Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXVI

At 4:58 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Mill Street reported an older man went into a store and bought an expensive item for a young man. The caller felt uncomfortable about it and wanted to speak to an officer. Police contacted the man and determined there was no criminal issue.

[Now we are calling the police over our level of discomfort? I assume "young man" implies "over the age of consent."

At 5:02 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 by Lime Kiln Road reported a disabled truck was in the middle of the road with its flashers on. Dispatchers called the CHP and were on hold for 14 minutes. The dispatchers could not hold any longer.

[Makes you feel confident in your ability to get ahold of the CHP.]

At 8:39 p.m., a woman caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive to report her neighbor was outside yelling random political statements. An officer contacted the neighbor, who was inside the house talking on the phone.

[Were they truly random, or did they have a common theme?]

At 8:45 p.m., a woman called from the 600 block of Kate Hayes Street to report her neighbor was taking her patio furniture. Police determined the property had been returned. The woman would call back if the neighbor were to return.

[You have to have some brass to start making off with your neighbors patio furniture.]

At 12:51 p.m., a caller from the 700 block of Whiting Street reported his ex-wife and another woman were at his business shredding documents and destroying the business.

[Was that part of the settlement?]

At 1:57 p.m., officers responded to a small compact car that rolled over in a ditch southbound on the Golden Center Freeway Idaho-Maryland Road. There were no injuries.

[Not one of those huge compact cars, just a small one.]

At 9:40 p.m., a caller from the 400 block of Marshall Street reported a customer was extremely intoxicated and pushed an employee and destroyed a pizza. The caller did not wish to press charges, but wanted the man to be counseled. Police made contact and counseled the man.

[Pizza destruction! I picture the Death Star blowing up, only with a lot of pepperoni.]

At 10:53 p.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Pawnee Trail reported multiple firearms had been stolen three and six years ago. Police determined that the person had been drinking.

[Drinking? How unusual.]

A 5:59 p.m. caller from the 10000 block of Boulder Street reported two injured peacocks on her property.

[Now there is a report you do not get every day. Will animal control respond? We will probably never know.]

A 5:24 p.m. a caller from the 900 block of Sutton Way advised that radiation was burning her alive.

[Step away from the microwave?]

At 11:36 a.m., a caller from an apartment complex on the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a female neighbor had been banging on the wall for the last two hours, saying she was locked in the bathroom. The woman's front door was locked, and the caller had been unable to find the apartment manager. Police assisted the woman.

[A heck of a way to introduce yourself to your neighbors!]

At 9:28 a.m., a man in the police station lobby reported a woman was accusing him of stalking her. An officer contacted the man.

[I get the feeling that this is not going to play out as he planned.]

At 9:03 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Flume Street reported the Virgin Mary was stolen from the backyard. She was last seen two weeks ago. Police contacted the caller, who did not need a report taken. Four hours later, the statue was found.

[This was on a Sunday, of course. Nobody cares where the Virgin Mary is on Thursday afternoon.]

At 7:25 p.m., a caller from Indian Springs Road reported a dog just brought bones inside. A deputy determined the bones were deer remains, not human. The deputy determined the caller had been drinking.

[Drinking? How unusual.]

At 7:38 p.m., a caller reported a drunken man was sleeping in the gravel on the 500 block of Packard Street. Police contacted the 54-year-old man, who was not drunk and was just taking a nap.

[Gravel nap! You don't have to be drunk to take one!]

At 3:56 p.m., a caller from Elizabeth Daniels Park reported a person was in the park with a python. An officer contacted the caller and advised possessing the snake was not a crime or violation of a city ordinance.

[Remember, you read it here first.]

At 8:33 p.m., a caller from a bar on the 100 block of Mill Street reported a 53-year-old man fell off a stool. The man was transported to the hospital emergency room.

[And the surest sign that you have had enough.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)