deputy responded and found the men were selling magazines.

[But what was the name of the third man? Mike?]

At 8:20 p.m., a caller reported two men were walking in and out of traffic on Nevada City Highway. Police contact with the men and they headed home.

[Fun times! Let's go walk in and out of traffic! Nah, the police told us to knock that off last week.]

At 12:43 a.m., a 24-year-old man turned himself in on a local warrant at the police station. He was arrested.

[Well, at least he was probably ready for the result.]

At 7:39 a.m., a caller reported finding bones with fabric on them on Relief Hill Road. Deputies determined the bones were from a cow, and the material on them was cowhide.

[Cow hide. That "fabric" on the outside of cows.]

At 3:57 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Clay Street reported a blue Toyota Tacoma pickup was parked on the side of the street facing the wrong way. It was occupied by two men, possibly selling meat. Police made contact and advised the men to leave city limits.

[Would you buy meat from guys selling it out of the back of their pickup truck, even if it was correctly parked?]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)