Grass Valley Police Blotter vol. X

At 1:34 p.m., a caller from the 35000 block of North Bloomfield Road reported a theft from a fire truck at the Graniteville volunteer fire department. Deputies took a report for grand theft.

[Not as ironic as a stolen police car, but embarrassing all the same. Still, it should be easy to spot.]

At 5:25 p.m., a man called from the 10000 block of Wahoo Lane to report his ex-wife was at the residence stealing things and preventing him from calling 911. A woman could be heard in the background laughing and yelling at the man. The man seemed to have been drinking heavily. A deputy responded and the people were gone on arrival.

[Who's afraid of Virginia Wahoo? They were no doubt fetching more alcohol.]

At 10:10 p.m., a woman called from the 20000 block of Post Chaise Circle to report her landlord hit her trailer with a board and broke the windshield of her car. She said the landlord was very drunk and making threats to kill her. When deputies arrived the man was not there.

[The other day upon the stair I met a man who was not there...]

At 11:42 p.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of McCourtney Road to report her ex-husband followed her around the fair, joined her in a group and announced loudly she had a sexually transmitted disease. The woman said her ex was not allowed to be within 100 feet of her. The man was very drunk

[I wonder what disease he chose to mention in his stupor. Did he go for a treatable but difficult to pronounce (when drunk) one or jump straight on something with initials?]

At 7:07 p.m., a woman called from the 200 block of Commercial Street to report a man climbed up onto her balcony and put a camera there. He said he was filming the street. She said she felt uncomfortable with it.

[Especially since the lens appeared to be pointed into her bedroom? Maybe. The urge to film what downtown on a Saturday night has to be strong as well.]

At 7:19 a.m., a caller from a mobile home park on the 100 block of Lark Street reported a person was coming after him with a stick making threats

[I hope he was on a cell phone, or at least a cordless. Your room to run away from somebody with a stick is pretty well restricted by a phone cord.]

At 4:34 p.m., a caller from the 300 block of Pleasant Street reported a repair man just fixed the air conditioner unit and smoke was coming out all of the vents. A fire engine and a police officer arrived. There was no active fire.

[I would like the name of the repair company so I can avoid them. Of course I picture comic amounts of smoke billowing out of the vents, but many things are more amusing in my imagination.]

At 3:31 p.m., a man called from McCourtney Road to report he was skateboarding down the road and a black Toyota truck stopped, people got out and started throwing unknown items at him. He said he was not hurt.

[Skateboard vigilantes? Unknown items?]

At 2:51 p.m., a caller from the 1800 block of Nevada City Highway reported a man had made threats to his neighbors and threatened to burn down his own house. An officer made contact and was unable to locate the man. No one was home.

[Everybody must be at the county fairgrounds getting drunk. At least those who are not already drunk.]

At 3:55 p.m., a caller from the 10000 block of Combie Road reported a man was causing a disturbance, running into the front of the building and hitting his head.

[I am at a lost mostly because this has occurred often enough that I am afraid I will repeat myself.]

At 7:14 p.m., a man called from the 16000 block of Annie Drive to report that he found animal feces and a note in his mailbox. The man also stated the incident was part of an ongoing issue with animal feces. He said he put animal feces in a bag and tied it around a dog's neck. The dog's owner put the feces in the caller's mailbox.

[I wonder if the caller used the actual term "animal feces?" Anyway, people do not appear to be bored in Grass Valley!]

At 7:40 p.m., a caller from the 18000 block of Penn Valley Drive reported a female's limp body was being carried by three guys. The fire department responded. It was kids playing.

[What were they playing, Snow White?]

At 9:12 p.m., a caller from the 14000 block of Mooney Flat Road reported illegal campers. A deputy made contact with people having dinner in their motor home to have time away from their children.

[There is a use for a motor home I had not even considered.]

At 4:44 p.m. a caller from the 10700 block of Spenceville Road reported two juvenile males throwing rocks at a shop next to a residence.

[August, when the rocks ripen and are ready for throwing.]

At 3:01 p.m. a caller reported a man in his 50s staggering and beating up a stop sign at Bank and Stewart streets.

[I think opening up a liquor store in Nevada County would be a sound investment.]

Source: The Union (http://www.theunion.com/)