Thursday, July 26, 2007

Cannot Bear the Worms

I bought a small package of Gummi Bears from the vending machine at the office today.

In this bag there was something of a bonus... or at least something different.

There was a big Gummi Worm in the bag, the kind that are two flavors mixed together in alternating segments. This particular one was red and... is it white or clear... the flavor without color.

This lead to some speculation about the relationship between Gummi Bears and Worms.

We eventually decided that worms represent some sort of immature state of bears, and that when the worm reached maturity, the segments would break apart and develop into individual bears.

For no particular reason, I could not bring myself to eat the worm at that point, a problem I have had with Mezcal as well.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXII

At 8:23 p.m., a woman called from the 300 block of Sutton Way to report her mother tried to headbutt her.

[Um... ouch. Be careful if she asks for a hug I guess.]

At 1:25 a.m., a woman called to report what sounded like fireworks. Police checked the area and found an unattended barbecue fire on the 400 block of Brighton Street. The fire was extinguished and police told juveniles to go to bed.

[I like when blotter entries go non-sequitur on you.]

At 2:23 p.m., a woman called from Penn Valley Road near Easy Street to report a man was in violation of a court order for visitation. The man would possibly be getting into a black Isuzu Trooper with the caller's children. The man drinks a 24-pack of beer a day and had likely been drinking. A deputy would contact the woman.

[My guess would be that you will find him somewhere close to a men's room.]

At 10:21 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Robin Avenue to report finding women's underwear near her mailbox. The caller had heard a fight earlier in the morning and she believed the underwear was suspicious. The woman did not want deputies to contact her.

[Suspicious underwear!]

At 12:28 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West Main Street reported receiving a strange phone call requesting pedophilia insurance. Officers made contact with the suspicious caller and found that the report was unfounded.

[Unfounded? Was the caller actually requesting something like necrophilia insurance instead?]

At 9:29 p.m., a caller from the 400 block of Lamarque Court reported that a dog had been barking for over an hour. Animal Control responded and was unable to quiet the dog, but would follow up with the owners in the morning.

[Small comfort for those trying to sleep.]

At 5:23 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported that a shirtless man
who had been talking to himself and waving his arms was lying down in the parking lot. Officers made contact with the man and advised him to move along.

[We haven't had a shirtless guy report in a while, much less a crazy one lying in a parking lot.]

At 12:19 a.m., a caller from Pyrenees Court reported that the neighbor’s lights were on, but the neighbors were out of the country. Deputies responded and found a house sitter on the scene.

[Well, three cheers for the neighborhood watch I suppose. How do you prove you are the house sitter?]

At 9:53 a.m., a caller from a business on Nevada City Highway reported a man fell off his motorcycle and then was run over by his motorcycle. The man was given medical treatment.

[Insult/injury ratio: High]

At 6:34 p.m., a caller from Pioneer Park reported a man without a shirt was passed out on the bridge by the tennis courts. Police arrested the man.

[Warm weather and the shirtless guy reports start. They seem to be more unconscious compared to last summer.]

At 7:45 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive asked for a welfare check on a neighbor who has been yelling and shouting profanities at nothing and nobody.

[Quite an audience, both nothing and nobody.]

At 11:31 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Berryman Street reported a loud noise that sounded like hammering coming from inside a neighbor's house. Contact was made with the residents who were advised to cease construction.

[We had a neighbor for a while that would suddenly get on a remodelling kick at 10pm on weeknights. He was very understanding, but you had to keep reminding him that power tools that late are annoying.]

At 6:06 a.m., a caller from the 500 block of Blight Road called to report someone had come into her residence last night and taken her check book. The woman called back to say she had found her check book.

[Behold the woman who apparently has never before lost anything in her life!]

At 2:12 a.m., a man from the 15000 block of Wolf Mountain Road reported a "crazy lady" was out to get him. The man didn't know the address where he was when he called and said he knocked on the door of a random house and when no one came to the door he let himself in and called for help. The man was crying on the phone.

[Who is the crazy one here?]

At 8:46 a.m., July 14, GVFD responded to a vehicle fire on Highway 49 near Idaho-Maryland Rd. The first arriving engine company reported smoke showing from the engine compartment but no open flame. The fire had not spread to nearby vegetation. The smoke was caused by an extremely hot transmission, which fire crews cooled.

[Our brave fire fighters reduced to being a pit crew.]

At 12:50 p.m., July 14, GVFD responded to a reported commercial structure fire on East Main Street. Before they arrived, units were notified that the fire was not in a structure but rather a planter box in front of City Hall. Firefighters found and extinguished the small, smoldering fire, caused by a discarded cigarette butt.

[I wonder if these sorts of calls annoy the fire fighters. I wonder if they ever think, "You know, you could have put that out by dumping your latte on it rather than calling us."]

At 3:04 a.m., a caller from Mill and Chapel streets reported what sounded like a man screaming. Police checked the area and arrested a 19-year-old man on suspicion of resisting arrest and public drunkenness.

[I just like that it is "suspicion of resisting arrest," as though the police really need a third party to make that determination. (Yes, due process and all that.) I especially like when that is the only charge listed.]

At 8:37 a.m., a caller from Newtown Road reported mailboxes were knocked down. The California Highway Patrol determined vandals were responsible.

[Good. They've ruled out the wind at least.]

At 9:25 a.m., a woman called from a grocery store on the 100 block of Neal Street to report a delivery driver told her a transient was behind the store beating himself up. Police responded and issued a citation.

[Is beating yourself up a crime?]

At 2:05 p.m., a woman called from the 100 block of Ophir Street to report random people at her apartment complex were harassing her. Police determined no crime had been committed.

[You are so random!]

At 3:57 p.m., a caller from Idaho-Maryland Road between Brunswick Road and Sutton Way reported a man standing next to a white car wasn't wearing any clothing. Police determined the man was picking berries and he was fully clothed.

[Glad we got that sorted out. Naked berry picking just doesn't fly in Nevada County. Was he wearing tan clothing?]

At 4:42 p.m., a caller from Hughes Road at Ridge Road reported being hit in the neck by a toy dart while he was driving. Police contacted the caller, who said the dart may have come from a gold sedan.

[Okay, this is going beyond Air Soft guns now.]

At 7:06 a.m., a caller from Sierra College Drive reported a drunken man wearing jeans and no shirt was staggering. Police contacted the 46-year-old man, who said he was having some mental difficulties. He said he was making his way to Auburn, where he could get some help.

[No shirt, but at least upright and staggering... and he knew he needed help, if only he could get to Auburn.]

At 1:25 p.m., a man from the 10000 block of Quincy Lane reported he was told his wife thinks it would be easier to sell their ranch and get rid of all his personal property if he were dead. The man wanted a log entry, but did not want a deputy to respond.

[You have to admit the logic of her position.]

At 10:16 p.m., a woman from the 18000 block of Lake Forest Drive reported her husband stole cash out of her wallet.

[Welcome to California, which is a community property state. You wallet is his wallet too.]

Source: The Union (

Friday, July 20, 2007

One Year Ago

One year ago today I switched over from annoying a small group of friends with the police blotter via email and moved to the Blogger format.

Now, a year later, I feel good that I have helped spread the word about the dangers of:

  • Not locking your car doors
  • Damaging telephone equipment during a domstic dispute
  • Jumping in and out of traffic
  • Being stupid when on probation
  • Demon gin
  • Neighbors in general
But above all, according to the site statistics, I was most successful at speading the word about what happened after the Death Star blew up and how much information Wikipedia has on Pokemon.

I look forward to another year.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LXI

At 8:18 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Bank Street reported a man fell down on the sidewalk. Police arrested a 49-year-old man on suspicion of public drunkenness and violation of probation.

[Most embarrassing way to blow your probation?]

At 2:43 a.m., a woman called from the 200 block of South Church Street to report hearing a man say, "Oh great, I'm going to die on the steps of a church." The woman heard the voice through her open window and she could not see anyone on the steps of the church. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[Still, a great final phrase.]

At 8:58 p.m., a caller from a business on the 100 block of Neal Street reported that a man asked for a free sandwich and made a scene when he was denied.

[What do you mean "there is no such thing as a free lunch?" Gimme a sandwich!]

At 2:08 a.m., a caller from the 500 block of Mill Street reported that a man wearing a flowered shirt and khakis had passed out on the sidewalk. When officers made contact with the man, he said he was waiting for his dog. Officers escorted him back to his hotel.

[He is usually back by now. Hey... no... he'll be pissed if I'm not here.]

At 2:03 p.m., a caller from the 16000 block of Duggans Road reported that a neighbor threatened to turn him in for having horses running loose on his property and threatened to drive her car into a horse and kill it if she saw one on the road. Before leaving, she threw rocks at the caller and swerved her car toward some horses.

[Some serious horse hate there. And stupidity. If you think a deer will mess up a car when you hit it, try a full grown horse.]

At 2:13 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Diamond Oaks Drive reported that a man in his 40s with long dreadlocks knocked on his back door and started asking invasive questions about who lived at the house and when they were usually home. The caller thought that the man was casing the property for possible theft.

[If he was "casing the joint," as they say, it has to be the least effective job of social engineering I've seen.]

At 7:49 p.m., a caller from Lowell Hill reported that he was seeing bullets flying over his house, and that in the past gunfire had been going off in the middle of the night in what he didn't feel was a "safe manner."

[Give that man an eye test if he can see bullets flying over his house.]

At 6 p.m., a man from the 200 block of Sutton Way reported receiving calls from an unknown source telling him to stay away from the unknown source's wife.

[You would think that, if the person in question was pestering the unknown source's wife he could figure out who this unknown source was pretty quickly.]

At 1:41 a.m., a woman called from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive to report she's been cutting herself and would like to bleed more. Officers contacted the caller and transported her to the medical emergency room for a mental health evaluation.

[Come bleed with us, T-rex!]

At 10:04 a.m., July 4, GVFD responded to a call from a person locked inside his bedroom near Hughes Road. At the scene, firefighters went up to the second floor and confirmed the incident. The occupant was installing a new lock but had accidentally placed it backwards so the lock was on the outside of the door. Fire personnel entered the house and resolved the problem.

[Lesson: Always carry your cell phone if you plan to do something stupid.]

At 2:12 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Littlejohn Lane to report she was in her driveway and two dogs would not let her out of her vehicle.

[Presumably they were not her dogs.]

At 2:36 p.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Littlejohn Lane to report her gates were opened, her dogs were let loose and the front door was unlocked. She didn't believe anything was missing, and she requested extra patrol.

[Well, at least we know where the dogs came from.]

At 6:17 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Skaith Bend reported his marijuana was being contaminated by bleach. The caller believed his neighbor was responsible but he did not have any proof his neighbor did it.

[We haven't seen a marijuana call in the news for a while. I thought somebody stole all the medical plants last year.]

At 3:18 p.m., a woman called from the 100 block of Ocean Avenue to report a man was trespassing at a residence for sale. The woman said she received calls from neighbors about it. There was no damage done. In fact, the man washed the windows and cleaned the bathroom. The caller requested extra patrol.

[A sanitary crime spree!]

At 3:54 p.m., a woman called from a business on the 1000 block of East Main Street to report a man entered the business, started trying on capes and wanted the caller to look at him. The man shut himself in the changing room when another man walked into the store. The woman believed the man wearing the capes was trying to expose himself to her. Police contacted the caller.

[Capes? Was this a costume shop?]

At 8:18 p.m., a caller from Kentucky Flats Road reported hearing screaming and shots being fired. Deputies determined two people were chasing runaway pigs.

[Because gunfire is a proven method for rounding up runaway pigs.]

At 5:24 p.m., a caller from the 400 block of Butler Street reported a lost male dog named Sue. It was a black Lab, neutered and very friendly. Police notified Animal Control.
[Johnny Cash fans perhaps? At least they didn't claim the dog was stolen.]

At 7:59 a.m., a man called from the 200 block of South School Street to report a woman was screaming at him to drive him insane.

[Since when does a woman have to resort to screaming to accomplish that?]

At 8:14 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of South School Street to report a woman was screaming again. Police determined all was quiet for now.

[There is a neighborhood to avoid I would guess.]

Source: The Union (

Friday, July 13, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LX

At 7:20 p.m., a woman called from the 100 block of Celesta Drive to report a man was smoking pot in a room he was renting from the caller. Police contacted the man and advised him not to smoke.

[That will just show him. I am sure that made the domestic situation a little more tense.]

At 9:58 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Dorsey Drive reported a man with a skateboard approached the caller's mother in a strange way, then ran off when another person appeared. Police responded and would follow up with the suspect.

[Was it a silly walk? A look in his eye? The way he was holding the skateboard?]

At 1:53 p.m., police issued five parking citations in the Commercial Street parking lot.

[How did this get logged at the station? Somebody bragging?]

At 11:59 a.m., a caller from Sutton Way reported an older brown Ford Escort hit a red and white truck and left the scene. The caller located the victim who said maybe karma would get the driver of the Escort, then left.

[If they are driving an Escort, karma, instant or otherwise, is probably already at work. Either that, or the driver is an agent of karma.]

At 5:08 p.m., a caller from Maybert Road at the Canyon Creek bridge reported 10 juveniles were swimming in drinking water.

[It isn't drinking water yet if it is in the wild, is it?]

At 7:59 p.m., a caller from the 17000 block of Norlene Way reported receiving a letter in the mail from a credit card company denying credit to the caller's 11-year-old daughter.

[Well, when you haven't worked on building a good credit record, these things happen. My daughter received a pre-approved credit card application when she was only four.]

At 2:15 p.m., a man called from the 16000 block of Judith Court to report someone shined a flashlight into his car in May.

[The mind just boggles.]

At 7:15 p.m., a woman went into the police lobby with possible drugs belonging to her roommate. Police tested the substance, and it was not drugs.

[A baggie of flour maybe?]

At 9:48 a.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Tyler Foote Road said his brother had thrown a rock at him and was threatening to kill him.

[No big deal if the are, say, 7 and 9 years of age. Probably worth a check if they are in their forties.]

At 12:05 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 reported he was assaulted at an unknown address across from a business. The man said he was hit in the face by a subject who thought he was stealing dogs from the business.

[The fear of dog theft has gripped Nevada County and citizens are taking the law into their own hands.]

At 5:28 p.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Lost Lake Road reported the theft of two expensive bottles of wine from a residence.

[Because that is what people steal. Not your CD or DVD collection. Not your expensive electronics. No, somebody will be at the flea market this weekend trying to pawn off some fine wine to which they do not have legal title.]

At 1:02 p.m., a caller front he 100 block of Ophir Street reported when she came home from lunch it appeared someone had been on the back deck because some plants were knocked over, and her cat with kittens looked afraid.

[Hey, Sherlock Holmes, have you ever heard of raccoons? Or squirrels? Or did the look in momma cat's eyes just scream "humans!" at you?]

At 4:46 p.m. Wednesday, all fire departments were notified that the off-ramp at Highway 49 and Idaho-Maryland Road was on fire. When crews reached the scene, they discovered the smoke was from a cigarette.

[Well, I suppose that was something of a relief, even if it was a big waste of time.]

Source: The Union (

Monday, July 09, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LVIX

At 6:04 p.m., a caller from Memorial Park reported that 3 kids were riding scooters over memorials. Police told the kids not to return.

[Kids these days have no respect.]

At 7:52 a.m., a caller from Sutton Way requested that all vehicles in their parking lot be towed as soon as possible because they were applying asphalt this morning. Police contacted all of the owners, and the vehicles were moved.

[The lot owner probably knew about the paving months in advance. Nice that he was willing to make other people pay the price for his laziness.]

At 6:35 a.m., a caller from West Brookview Drive reported a man wearing a gray bandana on his head and brown clothing, walking up the street and carrying what appeared to be computer parts under his sweatshirt.

[Smuggling computer parts through Nevada County.]

At 8:41 a.m., a caller from East Bennett Road reported a group of transient campers who made a camp directly across the street from a camp they had been kicked out of last week. The caller said these were the same campers. The campers moved to a third camp 200 yards away.

[I have to guess that "200 yards" is the exact distance of some fine legal distinction.]

At 5:30 p.m., a caller from Elizabeth Daniels Park reported a group was getting ready to have a water fight. The caller locked the bathrooms. Police checked the area and found three people sitting on a bench. They were unable to locate the group the caller spoke of.

[Oh no! A water fight might break out in the middle of the summer in a public park! Call the cops!]

At 10:16 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of South School Street reported that a group of juveniles driving down Neal Street in a red jeep were throwing baggies filled with flour at people.

[Baggies with flour? Now there is a heck of a crime spree.]

At 11:04 p.m., a caller from the 600 block of Brighton Street reported that someone threw a baggie full of a white substance on her car.

[The red jeep juvies strike againg.]

At 7:06 a.m., a caller from the 17000 block of Virginia Way reported that a loose bull was destroying the lawn of her new property.

[Did somebody open a Schlitz Malt Liquor? Is anybody else old enough to know what I am referring to?]

At 1:20 p.m., a vehicle on the 100 block of Neal Street backed into a police patrol car. Police took a report.

[That has to be awkward.]

At 2:06 p.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Pasquale Road reported a woman was in a front yard screaming at her boyfriend. It was an ongoing problem. The caller was seeking a temporary restraining order.

[Wow, you can get a restraining order against annoying strangers, even if they are only indirectly annoying you?]

At 12:53 a.m., a woman from the 700 block of Lindley Avenue reported her roommates have been banging on her door and not letting her sleep.

[Can you get a temporary restraining order for that as well?]

At 11:43 a.m., a caller from the Litton Trail near Hughes Road reported seeing a mountain lion chasing a coyote.

[It is called nature. It is operating as designed.]

At 6:20 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Cypress Hill reported that a woman with long hair and bad teeth wearing a blue polo shirt imprinted with a vacuum logo was soliciting in the area. Officers were unable to locate the woman.

[Was she selling vacuum cleaners, or was the logo an indication that she was soliciting a different form of suction?]

At 9:27 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Wellswood Way reported his son got a bloody nose in a fight with another person who started it because the son had stolen a bong from him.

[Could you seriously get on the phone to the police to complain that another kid stole your son's bong?]

At 12:15 a.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Lakeshore North reported the theft of two bicycles and two golf clubs.

[I suspect an ad hoc game of bicycle street polo in progress.]

At 1:07 p.m., a caller from the 1000 block of East Main Street said three different cars had pulled into the drive-through of a fast-food restaurant and handed money through the window but did not receive any food. The people in the cars then parked in the restaurant's parking lot and began flashing money at each other.

[Is this some new trend in stupidity?]

Source: The Union (

Monday, July 02, 2007

Have To Side With Germany On This

It seems the German government objects to Tom Cruise playing the role of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg in the proposed movie "Valkyrie" about the July 20th plot to assassinate Hitler.

The Germans, including Stauffenberg's son Berthold, claim that their objection is based on Cruise's links to Scientology.

I think this is just cover.

German law allows them to object based on his "cult" connections, but not based on the fact that his recent performances indicate that he would screw the movie up.

And Eddie Izzard is cast in there as well. Not that I am all down on him, but for this movie?

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. LVIII

At 3:54 p.m., a caller from southbound Highway 49 at Smith Road reported that someone in a green Toyota sedan threw a cigarette from the car window. Officers advised CHP.

[You can actually report that and not get laughed off the phone?]

At 9:44 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Golden Star Road reported that four people dressed in costumes were acting suspicious in a mobile park. Deputies went to the scene and found four kids playing.

[But they were playing in a suspicious manner.]

At 2:03 a.m., an officer stopped to talk with four people in their underwear at a gas station on South Auburn Street. The people had been four-wheeling and stopped to wash their vehicle and their clothes.

[Things that make sense after midnight.]

At 8:01 a.m., a caller from a business on Railroad Avenue reported a bat had been clinging to a wall since last night.

[And? Did they mean to dial up the Guinness Book and got the police by mistake?]

At 1:22 p.m., a caller from the 13000 block of Highway 174 reported a man had taken her dog, saying he wanted to play with it and now is demanding $300 to get the dog back.

[Somehow I don't think that is going to work out for him.]

At 1:19 p.m., a caller from the 500 block of Butler Street reported juveniles were shooting Airsoft guns and hit a man who just returned from the hospital. The caller later told police the neighbors apologized and a report was unnecessary.

[The man who returned from the hospital... was he just visiting or had he been there for some major health issue? How outraged should I be about those darned kids and their Airsoft guns?]

At 8:21 p.m., a woman from the 300 block of Sutton Way reported other tenants in her apartment building walk the hallways. They also open their door when the caller opens hers. Police advised the woman there was no criminal issue.

[A mental health issue however...]

At 11:02 p.m., a woman from a store on the 1000 block of Sutton Way reported she refused to sell alcohol to people and they insisted she had to. Police contacted the woman. The people demanding the alcohol left before police arrived.

[And so nobody got a drink.]

At 5:55 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Retrac Way reported a barn was burglarized and people attempted to steal a car. The vehicle had a bad transmission and the driver drove it a quarter of a mile. Deputies were on the lookout for men who may have been on the property. The caller was going to put new locks on the gates.

[I guess there was little point in locking that car.]

At 2:50 a.m., someone called 911 from the 16000 block of Lisa Lane, then hung up. Dispatchers called back and talked with a man who said it was his 18th birthday, but there were no emergencies at the residence. Deputies arrested a woman near the party on Retrac Way on suspicion of public drunkenness. Dispatchers confirmed the party had been broken up.

[How did the dispatchers know?]

At 6:42 a.m., a man from the 10000 block of Grinding Rock Drive reported his 46-year-old son was having mental health issues. He was off his medication and was hearing voices. His son said God told him to kill his entire family at a yard sale this weekend. The son said he was going to drop off a story at The Union newspaper. He was driving a red Toyota Corolla. Deputies were on the look-out for him.

[I'm sure the staff at The Union was happy to hear about that. And what about the yard sale?]

At 4:05 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 at Wolf Road reported a short, gray-haired man was darting into traffic and hitting himself in the head. A CHP officer responded.

[Darting into traffic.]

At 1:52 p.m., a woman called from the 100 block of East Colfax Avenue to report finding cut-up pictures of her and her friends posted on Internet porn sites. Police would follow up.

[This is one of those "why do you write such horrible things about me in your diary" affairs. How did they find out? Who was surfing porn sites and noticed?]

At 4:15 p.m., a caller from Butler Street at Minnie Street reported a man refused to get off a bus. Police provided the man a ride to Shady Creek Drive.

[Nice to know that is an option with public transit.]

At 6:52 a.m., a caller from the 200 block of Barby Drive reported someone stole musical instruments - horns - from an unlocked 1999 Toyota Tacoma. Police took a report for grand theft.

[Again, lock your car doors, the thieves still need strings and woodwinds.]

At 8:16 a.m., a caller from the 800 block of Doris Drive reported someone went through two unlocked vehicles and took proof of insurance.

[More car door locking, please!]

At 10:17 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Richardson Street reported being locked out of a black Dodge with an 18-month-old child trapped inside. Police helped the caller get into the vehicle.

[Okay, too much car door locking.]

At 6:48 a.m., a deputy was flagged down by a citizen on Highway 49. The person reported the driver of a beer truck on his way to North San Juan was slumped over his steering wheel. Deputies contacted the driver who had pulled over to take a nap.

[Sleeping beer truck driver. That sounds like an opportunity.]

At 12:22 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Cypress Hill Drive reported that an iPod had been stolen from a locked car that had been parked in front of the caller's house.

[Fine... just stop leaving valuables in the car.]

At 1:08 p.m., a caller from a business on the 1000 block of Whispering Pines Lane reported that two people had purchased materials that could explode when combined.

[And did they give any indication that they planned to combine the two materials, like giggling or referring to the US as "The Great Satan?"]

At 5:56 p.m., a caller from a store on the 100 block of McKnight Way reported that a man was hitting himself and items in the store. Officers made contact with the man, who was removed from the store and asked not to return.

[People hitting themselves is getting to be as common as jumping/darting/running in and out of traffic.]

At 10:45 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported that some neighbors were having a physical dispute. Officers made contact with the residents, who said that they had been dancing, which might have been confused for fighting. Officers made contact with other residents, who said they did not hear any fighting.

[Krumping comes to Nevada County? Or was it just a vicious polka?]

At 10:51 p.m., a caller from the intersection of Hansen Lane and Bank Street reported finding a traffic hazard in the middle of the street. When the caller tried to remove it, a man attempted to assault him, and when the caller tried to leave, the man held on to his car.

[I assume the caller meant a traffic hazard warning, like one of those barricades. And, you have to admit, there was a hazard there.]

At 6:41 p.m., a caller reported a man carrying a sleeping bag on the 200 block of East Main Street was beating himself up, slapping himself and throwing himself on a rail. Police checked the area extensively and were unable to locate the man.

[As long as it wasn't the third rail.]

At 9:28 p.m., a caller from Cherry Lane at Clark Street reported a man was hitting another man with a bat. Police arrested a 53-year-old man on suspicion of public drunkenness.

[Public drunkenness seems to be the lesser issue here.]

At 9:13 a.m., a caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported a man implicated in a 2003 murder at Edward's Crossing was fraternizing with underage females at a shopping center on the 100 block of Neal Street.

[That is some pretty direct knowledge of the guy fraternizing.]

At 11:27 a.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Conifer Lane to report her neighbors were playing loud music. She sent her son to ask the neighbors to turn the music down, then the neighbors pointed potato guns at the caller and her children. Deputies contacted everyone involved and determined there was no crime.

[Tempers flare, the potato guns come out....]

At 4:07 a.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Stagecoach Way reported a man took mushrooms, and he was allergic to them. The emergency response was canceled. No arrests were made and no death was reported.

[We're not sure how this worked out.]

At 3:22 p.m., a caller reported a man reading a book behind a restaurant on the 200 block of York Street had his hands inside his pants while others walked by. Police were unable to locate the man.

[The correct response in this situation, is to ask, "What are you trying to pull?"]

Source: The Union (