Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXIV

At 1:46 p.m., a caller from the 600 block of Morgan Ranch Drive reported finding credit cards in a hay bale.

[Nothing in the news about a horrible bailer accident, so I assume somebody was hiding them in there.]

At 5:35 p.m., a caller requested contact from a police officer regarding a human bite that occurred Saturday at the Commercial Street parking lot. The caller did not know who did the biting.

[It was all a blur of teeth, lips, gums... glaven...]

At 2:13 p.m., a woman at the police station lobby asked how to restrain a person who was attempting to hurt themselves. The woman then left and ran out of the parking lot onto South Auburn toward Main Street. Contact was made with the woman and her daughter; no further assistance was required.

[Good thing she did not ask about, say, robbing a bank.]

At 12:36 a.m., an officer noticed an open door to a residence with the lights on the 800 block of Morgan Ranch Drive. The officer made contact with the occupants and determined no further assistance was required.

[Further assistance? It has not been demonstrated that he was of any assistance up to that point.]

At 10:33 p.m., a man from the 17000 block of Alexandra Way reported three suspicious people in his driveway who kept ringing the doorbell and then running away. The man was on his way home when his wife and daughter called and told him about it.

[Worst game of doorbell ditch ever, if they are just standing on the driveway. I suspect they know the daughter.]

At 4:54 a.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Tyler Foote Crossing reported a dog hanging by a rope in the doorway of a closed and empty business. The dog appeared to be a coyote. Police took a report.

[Oh, it is just a coyote. Well that's okay then. He's even wearing Acme Jet Skates.]

At 12:05 p.m., a caller from the 500 block of Linden Avenue reported that her roommate was an alcoholic and that she had called his employer and reported that she couldn't get him out of bed. Officers made contact with the man, who was allegedly drunk and said he wasn't feeling well.

[I think he might be allegedly hung over by noon the following day. Still, how is this a police matter?]

At 8:58 a.m., a caller from Branding Iron Road requested extra patrol because people were lighting fires in the middle of the roadway and was concerned because the people did not live there.

[9 am is a little early for bonfires, isn't it?]

At 10:29 p.m., a caller from the 19000 block of Branding Iron Road reported that two men were standing in his driveway, drinking beer.

[But not lighting fires, right?]

At 8:50 p.m., a caller from Sutton Way reported that a suspicious black suitcase had been left on the sidewalk. Later the caller reported that the object was merely a bush.

[And the chest of drawers... it was just a hedge.]

At 10:16 a.m., a man from the 21000 block of Big Oak Drive reported his neighbor blows an air horn in the mornings. A deputy contacted the caller.

[I suppose we all have our morning rituals.]

At 12:50 p.m., a caller from the 20000 block of Tyler Foote Crossing Road was asking why his phone was tapped. He stated that he wanted real cops, not undercover cops to help him. He was directed to the mental health center, where his parents met him and was suspected of being drunk in public.

[Real cops, please! The undercover cops are the ones tapping my phone!]

At 1:55 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of East Lime Kiln Road reported that there were annoying phone calls being made to a cell phone. The person was advised to contact Verizon for assistance.

[Or maybe just turn off the cell phone? They have an off button.]

At 5:48 a.m., a man from the 600 block of Whiting Street reported his car was covered in shaving cream and plastic wrap and litter. He was unsure whether there was any damage. Police determined it was a practical joke.

[Yes, we have ruling it... and it was, indeed, a practical joke.]

At 6:03 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Lake Wildwood Drive reported someone was peeing on her door.

[At that very moment?]

At 8:50 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 reported that a son was walking on the side of the highway and refused to come inside. The caller said the son was mentally unstable and wanted to walk to Modesto.

[I think that pretty much confirms the diagnosis. Walking to New Orleans, yes. Walking to Modesto, no.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)