Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXII

At 8:23 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Sutton Way to report her mother tried to headbutt her.

[Um... ouch. Be careful if she asks for a hug I guess.]

At 1:25 a.m., a woman called to report what sounded like fireworks. Police checked the area and found an unattended barbecue fire on the 400 block of Brighton Street. The fire was extinguished and police told juveniles to go to bed.

[I like when blotter entries go non-sequitur on you.]

At 2:23 p.m., a woman called from Penn Valley Road near Easy Street to report a man was in violation of a court order for visitation. The man would possibly be getting into a black Isuzu Trooper with the caller's children. The man drinks a 24-pack of beer a day and had likely been drinking. A deputy would contact the woman.

[My guess would be that you will find him somewhere close to a men's room.]

At 10:21 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Robin Avenue to report finding women's underwear near her mailbox. The caller had heard a fight earlier in the morning and she believed the underwear was suspicious. The woman did not want deputies to contact her.

[Suspicious underwear!]

At 12:28 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West Main Street reported receiving a strange phone call requesting pedophilia insurance. Officers made contact with the suspicious caller and found that the report was unfounded.

[Unfounded? Was the caller actually requesting something like necrophilia insurance instead?]

At 9:29 p.m., a caller from the 400 block of Lamarque Court reported that a dog had been barking for over an hour. Animal Control responded and was unable to quiet the dog, but would follow up with the owners in the morning.

[Small comfort for those trying to sleep.]

At 5:23 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported that a shirtless man
who had been talking to himself and waving his arms was lying down in the parking lot. Officers made contact with the man and advised him to move along.

[We haven't had a shirtless guy report in a while, much less a crazy one lying in a parking lot.]

At 12:19 a.m., a caller from Pyrenees Court reported that the neighbor’s lights were on, but the neighbors were out of the country. Deputies responded and found a house sitter on the scene.

[Well, three cheers for the neighborhood watch I suppose. How do you prove you are the house sitter?]

At 9:53 a.m., a caller from a business on Nevada City Highway reported a man fell off his motorcycle and then was run over by his motorcycle. The man was given medical treatment.

[Insult/injury ratio: High]

At 6:34 p.m., a caller from Pioneer Park reported a man without a shirt was passed out on the bridge by the tennis courts. Police arrested the man.

[Warm weather and the shirtless guy reports start. They seem to be more unconscious compared to last summer.]

At 7:45 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive asked for a welfare check on a neighbor who has been yelling and shouting profanities at nothing and nobody.

[Quite an audience, both nothing and nobody.]

At 11:31 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Berryman Street reported a loud noise that sounded like hammering coming from inside a neighbor's house. Contact was made with the residents who were advised to cease construction.

[We had a neighbor for a while that would suddenly get on a remodelling kick at 10pm on weeknights. He was very understanding, but you had to keep reminding him that power tools that late are annoying.]

At 6:06 a.m., a caller from the 500 block of Blight Road called to report someone had come into her residence last night and taken her check book. The woman called back to say she had found her check book.

[Behold the woman who apparently has never before lost anything in her life!]

At 2:12 a.m., a man from the 15000 block of Wolf Mountain Road reported a "crazy lady" was out to get him. The man didn't know the address where he was when he called and said he knocked on the door of a random house and when no one came to the door he let himself in and called for help. The man was crying on the phone.

[Who is the crazy one here?]

At 8:46 a.m., July 14, GVFD responded to a vehicle fire on Highway 49 near Idaho-Maryland Rd. The first arriving engine company reported smoke showing from the engine compartment but no open flame. The fire had not spread to nearby vegetation. The smoke was caused by an extremely hot transmission, which fire crews cooled.

[Our brave fire fighters reduced to being a pit crew.]

At 12:50 p.m., July 14, GVFD responded to a reported commercial structure fire on East Main Street. Before they arrived, units were notified that the fire was not in a structure but rather a planter box in front of City Hall. Firefighters found and extinguished the small, smoldering fire, caused by a discarded cigarette butt.

[I wonder if these sorts of calls annoy the fire fighters. I wonder if they ever think, "You know, you could have put that out by dumping your latte on it rather than calling us."]

At 3:04 a.m., a caller from Mill and Chapel streets reported what sounded like a man screaming. Police checked the area and arrested a 19-year-old man on suspicion of resisting arrest and public drunkenness.

[I just like that it is "suspicion of resisting arrest," as though the police really need a third party to make that determination. (Yes, due process and all that.) I especially like when that is the only charge listed.]

At 8:37 a.m., a caller from Newtown Road reported mailboxes were knocked down. The California Highway Patrol determined vandals were responsible.

[Good. They've ruled out the wind at least.]

At 9:25 a.m., a woman called from a grocery store on the 100 block of Neal Street to report a delivery driver told her a transient was behind the store beating himself up. Police responded and issued a citation.

[Is beating yourself up a crime?]

At 2:05 p.m., a woman called from the 100 block of Ophir Street to report random people at her apartment complex were harassing her. Police determined no crime had been committed.

[You are so random!]

At 3:57 p.m., a caller from Idaho-Maryland Road between Brunswick Road and Sutton Way reported a man standing next to a white car wasn't wearing any clothing. Police determined the man was picking berries and he was fully clothed.

[Glad we got that sorted out. Naked berry picking just doesn't fly in Nevada County. Was he wearing tan clothing?]

At 4:42 p.m., a caller from Hughes Road at Ridge Road reported being hit in the neck by a toy dart while he was driving. Police contacted the caller, who said the dart may have come from a gold sedan.

[Okay, this is going beyond Air Soft guns now.]

At 7:06 a.m., a caller from Sierra College Drive reported a drunken man wearing jeans and no shirt was staggering. Police contacted the 46-year-old man, who said he was having some mental difficulties. He said he was making his way to Auburn, where he could get some help.

[No shirt, but at least upright and staggering... and he knew he needed help, if only he could get to Auburn.]

At 1:25 p.m., a man from the 10000 block of Quincy Lane reported he was told his wife thinks it would be easier to sell their ranch and get rid of all his personal property if he were dead. The man wanted a log entry, but did not want a deputy to respond.

[You have to admit the logic of her position.]

At 10:16 p.m., a woman from the 18000 block of Lake Forest Drive reported her husband stole cash out of her wallet.

[Welcome to California, which is a community property state. You wallet is his wallet too.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)