Monday, January 15, 2007

Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. XXXVIII

At 7:11 p.m. a woman from the 300 block of Carol Street reported a stray cat acting strange and howling on her roof and in her yard. The information was given to animal control, which decided the cat was probably in heat.

[Film at 11]

At 3:10 p.m. a caller from the 16000 block of Judas Court reported the illegal use of a Social Security number for telephone services costing more than $2,000. A report was taken.

[You can use your Social Security number for telephone services? How does that work?]

At 4:31 p.m a man from the 12000 block of Creekview Drive reported his neighbor drove by his house, stopped his car, and took pictures of him using his sprinklers. The man requested a log report in reference to an ongoing property dispute.

[Neighbor relations, an ongoing trauma.]

At 5:08 p.m. a man from the 17000 block of Indian Springs Road reported that four people might be squatting on his property. A motorhome and various tarps had been set up. Police were called to take care of any other structures being set up.

[How about dealing with the stuff that is already there?]

At 1:28 p.m., a man from the 100 block of Stanford Court alleged that Waste Management is stealing his garbage.

[Once a week, from right in front of his home, in a clearly labeled vehicle! The audacity! Headline: Daring Daylight Debris Depletion!]

At 4:03 a.m., a woman from the 100 block of Cornish Court reported that her silver and black Motorola camera cell phone was stolen by men she invited over after meeting them on a chat line. A report was taken.

[I think that there is a lesson in this for all of us.]

At 5:44 a.m. a woman from the 200 block of Quartz Street came into the Police Department to report that her neighbor complained that her car was too loud, and then told her that if she didn't take of the problem, he would. Officers were unable to locate her or her neighbor.

[How about the car? Did they find that at least? And was the neighbor offering to repair the car?]

At 7:57 p.m., a woman from the 10000 block of Kearney Court reported that she believed there was a devil in her house and her dog was upset. She was very scared and had been drinking. Officers made contact with the woman and calmed her down.

[Not "the" devil, just "a" devil. That is probably why the dog was merely upset.]

At 11:29 p.m. a woman from the 15000 block of Highway 20 said she had attempted suicide by taking 20 Atavan. This ended up being made up to get attention. She was eventually arrested and booked for a local misdemeanor warrant.

[Insult/Injury Ratio: High - But she did get some attention. Is this what became of Jan Brady?]

At 8:58 p.m., a caller from the 100 block of South Auburn Street reported a man stole soup and left in a car heading east on Bank Street. Officers checked the area and were unable to locate the man.

[The mental image of somebody stealing soup is just too good. Of course, I picture it in a bowl, piping hot.]

At 4:31 p.m., a woman from the 12000 block of Polaris Drive reported an argument with her neighbor, who was doing fence work on the property line. When she asked for a business card, the neighbor told her to mind her own business and go into the house. Officers decided this was a civil issue.

[Or, rather an uncivil issue.]

At 6:10 p.m., a woman from the 300 block of Broad Street reported she was drunk in public and wearing high heels. Officers provided assistance.

[A drunk woman in high heels and suddenly multiple officers are on the scene. No chance to make the joke "officers were unable to locate the "boozy floozie."

At 10:26 p.m., a caller from the 600 block of Blight Road reported that he was bit by a spider.

[Okay, a bit better than the call about the cat bite.]

At 9:54 a.m., a caller from the intersection of Chapel and Pleasant streets reported that a man was yelling and screaming. Police made contact with the man, who said that he was only singing but would try to keep his voice down.

[Everybody's a critic.]

At 5:57 p.m., a caller from the 25000 block of Long Court reported that two prostitutes had assaulted him and taken his money.

[And that was not what he asked for at all!]

At 4:02 p.m. a caller from the 100 block of Richardson Street reported someone fired a potato gun the day before, and asked for extra patrol in the area.

[Potato Threat Index: Soggy Brown]

At 7:39 a.m., a caller from the 800 block of East Main Street reported finding drug paraphernalia in the bathroom. Video surveillance cameras and employees could not determine who the paraphernalia belonged to. Officers were to dispose of the spoon.

[See, there is no spoon!]

At 4:20 p.m. a woman from the 10000 block of Melody Road reported a man came into her home, said he was her neighbor from down the road, and started dancing. He left her house and was thought to have dementia. Officers were unable to locate the man.

[You don't have to be crazy to live here, but tuna cheese bun banana flamingo!]

Source: The Union (

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