Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXX

At 5:08 p.m., a caller from a business on the 300 block of Crown Point Circle reported a man was making threats he was going to shoot his care provider because she allegedly struck him over the head with a frying pan. Police contacted the man who was making threats and determined there was no assault. Police contacted a 23-year-old man and cited him for possession of a controlled substance and possession of less than an ounce of marijuana.

[A frying pan! Was this in a cartoon? And I like the extra bust tagged onto the end.]

At 12:15 p.m., a woman called from the 12000 block of Honey Mushroom Lane to report a man just shot a firearm into her property from the fence line near the street. The man got into his gray Chevrolet Tahoe, then drove away. Deputies contacted the woman and located the man just south of the woman's property. Deputies searched the vehicle and determined the woman's report was unfounded.

[Unfounded! What did happen then? Did he point his finger and yell "bang?"]

At 1:03 p.m., a caller from the 22000 block of Jennifer Drive reported a stolen 9 mm Smith and Wesson handgun, possibly taken by a worker during a remodel. When deputies checked for the gun in the Automatic Firearms System, they located it at the Lincoln Police Department evidence room. The gun was taken into evidence by Lincoln police on July 4, 2006. Deputies took a report.

[I bet there are going to be some follow up questions on this one.]

At 2:17 p.m., a woman called from the 12000 block of Loma Rica Drive to report a hole in her window made by a bullet 20 minutes ago. Deputies contacted people involved and determined the shot was an accidental discharge. No crime was committed.

[No harm, no foul? Accidental discharge though, I have some spam email that says it can cure that.]

At 5:40 p.m., someone called 911 from the 20000 block of You Bet Road. A woman was heard in the background screaming. A man said the woman hit him in the face and he was bleeding. The woman left the residence.

[I just like the name of the street. Did you get hit? You Bet!]

At 8:21 p.m., a man called from the 13000 block of Brooks Road to report a woman punched him in the face.

[There seems to be an outbreak.]

At 6:51 p.m., a caller from South Auburn Street across from a car dealership reported juveniles were putting a fake body in the roadway. Police contacted the juveniles and advised them not to put things in the roadway.

[I remember doing things like this. Were they filming it?]

At 12:39 a.m., a caller from the 300 block of Broad Street reported a person was passed out on a dance floor. Police escorted the person outside.

[Passed out on the dance floor. I hope the music was done. One misstep by a woman in heels would really make him regret his position.]

At 5:53 p.m., a woman called from the 100 block of Ophir Street to report she needed someone removed from her house who was drunk and being abusive. Police made contact and the drunk woman left for the night.

[Drunk and abusive and it wasn't even six o'clock yet.]

At 6:15 p.m., a woman called from the 100 block of Ophir Street to report a drunk woman returned to her apartment requesting her wallet. Police made contact.

[She's back!]

At 6:19 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Ophir Street advised that a woman would not return a wallet. Police made contact, the wallet was returned and the caller was advised of the proper use of 911.

[And the third try. I like ongoing stories.]

At 7 p.m., a caller from the 200 block of Neal Street reported a drunk woman was hitting her manager and left on foot headed toward a bar. She was wearing a blue or gray sweatshirt, looking "manly." A second caller reported a man was hiding in bushes on the 300 block of West Main Street. Police contacted the 43-year-old woman - the same woman from the calls on Ophir Street - and arrested her on suspicion of public drunkenness and possession of heroin.

[Holy cow, this woman gets around!]

At 11:41 a.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Farm Court reported a neighbor stole dirt. Police mediated the situation. There was no theft.

[You dirt stealin' so-and-so!]

At 8:55 a.m., a caller from the 17000 block of Indian Springs Road reported overhearing a verbal argument. A second caller reported hearing a single gunshot in the area. An additional caller reported hearing slaps and a verbal fight. Another caller reported a man and a woman ran to the back of the property when deputies arrived. Deputies were unable to locate a victim and took an informational report.

[A report which read like some sort of bad mystery novel. Didn't Snoopy write this in one comic?]

At 3:03 p.m., a caller from a bank on the 10000 block of Alta Sierra Drive reported a man came into the bank a few months ago to close his account. The man had the same name as another customer who had more money in his account. The bank made a mistake and closed the other person's account and the man took the money. The caller had been trying to get the man to return the money. The man has been cooperative and has said he would return the money, but he has not. An officer contacted the bank manager and left a message for the man to contact the bank.

[Oh, that has got to make the bank look bad. "Oh, sorry, we gave your money to a guy with the same name."]

At 8 a.m., a woman from the 17000 block of Apache Court called to report that her ex-husband had called the night before and stated if she ever called him again he would "personally find someone to take care of it."

[I suppose he could have meant a lawyer. Still, maybe she should give it a rest.]

At 2:12 p.m. a caller from the 19000 block of West Ridge Drive reported that a person had bought a product from them and after receiving it, canceled the credit card it was purchased with.

[I am pretty sure that the credit card company will still bill the guy if the card was ever legit.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Get The Sponge Wet!

In the vein of "the chicken in the windshield testing cannon should be thawed," we learn that when sterilizing your sponges in the microwave, they should be wet.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXIX

At 12:18 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported a man was sitting in a brown Cadillac and drinking beer. Police contacted the man. He had not been driving under the influence of alcohol and he was not drunk. No arrest was made.

[Isn't that still an open container violation if you're in the car and have the keys? Maybe he did not have the keys on him.]

At 6:48 p.m., a caller reported a person posted a suicidal statement on the Web site MySpace. The person lived on the 10 block of Primrose Lane. Police contacted a 29-year-old man and he was transported to the hospital for a mental health evaluation. Police took a report.

[MySpace patrol strikes again!]

At 7:35 p.m., a man called from the 11000 block of Squirrel Creek Drive to report a pizza delivery driver did not have change with him so he offered his son "weed" instead. The man called Grass Valley Police to report the incident and when he was told to call the sheriff's office because his home is in the sheriff's jurisdiction, he refused.

[Jurisdictional dispute allows ongoing crime spree! And what else can you get with your pizza delivery in Nevada County?]

At 9:23 a.m., a caller from the 20000 block of Tiger Tail Road reported a man called claiming to be from the California Peace Officers Association, soliciting $1,000 for the group. The caller refused to give money and did not give any personal information.

[Do you really want to call the police to complain about the Peace Officers Association, assuming that the call might be legit?]

At 12:47 p.m., a caller from the 19000 block of Larson Road reported his satellite dish was vandalized. Deputies determined it was a dispute between neighbors.

[And does that somehow keep it from being vandalism?]

At 11:04 a.m., a caller reported a man on the Broad Street overpass was talking to himself, flailing his arms and leaning over the railing. Police checked the area and did not find the man on the bridge. A man fitting the description was in a park and appeared OK.

[So the caller either over reacted or the police spoke to the wrong guy.]

At 6:52 p.m., a man called from Colfax Avenue to report a man in his early 20s wearing all black was running down the road holding something wadded up and on fire. When the man was confronted he said "You don't know my name," and kept running. The caller said he did not see any fire in the area. Police checked the area extensively, but they were unable to locate the man in black.

[Isn't that a sign of the times, our inability to locate the man in black? And wasn't that "you don't know my name" the punchline to a joke about turning in a test late?]

At 2:58 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Skyview Drive reported tenants at a property were yelling and threatening to beat up the caller. Deputies contacted both parties and advised everyone to stop yelling.

[Continue threatening each other in a more reasonable tone please.]

At 7:18 p.m., a caller reported a blonde woman carrying a bag was staggering in and out of traffic on Highway 49 at North Bloomfield Road. Deputies were unable to locate the woman.

[Jumping in and out of traffic appears to be on its way out, with staggering a new contender in the field.]

At 10:06 a.m., a burglary alarm sounded at a home on the 11000 block of Alta Sierra Drive. A deputy arrived to find the residence vacant, but food scraps were located. The owners were an hour away. The deputy re-secured the door.

[So how did the food scraps figure into this? Did a bear break in?]

A 5:24 p.m. caller from the 11200 block of Butler Road said her husband had a firearm and was trying to kill her. Deputies took the case under investigation.

[A rather relaxed response to this sort of situation I think.]

At 9:53 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Willow Valley Road reported that someone came to their home, kicked in the doors, made threats and left. The caller required a log entry only.

[A rather relaxed response to this sort of situation I think...hrmmm....]

At 6:06 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive reported an adult daughter was missing and the caller thought the woman may be with a man she met on MySpace.

[MySpace, the curse of our day and age!]

At 8:23 p.m., a caller from the 12000 block of Somerset Drive reported a loud explosion in the area. The fire department was burning a vehicle for training.

[You know with the fire department being mostly men, they're out there "training" and going "Heh, now watch when I throw this on the fire!"]

At 2:06 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Commercial Street reported a man with gray hair exposed himself to a clerk, then went to a cash register to make a purchase. Police contacted man and determined there was no indecent exposure.

[Who says there are no standards for public decency!]

At 10:03 a.m., a caller reported a man with long blond hair was stumbling at Highway 49 at Coyote Street. Police arrested the man.

[One assumes that public drunkenness was involved, but perhaps the police were trying to quell a "stumbling in and out of traffic" fad.]

At 12:32 p.m., a caller reported two small children in an apartment complex on the 100 block of West Berryhill Drive advised they could not wake their father up. Police contacted the father, who had fallen asleep during family nap time.

[Family nap time. Now there is something I dream of on many a Sunday afternoon.]

At 12:50 p.m., a caller from a drug store on Sutton Way reported a man was yelling into a cell phone. The caller said the man needed to shave.

[And his breath was none too fresh either!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Oh My Darling...

This morning my daughter, age 5, was walking around the house singing "Clementine." You know the song, "Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clemetine...."

I was a bit surprised to hear this. I have been known to sing this song, but I usually do not get very far before the natives get restless and I have to stop.

So I asked her where she learned this.

"Oh, Cartoon Network," she answered.

"Quickdraw McGraw?" I asked.

She gave me a look then wanted to know how I knew this.

I explained that Quickdraw McGraw was a cartoon from when I was growing up.

She thought about this for a moment and then replied, "Oh, no, this was in color."

The generation gap widens just a little more. I am going to keep playing Spike Jones for in the car until she thinks I pre-date that.

Peter Roget - Born Today

Today is the 228th anniversary of the birth of Peter Roget.

I wish I could think of a better word for this day though....

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXVIII

At 7:11 p.m. a woman from the 300 block of Carol Street reported a stray cat acting strange and howling on her roof and in her yard. The information was given to animal control, which decided the cat was probably in heat.

[Film at 11]

At 3:10 p.m. a caller from the 16000 block of Judas Court reported the illegal use of a Social Security number for telephone services costing more than $2,000. A report was taken.

[You can use your Social Security number for telephone services? How does that work?]

At 4:31 p.m a man from the 12000 block of Creekview Drive reported his neighbor drove by his house, stopped his car, and took pictures of him using his sprinklers. The man requested a log report in reference to an ongoing property dispute.

[Neighbor relations, an ongoing trauma.]

At 5:08 p.m. a man from the 17000 block of Indian Springs Road reported that four people might be squatting on his property. A motorhome and various tarps had been set up. Police were called to take care of any other structures being set up.

[How about dealing with the stuff that is already there?]

At 1:28 p.m., a man from the 100 block of Stanford Court alleged that Waste Management is stealing his garbage.

[Once a week, from right in front of his home, in a clearly labeled vehicle! The audacity! Headline: Daring Daylight Debris Depletion!]

At 4:03 a.m., a woman from the 100 block of Cornish Court reported that her silver and black Motorola camera cell phone was stolen by men she invited over after meeting them on a chat line. A report was taken.

[I think that there is a lesson in this for all of us.]

At 5:44 a.m. a woman from the 200 block of Quartz Street came into the Police Department to report that her neighbor complained that her car was too loud, and then told her that if she didn't take of the problem, he would. Officers were unable to locate her or her neighbor.

[How about the car? Did they find that at least? And was the neighbor offering to repair the car?]

At 7:57 p.m., a woman from the 10000 block of Kearney Court reported that she believed there was a devil in her house and her dog was upset. She was very scared and had been drinking. Officers made contact with the woman and calmed her down.

[Not "the" devil, just "a" devil. That is probably why the dog was merely upset.]

At 11:29 p.m. a woman from the 15000 block of Highway 20 said she had attempted suicide by taking 20 Atavan. This ended up being made up to get attention. She was eventually arrested and booked for a local misdemeanor warrant.

[Insult/Injury Ratio: High - But she did get some attention. Is this what became of Jan Brady?]

At 8:58 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of South Auburn Street reported a man stole soup and left in a car heading east on Bank Street. Officers checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[The mental image of somebody stealing soup is just too good. Of course, I picture it in a bowl, piping hot.]

At 4:31 p.m., a woman from the 12000 block of Polaris Drive reported an argument with her neighbor, who was doing fence work on the property line. When she asked for a business card, the neighbor told her to mind her own business and go into the house. Officers decided this was a civil issue.

[Or, rather an uncivil issue.]

At 6:10 p.m., a woman from the 300 block of Broad Street reported she was drunk in public and wearing high heels. Officers provided assistance.

[A drunk woman in high heels and suddenly multiple officers are on the scene. No chance to make the joke "officers were unable to locate the "boozy floozie."

At 10:26 p.m., a caller from the 600 block of Blight Road reported that he was bit by a spider.

[Okay, a bit better than the call about the cat bite.]

At 9:54 a.m., a caller from the intersection of Chapel and Pleasant streets reported that a man was yelling and screaming. Police made contact with the man, who said that he was only singing but would try to keep his voice down.

[Everybody's a critic.]

At 5:57 p.m., a caller from the 25000 block of Long Court reported that two prostitutes had assaulted him and taken his money.

[And that was not what he asked for at all!]

At 4:02 p.m. a caller from the 100 block of Richardson Street reported someone fired a potato gun the day before, and asked for extra patrol in the area.

[Potato Threat Index: Soggy Brown]

At 7:39 a.m., a caller from the 800 block of East Main Street reported finding drug paraphernalia in the bathroom. Video surveillance cameras and employees could not determine who the paraphernalia belonged to. Officers were to dispose of the spoon.

[See, there is no spoon!]

At 4:20 p.m. a woman from the 10000 block of Melody Road reported a man came into her home, said he was her neighbor from down the road, and started dancing. He left her house and was thought to have dementia. Officers were unable to locate the man.

[You don't have to be crazy to live here, but tuna cheese bun banana flamingo!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

What Really Happened After The Death Star Blew Up

How do you deliver that kind of news?

A video interpretation!

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXVII

At 12:22 p.m., a man called from the 15000 block of Black Gold Road to report his stepson took his vehicle, broke into his office and destroyed it.

[Destroyed it! Can we get an estimate on the level of destruction, or was it absolute?]

At 1:48 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Brooks Road reported shots were fired from a nearby property at a propane truck. Everything was quiet when deputies arrived.

[No loud explosions or giant fireballs happened while the deputies were there. Of course, a large, steaming crater can be pretty quiet, so who knows.]

At 2 p.m., a caller from the 11000 block of Rough and Ready Road reported three male juveniles tried to break into a fire house. A deputy made contact with fire personnel who said everything was OK and no one else was in the building.

[Breaking into the fire house at 2pm in the afternoon? Were they looking for chili?]

At 8:23 p.m., a woman called from the 22000 block of Chateau Court to report she fired a warning shot in the ground for a prowler who comes to her house every night. She said the prowler was a man, he was small, muscular and wore dark clothing. She said her dog also chased him off. Deputies made contact and saw there were no prints in the mud where the woman said the prowler was located. The report was determined to be unfounded.

[Was she mistaken about the warning shot as well. Did the dog speak up in her defense?]

At 8:37 p.m., a caller from the 800 block of Old Tunnel Road reported being bitten by his cat.

[Cat bites Man? Why wasn't this the headline? How did the dispatcher respond to this?]

At 2:25 a.m., a man from the 17700 block of Greenhorn Road reported hearing a group of people yelling and screaming near his driveway. The man called back to report the group had left at a high rate of speed toward Brunswick Road. The subjects were later found when ice caused their vehicle to slide off the roadway and into a ditch.

[More fun in Nevada County!]

At 3:41 p.m. a 19-year-old Grass Valley man was arrested on suspicion of burglary and making unauthorized paper money. Bail was set for $20,000.

[Um... I wouldn't take cash from him for bail.]

At 5:48 p.m., a 911 woman from the 100 block of Willow Valley Road reported her roommates had threatened to hurt her all day and have people come shoot her. Officers mediated the situation to the best of their ability.

[When you have a group like that, what can you do really?]

At 1:07 p.m., a man called from the 100 block of Berryhill Drive to report his girlfriend assaulted him and ripped the phone out of the wall two hours ago. Police arrested the 28-year-old woman on suspicion of battery.

[Okay, we have established a pattern here. Damaging phone equipment is only a crime if you are male.]

At 1:19 p.m., a caller reported someone taped a "lost camera" sign on the stop sign at Lidster Avenue and Hughes Road. Police removed the sign.

[Hey, Mr. (or Ms.) Civic-Duty, why didn't you just pull the sign down yourself?]

At 2:41 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Bennett Street reported a man with a gray beard and missing teeth was going door to door asking for a knife in exchange for two chocolate bars. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[They had to get their chocolate elsewhere.]

At 9:19 p.m., a caller from a business on the 100 block of Mill Street reported having a run-in with a homeless man who had one arm. It appeared he had been sleeping there. Police checked the area and were unable to locate the one-armed man.

[And so Dr. Richard Kimble's search goes on!]

At 1:37 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Alta Sierra Drive reported damage to outside spotlights done by rocks and plastic milk crates.

[Rocks, maybe, but plastic milk crates? Does he live next to a grocery store or did somebody just bombard his yard with the crates?]

At 3:30 p.m., a man called from the 11000 block of Tom Ray Drive to report a woman was on his property breaking up the driveway with a metal pipe or bar. This was part of an ongoing easement dispute.

[Another for the annals of neighbor relations.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXVI

At 5:52 a.m., a woman from the 16500 block of Countrywood Lane reported her live-in boyfriend kicked her out of bed in an argument about the covers. Responding deputies could not find the boyfriend, who had left for the evening.

[There has to be a joke in here somewhere. All the pieces require it.]

At 4:52 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported 33 juveniles were loitering in a grocery store parking lot. Police made contact.

[If the number of people is under 10, the count is always approximate (e.g. 4-5), but suddenly we get a large number and the count becomes exact!]

At 6:46 a.m., a woman called to report a woman broke into her garage and took all of the meat from her freezer. She said the woman had been passed out in her vehicle in the driveway without the caller's permission. Deputies arrested a 41-year-old woman for burglary.

[Meat theft? Is that what gets somebody going after passing out?]

At 10:25 a.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Manion Canyon Road reported a garage was broken into and a compressor was stolen. A deputy took a report.

[Well, we know one recently passed out woman who won't be a suspect.]

At 3:04 p.m., a caller from Red Dog Road reported target shooting in the area with kids and people on quads. The caller felt the shooting was unsafe.

[Stupidity is so rarely against the law however.]

At 4:12 p.m., a caller from Bush Road reported shooting at a property two houses down. Another caller also reported the shooting. Deputies made contact with all neighbors and recommended a temporary restraining order.

[A restraining order? You can do that for mere annoyances? Okay, potentially deadly annoyances.]

At 8:32 p.m., a caller reported a person had not shown up for work or called in. Deputies checked on the person on the 17000 block of Anona Court. The person overslept and would be in to work shortly.

[Hey, it was New Years Day. And who calls the police because an employee is late?]

At 11:21 p.m., a caller from North School Street reported two people lying on the sidewalk. Police made contact and all was OK. The people lived on the 200 block of Church Street and were stargazing and drinking wine.

[Stargazing on the sidewalk?]

At 4:15 p.m., a caller from Highway 49 at Oakhurst Drive reported a man was running in and out of traffic. Police gave the man a ride to his home on Maben Road.

[An interesting alternative to calling a cab I guess.]

At 5:37 p.m., a caller from Banner Quaker Hill Road reported two people in dark clothing were throwing things, possibly firecrackers, into the roadway.

[But neither of them were, themselves, jumping in and out of traffic?]

At 7:09 p.m., a woman called from a campground on the 15000 block of Orchard Springs Road to report a next-door neighbor brandished a knife or a gun an hour ago. The woman did not want a deputy to respond and would contact the sheriff's office if she had further problems.

[A knife or a gun, but I am not sure which.]

At 7:23 p.m., a caller from Old Wood Road reported hearing a verbal fight, then a single gunshot. Deputies checked the area and were unable to locate anything.

[Well, at least this entry had potential for legitimacy... but nothing was located. I wonder how many calls to the police end up with nothing found.]

At 12:54 a.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Boulder Street was unclear on the phone and was possibly reporting an unwanted person. Deputies made contact with the caller, who was OK and was blaming all of his problems on the sheriff's office.

[Blaming the sheriff's office being a sign of well being I guess.]

At 7:35 a.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of Newtown Road to report a suspicious-looking envelope in her mailbox. Her husband's name was on it. She said she was scared because she didn't know who put it there, and she had been having problems with her neighbor recently. A deputy called the woman, who said she would look in the envelope and notify the deputy if the contents were of a criminal nature.

[A new level of paranoia! I suspect that somebody in a blue uniform with the acronym "USPS" printed on it somewhere probably put it there.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)

Hard To Forget Blotter Items From 2006

A list of items published by The Union, showing that they too have a sense of humor about the blotter.

I think this might be the best one I missed over the course of the year:

At 10:15 a.m., a man called 911 three times from the 100 block of Dorsey Drive advising that someone had denied him love, and he requested assistance. Police made contact with the man and advised him of the proper use of 911.

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXV

At 2:38 p.m., a caller reported a man in his 50s was staggering on Highway 49 at Brewer Road. The man missed the bus.

[Was it Hitler? Okay, about 2 people will get that reference if I am lucky. So here is a link to the Neville Chamberlain Wikipedia entry that contains the Hitler/Bus reference.]

At 4:18 p.m., a caller from Pasquale Road reported a dirty man wearing a flannel was jumping in and out of traffic yelling obscenities. He also had a dog on a long rope. The CHP responded.

[Again with the traffic. I guess the attire and the dog separates him from the pack, but still, we're going to get to a point where this is declared "normal behavior" and it will no longer appear on the blotter.]

At 8:15 p.m., a caller reported a man and woman were yelling and screaming at an intersection on Highway 174. When the caller asked if they were OK, they kept screaming.

[They kept screaming.]

At 10:01 a.m., a bank employee on Sutton Way reported a customer had threatened, "You better not follow me out to the parking lot." Police were to follow up.

[Was the bank employee intending to follow the customer, or was this some sort of coy come-on by the customer?]

At 6:06 p.m., a caller reported a car parked in front of a business on Freeman Lane in which one of the passengers was wearing women's undergarments. Police could not find the vehicle

[And was, presumably, not a woman...]

At 8:48 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of Conoway Avenue reported the theft of a 4-foot gumdrop man and 6-foot snowman, and asked for extra patrols.

[4-Foot Gumdrop Man Stolen! There is the headline I want to see.]

At 8:09 a.m., a caller from the 500 block of Jenkins Drive reported a violation of court-ordered child visitation. When police contacted the parties, a man said he did not have his son for a full four hours.

[This would be a Monty Python skit (that was never four hours) if it did not involve a child.]

At 9:12 p.m., a woman called from the 16000 block of Brewer Road to report her fiance just punched his future sister-in-law in the face. The man went to the next-door neighbor's house and could be heard screaming outside. He was extremely intoxicated. Another caller said three people were strangling each other. Deputies determined the fighting was mutual combat. No one wanted to press charges.

[Now here is a woman who should be thinking hard on her wedding plans and her choice in in-laws.]

At 2:54 a.m., a woman called from the 10000 block of Little Deer Drive to report her ex-husband was causing a verbal fight with the family. She was yelling back at him and a child was hitting him. The man peeled out of the driveway in his rental car. An officer found the vehicle buried in the mud at the end of Pekolee Drive. The man was not there.

[Just too strange. The vehicle buried in the mud was a nice touch.]

At 12:05 p.m., a caller from the 15000 block of Lakewood Lane reported two sisters were arguing over Christmas gifts. The situation was mediated.

[This entry really needs the approximate age of the sisters in question. "In their 80's" would be a lot more amusing than "juveniles."]

At 7:09 p.m., the California Highway Patrol reported a woman came out of the woods screaming at Newtown Road and Bitney Springs Road. The woman was screaming at cars, then turned around and slid down the hill, seemingly intentionally. A man was on the side of the road attempting to console the woman, who was screaming for help and was hysterical. The woman then fell on the ground and fell over the embankment. She said "He heard me, he's going to come and get me and hurt me again." Deputies made contact with the woman at a nearby residence. She had been drinking, but she was not hurt.

[More screaming. More inexplicable behavior.]

At 8:16 p.m., a woman from the 19000 block of Maywood Place reported her 22-year-old daughter stole her father's Oxycontin. The caller also found a spoon and a hypodermic needle. The father was heard in the background causing a verbal fight with the daughter. The daughter pulled the phone out of the wall and was outside. No arrest was made,

[But... she damaged telephone equipment! I thought that was the one thing sure to get you arrested in Grass Valley.]

At 1:41 p.m., a caller from the parking lot of a department store on the 100 block of West McKnight Way reported a man was masturbating in a white double cab flatbed Chevrolet truck. The man was reportedly trying to make the masturbation obvious. He reportedly made eye contact with the caller, then flung bodily fluid out of the window at the caller. Police were unable to re-contact the caller for follow-up, despite several attempts.

[Eeeew]

At 2:34 p.m., a large hole allegedly caused by bikers was filling with water in an abandoned field off of Harris Street at Eureka Street. The hole seemed to be getting larger.

[And what did the caller think the police were going to do about this hole?]

At 3:21 p.m., a caller from South Church Street at Richardson Street reported a noninjury accident. A Toyota was on top of a tilting fire hydrant.

[Included because I am sure we can all visualize the scene.]

At 11:44 a.m., a caller from Highway 49 between the Dorsey Drive overpass and East Main Street reported a woman was sitting on the center divide between the two lanes of the highway, looking like she was going to jump into traffic. Police were unable to locate the woman.

[But did she jump? Not jumping would seem to be the more unlikely event.]

At 8:22 p.m., a caller from a drugstore on the 10000 block of Combie Road reported a 45-year-old man with scraggly hair was shoplifting. He had been taking batteries and was in the juice aisle. Store employees told deputies that the items were paid for and the accusations of shoplifting were unfounded. Deputies arrested a 37-year-old woman on suspicion of possession of narcotics and possession of a controlled substance without a prescription.

[Now, was the woman arrested the original caller or was this just an opportunistic arrest so that the trip out to the drugstore wasn't a complete waste of time?]

At 2:38 p.m., a woman called from Rock Creek Road to report hearing loud gun fire. She believed it was a cannon. A deputy checked the area and was unable to locate the source of any gunfire.

[No cannon!]

At 4:14 p.m., a caller from the 19000 block of B-4 Ranch Road reported a neighbor was shooting firearms and what sounded like bombs, as well. Deputies determined there was shooting at the bottom of the property, but no bombs.

[No bombs!]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)